GET REAL: HELP! I found a book on oral sex in my teen's bedroom. What do I do now?

0:00 i dr. Shefali hey so I have a [ __ ] question for you what today's get real question is about [ __ ] kind of are you ready for this one okay this comes from anonymous and anonymous says while I was putting away my 15 year old daughters laundry I found a book called

0:32 how to give the best blow jobs I'm horrified and I'm not sure what to do next so I think first place to begin as always in parenting and conscious parenting is to watch our own reactivity so she's horrified right so if I were her coach I would examine worldwide you horrified and she'd say something like because my doll is too young and what if she's gone safe and what if she gets pregnant and what if she's a prostitute

1:01 what if she gets abducted and I always show parents how they immediately instinctively enter a place of dire straits and fear right that's where all of us go I always say it's homelessness flipping burgers or jail right we go straight there so the first place to go is to examine our own reactivity especially that of fear and lack because you know now that if we live in fear in LAC that's what we perpetuate all around us so look how in judgment we can be and

1:34 how quickly we go to judgment that we don't trust our children we imagine the worst for them and we'll project this onto them and then they feel really labeled blamed and shamed and then it starts a real negative side compieted spiral so the first place to start with all parenting really at all triggering feelings is to pause go within examine the horror the fear the scarcity the lack the projection and then realize that okay this is an opportunity this is an

2:02 invitation to move away from lack into abundance how can I look at this in another way that will foster not control not shame not dissociation separation but connection cooperation deeper trust and body right that's what we want so how do I get there that's what I need to ask as a parent how do I get to why where I want to be every parent wants connection but yet me in operating out of fear from a patriot

2:30 disconnection so the next step is to use this as an opportunity as an invitation okay so that I would ask the parent to examine what are the pejorative associations she's making with the idea of her daughter being sexually active and once we dismantle that and realize that sexuality and curiosity about sexuality is normal in adolescence especially when this becomes a portal for education this becomes a portal for connection for deeper understanding and

3:01 once I can help the parent elicit and invoke a sense of curiosity now I would allow allow the parents to go talk to the child and say hey I saw this so I'm just wondering if you had any questions are you thinking about your own sexuality can I take you to a gynecologist yeah here's a video let's talk about it because it's natural this is natural the kid hasn't done anything bad it's a natural awakening within the

3:29 child if we help the child to embark on this journey of sexual awakening in a conscious way in a way that empowers the child and then another place to go with the parent is to help the parent really tune into the child what is my child really going through is my child feeling peer pressure is my child lost is she feeling insecure is she lacking a sense of empowerment and belonging does my child need help in

3:56 the emotional arenas because often girls will act out if they're feeling something emotionally boys too so we want to examine all layers in a state of abundance not reactivity non anxiety and real power and seeing this as a great opportunity for everyone to rise up and elevate