Transcript
0:00 Everyone wants to avoid the things that they're afraid of and the things that triggers them. So much easier. And what happens when we avoid? Okay, let's just remind ourselves of this basic psychological notion. It's really important. I think it's one of the most important things we can learn as parents. If I am really afraid of dogs, I see a dog, I start hyperventilating. I run away from the dog and within a few minutes, my nervous system calms down.
0:27 I'm breathing normally again. My brain has reinforced the message that the dog was dangerous. How does it know? When I was with the dog, I was sweating and scared. I was triggered. I was in fight mode, flight mode. And when I ran away from the dog, I calmed down. I felt better. And therefore, avoiding dogs is better. Okay? And therefore, dogs are dangerous. Here's the amazing thing. If I'd have stayed with the dog, I would also have calmed down.
1:02 If I'd have stayed next to the dog, provided it wasn't dangerous, uh, I also would have stopped hyperventilating, my nervous system would have calmed down then, too. And then I would have learned the opposite lesson that dogs are not dangerous. Look, I was scared at first and now I'm calm. I can handle it. Okay. So, what we need to have is tolerable, measured, supported exposure. And that's the stretch.
Summary
- Avoidance of fears provides temporary relief but reinforces the belief that the fear is justified.
- Experiencing fear and then avoiding the trigger leads to a cycle of anxiety.
- Staying with a fear-inducing situation can lead to desensitization and a change in perception.
- Controlled, supported exposure to fears is essential for overcoming anxiety.
- Parents should understand the importance of teaching children to face their fears in a safe manner.
- Learning to tolerate discomfort can build resilience and confidence.