Jagriti66 - #4 Self Esteem - 3 feb 2026

0:00 Please type it in the chat window. You can you can take three 4 2 3 4. If you want to type multiple, you can keep on typing in the chat. Uh that's okay. Or you can do a comma b comma c comma. However, yeah, like how ama is doing type it in the chat window. You can. >> Yeah, I'm waiting for more people to have their nose read and come on to the video. That's why I've not started the presentation, right? I will hook on the presentation, but I won't I'm waiting. I'm waiting for more people with red noses come on the video. Come on. Come on. We had 24 of us and hardly any videos on.

0:50 Let's have more red noses. Come on, grab a sketch pen, a lipstick, uh any red color to color your nose red. And yeah once you have done that uh please go ahead and type in chat window adjectives that you use typically to define or to talk about yourself and use four five adjectives at least.

1:26 Um, yep. Please use the chat window to share the adjective you use typically to to talk about yourself when you are introducing or thinking about yourself as a person.

2:18 Mhm. Yeah. And as I said, you can you can go ahead if you have typed one or two, but you think ah no no I'm this one also. So add add more as in you can just go ahead and type more. Introvert, calm, humble, lazy, selective, adventurous, positive, happy, curious, radical, skeptical, explorer, patient, crazy, sincere, sweet, curious, bold, seeker, ambitious, impatient, well. So, I'm just reading playful, honest. I'm sure you are also curiously reading uh what others have written. Explorer, learner, honest, calm, friendly, introvert, optimist, curious, genuine.

3:08 Okay. Skeptical, lazy, logical, patient, authentic, true, honest. Okay. And as you are um as as you are reading uh you know other people what others have shared and what you have shared uh what thoughts are coming to your mind any any thoughts any observations while I'm just giving time for others to type people who have just joined in uh window adjectives that you use for yourself yeah and others you can come on mic So don't tell in mic uh sorry don't tell in chat what these adjectives are telling you. Someone Mike can share what these adjectives are are telling you or what what are the thoughts coming as you are seeing these adjectives right anybody anybody speaking Is anybody talking? I couldn't hear anybody. No thoughts coming.

4:53 I'm telling what we choose to tell. >> Sorry. Go ahead. I know. Yeah. >> You're saying you you we are telling what we choose to tell. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. More thoughts as you see these uh these adjectives in the chat window. What are these? What's the thought coming to your mind? This may be true for ourselves but maybe others might not think the same. >> Can you can you repeat? I couldn't really get you.

5:24 >> Yeah. These are the adjectives that we think for ourselves but might not be true or might others might not feel the same. >> Oh okay. Okay. Surely surely. Okay. Others might have a different view about us. Absolutely. I'm sitting with the thought that I the adjectives that I've written maybe the ones that I want others to see me as. >> Uh yeah. >> Okay. The adjectives I'm using is what I want others to to see me as. Mhm.

5:59 >> This is what we identify with. So like it's it's more or less the kind of uh maybe narratives and beliefs that we tell ourselves that we are and then >> we put our actions around it in in some ways sometimes not but >> I mean it's it's a kind of identity which we we tell ourselves that we what look okay I mean >> kind of identity okay anybody else any thoughts has everybody shared it would be it is important actually that all of us share so I'm hoping everybody has shared obviously I'm not checking anything but it's it's good for you if you share this >> right and also be good if you have your nose painted red I'll tell you later why it is interesting to have our nose painted red so if you don't have the nose painted red even now you can grab a pen ask somebody to get you a red sketch pen or a paint or a lipstick, anything which is red and just paint your nose red. Yeah, sorry, somebody was saying something I interrupted.

7:07 >> Yeah, I was saying that maybe these are the labels that we uh choose to use for ourselves and to defend our actions also sometimes >> that I am impulsive so that is why I did that. It happens with me a lot. So I speak up and then I say oh I'm impulsive that's why I couldn't control and you know I shouldn't have done that. Don't do that. Okay. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Okay. So, we rationalize our behavior using these. Okay. Anybody else?

7:36 >> So, yeah. The thought coming to my mind is that um it's not always uh this. I mean, sometimes I am I procrastinate, sometimes I don't. >> Sometimes I'm lazy, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes adventurous, sometimes I'm not. So, it's like it's not fixed. They they keep changing as per the situation. and um yeah. Yes. >> Okay. Okay. Uh I thought I will also um I will also introduce myself. So I I'm sharing I'm sharing only one adjective for now. I'm saying I'm a rascal.

8:23 Mhm. That's what I'm sharing. I'm sorry I'm not sharing it in chat. I have made a slide for it. I'm saying I'm a rascal. Mhm. And and I'm not stopping at that. I'm saying I am a rascal and I'm saying so are you. Yeah. I'm saying I am a rascal and so are you.

9:01 Yeah. What is your thought or what do you want to say about this? If you if you if you agree with me, you can say in the chat also agree. But if you disagree or something, yeah, please come, please come on the mic and let's u >> I would say that is your opinion about me but it doesn't it's not mine. >> Yeah. Yeah. I >> think of myself that Yes. Yes. Tipali.

9:35 I'm saying I'm a rascal and so are you and I can prove it. If you want, I can prove it and you will agree with me. So, it's not an opinion. >> But I I I feel like telling you so strongly that you speak for yourself. >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm speaking for myself and I'm also I know one secret and the secret is that I know you.

10:07 We all are rascal. I mean there's no way in which you can't be a rascal. You I mean >> I want to ask what is a stupid whatever is your definition that doesn't matter that just doesn't matter in this world right whatever is your definition of anything for that matter but right now we are dealing with rascal so dal I heard you say that any which way we are all rascal is that what you're saying? Yeah, I mean we are we are we can >> Okay, so I' I've got one person in my party who is also agreeing that we are all rascals including me.

10:42 >> What about others? Where are you? What are you thinking? >> You can't decide for me. >> I'm not deciding for you. I'm telling you you are. It's not. >> You can't do that. You're violating my space. >> Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm not violating your space. I'm telling you you are. And if you are having any doubt, I can prove it to you. >> I feel it doesn't matter to me what you think. >> Fair enough. Fair enough. You leave that. But I'm still saying it. I'm saying you are. And if you if you if you're not sure if you or even if you're sure you are not a rascal, I'm saying I can prove it right now live.

11:24 I think everyone has uh different characters and uh all the characters we can mention that uh you are rascal me are rascal or are rascal we are all true people we are all lovable people I think we all have same characters a slight uh variation of these characters obviously at different times I'm more rascal than you and sometimes you are more rascal than Absolutely. So me and Nesh and Daval are all rascals >> and everybody else is also a rascal.

11:59 >> I'm not for sure. Even if you prove it, I'm not. >> Okay. Tell me who whoever is saying you are not and why are you saying on our behalf and all of that? Are you feeling little hurt? violated >> huh violated hurt whatever >> why in such a small way I've already violated you a yo yo yo yo yo yo yo you y you I've already hurt you I've already bothered you I've already troubled you I have all the powers what are we doing what are we doing with ourselves you know in just few seconds I'm feeling violated blah blah blah blah blah Why? And also tell me that has it been ever whatever is your definition of rascal has it been ever that you have behaved in a rascali manner with anybody and if you say yes then you are a rascal kambat proven if you have behaved as a rascal and you may also behave like a rascal in future with anybody then by the definition you are a rascal I'm saying I am paka Dal is agreeing. It is agreeing. I don't know about others.

13:21 Some are thinking, some are saying, "What's coming up? We didn't bargain for this." Some are saying, "Oh, I'm being violated." You know, >> what's happening? Why are we uncomfortable with it? Unless you are saying, "I have never ever behaved with anybody in rascali manner." Whatever that word rascal means. But why should that limit my definition or feeling of who I am? Is what I'm saying?

13:54 >> No, no, no. Am I limiting you? No, no, no, no. I'm just telling you one little bit of you. I am unlimiting you. I I am not limiting you. You are limiting by saying I'm not a rascal. I'm just thinking Ratn again. What if I say like I'm thinking also from the child's perspective.

14:25 >> No, no, no, no. Don't go to child. Wait, wait, wait, wait. We not going to child. >> We are staying to staying with cell phone. >> Yeah, let's first deal with ourselves. We'll deal with the child later. Yar, what are we doing to ourselves? Let's first figure that out. Okay. So first of all, how many of you if you think you are you think you are a rascal just put yes I am a rascal or just put yes or r for rascal in the chat. I'll know at least these many people are yeah I see some sad chat messages saying I agree and um sometimes shad sometimes when I'm angry okay either Kupa or Javal are saying it makes us the same we hang happy on the same page yeah we have each quality okay more more more are coming is saying rascal wman whatever is your definition I am not the one to define anything you define for yourself whatever the word rascal mean then for that matter we can take any other word but right now let's stay with rascal okay anybody anybody any thoughts running you are saying why are you behind I'm telling you because I am telling you about you I'm not telling you about me I'm saying there is something in you which you are not okay with which you are pushing away and I'm inviting you to look at it why am I pushing away and what happened when I push away >> it's a discomfort it it's really discomforting >> it's discomforting why why is it discomforting >> because it is attached to a negative word it's >> yeah but have you behaved like that >> no I Never ever in your life have you behaved rascally whatever that rascally means to you judge myself >> sorry what is this >> why will I judge myself for that behavior okay rascal I mean that doesn't make me a rascal >> well that makes you a rascal if you have the ability to be a rascal which you have proven by being a rascal in the past that makes you a rascal Just as much as if you have the ability to be friendly, you say in your introduction, I am friendly person. But are you always friendly? No. No. So you are sometimes friendly as couple of pe two three people have already pointed out. So if you are sometimes friendly and you are ready to say I am friendly person and if you are sometimes rascal, you are ready to say I'm not a rascal.

17:08 How is that fair? I am only introducing you to yourself and I'm saying let's let's see am I am I one thing few things we wrote in the chat window somebody said let me read out randomly I'm reading out I'm shy I'm honest are you always honest somebody says optimist are you always optimist are you somebody's saying seeker ambitious are you always seeker and ambitious somebody's saying impatient are you always or are we sometimes this and sometimes that I'm sometimes organized and sometimes disorganized and I'm sometimes sincere and sometimes insincere. I'm sometimes bold and I'm sometimes weak and I'm sometimes calm and I'm sometimes ruffled up and I'm sometimes rascally and I'm sometimes not rascally. So what does all of this mean?

18:15 Let's take one more one more thought before we before we go on this. What does this all mean? Is that let's say let's say in a any place let's say at a restaurant something happens you you drop something or something something happens and somebody calls you a rascal. Hey rascal can't walk and can't see and work something like that somebody says how does that make you feel? Let's say you did something which can be within quotes called rascali and somebody calls you ras >> angry >> angry. Why?

18:51 >> Because we haven't done un intentionally. No. >> Yeah. But you were asking >> but he can't just but he can't just speak anything. >> You were rascalina. If he call you friendly then what will you say? >> But I I will apologize. But wait nam nilam if if you did something friendly and the person said ah what a friendly person then what will you say that's me that's me >> I not even commenting >> I mean >> actually we have assigned this word a bad feeling and from our own inner self we know that we are being rascal and if someone points out and we also feel the that we are being rascal and the person is also pointing it out. Then we feel that >> you realize everybody that somebody else saying something and you are feeling judged. You are feeling terrible, angry, upset. That means shamed. Come on. That means okay let me ask you this way. Why the if if at that moment suppose you were to say to yourself ah I am a rasca now do you feel judged ashamed shamed okay terrible horrible angry upset when suddenly you recognize that ah there's a little part of me which is a rascal just as there's a little part of me which is friendly and there's a little part of me which is bold and there's a little part of me which is organized and there's a little part of me which is disorgan organized and so on and so forth. Whichever adjective you want to take.

20:39 Now you realize you have given the power to others to hurt you, judge you, trouble you, make you angry, make you blah blah blah blah blah. By saying I'm not this while you are that >> but we are not choosing to do that, right? Like no something happened in the m everything happens in the moment only whatever has happened is it happened I'm saying if we are that then we are that aren't I organized as well as disorganized aren't I patient as well as impatient I mean aren't I loving as well as hating aren't I angry as well as calm aren't I sensitive as well as insensitive then why am I supposed to We when somebody calls me sensitive I'm very happy somebody calls me insensitive I'm very unhappy why both are me only >> it is a very expensive feeling as >> I am questioning that I'm questioning this list that we have caught and holding on to I'm saying ladies and gentlemen are you one image few images or infinite night images.

22:02 >> Actually from our childhood we are supposed to choose things we are supposed to organize things into good and bad and we have given some meanings towards life. Yes, when I was a little kid, I was supposed to be a good boy. >> And then when I go to a party, okay, or somebody's house, I was only supposed to eat one samosa because good boys eats only one samosa. But I wanted to eat two, three, four samosas. I would rather be a bad boy and get four samosa. Who cares about being a good boy and get just one samosa?

22:42 You see the problem? It's a big problem. I can't even have samosas that I like because I have to live up to some image called the good boy. >> I have a question rat that's coming up for me. >> Are you questioning yourself or questioning me? >> Myself also like in those situations when I have been like fine I'm this. you know what the other person is saying sometimes there is a sense of resentment also within right and then it turns into an indifference key >> yeah all of that will come all of that has come because we are holding on to we are holding on to some words as somebody said the good words or the bad words I don't know which words you are holding on to but are are we really that or we are none of that or all of that whichever way you want to look at Actually it hurts our ego.

23:42 >> Yeah. So you have an ego. What is an ego ma'am? >> Yeah. >> Just these set of adjectives you are holding on to. Right. It's like this guy who's holding on to the pillar and saying leave me leave me leave me. And people are saying man you you can just leave the pillar. He says no leave me leave me leave me. Yeah. >> Are we the are others holding us on or we are holding on to? If we are holding on to rascal then only we are hurt. If we are holding on to sensitive then only we are hurt. If somebody calls us insensitive >> but if we are not holding on to anything then there is nothing to feel hurt about.

24:25 >> Other others opinion matters a lot. >> Why? For us, for us >> why I'm asking you why >> conditioning no no no conditioning conditioning why question yourself don't throw it on conditioning okay you may have air conditioning at your home right keep that only no other conditioning required >> right nobody told you to be conditioned today you might have put air conditioner air conditioner whatever but nobody asked you to live out of conditioning >> you're a free person as well as I No, I am saying what do we want?

25:07 Do we want to hold on to something so strongly that anybody anybody can hurt us? Anybody can trouble us. You know that person told me rascal in the morning until whole day I am da da da >> and and and sometime and the funny thing is sometime that person itself himself or herself is a rascal >> we don't that that is immaterial the whole day I spoiled just because somebody said something to me while that person said something and walked away what >> what are we doing to ourselves You see, let me tell you a little story.

25:49 Yeah, I hope you like stories. U so there was this uh you know prince in a kingdom who um who who was of the marriageable age but he couldn't decide which girl to marry. So he went to his um you know um uh father the king and said father I can't decide which girl to marry. I being the prince of the kingdom. So the father said okay you know in a in a kingdomy way he said you know take an arrow shoot it wherever whichever house it falls that girl we will marry you off. Okay you know it's a king so he can say things like that. So the prince says okay dad he has to follow his dad's thing. So he takes a bow and arrow and shoots an arrow and it falls into a pond and so he marries a frog.

26:43 So he has to marry a frog because that was what was there in the pond you know. Anyways, the marriage ceremony happens you know uh the the the frog bride comes uh home and um he has to keep the word you know the whole world the whole kingdom knew that he is to this arrow meant to be what? So now uh as soon as he closes the door the frog turns into a into a beautiful lady and he's like he's like first of all surprised and then asatic and then amazed and then very happy you know wow you know finally I've got the kind of lady I wanted to you know he's like so happy and uh whatever whatever he's absolutely happy and finally They obviously get tired and they they are about to they they go to sleep as in as in the princess goes to sleep. But the prince is thinking you know what will happen when the doors will open and she will go out again tomorrow morning. She will turn back into a a frog right so and tomorrow morning there's this big ceremony you know postmarriage public ceremony and all that. So the the princess takes the froggy skin uh and throws it into the fire.

28:08 Okay. And then goes and snuggles up to her and sleeps. And next day in the morning when the prince wakes up, poof, there is no princess, neither the frog nor the lady. And there's a little note scribbled on the mirror saying, "If you can't accept my froggy part, you can't have my princess part.

28:42 Are we ready to accept the rascali in us? Are we ready to accept the insensitive in us? Are we ready to accept the stupid fool idiot in us or whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever as much as we want to accept the sensitive as much can we accept the insensitive are we ready to first of all accept ourselves as a whole as a complete being and what will that do to Yes or are we all the time or we all the time pushing away the froggy part. I don't want this. I don't want this. I don't want this. I don't want to be the bad. I want to be the good only. That's the image I want people to see. What image we want people to see? There are millions of images.

29:48 Which one are you? Am I? Who am I? Are you this or you that or are you everything? Yeah, somebody was saying but. But uh my mother, my father have always told me since I was a little child that what others think of me matters. And so I've been looking at myself from the eyes of others since my childhood. Now this has developed for so many years.

30:22 >> Yeah. So so good. So in fact if if you say others matter and others would have told you that you are sensitive and somebody else would have told you you're insensitive. Somebody else would have told you such a rascal person and such a somebody else would have told you sweet. Now please collect all of those jewels and and treasures and enjoy them. >> No, but I'm I'm because of all that I'm trying to build an image of myself. I'm not being insensitive. I'm being >> I'm being a good person in front of everyone.

30:53 >> Why? >> Because I was told >> because that is not you were told to that's okay. But why? Now today at 8:34 decide what do you want? Do you want the whole of you or do you want the sum of you? It's like you know when I have these images I'm like running behind them. I'm trying to look smart. I'm trying to look beautiful. I'm trying to look intelligent. It's like catching a bus but I'm never really able to totally catch it. I'm all the time running.

31:25 >> Yes. Yes. I have that feeling. I I I have that feeling >> trying to be something that either I want or people want or I don't want or people don't want or whatever whatever whatever. Let me tell you one analogy that somebody shared with me and it made a deep impact on at least on me. The analogy is very simple. You know when you when you go to a river you see a river what do you see? When you go to a river what do you see?

31:52 Well, the river the water >> water the water that is flowing, right? >> Yes. >> Yeah. So you see water and the water is flowing and what you say? Ah river what a lovely river right? You see? Yeah. >> And then after a few moments, you still call it a river. But the water that you saw has flown away, >> but you're still calling it river. And now there is new water. And you still calling it river. And after 5 minutes, 5 days, 50 days, 5 years, the water is no more the same. But you still call it river.

32:37 You see, I can be one moment rascally and one moment intelligent and one moment downright idiotic and one moment whatever angry or one moment whatever because I am a river. I'm flowing all the time. Then who am I? Which water is that river? Tell me which which which one? Which which water was that river >> flowing?

33:15 >> Not one but many >> or the flowing itself is the river isn't it? Are you a flowing person? >> But what will happen if I just be myself? >> Who is this myself? Who is this myself? >> It keeps on changing. It keeps on changing. >> You are a river. >> What about the people near and dear me? Will they accept it? Like >> we will leave myself first. First dear, I have to accept myself then I will think about what people will think about me. No, I haven't even accepted myself.

33:54 Where will I work on people accepting me? First I have to accept myself for I have to recognize this river flowing in me all the time. >> And what if the words that I'm hearing about myself is like you are not a good mother or maybe a daughter-in-law. >> You are not a good mother. Absolutely. >> You are not a good mother. >> You're not a bad mother also. >> X Y Z. So these things are really you know affecting us at deeper level.

34:22 >> Think about it. Why are they affecting you? Why is each why isn't each one of them be like ah today's prasadam is good mother tomorrow's prasadam is bad mother 30 prasadam is good mother-in-law each one is a beautiful prasadam why aren't we accepting the froggy part and the princess part in us and at the same time the surprising part is what just clicked in my mind is when we are not getting reacted or We are not giving them any reaction. At the same time, we are taking that power back from them. This is also we are aware but we are not able to no no there is no power in them. There is only power in you.

35:08 Right? When somebody is calling you, you are a stupid mother. Okay. What is that person doing? What is that person doing? What is that person doing? >> Judging me. >> No, no, no, no. >> Using one of his or her beliefs about what's >> No, no, no, no, no, no. What is that person doing? >> Pushing me. >> Pushing me. >> No, no, no, no, no. What is that person doing?

35:40 >> Blaming. >> No, no, no, no. >> You are a rascal. Same as somebody else. None of this there only. >> Maybe at that moment I'm not a good mother. So he's pointing out no getting his work done. >> No no no no. He or she is expressing >> showing one image out of infinite. >> No no no no no. That person is expressing a feeling session that IF I SAY OH WHY YOU DO THIS YOU ARE SUCH A RASCAL. What am I doing? I'm expressing my feeling. And what can you do? You say ah RN you look angry. Person is only sharing the feelings. We thought that person is judging us. Oh you. Who is doing this judgment business? We are only doing judgments business. Who is saying this is good or bad? We are only saying good and bad. Who is saying I have to feel terrible? You are only deciding to feel terrible. If you feel like feeling terrible, please feel. You are free to feel.

36:44 But the moment I accept myself as the rascal also as the bad mother also as the stupid daughter-in-law also as the great this also and a great that also not only I am able to accept myself I'm also able to understand the other person I'm able to acknowledge their feelings ah oh this disappointed you okay see somebody calling you a bad whatever data-in-law or bad mother or bad this or idiot fool whatever they must be having an expectation They got disappointed.

37:16 Disappointment they express with a nice mud on your face. We can acknowledge them. We can say you are disappointed or you're feeling this or you're feeling that. But all of that can happen when I realize who am I? So who am I? Who are you?

37:50 Yeah. Yeah. So all a lot of people are saying this happened that happened society this that this that okay done with now Jagriti. Now wake up and say am I everything? Not just the 10 heads of Rahana but the 10 million heads of me. And if I am all the thing, if I am a river constantly flowing, changing, evolving all the time, then just flow. One moment this and one moment that and then one moment again something else and then one moment something else.

38:30 Then who are you? I am everything or nothing. Whichever way either ways it means the same thing when you say I am everything or you say I am nothing. Then are you a personality? Are you a nature? I do you have a nature? I am by nature like this. Have you heard anybody say like this? Which nature are they talking about? Then somebody says this is my personality. I said really were you born with it? Let's check your three-year-old records or 13y old records. Come on.

39:09 What are we doing with ourselves? We have to really think about. And then we talk about self-esteem. Have you heard about this word? And then they say you should have high self-esteem. Are you Rama? Now another label, another image. Now I have to live up to have high self-esteem. Anybody here who has high self-esteem? And what happens when you feel low self-esteem? What where does your high self-esteem goes there? puncher.

39:39 Absolutely. The worst and the most crappiest concept I can think of is self-esteem. Why should I have a self-esteem? I don't even need self-esteem. I don't even need a self because I am no self. I am all the time changing. Then I'm no self. Then I can enjoy, relish, or even get angry with whatever I was for a moment. And then I can move ahead. And I can move ahead and I can move ahead. So what about self-esteem? In a way there is no nothing called as self-esteem. The moment I hold that even this thought that I have a self-esteem is an image.

40:16 Now somebody comes along and says the way you behave now looks like you have no self-esteem. Now whole day, whole night I'm sitting thinking my goodness why did that person tell me like that? So, do you want self-esteem or you want freedom? Which one you choose? You want something like self-esteem? Well, you please have it. High, low, something, something. I don't know what is self-esteem, but I can see my river flowing.

40:59 Yeah, your thoughts, your questions. You please, please argue with me if you feel like arguing. If if this is not sitting in with your way of thinking, looking, growing up, whatever, whatever. >> Yeah, we please go ahead. Yeah. What I have seen like for me is like okay if someone else telling me that you are behaving like this or that it's much easier to shut them off but when that voice comes from within that >> for my child or not uniform like from my own like I'm not doing enough for my child or >> I am like this >> I am like this so that that's the worst judge the worst judge is ourselves and why judge Okay.

41:58 >> So, but that doesn't come under self-esteem, right? That is not our self-esteem kicking in and telling us uh that we we are all all of our negatives are not coming out because of that. So, how do we uh put that thought down? >> You don't have to thought there is no there is no need to put any thought down. If at that moment you did something just accept it, move ahead. That's part of you. Where is this? That is what I'm saying. The biggest critique is ourselves and then the other people. But there's no need. The need is only when we are holding on to something. Then we have to rationalize, prove it or run for it or or let's say wear clothes to make me look like somebody. That's why the red noses.

42:51 >> Yeah. Can we go to office like that tomorrow? Can we go to a supermarket like this? Or are we are we something else? Are we have to be seen like this or seen like that. So yes, I I am totally with you. I in fact I'm saying forget the critique outside or forget the labels that the people throw from outside. The biggest critique is inside us and let's see what we have been doing to ourselves. Why?

43:28 When we when if you look for a moment if you look for a moment inside you you have everything inside you. Every single adjective that is out there is there or whatever image. Sorry, somebody else was also speaking when Vibbuti started. >> Uh I was saying that sometimes also I feel you need to speak up for yourself. You need to >> So that's the action.

44:00 >> Something. >> So do that. If you think you need to do something, please go ahead and do that. But please don't do it to to satisfy or to feed the monster. You remember the monster of the first session? What did the monster say? The monster says, "I don't know what I'm going to do with you. It's your dream." We are only dreaming it up. We have only made these beliefs or images, whatever you call them. They're all the same. We have only made that this is how I should be. And the worst part is we pass it on. Now we tell our children you should be smart, you should be caring, you should be greedy. No, no. What do we say that you should be greedy?

44:48 No, we don't say that. You see, we are saying suddenly you should be a box of virtues which are like medals so that I can be called as a good parent or even if I don't want to be called a good parent. What is this box of virtues? You know anybody who does not have the other half the froggy part and then we are constantly struggling and then we are giving the same load to our child the same burden of images to live up to rather than just be a free soul constantly flowing evolving changing whatever words you want to give.

45:30 What do you want to give to yourself? The same gift you will give to your child. What do you say? >> Then why it is so difficult for us to accept both the part it like even for ours? >> It is not difficult. It's group of very easy. You can decide it right now and from right now onwards you are just free. It's not difficult. Who says it's difficult?

46:03 It actually feels like it's difficult. >> See the problem is we tend to divide things in terms of easy and difficult. Okay, I'm even questioning that. Why do you divide things in terms of easy or difficult even the let's divide the things in terms of what do I want and what do I don't want. What do I want could be difficult? I wanted to do paragliding, rock climbing, you know, trekking to the highest peaks. They were all very difficult. But I wanted it, isn't it? So want I having a child is a want, but it's such a difficult want, right?

46:44 So let's not go by difficult or easy. Let's go by what do I want? If you want to be all the images which you are, if you want to just accept yourself, you will accept it. Then it's not about easy or difficult. If it takes time, it takes time. If it is, if you have to work on it, you will work on it. If you have to step into the ping zone, you will step into the ping zone. How does that matter? Because you want it.

47:13 So, it's not about easy difficult. I'm not here to make things easy or difficult for anybody. I'm here to only ask you what do you want? Do you want to catch some images and hold on to and cling on to and cling on to and cling on to them or do you want to be free and say I am a flowing river. Whichever you want, you want. I am not the one to decide for you. But you have to decide because whatever you decide percolates down to your child. That's the language we speak. That's the way we behave. That's the way we come across.

47:52 That's the same images we put on to our children. That's why the children can also somebody shared in the group also questioning his grandfather only. My grandfather only does like this then why can't I do like that? Exactly. If we say you have to be honest, do we want our children to be honest? Then and then we we know that at times we are only dishonest. We give all kinds of excuses. We do all kinds of things which are not really called honest and then we say no no that is a vital lie and we come up with new terms to rationalize ourselves. Oh and then again my problem is not what we do with ourselves only. We we end up doing it with then with the others.

48:44 So what gifts are we giving to our children? Don't be fearful, right? Or you why not? Tell me who is not fearful of something or the other. Why do we even want to cleanse them of all their fears as if fear is a bad emotion? Resn. >> Yes. There is this butt coming up. Um, something follows the butt. But if I ask that question, you'll give me an answer.

49:19 Another butt will come up. >> Sure. >> So, what I struggle with is the curse of the butt. >> You have to figure it out. You have to talk this through. You have to think this through. I can only show you the window. You have to figure it out. What is it that you want? Which are your butts? How do you resolve? The good thing is you have a lovely group here. Use this group, right? Say, let's do a call on whatever today's what day, Tuesday. Let's do a call on Thursday. Let's let's talk this out. Let's thaw this out. Let's think this through.

49:56 Let's clear all the butts that we have. That is if you want it, obviously. Actually we are living in a society and uh if society says this is white I'm just taking an example so we have to call it white >> we not living in any society >> uh we are not living in any society the only society you live in is within your head that's your society but >> no No, no, no. There's no other society.

50:36 Please, please don't be fooled by anybody thinking anything else. When somebody comes across and says something to you, the other person is not belitting you. You are belitting yourself. Once you realize this, then there is nobody to tell you down. There's nobody to pull you up. There's nobody who can put you on pedestal. They can only nobody who can throw you into the garbage. Then there is no society. Yes, there are people who we are living in. It's an interdependent uh world. I'm not denying that part. But there is no society. It's all in our minds.

51:09 The good boy is in our mind. The samosas are also in our mind. But if I'll float a question in this group that uh uh being fat is good or bad. Okay. So in my opinion 99% of person will say being fat is bad. Okay. And suppose I am fat. >> Mhm. >> Okay. And I know I'm fat. >> Mhm. >> And I know it's bad because I accept the opinion of this this group. Okay. Don't call it just call it a group. Okay. So 99% says bad being bad is bad or being fat is bad. And I accepted it because I'm part of this group and whatever 99% people are saying I accepted it. And I am fat though I am not but I suppose I'm fat and I know.

51:58 >> No no no. That's why you are doing a hypothetical example. Don't do a hypothetical one. Do a real one. The one that troubles you, the one that bothers you. Think that one through. Right? It's very easy to talk about hypothetical examples. Take up the ones that hurt you most. That's why I started with Rascal. I could have started with something softer, milder, right? I was violating people's personal spaces. >> Okay. Yeah. Okay. It's okay. Being poor.

52:24 >> Let's No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. I'm what I'm trying to say is yes you have to think this through that do you even want this argument yes whatever 99% people think they can think but you know it's part of me and you know it's part of everybody yeah and even if you don't think it's part of everybody if it's part of you it's part of you if you can accept yourself then see what it does to you so I would say do it more like an play like the game say if I accept all of me the froggy as well as the princess part then what it does to me first see what it does to you then think about doing it with children don't straight away start giving the gan to children but let's first see what it does to me what it what do I want do I want to accept every part of me or do I have to prove something to somebody.

53:31 >> Yes. In my opinion, we are in a race to prove uh >> No, no. >> Then please keep running. There enough buses to catch. I have no problem with that. >> But it doesn't uh let us uh at peace or >> stop running. The choice to catch a bus is yours. The bus isn't sitting behind. If you think that this will make you feel behind then please run and if you think that there is no behinder and there is no forwarder.

54:07 No, but let's say if you are not let's say if you don't accept your of whatever part of yours I mean eventually you're ignoring no I mean it's it's just it it does like if I don't say that I'm not a rascal doesn't mean I'm I'm eliminating rascal in me it is it is anyway going to be there it's it's I mean >> yeah yeah but the problem is >> yeah the problem is not in it being there the problem is the problem it starts creating in any and many different ways the problem that this this me not accepting the rascal part starts creating in me when somebody tends to or somebody else does it or near India does it or I myself does it the problem is what it creates in myself it kind of cages me it cages me from neither doing things I I'll give you a very cute example a very very cute example which happened in Jagriti one of the initial batches okay there was this lady who said, "Rath, I am not confident." I said, "Are you sure?" She said, "Yes, I'm sure I'm not confident person." I said, "Are you very sure?" She said, "Yes, I'm very sure I'm not a confident." I said, "Are you very, very, very, very sure that you're not a confident." She said, "I says I'm very, very, very, very sure that you know by the time the whole group was laughing because she was so confident about being not confident."

55:29 >> Yeah. You think we we we end up into these cages which we have built for ourselves and then we start living out of those cages and then we are limiting ourselves and then we are limiting our children in much the same way. >> The problem doesn't end with us. If it was to end with us okay why would I do this here? Absolutely. In fact the problem starts with us and we let it go. We are giving that inheritance to our children. Now they are also trying to be all the time. Why? Why? Why don't you want to go there? No, because I will not look smart there or people will think that I am a such a timid person or I am such a shy person or I am such a this person. So these images starts playing all kinds of games for all kinds of things. This is the functional limitation but they can be much much bigger limitation.

56:24 So I am only limiting myself by holding on to something either holding it away or holding it too close. You know just one person in this very batch on a DM told me no I can't post this because what will people think of me how bad I can be. I'm sure she's there in the call. But what I'm saying is again we are the ones limiting by saying I cannot be bad. Cannot be seen bad. I am inviting you to be seen bad because we are bad as well as good.

57:07 >> Yeah, we are. >> I think most of us accept that we have qualities which are not positive and uh we are okay with that. But it's just that we we sometimes don't want to showcase that outside and even with respect to our children we know that all qualities can't all or cannot be positive or negative and we just is don't you think it's okay just to allow us children to accept that rather than uh you know u bring in the concept of if suppose a child is not feeling good about certain aspects of their personality to accept but also boost their uh esteem.

57:47 and make them feel better about it. >> You decide. >> Sometimes what happens? >> Wait, wait, wait. Let me just just respond to that if you if you're okay. Uh please little more think through this. Yes, at a convenience level it looks like that way. But what are we what are we leading the child to right? We are saying that yes in I can do a temporary self-esteem boost or a temporary this way boost by saying I am this I need not be that way but we are not here we are not talking about physical abilities right somebody can be a good cricketer and somebody can be a bad cricketer we are not talking about being a being the physical abilities or the you know let's say >> correct >> professional ability we are talking about the images that we are holding on to now what we are saying is what are these image is doing to us. These are like beliefs. They're only limiting us.

58:43 And if we are saying I I'm not saying if a child comes to me says uncle, I'm shy. I don't want to go there. I will say no no better. You are not shy. You can go there. No, no, no. I'm I'm not coming from a corrective stance. But first of all, am I forget the child. What is the message I am giving to the child that you should not be shy? Okay, you should be like this. You should be like that.

59:08 Why? Because I think that the shai is something not okay, right? Because that is not some. So I am >> I'm not I'm not saying that. >> Yeah. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. I'm I'm coming to So it is not at just at the at the at the simple level of me saying shy. This comes in if I am clinging on to some images. If I still give value to some images and purposefully don't give meaning I'm against certain things then what happens is willy it seeps us through. I agree >> and that in a way is creating a whole stress both inside me not a stress of a functional kind but a deep-seated thing that okay I cannot be this I have to be like this I have to be like this which is again a gift that we are giving to our children the question is do we want to which is why so I'm very much clear let's not even bring children in this session discussion right first we have to think this through for ourself myself experience it ourself. See does it make sense what it makes sense to say that I am free of all of this that I can just be me at that moment and then I will be another me at the next moment and I'm absolutely in sync with what I am at every moment. I don't have to live an image of let's say not being an angry person or being a calm person or whatever. when what does that do to me right and if and which is my invitation to all please don't take it as a theory thing and then say okay now onwards we will do like this no no no no let's experience it first for ourself see the moment I said ras girl people were fluttered right and I'm saying again why that feeling even came in me why did I feel invalidated why did I feel judged who judges us I was Nobody judges us. We are the one.

61:08 >> Even when you said sorry, I'm sorry. >> Sure. Sure. >> I said even when you said that that you know you are a rascal, I said it doesn't affect me because you know it's it's it's something that I have to accept or reject about myself. Right. So I am also >> Yeah. Yeah. But maybe this word doesn't. But if there is some other word that does, it's the same thing. I'm not Jascal was just as an example. Okay. So if rascal does not affect you, maybe that is not a word even in your vocabulary, right? Maybe some other word does you. Then think about that word.

61:40 Why are you living in that cage? And what will happen to you? Forget the children. What will happen to you when you are free of that? Like my second favorite after self-esteem, my second favorite is self-confidence. >> Anybody here who wants to be confident? Oh, come on.

62:11 I that as a word to describe myself time for a break. >> Time for a break. Yes, Amita. So I will Thanks. Thanks. Thanks so much. So let's go with a break. Just thinking about who really benefits from these images. You know who? People who sell fair and lovely. People who sell things, they are the ones who really really benefit from it. They make money out of it. They say we will make you a perfect man or a perfect woman. But right now, let's have a perfect break. Yeah. So, let's take a break. Yeah. It's 9:6. Let's be back at 9:12. But let's stay with our red noses.

72:57 Okay. Are we all back? Kind of tough. Yeah. To come back on the video or give me a little B on the on the chat so I know you are back.

73:30 Let me share one one or two maybe small stories. Uh okay let me start with one of them is that um uh uh you know a child came and complained to a teacher that these children are calling me Dumbo Dumbo. Okay. Um so the the child's name was Vin and the child came to the teacher and said these children are calling me Dumbo Dumbo and whatever whatever. So the mother said to looking at uh Wes he said uh Siddhart tell me when they were calling you Dumbo. So he said ma'am my name is not Siddhart my name is Vinn.

74:13 She said yeah yeah Sedat when were they calling you Dumbo? So obviously she said it two three times and then he kept on saying but ma'am my name is not Sedat my name is V. So she said exactly when when I call you Sedat you don't accept it. So when they call you dumb it is up to you to accept it or reject it. Yeah. It's not that because this is something you become something.

74:46 Yeah. the the the the other aspect of this is if we already hold let's say Dumbo so strongly um that we have to be smart or we have to be intelligent or we have to be not shy confident or whatever know uh then it's then it's difficult to see through all of this. It is the importance that we are placing on the one which makes us difficult to see the other one. forget accepting the other one and then it starts meddling with us.

75:31 So my invitation is not uh we can keep on discussing this. In fact my invitation is as a group please get together and discuss it again and again and again if if you think it warrants more discussion if that would help you clarify this or think through this. But I'm very clear this needs to be thought through right at the first level at a at a at a level it looks like oh oh my goodness okay kind of a thing but we need to think this through if you want to obviously um but it has to begin with me forget the children for for some time let's see what it does to us Right.

76:19 It's the it's it's the same with uh with with confidence. You know, it's such a such a funny thing that we have almost everything that we have learned. You and me, we have learned by not being confident in that. Correct? Whether it was cycling, whether it was writing, whether it was talking, we were not whether it was having a baby, you know, we were so not confident.

76:50 So everything that we have learned is by being not confident in that, which means not being confident should be the most important virtue of being a learner. And still we are so much in favor of s something as silly as being confident. You know one moment I do something and in fact I have a little little cartoon a small cartoon. Okay I I I like to play this self-confidence and self-esteem games together. So think who is feeling confident and whose self-esteem is being questioned in this situation. I'm sure we have also been in this.

77:34 Yeah. One moment the the mo the moment I have a doubt my confidence goes you know down and the moment I don't have any doubt my confidence can go up. If confident is such a shaky thing which moves up and down even more than the stock market then why I don't even bother about it. Now when we bother about it then people think you I'm not able to do it. Why? I'm not confident.

78:05 I said exactly precisely because you are not confident you should do it. If you were already confident about it what's the big deal in doing it. So what what I'm also trying to say is that hey these these words have been or rather these concepts have been given to us in a certain way. In fact, if you Google, you know, uh, self-esteem, it will only tell you how to improve self-esteem, right? Not diffuse the whole idea of self-esteem.

78:36 All right? Now, that's funny because as I said, that's how the whole thing is. Now, if you want to believe, if you want to go ahead with that, there's absolutely no problem with that. But if you want to see it in a different way, then you have to explore it. You have to think through it on your on yourself first. Shall we move ahead a little and see uh a little more or you somebody has a has wants to ask a question and want more discussion because I was thinking we had some discussion. I'm not saying we had enough. I want to move ahead. do cover a few more simple points and um yeah you can have discussions in the WhatsApp groups in more calls however you want to what does the group feel as well was saying I have so many butts that's good news wellwan that's awesome well that means I will explore each one of Yeah.

79:56 Uh so uh one thing that I found challenging is um in a setting like this where we are dis where we are discussing uh where we are in a mode of reflection uh it's relatively easy to follow what you're sharing but when we are in the middle of things when you know when we are full on when reality hits us hard then it goes for a task.

80:28 >> Yeah. Yeah. Surely again if you go on the easy difficult you know scale I don't know where it falls and it can be easy it can be difficult whichever way but but again what is important is hey what do I want? Do I want to question this? Do I want to challenge this this this thing or do I want to or don't want to? That's totally up to us. Yeah, but you'll have to do it to come out of it if you want to, right? Talk it to your neighbor, talk it to your friends, talk it to your colleagues, talk it to anybody or just think this through in your own mind or just say to yourself, ah, I am everything.

81:07 That's it. And whenever a feeling whenever image will crop up, let it crop up. That day you are, you are imagyy also. That's also okay. That's also, you know, having no image is can also be an image. Hey, I'm a person with no image, man. And that also is an image. No. So, we don't have to again, we don't have to be perfect even in that sense.

81:40 >> Okay, let me let me move ahead. uh as I said we can we will come back to we we'll not necessarily come back to this in this session uh but we would um we would see how we can we can think this through. Yeah. Um also also one one one important thing one important thing the uh well when and anybody else who has this dilemma how do I how do I you know think this through how do I start doing this practically right I will tell you the best person to help you with this is your child when children are young they have no images they don't give a damn about anything who thinks how many samosas they are having or whatever whatever right they are the ones to learn from I keep saying please learn from your children we are not their gurus they are our gurus they live an image-free life and va what a life they live and then you will bring no no but there is society and there is this there this also in the society yeah so see how you want to go about it so that's that's that's a very good source which can help you.

82:57 >> Okay. Um let's little move ahead. Okay. Um let me take one one little uh kind of an analogy. Yeah. Let us say let us say you have been told uh that there is uh gold buried in your backyard. And let's say you have been told from a very uh reliable source, very very reliable source that you have gold buried in your backyard. And imagine that you have a backyard. If let's say don't think that I'm staying in an apartment and all that. Let's imagine for now that you have a backyard and there is gold buried in the backyard.

83:43 Now if you come to know that you have gold buried in the backyard, what will you do? >> Yeah. What will you do? There is gold buried in your backyard. What will you do? >> I'll start digging and exploring there. Very simple. >> Okay. So, you will start digging. And why will you start digging? >> Because I got this information that it might be there. It's valuable. So, I'll just go ahead and try it once.

84:15 >> Okay. So, it's it's valuable. That's why you are digging it, right? >> Yes. >> Okay. Others, anybody else here who would like to dig? Harini is saying we will take it. Yeah, but it's not like on the surface. It's it's buried. So you'll have to dig. Harini >> probably let it stay there because you would end up putting it in the bank or government would take it. So let it stay there. >> Yeah, that that's up to you. Okay, fair enough. You don't want to take it.

84:42 Others do you want to want to dig for the gold? Do you want to go ahead and dig? Okay. Amita will dig. Anybody else digging for the gold? Okay. Yeah. Few more people. Yeah, I dig. >> Yeah. And why are we >> And why are we digging? Because there is gold, right? Yeah. >> Dig and give it saying I'll dig when no one's around. Why do you have an image that can't be seen with lot of gold?

85:07 Again, see the images come up everywhere, right? Anywhere and okay. Give it. Yeah. Dig and do whatever you will give it to charity. That's totally up to you. Okay. So when you start digging you will initially dig up lot of mud right mud and stones kind of a thing. What will you do with that mud and stone that you are digging up? >> Yeah people can come on mic let uh I'm not all the time looking at the chat.

85:37 I'm more interested in looking at the faces >> while it in a heap on the side. >> Okay. And why will you put it on one side? >> To make way >> to dig further. to dig further. Okay. Is it because you don't need that right now? >> Yeah, that too. >> Okay. Okay. And and you're focused on something else. >> Correct. >> And then as you dig more, you will get more stuff. Maybe some yucky mucky stuff, some stinky stuff, some horribly terribly looking stuff. What will you do with all of that?

86:15 >> Discard it. >> Discard it. And why are you discarding it? Why you keeping it aside? Yeah. Remember you have been told there is gold there. >> You're searching for gold. >> We are searching for gold and we feel this is not valuable what we are coming across. >> Yes. Yes. So you are searching for gold. Until when will you keep digging?

86:50 till you find the gold. Of course, >> that's it. You've answered all my questions. Thank you. Now, let's go ahead and do that. Let's dig for God. Simple. Is there go in everybody? Is there gold in every child? Let's stick for it. You know in in my uh what about now how many about 25 years of working with childrens and parents 98% parents come to me with a problem with that sticky something sticky yucky mucky thing my child doesn't do this my child do this my child watches too much this my child everybody is carrying some yucky mucky thing about the child where is the goal and I say okay yeah your child doesn't do this and your child and do this but tell me where is the gold I'm interested in the gold are you or are we too caught up with setting fixing cleaning that we forget the whole gold only in the whole process we are so busy fixing up everything even the mud and the muck that will come along it needs to be fixed because we need to have a princess Really?

88:19 >> But we see the gold. We just want to shine it and make it brighter. >> Yeah. Then just focus on the gold and why everything else has to be like the D, you know, the princess. I I wish so everybody was just focusing on the goal. When people come to us and say okay what will you do with the chat I'll say I will only focus on the goal there are so many other things if you start looking into me there is so much muck and mud in me what will I do with others forget others I can't even then see myself but we are so we get caught up with the smallest of the thing oh god the list goes on and then we get caught up with that shy hair, overconfident hair, you know, I don't know.

89:23 I I'm I'm I'm I'm questioning it. I'm not mocking it. Please don't take it like that. Okay, I was also like that only. So, I can't be mocking it, right? I'm just questioning it. I'm just putting a p simp simple perspective forward that hey if you really think and the same source is very reliable there is definitely gold inside each one of us we need to dig for it we need to work towards it but for that we need to put away all the mud and the muck and the stones and the rocks and everything else aside.

90:02 So what is actually gold for us? Because the definition of gold also >> that's between you and your child. How can I define what is gold for you? >> Because a lot of thing like we we might think that okay this we are able to find in the child this may be silver this may be copper this may be something but >> okay. So you have to decide you have to decide what is what is it but the first thing that is not okay we start fixing that I'm telling you 95% of the parents come to me for the whole thing of fixing something right do you sharpen in in your vibi in your kitchen you have knives right and do you which which edge do you sharpen the knife the sharp edge or the blunt edge sharp edge why don't you sharpen the blunt Right? When when the child is on the seventh rung of the ladder, why do we want to sharpen the seventh to 10th rank?

91:10 What is the need somewhere? It's all tied up to the images because we we are we we someway have these images and the images of the other kind also. We have fearful images also.

92:00 Yep. Any thoughts? >> Let's say we are not focusing on fixing the child. We want to dig the gold. >> Mhm. Now the confusion is when to dig for gold and when to wait for the gold to appear. >> Yeah. Yeah. I don't necessarily mean you have to dig as in dig.

92:31 >> Yeah. I mean d analogy. Yes. >> Yeah. Dig in the sense uh I personally can't identify boundary like when to empower the child. Say he has started interest in some xyz sport. Should I empower him, nudge him more or you know after one month he loses the interest again? >> Okay. Okay. We are going on to abilities. We'll talk about that. We have a chap we have a session called potential. We will talk about that. We will make your child reach his fullest potentials. Don't worry. Right? We'll come to that. Right now it is not in the realm of uh abilities and which domain and which interest. We are not yet there. We we are still with the in the whole realm of images.

93:20 >> Yeah. >> Yeah. And that was just a example. Yeah. >> But that's where confusion arises from >> okay I will give you an example. Let's say you are uh you are in a lift let's say okay and with your child let's say okay I will actually this this really happened to me. So let me share my situation. I was with my daughter. She must have been about two, two and a half, three, I don't really remember.

93:45 Okay. In a in an apartment lift. Somebody got in the lift with us in the ground floor. Uh you know, and then uh the the person said, "Hey, hello. Hi, Ba." You know, kind of uh what's your name? What's your name? Like like this is how most people address. So my daughter kind of uh you know instead of replying to him came between me and the lift wall behind as in she herself behind me and the and between the wall of the lift. So he looked at me and he says ah shy child.

94:20 Yeah. So if you were in my place what would you do? >> I would just say that he is not comfortable right now to connect with you. Yeah, that is you saying others what would you say or what would you think and not just that the moment later on afternoon evening next day with your spouse you know what's the thought running in your mind?

94:53 >> Why does it take so much time to interact? >> There you go. Yeah. Others just just think what would you share if you want share so that it'll it will be interesting for us. >> What would be you can you can share it in chat whatever will be your response.

95:24 Again the idea is not that the response will be good or bad or right or wrong. Again our response is only telling us from where are we coming from. >> Exactly. I mean I think it is uh and I think probably in the initial days it took me some time to grapple with uh the different personalities of my children and how they would react to uh people guess. But uh you know over time I realized that I just have to give them the space when they want to talk they do talk. So you can't force them and hence when somebody does come I do ask them to say hello but I don't it's not something we give undue importance to.

96:07 That's my >> Sure. Sure. But at that moment what would you do? >> I would just I would just ignore it. I would not comment on it. >> Mhm. >> Okay. And later on will you do something? Will you say something to the child? Will you have a talk or what? What? What would you >> I think I've passed that stage. I think >> it doesn't matter. Just imagine you are with a 2 and a half year old. Doesn't need to be your child. Can be any child, right? It it's not you're never passed a stage in that sense. It could be an adult. Forget a child. Why does it have to be only with a child? Right?

96:47 So and I'm not just asking you so I'm asking everybody what what would you do what would you say how would you look at it >> maybe in that moment I'll just give a smile to that person but later on back of the mind I will keep the track of the nature of my child >> is it true >> is he or she is really shy kind of a child >> but Priyanka are you shy >> no not really shy Never.

97:16 >> Not really. >> But I'm introvert. Not never. >> Hello. >> Sometimes. >> Okay. So, are you a shy person or are you not a shy person? >> Mix. >> Somewhere in between. >> Then why did you say that you are not a shy person? >> Like like that person uh passed this comment that oh shy child. So I'll just smile to I got that. I'm just saying uh why would you like to track the child?

97:50 >> Yeah, it's like again the it's a frame that we are trying to get fit in and we're trying to put our child into that frame and maybe because of that that okay I need to check >> at the same time you say I'm an introvert and at the same time you are saying okay okay fair enough fair enough. So that that's exactly the point I'm trying to say. You see where we it doesn't take too much. It is just one incident and we can see where is our mind taking us. What is it that we are now looking? Forget the gentleman. He must he would get off and that story is over. But the seed he has thrown does it do something to us? Okay. How do we take it? How do we respond to our child? How do we look at our children in that sense? And what is it that we pass on to them? Because there is some image, something that is lurking somewhere. If it is not lurking, great. No problem.

98:46 Even if it's lurking, it's great. By itself, not a problem. Unless you think it starts limiting you or the child or the interaction between you or the child. Uh I have been on onto the similar situation. Uh and the most common question that comes at us uh to my child is what do you do whole day if you're not going to school playing outside?

99:20 Sometimes I let him answer sometime I answer on >> sometimes I answer on behalf of him and then again if I step back >> then all all those belief system that we discuss. So sometimes I can reflect and that >> uh why do I need to feel what other think about whether we are sending him to school or not and uh yeah eventually he will answer. So yeah there is no sure short way uh on uh you know it depends on mood and the person who is asking as to how we be behave with the child or how even we respond. Yes.

100:05 >> Yeah. >> Okay. So, let's do another quick exercise. Uh, if you want, just take your left hand and if if you have a pen, just draw a dot in the middle. Let me see if I have a picture. Yeah. Okay. Just take a dot uh and draw it in the middle of your finger. If you don't have a pen, no worries. Just imagine the dot in the middle of your finger. Now, see which of your fingers can touch that dot of the left hand itself.

100:34 properly, comfortably. And if you have explored that, then you draw more dots on your hand and see where, which dot, which finger goes, where, what goes. So, explore your own hand. >> Center. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You explore your hand. It's your hand. I'm only giving a hand out. Yeah. You you you just see just just draw different dots at different points and see which finger goes where to which dot.

101:07 Yeah. And what is it telling you? Yeah. What is this telling you? What is this little thing inside our hand telling us? What is it telling you? >> Every finger. >> The position of gold is different for each finger.

101:38 >> Yeah. >> Yes. >> And not every finger is going on that dot. >> Yes. >> There are some dots that no fingers can read. No finger can reach >> maybe >> is for me. >> Yeah, maybe the other hand you can use now to reach those let others reach there. Why should I only reach everywhere?

102:18 Yeah. What else? What else is telling >> location of that dot on your palm is matters the most namely. Yeah, each one has their own location you know because one of the one of the essential ingredient of generation of these images is comparison right somewhere we are either very overtly or covertly I'm not saying you all do it but I'm saying there is some kind of a comparison the comparison could be between siblings between the child and other children between the child in me you know I am like this it's very funny how our mind works you know so it it brings up all of these games of comparisons that we play and that's when this whole desire that okay you know this should reach there that should reach there yes I can force the one finger to try and with the other hand make reach somewhere but that's not how our hands work right so it's it's really important that we uh again I can only say we think through this yeah let's take one more uh one more concept I'm just throwing little little these are all uh related according to me related things. Um let let me um let let me show this slide. Yeah.

104:10 What do you think about this? Is it possible to have respect and not love? And is possible to have love and not respect?

104:45 any thoughts or let me if this is becoming very confusing let me say think of an example okay let me put another slide think of an example where you have respect for somebody but no love uh the second one in the list in the right hand side and the bot bottom one where you have love but no respect or less respect. Let's say and maybe >> I can respect without love but if I love I will respect.

105:30 >> Okay. Anybody else? If you have a example of if you love you will respect. >> In a way if you say if I love then I will respect then they are both the same things. >> Sorry somebody else was saying >> in an employer employee relationship. >> Mhm. >> In the job or something. >> Okay. >> You have respect but possibly no not necessarily love. >> Mhm. Okay.

106:00 What about love and no respect? >> Yes, that is also possible in some uh with me in some relation. Yes. >> H give us an example. >> Me too. >> Like uh uh I love my mother but many times I don't respect. >> Mhm. do do you need to be respected?

106:35 Uh yes. Uh yes, sometimes. Yes. Sometimes not. Yes. When I'm not respected, yes, I get hurt. But uh uh >> why >> uh >> because uh >> good that's all I wanted you to think.

107:17 Maybe I think I have done something or I have uh come to one position so I deserve respect. >> Oh, you've come to a position also. Okay. Please tell us what is that position. >> It questions the worth for me. Why is this >> at some level a my sense of worth gets >> questioned? >> Mhm. And do you have a sense of worth?

107:50 >> Yeah, I've been getting in touch with that space within me. >> Okay. So, how worthy are you? >> Why is your nose red? >> I'm still swimming there. >> Are red? Because our noses are red. >> That's a good question. Why our noses red? Because our noses are red. Isn't that simple? >> Yes. >> So, it's interesting. It's interesting. We we love, respect, again, love, respect, confidence, esteem, you know, these are all very commonly used words, commonly used thoughts, maybe very deeply used thoughts. But I think we will need to explore this more. I can only invite you to explore.

108:38 Yeah, we haven't explored this. Think about it. What if I don't have a need to be respected? What will that do to me? First of all, let me start with myself. I'm not saying I don't need to be respectful to others. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I don't need to be respected. Then what will happen to me? I don't have a need for reflect respect that what people do let's leave that aside if I say that I'm not talking about me I'm just saying you have to think what if I had no need of respect maybe respect is another image only I've reached a position you know I need to be respected I am the dad or whatever I am the mom or I am the citizen or I am this again what are we doing to ourselves and you're saying okay you know we we have love but we have no respect I would say I I will give you an incident a father sent me a mail saying you know uh something something happened so I got little upset with my son so I slapped him and my son started crying so I took my son in my lap and I said bita I you know I love you that is why I u you know did whatever I did he didn't it like that. He said, "I love you so much." He said, "Um, so I said I I wrote back to him saying that yes, definitely you love your son, but at that moment, did you respect him?"

110:22 So is it possible that maybe with children, forget anybody else, we have lot of love, but at times we're not so respectful. And then when they question our respect, they don't respect like somebody I think shared in the WhatsApp group. Oh no mama, you just keep working. What you do? Just calls. Sorry if uh I'm taking your example. Hopefully you don't feel bad about it.

110:54 Yeah. When we are questioned then what happens to us? We get angry. And then the same way we are going ahead and maybe respect their boundaries, maybe respect their choices, maybe respect their time, maybe respect their their behaviors. Okay. So, I hope I've given you some homework. Let's start with images. All kinds of images.

111:29 confidence, respect, love, what else? Uh, anything else, right? Ability, whatever. Comparison. Yeah, it's I I think I I think we we don't need to feel goody goody about this self-esteem. I think throw this self-esteem out and let's explore these concepts. What have they been doing to me? you know comparison, love, respect, images, all kinds of images, self-confidence, self-esteem what are all of these doing to us and in that sense what am I doing that with our children or with any child whom I you know when we use when we work with children we say every day it is interesting if we can reset whatever image we have willy-nilly formed of any child can I reset it every Right? And then next day start fresh.

112:23 How will that be? Right? If for me to do that for any child, first of all, I should be able to do it for myself. I should be able to reset myself and say, "Ah, I'm a fresh person tomorrow. I can be as rascally tomorrow and as beautiful tomorrow or whatever, as diligent tomorrow, as lazy tomorrow, as organized tomorrow, as crazy tomorrow.

113:02 Okay. Um, so I leave you here. I hope uh I've churned little bit everybody and uh invitation is as I said to think and to talk to discuss with your friends families whoever you want to within this group outside this group wherever you want to. I um I want to end with a small demo um today no story ending story instead of a story and ending demo.

113:34 Yeah. Uh some of you might have seen this demo so great uh that's nice but if it's uh new for you then this might be interesting. My only request is if you like this demo then see if you can show this demo to as many children as possible not just your child as many children as possible. Uh why you will get to know very soon. Okay. Also uh I will be uh using a 100 rupee note in this demo. So some people say, "Oh, there is, you know, this is a currency plus there's Gandhi G's photo on it and all of that." So I would say just keep those. I respect all of that. So I'm not really on to that. I'm just using this as a demonstration, right? Okay. So here is the demonstration or whatever small thing. So I have this 100 rupee note all crisp and crunchy. Okay. Uh and I'm giving it away free. Okay. Anybody here who wants it, uh, just type a Y uh, in the chat window if you want it.

114:38 I'm giving it free. No strings attached, no questions asked. Just giving it away. Yeah. Anybody who who would like to have it, just type yes or a Y. Actually, type a Y. Just type a Y. I'll tell you why. Only a single Y. Okay. We have got Hitish, Welvin, Raa, Satya. Uh, now if you don't need it, don't type anything. Only the people who need it, just type why. If you don't need it, if you don't want it, that's okay. I'm not pushing it. I'm just offering it.

115:12 Okay. Rishma wants. Who else wants? That's all. Few takers. I thought money was okay. Kupa or Jav one of them saying bye. Okay. Okay. Now watch my video. Okay. So now I'm I've crumpled this this little note. Yeah. This is what it is now. Okay. Uh who wants it? People who had said yes out of that. If you still want it, type a double Y. Then I know you still want it.

115:46 Right. Okay. Rishma Satya Kupai Shatma. A lot of people typing double Y. Okay. Now, what I'm going to do, just watch. I'm going to spit on it. And I'm going to actually do it. Obviously, you can't feel it, but just believe me that I'm actually doing you. Maybe you can see my saliva flying. I I know you might be making faces. It's just saliva. Very antibiotic. Okay. So, I have spitted on it. Do you still want it? Anybody who still wants it? Triple Y.

116:21 Okay. It is. Okay. This is triple Y. Anybody else? Only two people. Nobody else wants it. Okay. Rashma says triple Y. Okay. Anybody else? People have dropped out. Okay. And now I'm going to throw it onto the ground, which which you can't see actually, but you believe me again that I'm doing this. And I put my feet on top of it. And I'm I'm, you know, kind of doing this this this crushing it under my feet.

117:03 Oh, here. Okay. Who still wants it? Four wives. >> Don Resn. >> Sorry, >> is it Don? Is it? >> No. I don't see numbers still there. >> It is just crushed under my feet nicely. Okay. Four wise hit is four wise. So, why do you still want it? >> Still it has value. I don't have any problem.

117:36 Yeah. And what value does it have right now? >> 100 rupees. >> 100 rupees. Yeah. Yeah, Rashma is also saying the same thing called the value doesn't change despite all what I did. So I tell children the same thing that dear in your life people will spit on you, people will crush you, crumble you, will put you under your feet and do all kinds of things to you.

118:08 But your value is not determined by what they do. Your value is you. That's your value. Thank you. Good night.