Transcript
0:00 my name's dr. Vanessa Lapointe I'm a parenting educator registered psychologist and a mom to two growing boys and in the spirit of Valentine's Day I want to talk with you a little bit about love so often as parents we really want to make sure that our children have the experience of love from us and also find ourselves yearning for the experience of love back from our children and so then the question comes up how can we make sure that our
0:30 children feel our love and in turn that archers who love us back and so I'm gonna let you in on a couple of little secrets to allow you to walk that path alongside your own child with real power and real Gries now the first secret is you do not need your child to love you you see often times without even knowing it we enter into our experience as parents with this hope that in being able to
0:59 have a child we will get loved back the way that we've always wanted to be loved back in this unconditional kind of way and I got some news for you it's not gonna quite go that way in fact if you need your child to love you you're in trouble and not only are you in trouble but your child's also in trouble because now your child is going to carry the burden of that what I can tell you for sure is that you as a fully
1:25 grown adult need nothing from the outside world and certainly nothing from your child imagine if you could own that imagine if you didn't have that kind of a need coming into the parent-child relationship how much more powerfully present you could be for your child because you wouldn't be affected by their behaviors their reactions their responses or non responses that they had to you you would be able to just be powerfully present no matter what it was
1:56 that was going on for your child and so the number one secret around all of this you do not need your child to love you the number two thing around all of this is you cannot teach a child what love is rather you must give the child the extra Ariane's of being loved and so if you really want your child to know love if you really want your child to feel that love with you and then turn be able to
2:23 go forward and experience that love with others out in the world then you must gift your child the experience of being unconditionally loved by you which means that you have no expectations of them in terms of what they're going to shine back at you it means that when you're guiding behavior and other kinds of things that you're stepping in always with love and never with shame and it means that you bring a love based approach to parenting to bear
2:48 on all things to do with your children and the raising up of them from sunup to sundown and even well they sleep but it is love that infuses the air around them it is love that infuses everything that you bring as the grown-up to the parent-child relationship so in this season of love let there be love all around
Summary
- Parents often desire love from their children, which can create unhealthy dynamics.
- It is crucial for parents to recognize that they do not need their child's love to be effective caregivers.
- A parent's presence should not be influenced by a child's reactions or behaviors.
- Teaching love is less about instruction and more about providing experiences of unconditional love.
- Parents should approach their children's behavior with love rather than shame.
- A love-based approach should permeate all aspects of parenting.
- Creating an environment filled with love helps children learn to express love to others.