Power-to-Parent III: Common Challenges Preview Video

0:00 when a child is very endearing and looks at your eyes and cuddles in you it evokes the intuitions to take care of that child now what if that child cries all day what if you've been 2 years now and have not had a good night's sleep and now the intuitions are rather hard to find now you're in stormy weather intuitions are very important but therefore they're usually for a sunny

0:31 day for a rainy day you have to access something else and that is where hopefully you can fall back on some beliefs what you've seen in the light of day when everything is going well you can then depend upon when it's kind of dark and so I'm just going to go through this about parenting as a gardener and contrast that to parenting as a sculptor the gardener the ultimate objective you want every plant to realize its potential you want to see

1:04 Shaw and Jessica come to be all that they can be in the sense of being fully human to be able to be adaptive resilient to be tempered and experience an expression the parent is sculptor on the other hand is very much about molding the child shaping the child the question is as a gardener is what is standing in the way of this plant realizing it's potential what nutrients isn't there does it need more warmth

1:34 more Sun does it need more light from the sculpting point of view we asked the question what's wrong with this child and we find more and more the flavor of the month in terms of the various things that are wrong with this child and the problem is is most of those have fancy titles and they pull us off our own intuitions or the issue is is you're not treating the behavior right and so you go to courses to learn how to be able to

1:59 discipline in a more consistent immediate kind of way the timing of interventions as a gardener it's the it's the principle of readiness there's proper time for talking about difficult things that's when the relationship is good when a child is receptive of course the gardener is in tune with nature that's the whole point you know that growth is spontaneous you can't command it if you try and pull it open those buds each day

2:30 give it a little bit of exercise you'll ruin the spontaneous process the most significant thing that a child must receive from us is the invitation to exist in our presence must experience it through the twinkle in our eyes the warm to delight they must know that they are not too much to handle that invitation when it goes down deep is this is the thing that brings that nurtures that it releases the growing processes in a child from a parent as a sculptor if

3:02 you're concerned about form and about what fits then you're concerned about what doesn't fit and so the words that come out of you are this is unacceptable this is inappropriate and so you come around judging the child's behavior for the gardener the primary tools here are the tools for being able to soften the soil so the rain can soak in so our warmth can soak in that main tool of course back to the parents as a sculptor is

3:33 consequences what do I take away what consequence do I impose how do I link consequence to the behavior believing that this is the tool for being able to cut it out for being able to decrease that behavior and so the very different than the nurturing tools you need patience insight Trust in the process and relationship so these when the times are tough is where you go you go back to the basics everything that is true when

4:07 you don't have problems is still true when the child does have problems or you have problems but it's even more important to put it into practice this course is not about the idea that if you did things perfectly there would be no problems it's about when there are problems what are the ways to respond to make it the easy for the trial to be able to respond I must admit that as a gardener I have from time to time got tired and simply

4:37 could not figure out why this particular plant was not realizing it's potential and finally in exhaustion I simply uprooted it and threw it in the compost I threw it away this is not advisable with children therefore the course you