What Do Moms Want? - 7 Secrets to Her Happiness | Dad University

0:00 if you've watched some of my other videos you know that i teach that you aren't responsible for other people's feelings but for the purpose of this video i'm going to give you some information that will definitely impact her in a positive way we are talking about what moms want is it flowers is it chocolates is it jewelry well stick around till the end of the video and you will learn seven secrets to mom's happiness

0:31 if you are new here welcome i'm jason kreidman creator of the dad university program i help dads gain more confidence in their parenting learn effective discipline strategies and strengthen the connection with their families so what do moms want what i can tell you is that these seven secrets to her happiness are things that she may not tell you directly some women are good at communicating what they want and what they need but for many they may not know

1:01 how to say it they may not want to say it or they don't feel like they should have to say it let's get into it number one mom wants to feel supported this means that you are supportive of anything regarding the child or maybe she has something with work or just the decisions that she makes you know if she's in a situation with a child she wants to know that you will support her and be there for her she wants to feel

1:29 like both of you are on the same team if she is interacting with the child and you disagree with what's going on then just be quiet or walk away you don't have to show your lack of support in front of the child if something is really important and you want to discuss it with her then wait until the child is not around you have a right to disagree and communicate that but your child doesn't need to see

1:57 you not supporting mom it's not going to help in any way it's important that the child sees a united front because you better believe that if the child knows that there's not a united front the child will learn to manipulate one of the parents either way to work against each other number two mom wants you to help helping means taking care of the child doing laundry chores dishes uh errands anything that needs to be

2:28 done and if you are married to a stay-at-home mom then maybe she handles many of these things while you are at work then when you are home those responsibilities become 50 50. you know many men think they go off to work and because the mom's role is that of a homemaker or taking care of the children that when they get home that's still her role that's not how it works when you get home it's then 50 50

2:59 and you split that role now here's the key to the secret of mom wanting help she doesn't want to have to ask you for that help the help should be unsolicited so instead of asking her how you can help you make a statement that you're going to help for example maybe normally she makes dinner so you could say tonight you know what i'm gonna make dinner or i'll handle it don't worry about it or she may do the laundry and you say

3:25 you know what tonight i'm gonna do the laundry why don't you take a break offer some help in those areas in which you don't normally handle those things it's very very helpful and will be appreciated by her number three mom wants you to understand what she is going through this is really big with new moms but it can apply to any stage of motherhood while we've got our own things going on and lots happening so does she being a

3:54 mother is not easy you can provide some empathy and imagine yourself in her place imagine what it would be like to be in her role you know just as you want her to understand you and what you're going through she wants you to understand her and the things that she has to deal with from pregnancy to being a new mom there's so many hormonal physical and emotional changes that happen with her we actually have it pretty easy imagine

4:24 the things that they have to go through she wants you to understand what she is going through and you can do this by simply saying i understand what you're going through is a lot i'm here for you and to support you before we get to the next secret i wanted to let you know about my free webinar class six proven strategies to be a better father if you want to continue your dad education just check out the link below and sign

4:49 up for a time that works best for you all right let's get back to the secrets okay number four mom wants you to care this means caring about the child caring about her and caring about the family now you might actually really care but you might not be expressing it or showing it in a way that is meaningful to her that's the important part sure you care but are you showing it and expressing it she may be someone that likes to hear it

5:18 so you need to say things to affirm that you care or she might be someone that likes to see it so your actions matter you have to do things that show that you care we may say i don't care when she asks about something or is trying to make a decision and what we really might mean is hey whatever decision you make i'm cool with but instead say something like that you know hey whichever decision or whichever way you

5:45 want i will support you that's a lot better statement than simply saying i don't care she wants you to care number five mom wants you to listen unless she specifically asks for your advice don't offer it she doesn't want your advice she wants you to listen so if she comes to you with a problem don't try to solve it simply listen unless she specifically is saying hey i want your advice with this or hey

6:15 i'd really like to get your opinion just listen and don't offer advice here's a scenario you walk in the door you ask your wife how her day was and she says it was terrible uh you know our daughter threw a huge tantrum in the store and it was just i i got so worked up over this the incorrect response would be well i hope you took her out of the store immediately and explained to her how wrong she was

6:44 and how she can act like that that's not the advice that she asked for she simply was telling you a story the correct way to respond might be you know that sounds like it would be really terrible i'm sorry that you had to deal with that today that is an empathetic response showing that you listen unless she is specifically asking you advice don't give it to her just listen you don't have to solve everyone's problems acknowledge

7:14 whatever it is that she wants you to listen to and that's it again this is where empathy can be very helpful putting yourself in her place so that you can see it from her perspective you're not trying to solve a problem us men are always trying to solve everyone's problems with our amazing insight and our incredible solutions we don't have to have the solution to everything sometimes it is just listening and that's it number six mom wants to feel

7:42 appreciated let's be real who doesn't want to feel appreciated but being a mom is a thankless job providing her with genuine compliments of gratitude and appreciation will go a really long way i just wanted to say thank you for making dinner or you do so much for our family i really appreciate it where i saw you earlier with the kids you are so good with them these are genuine compliments and shows that you appreciate her think about appreciation for yourself

8:13 when you feel appreciated you are more likely to put forth that effort appreciation is a motivator it's a form of positive reinforcement we've talked about the power of positive reinforcement i'll put a link to one of the videos here so positive reinforcement allows us to see that behavior again and so showing that appreciation is important for mom that appreciation works both on children and adults when you show appreciation

8:44 it's the opposite of taking something or someone for granted so show her that appreciation number seven mom wants a break she wants a break from everything and everybody and rightfully so there's always somebody asking her what to do or how to do something she has so many different obligations that she'd like to take a break from those obligations every once in a while when you have kids it can be taxing physically and emotionally and her

9:16 desire to take a break doesn't mean that she doesn't love you or the kids it simply just means she needs a break when you have young children prior to them going into school or daycare you really don't have many breaks everyone needs a break whether you take the child somewhere by yourself or she goes somewhere by herself give her some time to be alone with no obligations give mom a break there's a popular book that we used to read to our kids called

9:44 five minutes piece and the story is the mom elephant and her three little kids and the mom she cannot get away from the kids in the house all she wants is a couple of minutes by herself of quiet and these kids are relentless and will not leave her alone and we used to just relate to that book the kids are always there especially when they're young it's tough being a mom but we love our wives the mothers of our

10:12 children let's do what we can to help them be happy now as i've always said we are not responsible for other people's feelings but in this case we can do what we can to try to help them be happy i would love to hear from you what do you do for mom to help her leave your feedback in the comments section below if you found this video helpful you don't want to miss what we have for you

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