# Dr. Ablon on Collaborative Problem Solving

**Creator:** Think Kids
**Platform:** youtube
**Duration:** 1m
**Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGH6Tt5INmc

## Summary

The discussion outlines a framework for addressing interpersonal conflicts through three distinct approaches: imposing will (Plan A), collaborating (Plan B), and letting go (Plan C). Plan B is emphasized as a constructive method that involves active listening, sharing concerns, and collaborating on solutions.

- **Plan A**: Imposing your will to make someone do what you want; effective only if you have power and the other person has problem-solving skills.
- **Plan B**: A collaborative approach that includes three ingredients: 
  - **Listening**: Actively understand the other person's perspective through questions and reflections.
  - **Sharing Concerns**: Communicate your own concerns without jumping to solutions.
  - **Collaborating**: Work together to find mutually satisfactory solutions after both sets of concerns are expressed.
- **Plan C**: Letting go of expectations temporarily, allowing the other person to handle the situation as they see fit.
- Many people default to Plan A, which can lead to conflict and frustration.
- The importance of empathy in communication is highlighted, cautioning against using it as a pretext for imposing one's will.

## Transcript

[[0:00]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGH6Tt5INmc&t=0s)
[Music] pick any problem you have with anybody 
anybody who's doing something you don't want them to do or not doing something you want them to do 
anything and you really only have three options in our approach we call these your three plans 
we call it Plan A when you try to impose your will to make the person do what you want them to 
do and if you have power over that person and they have decent skills related to problem-solving 
flexibility and frustration tolerance you might

[[0:28]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGH6Tt5INmc&t=28s)
get away with it and it would go okay what are 
your other options to try to collaborate to solve a problem in mutually satisfactory ways 
and your third option to drop it solve it the way the other person wants drop your expectation 
not forever but for now and parents teachers all of us often find ourselves resorting to plan a to 
try to impose our will and if it doesn't work out well it gets ugly on us we revert to Plan C but 
there's a third option and the third option is

[[1:00]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGH6Tt5INmc&t=60s)
what we call Plan B and here's simple but not 
easy Plan B has three basic ingredients to it ingredient number one is where we teach people to 
listen hard to the other person to ask questions to take guesses to reflect what they've heard from 
the person and to reassure them that this is not some tricky form of plan a which we often do we 
often do what I call empathy followed by plan a no first you're getting the other person's 
concern or perspective on the table and it's

[[1:34]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGH6Tt5INmc&t=94s)
only once you do that you move to the second 
ingredient of Plan B where you share your concern not your solution to the problem but you 
are concerned and only once you have two sets of concerns on the table do you move to the third 
and final ingredient of Plan B where you invite the person to collaborate to arrive at mutually 
satisfactory solutions to the problem [Music]