Fatherhood Q&A With Jason | Dad University LIVE

0:02 right we are live um for those of you watching the replay may take a minute uh to get some of those notifications out but I'm here to answer any questions that you might have so I'll wait for people to come in and hopefully there's some good questions I came on last week and there were some great great questions uh from some people so we'll see how that goes again uh what is new

0:33 another week at dad University it's never a dull moment there's always stuff going on recordings lots of new shorts coming out um some new recordings coming out so it's been good uh if you are joining us here live uh please feel free to type in your name uh say hello and then if you've got questions throw them in the chat I'd love to uh love to chat with you guys answer any questions that I might uh be able to

1:04 help with and if I can't I will let you know that too and as always if you are interested in supporting the channel uh go to daddyuniversity.com support um you can become a member and uh membership is pay what feels good so you pay whatever you want um or you can always donate and that helps too so if you are just joining us here throw your name in there say hello where you're from uh even if you don't

1:32 have a question it's cool to see kind of where people are from and who's joining us and then of course if you have a question throw it in the chat I'll see if I can answer it if you're a soon-to-be Dad if you're a new dad if you're an experienced dad um so uh here we go Joseph first one in um although Joseph Stalin your actual name is Jacob that's good uh first time Dad sunborn Friday congratulations

2:01 is it normal for newborns to sleep a lot yes and enjoy it enjoy that they're sleeping a lot now if you were worried that like you know the baby's always asleep then um you know certainly contact your pediatrician and just make sure that everything's okay and such but if you have a healthy baby as far as you know um yeah it is normal for them to sleep a lot and um that's a good thing it gives you some

2:28 rest you know there's people on the other side that'll say you know my baby never sleeps so that's good that's a good thing so right on um also too if um you guys have any ideas uh I you know sometimes I get ideas from these chats and ideas for videos based on the fact that people are answering questions asking specific questions because I will often get multiple of you know the same question and when that

2:59 happens I will sometimes turn that into a video so that's why the questions are helpful too because they could be future videos where we can you know elaborate on uh on the answer so um do you have some some time here I wanted to just come in and chat for those of you just joining us I see some more people coming in uh welcome just say hello where you're from it really uh it's cool to see you

3:27 know from people from all over the world I know the timing kind of depends on the time zone that you're in we seem to uh you know I got some comments on the last chat that you know people missed it and I think that sometimes hey kryptonize um I think that's sometimes just uh the notifications don't go out as smoothly as I'd like them to whereas some people you know as the I guess it's just up to the

3:54 system and who who's on at that time so we get some people sometimes I do want to schedule these more often it's just for right now it's been hard to schedule these so I'm just doing them when I can but certainly having a specific schedule is is nice so um trying to think of uh some of the topics that are coming up it's funny I I do so many different videos that sometimes it's hard to

4:25 remember the topics um I have one I think coming up on teens there's another one um I've got a I've got another one on discipline um a lot of soon to be dads coming in the fold uh I spent a lot of comments a lot of um feedback Etc and uh hey pipe Junkie uh Caleb from Tennessee right on one-year-old another one in doing

4:56 another boy due in November right on well I'm glad the videos have helped that's uh that's great to hear I I always enjoy um you know that that's why I do it uh it's really it's really cool for people to give that kind of feedback and be like yeah no hey you know I watched your videos it really helped me um you know and some of these some of the topics are pretty serious I you know I like to dive into topics that

5:24 I find interesting you know sometimes certainly that it's it's just topics that people ask me about or that I have specific you know experience in and a lot of times it's you know the things that I went through some I did well and some I did not so I mean a lot of the videos are and I talk about that too sorry of me learning the process you know and I think that's what I try to get across

5:50 is that you know when my child my first child was born I knew nothing about babies I I had never been around kids I had never held baby other than once I held one of my sisters children my nephew and um you know I didn't babysit I wasn't comfortable around children and so for me there's kind of two dynamics of that there's you know being around children and feeling comfortable with that and

6:20 then there's this idea of parenting you know in the actual like discipline and the communication and all the stuff that comes with parenting and for some people I mean I had great parents but that didn't necessarily feel like that prepared me a lot I don't know why um I just still didn't feel prepared um Michael what's your biggest parenting mistake oh that's good and how would you do it differently if you had the chance sorry I don't know why I'm coughing

6:52 um mistake I would probably say there's there's a couple um worrying about or I should say getting having not having the patience um getting upset about things that I didn't need to really get upset at in other words you know I was so stressed with work and the relationship and like sort of just the whole Dynamic Financial stress everything that worrying about

7:26 or you know things would trigger me really quickly I mean this is before I really started to study and and understand it and you know learn how to parent and so in the beginning when my son was born I was just I was stressed all the time and I don't think I got to enjoy it as much as I would have liked you know when my daughter came around I was a little bit better they're two years almost two years apart

7:53 um or a little over two years um but I don't think I I think I was still stressed out I mean there were three in one and that's when I started parenting classes and that's when I started learning more and studying and and so and you know now they're 15 and 13. so you know it took me a while to really understand what was happening and I think that that you know that's just trial by fire there wasn't this resource

8:18 that I found I mean there were some books and such um but if there was a resource I wasn't aware of it and I still you know still didn't and so you know from a father's point of view and like really understanding what dads go through you know it was talking to my own father and a couple people but they all had different experiences and so yeah some of these deeper topics I I just didn't have that and so for me

8:42 patience was a big one I just you know I I mean I still have a little you know little I still don't have great patience but I have a lot better patience than I did and then um yeah that would probably be and then that allowed me to you know not necessarily enjoy the moments as much as I probably could have um pipe junkie my question is is it normal to be frustrated when my baby cries well

9:08 okay so here's this is an example I find myself uh and I'm only laughing because this is what happened to me uh I find myself losing my patience when I can't get him back to sleep at night and I feel bad because I know he can't help it yeah so it's kind of the cycle that you go into the first question about is it normal to be frustrated when my baby cries yeah if you analyze this you know

9:29 from a psychological standpoint a lot of this for me was the feeling this undertone that I wasn't a good parent um you know when your baby cries you feel like there's discomfort or you're not doing something right or you know you're not like something is wrong and that's what you feel so keep in mind too you know babies cry because typically they are they either want attention or they need something

10:00 um you know and not attention in a bad way like they need something or they want something and so or you know something's uncomfortable there's like there's only a handful of reasons why they cry and they cry because they don't know what else to do I mean there's been uh there was a uh an experiment uh with deaf to deaf parents and the baby didn't cry the baby rattled the cage to get their attention um you know the vibration or something

10:27 else like the baby because crying didn't work um you know that's why babies cry is because they understand and it works so I think there's something to that I don't know the whole science behind it but and so yeah I do think that it's totally normal um when your baby cries and especially if it's something that you are you know trying to soothe them and you can't um I think you know you try to learn what are the elements that the baby is

10:54 uncomfortable with is it you know diaper does the baby just need to be held are they on you know are they uncomfortable in some way are they just tired and you know try changing things and testing things I mean you know if your baby goes or is getting up in the middle of the night you could try changing the you know the sleep time you could you know uh switch the feeding time a little bit closer to bedtime you you know there's

11:22 all kind of different things that you can test you're gonna have to do it more than once but there's different elements and I'm not a sleep baby expert but um you know there's certainly things that that happen like that and and crying is normal and I remember many a night's frustrating or frustrations and um my own breakdowns when my child was crying and feeling like I couldn't do anything to fix it you know and sometimes it was even worse because you

11:51 know Mom would go in there grab the child child stops crying you know and that is a feeling that the baby could have because she spent more time with the baby and so initially the baby was more comfortable with her than me and so just over time of spending more time with you know my son that it became you know more and more comfortable um you know the good news is is that it's not forever you know like I said I

12:18 have a 15 and 13 year old um you know I just dropped them off and and uh at their Sports and you know it's a totally different world and and the things that I worried about at that this is another mistake too I worried about small things that I felt like were big and they weren't and you know looking back now at the time they're a big deal but in the big scheme of things they're not you know like the

12:46 baby crying the baby crying is a big deal in the world that you're in you know you are in it you're in the thick of it you're waking up at night you you're tired but like I look back now and think about having this little baby and it's like you kind of don't I don't say you don't remember it but it's like it's a lot less significant um in the big scheme of things and I don't know if that's comforting or not

13:12 but because I know when you're in it it's so big it's such a big thing and um but the truth is it's gonna be okay you know the baby eventually sleeps and such and you just do your best and that's all you can do you know you're there you try to like I said kind of alter alternate and try out different patterns and you see if that works so good question though and I love the question of the mistakes

13:36 I mean I'm all for you know admitting mistakes and then uh seeing how we can fix it in fact we do that with our kids it's a great thing it's like you know children are allowed to make mistakes and so one of the things that we do and I just did this in a video where I talked about this in a video was you know as your kids get a little bit older and they may talk back or they

13:57 might say something in an appropriate way the same way we do you know we have to be aware of that I my often will say Hey try again you know instead of yelling back or just taking what they're saying for face you know just allowing them to speak that way it's try again um I've been caught on it too in fact I will say earlier today I was asking my daughter to come downstairs to eat and I think I

14:26 just kind of chirped at her or something and she's like Dad that you didn't say that very nice and so she you know she called me out on it and I said oh you're right I'm sorry you know I was just I didn't it wasn't intentional but she felt like it was you know she felt like I said something and it's not that we always have to call each other out but you know as they get older they're aware

14:45 of it and I think it's important actually I I was it didn't bother me because you know we're setting the example that I need to speak respectfully to them um in order to you know have them like respect as well I I think there's many many people who think like well I'm the parent and so the child needs to just obey everything and the child should you know listen and they don't have a say and you know

15:15 child's child shouldn't be heard or whatever and it's like just don't parent that way and I think part of that is you know my kids have a disciplined life they're good people they listen we have conversations and you know they're good humans and part of that is like respecting them you know they know that we are quote in charge um but we also talk to them in a respectful way and in the same way we expect them

15:44 to do the same to us and so um there's there is a mutual respect now back early on yeah I probably yelled too much I'm a recovering Yeller I say and so um that's another regret um so bro David do you think fatherhood is tied to manhood I find there is a disconnect when raising a song to be a man and being a

16:15 father to him um I think everybody well I I think it depends on how you are defining uh manhood I think is is you know different people have different definitions um I think there is a difference between uh being a father and you know let's say different I mean there is a difference but just you know manhood and fatherhood I think that

16:46 there is a there is a difference um that's interesting I I never really thought of it in that Dynamic but I can tell you my beliefs I mean whether they're right or wrong they're mine um I I am a believer and I'm a Believer in masculine for sure you know I um but I don't think it's the only way in

17:17 other words this is the way I am and I like this um but I don't think that it's the only way I don't know how to best explain that like uh maybe I'll give an example so um there are fathers who are much more nurturing um much softer if you will like you know I did a thing on personality types and they may be a different type their

17:48 personality type is softer um they aren't as uh aggressive they you know so whatever the personality type is for that and then they may have a spouse or partner who is more aggressive has more masculine maybe they have more feminine traits than the men than the the woman has more masculine traits that works perfectly fine for them and to Define manhood in a certain way I I think it's a

18:19 I think that there are you know there's the red or uh there's all the online manosphere um but I consider myself you know masculine yet sensitive um you know powerful yet um you know very caring I think there's yeah it was funny my mentor I can say you know called me a she called me a heart warrior in other words she felt like I was a warrior but also was very

18:50 heartfelt and caring and I so I think you can do both so that's an interesting question though um yeah I mean there's a lot of controversy around masculinity and what it means to be a man and I think I think there's a broad spectrum of that you know what we think of as manliness or um can vary and you know there there is room for a gamut

19:22 of that and I think you know you can't have all people being the same and here or all them being here and like this is the definition and that's what it is and so yeah I think I'm probably a little bit more open in that way I mean for me and my relationship I know what works and what doesn't work and that's for me and my family and I think somebody else has a different way of

19:46 doing it that's totally cool um yeah I mean I don't know if that makes sense I hope I answered the question but um if I didn't maybe you can explain it a little bit more hey David hey Jose uh for Mexico um yeah guys if you have a question throw it in the chat I've got a couple more minutes here love to answer any questions you might have if you want to support the channel I absolutely

20:13 appreciate it you can become a member go to daduniversity.com support you can either just donate to the channel but I say become a member because then you get something for it um pay what feels good membership includes all my courses that I've created um you get access to all of the videos without all the Mumbo like fluff just all categorized um there's some chat there's some other things and if you want to email me you can do

20:42 that too I do answer questions on occasion if I can get to them I do get a lot of questions but I try to answer them as best I can um Tom where can you find the best coaching video or videos for your wife I'm are you I'm not sure if you're talking about pregnancy that I don't know um if you're talking about coaching for pregnancy uh I don't know that's a great question I mean there's uh I don't there's probably

21:14 more on books um David what's this Channel about well this is Dad University um my channel talks about uh being a dad from everything from pregnancy and being a soon to be dad all the way to being an experienced father and dealing with teenagers so I've gone through that process I talk about my own experiences some of the things I've learned some of the things I made mistakes on and some of the

21:45 things I've done well and that I've now learned and uh you know have a great relationship with my two teenage kids at least I think so but as you know teenagers they I hope they would say the same um and you know about life and so a lot of the things that I talk about are things that I have gone through uh how I view the world some people agree some don't I certainly get people that think differently that's

22:10 cool too and um um Heathen or Heaven I would like to know how to stop my one year nine-month-old son from biting when he gets frustrated so I did a video on hitting and it's very very similar I um I'll do it quickly is basically you can grab their hand when they do it or you can even grab the mouth not too hard and you say nice and you can even kiss them

22:42 or have them kiss and so you'd say kiss instead of bite so what you have to do with children is you have to give them an alternative you know you could say bite no and then you can kiss them and do that and so it's like with hitting you give them a soft touch you grab their hand and you say soft nice so saying no no no no no no all the time doesn't do a lot when somebody's a child

23:06 is that young they don't all totally understand it so you have to show them what to do and so you kiss and do that and you have to reprimand them right as it happens you know if they're about you say ow you know you could say no do not bite them back by the way I don't people say that don't hit them don't do like you're teaching them what to do instead of what not to do and teaching them that

23:30 a kiss or soft touch or such is okay or instead a hug um you know as a child that young they are not really understanding their um you know their emotions and that's what they're feeling so biting can be from frustration anger it can be all kinds of stuff that they're just trying to communicate and they can't um okay so I wanted to get Nick to this next question hopefully that helped uh how do you know they're ready for the

23:55 sex talk is there too early in your personal opinion this country is so over the sex I'm just thinking when to nip it in the bud you have any advice yes I do not think it is a sex talk I think you have discussions about sex sexuality um their bodies from very very early on so there isn't a specific sit-down sex talk um so from very early on it's talking honestly you know using the names of

24:25 private parts you know and genitalia it is talking about things and wait now when they're very very young it's very light it's very here and there or you know if you're starting so it depends on the age of your child but there's also what I found really really helpful you know I wasn't an expert in this area is um get a book so I have a video on you can look on my channel on um talking about

24:53 like puberty and sex and that kind of thing you get a book you talk about puberty first before you talk about sex um but you get a book and then you read it together and so you read it together and there's there's age-appropriate books so you can see like you know talk talk about like their bodies first and then they talk about you know them transitioning into puberty and then you talk about sex and protection and safe

25:18 sex Etc um and so you have those kinds of conversations all the time because having a big sit down that's overwhelming for a kid like they're not gonna retain it all they don't want to listen to it it's uncomfortable for them it's uncomfortable for you um so I think when you've had those conversations along the way it's way easier you know where you can then have that conversation if it's specific to having sexual intercourse or something like that and protecting

25:46 themselves and um but you know if you've gotten to that you're you're at that point and you haven't talked about all the other things yeah it's probably going to be you know a little uncomfortable but you know talking about puberty is really really good um talk about it early and it's okay I mean this is like it's part of life and you know you don't want to give them so much information because they won't even understand it

26:11 um and so you give them in little chunks age-appropriate and that's how you know we've done it my wife has done a really good job too she's you know very open about talking about that and so that that's something that helps um I am off soon I gotta pick up my children from their uh from their Sports um gosh these are all good questions too um what I want to do is I want to do this again guys if you have a question

26:37 here and you want to throw it out or actually save it I'll try to send out a notice next time of when I'm like in advance that I'm going to be live because I know it's hard a lot of people get upset that they miss it um but I appreciate you guys coming on I just popped on and I know it was sort of unexpected but I'll see if I can do it a little bit more regular or a specific

27:00 time but uh if you want to support the channel totally appreciate it um daduniversity.com support it's how I make these videos and I mean we're talking videograph videography editing scripting I mean you know there's a lot a lot of work and a lot of time that goes into these things uh so anything would be appreciated but become a member you can pay what feels good you get access to all the courses all the videos everything and that's the

27:27 best way to help support this and help this channel so um appreciate every single one of you I hope that you guys have a great night and or in the morning if you're overseas I think I see some people um but uh I will catch you guys soon take care appreciate it