Transcript
0:00 Women often want to validate other women. Okay? They want to say, "You're right. You're right. I to I so get it. Um, you know, uh, he is a jerk. Oh my god, it's not okay what he did." Right? I've had situations where I'll share with a girlfriend, "Oh, I'm so annoyed by this and I'm so annoyed by that." And let me tell you something. If my girlfriend doesn't defend my husband, if my girlfriend isn't defending my husband, she's not a good friend. Her interest should be, unless he's really done something truly terrible, unless it truly is really a red flag, okay? Her interest should be in highlighting his side to me. Her interest should be in reuniting me with him, in bringing us back online together, in being reconnected, okay? That's where her interest should be. So, if I have a chat with a girlfriend and she's like, "Damn straight, he's a liar. Yeah, he's a jerk. Yeah, he's what? What are you even doing? You you deserve so much more than him. Then she's not a real friend. Then she doesn't want the best for you. The best for you is a connected, good, solid, stable marriage. The best for you is to hold on to the very good guy that you've got. That's the best for you. The best for you is not to spiral into outrage and to distance yourself and destroy the marriage that you have. destroy the home, destroy the the connection you have with the father of your kids, right? That that's not what's best for you. So, in the moment, it feels very good to women to be like, "Yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. You're right." But the truth is, that's not real friendship. So, she can validate a little bit like, "Gh, that sucks." Or, "Oh, I know that's so annoying. Maybe he meant it like this. Maybe he was late because of that. Maybe it's cuz you're a little bit enabling him with that. Maybe you need to set clear boundary. Maybe you didn't communicate that you wanted that. She needs to push you to be a better wife, not to convince you that you have a crap husband. Okay, [laughter] [gasps] this is just really really important to understand that if you're married to a good guy and your girlfriends are trying to egg you on in your irritation of him, then it's really a a sign that that's not the right person to speak to, at least not about your marriage.
Summary
- Women often seek validation from friends about their frustrations with partners.
- A true friend should highlight the husband's perspective and encourage reconnection.
- Friends should aim to help women maintain a stable marriage rather than spiral into outrage.
- Validating feelings is acceptable, but friends should also push for better communication and boundaries.
- If a friend encourages negativity towards a good husband, it may indicate they are not a supportive friend.
- The focus should be on preserving the family unit and connection with the father of children.