Transcript
0:00 College Colorado College has a plethora of a talented alumni and one of our bright stars is with us today Abigail Washburn is a 1999 Colorado College alumni and was one of the first East Asian studies Majors fluent in Chinese she is embraced connecting to the culture and people of China through music and performance Abigail's musical collaborations have included the band Uncle Earl as well as Sparrow quartet which includes her husband Baya Fleck
0:32 her album City of Refuge combines American Roots Music and Chinese folk music in a unique blend Abigail is one of the few foreign artists regularly touring China at the request of the US government the sparrow quartet toured Tibet in 2006 something no other American band had done and performed in Beijing during the 2008 Olympics recently she play played The prominent USA Pavilion at the World Expo in Shanghai and Abigail has regular
1:03 collaborations in China a group of women musicians from the China conservatory and hongi Abigail has received many awards and recognitions this year along with other Innovative and creative thinkers she was named a Ted fellow and presented at the 2012 Ted convention please join me in welcoming home Colorado College alumna Abigail wasburn
1:40 Bright Morning stars are shining morning stars are Bright Morning stars are
2:15 ring is a Breaking In My Soul when I'm thank you when I'm singing This age-old American hymn I'm surrounded by an image of a dark morning sky opening to the
2:46 light of a new day I feel the immediacy of beauty I feel those first moments of Morning Light and at the same time I feel the magnitude of the Eternal I feel the rhythm of a night sky surrendering today after day after day year after year it's a song of commencing for a day of commencing so why is it that I named my
3:16 commencement speech obituary why is it that with this precious 20 minutes I have with the 2012 Colorado College graduating class with you incredibly well equipped beautiful curious courageous adventuresome students I'm choosing to focus on death you see at the time I started to
3:47 really dig in and think about what to say to you today I was pacing back and forth in the living room at my house and I noticed a Whitney Houston album sitting on the coffee table it was my fave album when I was a kid and given the news recently that she had passed away I was paying homage to her by reconnecting with my inner 12-year-old that used to sing her songs in the imaginary microphone in my
4:14 Midwestern childhood living room of course all by myself I believe the children are future teach them well and let them lead the way show them all the beauty they possess inside give them a sense of Pride to make it easier let the children's remind us how we us to be I long ago you didn't think I'd do that or
4:46 maybe like the big hit the big dance hit I want to dance with somebody I want to feel a with somebody yeah I want to dance with somebody with who loves me my favorite part somebody who Lov me but I bet you didn't actually vote me in here today to sing 1980s pop songs it's just that in my know really
5:16 don't CL oh God it's just that in my pacing back and forth in my living room on that day I couldn't help but think about the contrast of that 1980s pastel bordered hyper crisp photo of Whitney Houston's youthful vibrant smile with what undoubtedly is her current physical state and I should say right now that I'm going to share with you today a lot
5:47 about how my mind works some of which maybe I shouldn't nonetheless it's your fault you voted me in and I'm going to give it to you so I'll tell you that I pictured worms slithering up to the surface through her decaying eye sockets and LOM and soil pushing softly and ceaselessly against the wooden box cradling her skull and a body deflated empting surrendering to the earth oh yeah that's exciting right Whitney Houston is now being folded back
6:17 in moment after moment day after day year after year until at some point her body will no longer be recognizable and perhaps even the memory of her will have vanished completely envisioning Whitney Houston in her grave was likely prompted by an incredibly uplifting experience I had at a workshop a few weeks earlier I had the massive Good Fortune to be invited to a day of counseling by a group of people that have made their life's work teaching
6:47 artists and people in Creative fields to thrive with a capital T rather than strive with a lowercase s and they've done it to great success I remember the moment the when the leader of the workshop said you will Envision Here and Now what you want to achieve in your lifetime and then you will come up with a plan to move toward realizing those achievements you will take action and you will
7:19 succeed and the co-leader of the workshop a Native American male artist of the chocka tribe then chimed in and said I was poor deeply in debt living my art but always struggling to get by my dream was to be able to live my art without struggle now I have three commissions for several million dollars I no longer live in fear of struggle and now I see that my dreams can also include helping the broader community of
7:46 Native American artists and in this moment you the 20 creative people in the room sighed audibly oh my God was it possible that we could not not just forever live as struggling artists the workshop leaders handed out a workbook and said fill this out and your dreams will start to come true I open the workbook and the page is filled with blank lines for me to fill
8:17 in and at the top of the page is written obituary they gave us five minutes they told us to write freely fluidly and without judgment so here it is I'm sharing it with you uncensored sloppy free writing and all obituary Abigail wasburn she helped to create a world that through communal efforts began a massive redirection of the world's wealth and energy toward the realization
8:47 of beauty and Harmony and ceased all violent Behavior between nations and people by spurring the creation of local and international cultural events cementing the victory of Soulful globalization over the the powers of individual and corporate gain meanwhile she managed to help facilitate a fully integrated Home and Community where all inspiration is sourced for overcoming the greater challenges in the world thereby spreading an undeniable and magnetic draw toward Beauty and light when she died she passed into a love and
9:15 light painted sewn stitched and sung by the dear people and places that graced her path writing freely fluidly and without judgment that's what came out of me and if I read that right I think I basically want World Peace before I die and if the workshop leaders are right I'm going to do
9:47 it and I'm standing here thinking you're right how am I going to create World Peace So This is Where I thank you from the the bottom of my heart for asking me to speak to you today not only is it a tremendous honor that you actually want to hear what I have to say but also because it's forced me to face my obituary and it's compelling me to try to figure out what I think I can
10:14 actually pull off in my lifetime I'm going to share with you three personal stories in an effort to explore the likelihood of me fulfilling my dreams Story number one before I left CC I worked grounds crew for the summer anybody else doing that sweet then I followed my boyfriend at the time and his bluegrass band all CC kids to Vermont we set up shop in the small town of Millar and got day jobs
10:46 although I sang in element what's up girls I wasn't in the band and never dreamed of being a professional musician I got a job as an assistant lobbyist at the state house and knew that eventually I wanted to use my CC degree in Asian studies to help us China relations I passed the H shaping culture the hsk or the Chinese equivalency exam and Reed myself to move to China to go to Beijing University law school one night several months before I
11:15 left Vermont I heard LP of Doc Watson singing and playing Shady Grove Shady Grove my little love Shady Grove mying Shady my little love going back to that sound was so beautiful and it was so American it was for me the sound of home and I knew I needed to get an oldtime banjo and take it with me to China being The Adventurous from CC grad
11:46 fearing a future spent in a cubicle in a law firm I took advantage of my remaining time in the US and I headed out on a massive road trip of the East Coast including 5 days of Insight Meditation a solo backpacking Mission along the Appalachian Trail I visited CC friends in New York City and as I hit the Blue Ridge Mountains I started the musical portion of my journey with a visit to a fiddler gathering in West Virginia a
12:11 banjo lesson in North Carolina and last stop Kentucky at the International Bluegrass Music Association Convention on the last night of the convention a couple of young women asked me to jam and I timidly played the four songs I had picked up along my journey and wouldn't you know it a record executive walked up and asked me to come to Nashville Tennessee to make a record Story number
12:45 two nowadays people say to me things like you are a natural-born performer and I'm going to tell you something I'm not a natural born performer the first time I got on stage to perform for people singing and playing banjo I'd only been playing for a few months and I only knew just enough songs I was very very very very afraid my particular nervousness Affliction is to feel like I have to pee and I go back and forth to the
13:17 bathroom over and over again until I think surely there's nothing left so I'm backstage it's my first Festival performance 10-minute countdown to Stage call and I'm stuck to the portal a potty show starts I'm on stage I strum a chord sing my first few notes and what happens I pee down my leg totally gross man mortified is an understatement luckily I had enough wits
13:49 about me to realize that the audience was too far away to notice I kept going I finished the show I found paper towels a bottle of water a private spot backstage and I cleaned myself up and went out to the merch table and I greeted people Story number three in my first year on the road I was given the opportunity to do an opening slot in South Carolina for a Texas singer songwriter with an audience of
14:17 folks ready to drink a beer party down and sing a good old Texas song unb notes to me at the time opening acts are often just a tool to fill time while the audience shows up late and gets drunk before the main act starts so I get out on stage and first thing I dig into a lively bjo tune I immediately noticed that there are only a handful of people actually there at 8:00 p.m. and that handful of people
14:43 stand at the foot of the stage and talk loudly shouting order drink orders at their friends as they walk toward the bar several songs into my set the crowd is growing and even fewer people are listening I decide to cut my between song banter short and say this next one is an original song in Chinese it's a story about how hard it is to be an immigrant in America
15:54 I wish I could tell you at this point that everyone shut up and listened but in fact only one small group of guys up front turned around and said something like holy crap B I think that girl so a jeopard they start laughing and they make slant eyes classy and that's when suddenly everything stopped I was suspended like in a kung fu
16:25 movie when everything literally hangs in the air floating my third eye popped wide open I looked around at the South Carolina party and I looked at myself on stage and at first I felt anger and then I felt sorry for myself and then somehow it all started to turn toward funny really funny here I was singing a dramatic original Acappella song in Mandarin
16:58 Chinese to a pile of really drunk people wanting to hear party songs with titles like I want to check you for ticks or Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the goalposts of life or mama get a hammer there's a fly on Daddy's head or the crowd favorite You Ain't Much Fun Since I quit drinking needless to say I became distinctly aware that this was an
17:29 unideal setting for my music and I was in the middle of a test with a capital T I'm back into my body next song up I finish out the set after very weak Applause from about a tenth of the audience I walk off stage and stood by the merch booth at the back of the room CD sales were what we call in the industry slim reaching a total of zero the only interaction I had was an
17:55 occasional point and stale stare from a small group and one drunk guy who who came up to me and said you made out of notice but I I was watching you that was just weird and that was just the first show with five more to go I tell you these three fresh out of college stories because I know they hold important hard-earned lessons that have helped to set my foot steps down a path
18:26 that is determining my future so in an effort to share here's what I think I've learned an open heart and curious mind creates Miracles I believe we discover our true calling not because we intellectually know what it is even if we think we do but because we are curious enough and open enough to be found by our true calling fear arises as a sign to let us know we are ready we are ready for A new
18:59 challenge when we feel fear at doing something it very likely means that it is exactly the thing we need to do and lastly obstacles arise to help us prepare for what we are here to do in this world obstacles are tests luckily the outcome of making it through these tests is that challenge after challenge we grow stronger and stronger and continually morph into the vessel that achieves its dream and its
19:32 purpose so with these lessons in mind I say begin the hard work of peeing yourself when you are scared to do something and just do it anyway let the slanty ey making Party Boys in the front row point and stare and you march on with a full heart open your curious mind to possibility let yourself shift gears from a mountain guide to a special ed teacher from an environmental lawyer to a self-start green entrepreneur from a
19:59 geologist PhD to a full-time father from a law worker in Beijing to a banjo Troubador I am thankful for retrospection because it brings glory and purpose to moments that really suck I've let down promoters and managers and myself when only 20 people bought tickets to a show I've gotten tongue tied and paralyzed on live radio and TV I've broken my own heart time and again falling in love with collaborators
20:29 and then losing them I've compromised a home life for a traveling life I've shed tears real realizing I was going to sign that industry standard record contract that I knew to be unfair and inhumane I've wasted time blaming others even when I when it really seemed like it was their fault and I have often thought I should give up the life of an artist and go back to school or get a real job not only because I'm worthless and
20:55 undeserving but because my music actually really does suck wow that's some pretty wicked internal criticism right that's what I like to call going super dark on yourself I'm not sharing this because it's pretty or uplifting in any way but because for me it's it's real and I think you'll probably have a handful in time of times in the coming years where you'll feel dark and worthless full of Shame and stuck afraid to make a
21:26 move there is something I want so badly for you it's that when your 2012 graduation day photo starts to date itself as a low res digital smartphone prehistoric JPEG and some human is pacing back and forth in a living room somewhere staring at your early 20s cap and gown graduation smile and starts to wonder what's happening to your body below the Earth the way the worms Slither up to the surface through your decaying ey sockets and LOM and soil push softly and
21:55 ceaselessly against the wooden box cradling your skull I want to know that you rest there below the surface assured that the short time you had on Earth was not wasted on angst and disbelief but that this openhearted lifeloving fear overcoming hope bound human is just safely folding in again to the arms of the warm grinding rhythm of Eternity I have two things I hope you
22:27 remember from all this other than of course my stunning rendition of Whitney Houston and the fact that I used to pee myself lot the first thing when you're out of here when you're somewhere out there frantically pursuing your master's degree or your internship so completely certain of your path or you're somewhere out there serving coffee all day and wondering what in the hell am I doing with my life
22:59 take a moment alone get a piece of paper and at the top write the word obituary set the timer for five minutes and write freely fluidly and without judgment what it is you will have done by the time you're really out of here second thing methodically repeatedly and continually cultivate your mind and heart for AC
23:30 the world you create within yourself is the world you create outside yourself overcome the fears inside of you and as you learn to rise through the darkness on the inside moment after moment day after day year after year you will see that on the outside you are the harbinger of light the fulfiller of dreams and the maker of World Peace Bright
24:01 Morning stars are rght stars are bright morning stars are rising
24:31 day is a Breaking In My Soul thank you
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26:27 e for