Transcript
0:00 I think we all know whether someone's doing something to us or for us. I just think as humans you feel the difference even if the intervention is the same. If I take phones, let's say I have a new rule that my kid can't sleep with their phone in [music] their room, >> right? >> The intervention can look the same. A kid will feel whether you are doing that same thing on the surface to them or for them which I think relates punishment is something you do to someone. You do it to someone. It's doing it in the mindset of like, I don't really like this person in the moment. I'm doing this to them.
0:31 They're my enemy. The very same thing could be done from a very different mindset [music] and intention. I'm doing this for them. So, if I take the phone example, you've been on your phone at night. I told you you can't. I'm taking it. This is so bad for your brain. I don't care what you have to say. Like, I can do that, but I can tell you how that would feel. Like, I don't even hear what you're saying. All I feel is you think I'm a bad person. You kind of hate me right now. And you're vomiting your own frustration on me. like, okay, [music] versus, hey, I want to tell you about a decision I've made. Starting tonight, you're not going to have your phone in your room. And I want to tell you why.
1:02 I've learned new information about how important sleep [music] is. And the other thing I don't know if I've even said to you directly is my number one job is often to make decisions that I believe are good for you long term, even if you don't like
Summary
- The same action can be perceived differently based on the intention behind it.
- Punishment is often seen as something done "to" someone, creating a sense of animosity.
- A caring approach involves doing things "for" someone, fostering understanding and support.
- Communication about decisions is crucial; explaining the rationale helps children feel valued.
- Emphasizing long-term benefits over immediate discomfort can strengthen trust and understanding.
- The speaker highlights the importance of sleep and its impact on well-being as a reason for setting rules.