Transcript
0:00 If we think about kids, they're born into the world and they're born with all the feelings and none of the skills to manage feelings. There's a gap. All the feelings, none of the skills. Bad behavior, whether it's a four-year-old hitting their sister. Whether a kid is saying, "I hate you. You're the worst mom. I don't want to be in this family." Every single acting out behavior is a sign that feelings are greater than skills. But the problem isn't the feelings. The problem is the lack of skills.
0:31 >> And so the answer to over time having a lot better behavior or something more powerful than behavior, it's building skills, building emotion regulation skills. Kids are not born with those skills. And we as parents, we are kind of the coaches. But I think as our life gets so busy, right, as we're more distracted and we can't tolerate the challenging feelings our kids have and we look for a quick distraction or a quick exit for them right away, then what they learn is I'm a kid and I find my feelings overwhelming, but oh my goodness, my parent finds my feelings overwhelming. of things that feel scary and toxic to me, maybe they really are scary and toxic.
Summary
- Children experience intense emotions but lack the skills to manage them effectively.
- Acting out behaviors are indicators that feelings exceed coping skills.
- The root issue is not the feelings themselves, but the absence of emotional regulation skills.
- Parents play a crucial role as coaches in helping children develop these skills.
- Busy lifestyles and distractions can hinder parents from addressing children's emotional needs.
- Avoiding challenging feelings can lead children to perceive their emotions as overwhelming and potentially harmful.
- Teaching emotional regulation can lead to healthier behaviors and emotional resilience in children.