What Your Child Actually Needs When They're Upset

0:00 My dad was tough on us. He was a drill sergeant. There was no throwing clubs. There was no all those, you know, no attitude. So, I'm a freshman in high school and I'm playing in the state championship of golf, high school golf. And I'm in the final group. I'm leading the tournament and I get to the last hole with I'm a I'm a freshman and and a senior is I'm playing with and we're neck to neck for the state title. I have a 5-ft par to tie and go to a playoff. I proceed to miss the putt. Everybody was around the green watching and I was just totally embarrassed by how I acted and and what I did. I'll never forget the drive home. We I got in the car and pretty much silence all the way home and my dad just said to me, "Son, are you okay?"

0:45 And I just think like that's pretty much all he said. You know, he may have threw in a couple other things, but I'm getting a little emotional just cuz I I still remember that moment. And it was like I'm waiting for him to scold me. I think what I learned from that and that I try to take with me as a parent is after tough performances, just being like an anchor for them and not someone that's going to kick them down while they're already down.

1:07 >> Like I I think being just there [music] and saying very little is probably one of the most underutilized parenting strategies. [music] And the worst part of being on a hard emotional bench is actually just being alone. We we think it's the feelings, but it's actually that we're alone in the feelings. [music] When your dad said, "Are you okay?"