How to Make My Kids Listen | How to Get Your Kids to Listen Without Yelling | The Mom Psychologist

0:00 what's up beautiful people in dr. Jazmin from the mom psychologist calm and I am so excited for today's video if you clicked on this video you're probably struggling with defiance am i right do you go to give your child instructions and they laugh in your face maybe they run away thinking it's a game maybe they tune you out and do the exact opposite of what you want them to do and it just seems to go in one ear and out

0:27 the other if that sounds like you don't worry mama I got you okay cuz we're gonna be talking in today's video about how we can set ourselves up for success and make sure that our instructions are very clear and very simple and easy to follow okay so go ahead and give me a thumbs up right now if you're excited for today's content because when I teach parents in my practice and what I talk about and at

1:01 length in my book my new book coming out on Tuesday y'all shameless plug let's talk discipline is coming out on Tuesday March 31st but I have a whole section on limit setting and why is so important for us as parents and I spent a lot of time with my parents who I work with on helping them understand how to give very clear and easy to understand instructions because here's the thing although it's easy to do and I'm I'm

1:32 guilty of it y'all to of rattling off no focusing on the misbehavior and telling them to stop I know it's easy to do y'all I'm guilty of it too right because it's a bad habit and so what I try to help parents get in the habit of doing is setting very clear instructions because here's the thing if your child is struggling with following your instructions we need to take a step back and say okay I need my child to do

2:02 something different in this moment how can I make sure my instructions are very clear and easy to understand right and so it's about giving very clear instructions so what I do in my practice is I walk through this book with parents and I'm gonna do this here in this video his book is called no David and this is this poor little boy all day long he's doing things he shouldn't be doing right or but that we would rather not have him do

2:30 and his mom is going No so let's see if we can try to give David some clearer instructions the book starts off with David standing on the chair trying to get his cookie and instead of no David we would say David baby please sit on the chair or please put your feet on the floor right very care very clear instructions there's no confusion on what we need him to do I

3:01 look at David he's been having fun outside and now he's tracking all the dirt in the mud and the leaves in the house okay so instead of no David no we would say David baby please turn around and walk back outside so I can take off your shoes right very clear right or please sit down right there so I could take off your shoes oh this is a big one David's in the bathtub mr. pirate having fun

3:33 with his shark but he's dripping water all over the floor and so it's been no no no David we would say David baby please keep the water in the bathtub or please turn off the faucet there's too much water very clear right very clear okay mr. David okay he's running outside running away which is unsafe which by the way I talked about this in my book but if your

4:04 child is doing the unsafe behaviors go back to your instincts to keep them safe okay so it might be come back here you know but you can say David baby please stop where you are turn around and walk back to me that's very clear-rite but I totally get it if they're doing something unsafe and you need a resort to know so I would say we keep your nose save your nose for unsafe behavior right because here's the thing

4:34 kids burn out a no don't stop quick they burn out of it they tune it out so instead save those for when you like you know really need them to listen their safety is on the line okay David is banging on the pots and pans he's having so much fun but maybe you're like David baby oh it's hurting my ears sake David please go to your room and bang on the pots or please go outside and do

5:02 that or maybe it's please be gentle with these pots or you could give him something else that he can bang that's a little bit quieter okay so you got you got some options here but be quiet that's too big right what does that mean and quiet could mean different things for different people I mean in our doll brain we might know what that means but for little kids or like I don't know we don't want our kids getting confused

5:25 okay okay baby it's better time and David's at the table and instead of eating his dinner he's playing with this food y'all okay so we said David baby please put your food on the plate or please eat your food right it's dinner time please start eating your food don't play with your food [Laughter] wide open so instead of start David

5:59 that's enough we would say David baby please chew with your mouth closed please eat your food right I could say so more so much more about Meal Time I think I'm gonna make a video on table manners and how to help with that give me a thumbs up if you're interested in that video but let's move on okay David is getting ready for bed and he's jumping on the bed which is a big one it's a big one I talk about this in my

6:27 book actually to what to do and how to handle situations where your kid your kid loves to jump off tables jump on the couch jump on the bed and you're like right okay so for this one instead of settle down which again is very vague that's very vague what to settle down me that could be open for interpretation like what what does that even look like David baby please sit on the on the bed or please stand on the floor or please

6:53 jump on the floor okay Oh David his nose which by the way first some of these behaviors I probably would err on the side of ignoring which I have a whole section in my book about how we can do selective ignore to change certain behaviors this behavior might be when I would ignore but instead of stop that if you do need him to stop but I mean say you're in public and you're like okay we

7:24 need to cut that out you can say please remove your finger from your nose or please take your finger out your nose this one David he's in the room and it's a mess right and mom's yelling put your toys away okay that's too overwhelming for kids I mean where do you even begin and so my first tip okay write this down you don't want to miss this when we need our child to listen to us is very

7:54 important that we limit distraction so my first go-to would be okay we need to turn this TV off TVs got TVs gotta go because that's gonna mess up and hinder and and distract him from cleaning up so we want to limit the distractions when we need our child to listen to us so that might be music that might be the TV the tablet whatever they're doing we need to limit that distraction and then focus on cleaning

8:19 up so you can have him turn it off David please turn off the TV or you could do it yourself and then oh and I have a whole post actually on Instagram but which if you're not following me follow me on there at the mom psychologist I come I talk about how to prevent tantrums after screens because y'all know during this quarantine we are resorting some more screens which no judgment by the way but let's try to prevent the Tantrums right

8:43 well right we would turn off the TV then we would go one by one through all the things we need him to do so it's not pick up the toys it's please put your checker game back in the box it's please put your ball in the toy bin it's please put your book on the bookshelf okay so be very specific on what you need them to do and where you need that toy to go especially for

9:07 little ones if your child is a little bit older they're probably used to cleaning up and they don't need as much guidance but if your child really struggles with cleanup time then you want to break it down for them and do it one instruction at a time yay great job you know keep it fun keep it positive make it silly make it a game if you want to you gotta get creative right okay good amen he's about to play baseball in

9:31 the house with mess up everything about to break the vase so instead of not in the house David we would say please go outside David and play that outside or please give that to me but please put that down we'll do that tomorrow okay very specific oh and the book ends with David feeling so sad right because all day long he's been hearing all Davis baby quit David right and so I think that's an important message to end with is that

10:03 we want to be mindful of the messages that we are sending to our kids because think about it for you if you were at work and all day long you heard from your boss and your co-workers what a horrible job you were doing all the things you were messing up on right you would start to feel like dang I can't do anything right like why should I even try what what is it wait what Wow right

10:26 and so that's how kids begin to feel when they get these messages all day long that they're not doing the right thing so it's about guiding our child walking them through this process and keeping her instructions clear y'all okay clear and that is why I am so excited I'm bringing this out again y'all look ya'll can I just can we just have a moment of silence no but for I'm so I'm so proud of myself y'all and I am so excited to

10:57 share this resource with you guys it truly is a practical guide I wanted to leave the psychobabble out y'all and just give you practical information you need to know so then you walk away from this book knowing exactly what you need to do to help discipline your child and this really this feels like a full-circle moment for me because I remember as a little girl writing on my computer that my grandpa bought me and I

11:29 wrote my first story yeah I like nine years old I wrote a story about this little girl who was sad and ran away from home y'all wait depressing but I didn't come from the best childhood my parents they divorced when I was around four or five and we dealt with homelessness dealt with exposure to domestic violence between my mom and her boyfriends I dealt with my dad having bipolar disorder and dealing with that and seeing that in action

12:01 dealt with bouncing around homes and my mom being a single mom and working and so reading and writing was really I'm getting emotionally open reading and writing was really my saving grace as a child and it really let me have an escape from my reality it helped give me hope and so I grew up y'all reading so much and writing writing in my journal writing stories and so I'm just so proud of ourselves that I kept this up and

12:33 that I'm sharing something with the world that matters this matters and you know my whole mission is to empower you guys to raise happy and respectful children right and to really focus on the relationship I mean I can't I can't stress that enough you know we I know we want to get our child to behave more and we want to feel less stressed out which I totally get it this whole parenting thing y'all it's it's hard it's hard every day is

13:05 something new every day presents itself with special challenges or going through the coronavirus y'all locked up in the house so I know I know it's stressful but I don't want us to lose sight of the importance of building a connection and a strong relationship with our children and so I talk a lot about that in my book about how we can build a stronger relationship with our child why that matters and simple things that you can start doing today to help

13:34 the relationship because it really starts there y'all if you want a better behaved child focus on the relationship and then focus on the simple tricks that you can do to improve their listening and improve compliance but start there and so and then I have a whole chapter on setting limits and how we can keep our instructions very clear to increase compliance I have so many other tips and tricks for you guys and I also have a

14:02 whole chapter on flip into it I've all chapters on examples of misbehavior a lot of them came from you guys I used your examples to help guide you guys and give you guys so many options you can do in the moment because there's truly no one-size-fits-all to this parenting thing right every child is different every parent is different every situation is different so I tried to give you guys as many options as I could think of for different situations that

14:29 you guys are facing whether that's unsafe behaviors in public lying not refusing to share right refusing to follow directions biting and other aggressive behaviors I talk a lot about what the simple things you guys can do and walk away with and start doing today to help your child with your behavior so I hope you guys will pick up this book it officially becomes available next Tuesday March 31st it's available for pre-order for a

15:00 discount y'all and then April 1st it will be going up to $25 which that's not an April Fool's joke and then I have a master class coming up next Saturday April 4th where I'm gonna be talking all about timeouts and removal privileges how to do that with love and without compromising your relationship that's only ten dollars y'all so I hope you'll join me in the master class if you're not able to join it live you can still

15:29 register for it and watch the replay if you can't make it live it's Saturday April 4th at 11:15 and it's all online so international parents y'all everybody's included in this and that's it for today's video be sure to give this video a big thumbs up if you enjoyed it make sure you subscribe to my channel and I'll see you guys in the next one bye