Monika Halan: Don’t Fall for Kids’ Emotional Blackmail

0:00 I recently saw a film, it's called Vadh. It It was just that that this old parents, they they completely finish up their Yeah. Finish their savings to send their son abroad because, you know, better life and things like that. He goes abroad and he doesn't look back. And the parents now are in this terrible situation. They can lose their house they're living in. >> Because they He's taken a loan from a goon. >> a loan. Yeah, from a loan. Various There's a whole bunch of things, but it is a story ghar ghar ki kahani where people have taken loans to educate their children and the educated child was supposed to be their old age pension.

0:41 It doesn't have >> So, I will say things that sound very harsh. Yeah, please do. But you have to put on your money oxygen mask first. You will really have to. So, I see a lot of young couples putting their kids in these five-star schools when they cannot afford the fees. And it's not just the fees, it's the lifestyle. It's the trips, it's the gadgets, it's the shoes. It's the birthday parties. There's nothing wrong with a school which costs 1/4 of what these AC schools might be costing you. Look, if you have the money, knock yourself out.

1:19 Fine, it's fine. But if you don't an education will It'll happen. Yeah. Even in a middle-class school. Yeah. So, don't Don't do this. Don't >> So, education was seen as a passport to get out of the you know, middle-class or lower middle-class or poverty trap in this country. >> Now it's become a lifestyle issue. Now it's become a lifestyle >> Woah, aapki choice. If you have to go somewhere, can you afford it? Can you get your kid coming home and saying my friends are going to Europe for a holiday? Yeah. And then you take another loan. So, you're setting yourself You're just setting up yourself for financial failure. Yeah.

1:58 >> Just stay with what you can do. The kids will understand. They will live in the environment that you create. And keep that emergency fund for your old age, for your middle age, for your emergency >> emergency and your retirement. >> And your retirement. >> Target your own The kid can take an education loan. You You have done what you can to educate the kid, right? School, college. Abhi usko bahar jana hai to bolo loan lo na.

2:23 I am not going to take and this whole emotional blackmailing I don't understand with adult kids when they do it. Yeah. And even college fund There are times when, you know, you don't get The kid just doesn't get into colleges and then go to private universities because they go into these magazines and into websites saying these are the 10 best, these are the 15 best. And that means 20 lakhs to 50 lakhs a year tuition plus then, you know, coming back home and going hostel facilities. So, it's a crore or two crores a year in getting And I'm talking about some of these science fields. These are expensive things. So, now >> struggle a bit, yeah. Yes.

3:10 So, you know, when when the uncertainty geopolitical uncertainty happening right now in the world and it doesn't look like it's going to dissipate. In times like this, necessary to look at your finances. >> Put on your money oxygen mask first. In fact, when people invest So, see, when when you have a new baby, it's very exciting, okay? And then you would never think that this kid will once look at you in the eye horizontally, right? So, you will be You'll always be the hero.

3:42 And you don't know how at 18 that kid will turn out to be despite whatever that you have done for the kid. So, my advice is when you invest for your children, do not do it in their name. Do it in your name. Do not tell how much you're investing. Let them struggle a bit and this money which you have invested for them in your name can be a gift when they actually need it. At 18, they legally will own the money.

4:09 And you don't have a right on that. So, if they want to blow it up on a one holiday which you have saved 18 years for, you have no control over that money. And So, I say hard things, but I think it it is needed because we have this overly emotional thing about Indian families. And I don't know I don't know if that really works. Yeah, so keep the money in your name. >> Yeah, give it when the kid needs it. Let the kid struggle a bit. You You are taking away life skills if you don't allow them to struggle.