Need a BREAK From Kids? How to Let them Know: Step by Step | Top Tip to Prevent Anger in Parents

0:00 let's face it we all need breaks from our kids it's impossible to be on 24 7 as parents um and trying to be on all the time leads to us resorting to things that we hate because we are burnt out right it leads to more yelling more threats more punishments losing our cool and saying things and doing things that we later regret because we're trying to be on all the time so instead i really recommend taking short

0:30 breaks throughout the day i like to think of parenting like a marathon not a sprint right and as we're running the race we're gonna need times to drink our water and take a little bit of a break right here and there right and i really think that that's one of the keys to uh more patient parenting is taking more intentional thought out planned breaks um so in this video or in this episode i should say i'm going to be

0:58 breaking down how to communicate to your child that you need a break and how to kind of set them up for that and set them up for success so that they don't feel abandoned by you they don't feel like you're like just leaving them or rejec rejecting them because we don't want that either so there's an art to this on you know taking breaks in a thought out way that everybody's comfortable with so i'm gonna be breaking that down in this

1:23 episode before we dive into the episode i want to share with you really quickly that i created a free two-minute quiz to find out your unique parenting style so you answer the questions and based on your responses i give you some feedback on what your parenting style is and then based on that style some tailored practical um support and tips to keep in mind um as it relates to parenting and getting more cooperation and having more connection with your

1:52 little one so you can take the quiz by going to the mompsychologist.com forward slash quiz it's free it takes two minutes and it's a lot of fun um so definitely check it out the link will be in the description if you are watching on youtube all right so let's dive into step by step how to take breaks when you're with your kids so step number one is you're going to want to set them up with an activity for them to do right so

2:24 whether that's puzzles reading coloring or doing some kind of art activity playing quietly with their toys playing a game playing outside you know if you have a backyard and it's all fenced in and it's child proof that could be an area that they could go to while you take your break it could be bath time if you are nearby and supervising of course um but just kind of think through and plan ahead and even get their feedback

2:55 of what they want to do during your break okay so set them up with an activity and then let them know why you need space so a lot of the times what happens is we get really triggered and we're like okay i know i need to take a break right now because i don't want to yell i don't want to do all those things that i hate so i just need to go i just need to

3:16 leave right and while it's very important to take those breaks in the heat of the moment so that you don't lash out and do those things that you hate i would much rather prefer or you know what we're aiming towards is to take intentional breaks throughout the day so that we can try to prevent some of that as best as we can of course we are human we can't prevent everything all the time right that's impossible but

3:43 ideally what we're doing is we're getting into the habit we're getting into the routine with our little ones where they come to expect and understand why we take breaks and so that we're not doing it in the heat of the moment so that because kids you know they they're egocentric right so a lot of the times if they see us leave when they're feeling triggered they might feel like oh my gosh like it's my fault i caused this

4:08 i'm such a bad kid you know they can internalize that right so we don't want that as best as possible we want to try to prevent that so what really helps is being intentional about our breaks and helping them understand why it's so important for us to take our space when we have intense emotions sometimes we will want to gravitate towards others and get some support and sometimes we won't sometimes we will want to take some space and be by ourselves for a

4:37 brief amount of time so helping them understand just like i want you to take your space when you need it mommy daddy whoever i need to take my space to when i need it right and that this is normal this is healthy i come back when i feel calm right i'm not leaving forever but i need to take some space just so that i can calm my body right and so just helping providing some education on

5:02 why that's so important this is really powerful modeling right if you think about it when you feel triggered or when you just need a break right you don't always need to be feeling triggered to take a break right but when you can model that for them then they're like oh this is normal this is healthy this is just what we do right instead of yelling instead of getting aggressive instead of throwing things i can just go take a break because i've

5:28 seen that before i've seen it i've seen my caregiver do that so i know that that's something that i can try for myself and see if it works and oftentimes it does really help right um and so you can say something like i need some space so that i can calm my body down or i need to rest so that i can get ready to play with you later right so let's say you know it's midday and

5:51 you're tired you're feeling really overwhelmed and you're like i just need to meditate for you know a good couple minutes i need to just have some quiet time i need to just take some space you can let them know hey i just need to rest my body and then right when i'm done i'll be ready to play with you right or i just need to you know shore up some of my energy so that i can get ready for the

6:14 next you know whatever it is however you want to say it however feels natural for you but just helping them understand right that again you're not leaving forever this is a brief amount of time and that you are going to reconnect with them before okay step three is to let them know where you're going and that you'll be back this is important right so we're not leaving and then they don't know where we are and they're feeling for afraid right

6:38 we don't want to create a sense of fear during our separation if we can avoid it obviously sometimes it's not avoidable and these are things that we need to practice right that separation and reunion uh routine but one way that you can help is to just be very frank about where you're going and um that you'll be back right so you can say something like you know i'm going to the patio i'm going to the bathroom i'm going to my room i'm going

7:07 to sit on the couch wherever you are going um and i'm i will be back right um and i need you to stay here while i take my break right because remember it's important that we take our space when we need to and right now i need to take some space um and then step four is consider using a visual timer i really really really really really recommend a visual timer especially if this is a new process for

7:31 you guys because it can help children feel safe when they can see visually how much time is left and when you're going to come back now most importantly though you have to come back when that timer goes off so i don't know sync it with your phone or whatever if you're stepping out or maybe stay close by so you can hear it go off and then you have to keep to that promise that i'm going to be coming back

7:53 when that timer goes off but it can be a really powerful way for kids because again they don't have a good concept of time so if you say oh stay here i'll be back in a couple minutes they're like what is a couple minutes i don't know what that is what's five minutes what's 10 minutes that feels all foreign to me so having a visual timer can just be a very concrete uh reminder for them of when you're

8:16 coming back and how much time is left on the clock so set a visual timer and you can say you know i'm gonna set the timer for five minutes and then they can see it so here's one that i use this is called the time timer so when you set it you'll they can see i don't know if you can see that right there if you're watching on youtube you can see that it turns um a blue color so they can see how much

8:40 time is left on the clock and then it beeps it makes this really loud obnoxious sound but it's just a very helpful way for them to know and then you can say you know please stay here until the timer goes off and then five show your appreciation for their understanding show your appreciation for their patience um and then leave okay so you don't want to dawdle you don't want to over explain yourself you don't want to linger

9:05 because if your child sees that they're like are you uncomfortable with this what's going on oh you know are you leaving or not all right so you want to you know keep this short and sweet don't linger don't hold on right and then just say something you know like thanks for understanding so again bonus tips don't wait until you are about to lose it to take a break now of course if you're about to lose it go

9:30 take a break but don't wait don't let those be the only times during the day that you take a break so ideally you practice this review this separation and reunion process throughout the day in little increments maybe it's just a couple minutes right i'm going to go to the bathroom i'm going to do this we're back you know what i mean so practice that throughout the day so that they're more used to it you're more used

9:50 to it and bonus tip don't reach for your phone i know it's tempting you know instagram's gotta hold on as social media has got a hold on us right that's our habit is to reach for our phone but just think like do i feel rested when i take a social media break sometimes we do and sometimes we don't so be honest with yourself on that and try to think of other things that you can do in those

10:12 couple minutes whether it's just sitting and being mindful of what's going on around you having a glass of water uh looking at pictures reading you know a quick article or something or reading a a couple pages out of your book try to or journaling try to find something else that you can do in that short amount of time other than reach for your phone because you'll often find you know that is a little bit more restful if you will

10:42 no hate towards social media of course right but just try to push yourself if you're often reaching for your phone during that break push yourself to try and explore other ways to take breaks even just sitting outside and just you know taking it in and having a moment of just silence and presence can be very powerful okay 10 out of 10 recommend another bonus tip is if your child struggles with this be sure to debrief with them when you come back right so

11:10 let's say you could when you came back you could tell that they were upset by this of course of course of course debrief when when you come back you know lead with thank you for understanding you know i feel so much better now that i've been able to take a break but i know that this was hard for you i can see it you know how did this make you feel you know what are different things we

11:31 can try out next time mommy or daddy or whoever needs a break you know how can we work as a team on this um so that it works for everybody but of course you know debriefing and just allowing some space if it's been troublesome for them can be really really helpful and again ending with the importance of why we take breaks why we take space in the first place right and that this is something that they can do

11:55 too when they have really intense emotions such a wonderful skill to model for your little ones now of course i'm going to caveat all of this information by saying that you know your ability to take breaks is going to depend on your child's age um and other factors meaning that you know the younger they are and the more dependent they are on you of course you know it's not going to make sense to leave all the time right

12:24 it's going to make it harder for you to take breaks where you're leaving the room and of course that makes sense so always always always consider your child's age and their development and where they are you know and uh um take that into consideration so if you have an infant or a really young toddler and this doesn't make sense to take these breaks um you can find ways to take breaks while they are there so uh one thing that i love to do when i

12:52 was a stay-at-home mom of two under two um was i did a lot of stroller walks i would turn on a podcast or youtube or turn on their music and just kind of zone out for a little bit get some fresh air walk um practice mindfulness by noticing things around me and pointing it out to them sometimes or just being silent but stroller walks are so we're so powerful for my mental health also car rides same kind of idea

13:24 there right where everybody's contained um and we're just looking around right we're taking it all in can be a great way to take space when you're with your kids or putting them in a baby carrier that was like major key i'll link the one that we loved um but i would put my little one in the baby carrier and we'd dance and that kind of felt like a break if you will um uh also face timing with family and friends the

13:51 american academy of pediatrics does not consider this screen time okay so face time with some family and friends let your baby interact with other people especially if you're solo parenting and you're like this is a lot don't be afraid to call somebody okay and have them read to your little one or interact with them and sing to them um so that you can take a little bit of a break and then also you know putting them in a

14:15 bouncer or a play mat obviously um can be another way that you can take a quick break for yourselves but take breaks okay find ways that work for you um where you can take little short breaks because remember parenting is a marathon okay it's not a sprint okay so we have to find ways to take our drink water and take our break throughout the day so if you're watching on youtube let us know down in the comments ways that you have

14:40 found that are helpful for you in terms of taking breaks again don't forget to take my free 2 minute parenting style quiz to find out your parenting style and based on your results what are some tips and recommendations that i have for you to increase cooperation and increased connection in the relationship with you and your child to take the quiz you can go to thempsychologist.com forward slash quiz it's two minutes it's free and it's a lot of fun um so yeah that's all i have

15:09 for you today um i will see you in the next one bye