You’ve Outgrown Him? Or You’ve Been Programmed to Leave?

0:00 When I was going through hard times in my marriage, if I scrolled my feed, I would find influencers saying things to me like, "You've outgrown him and that's okay." Or, "He's not your husband. He's like a third child. Dump the dead weight, sis." Or things like, "Your life will be better off without him. Trust me, babe." The truth is, I started to realize that the algorithm was killing my marriage. that everywhere I looked there were these ideas of glamorizing divorce, of man-hating, of husband bashing. And in fact, the truth is that research shows that divorce and miserable marriages are contagious. We are the sum total of the five people that we hang out with the most, but we're also the sum total of the 500 or thousand voices that we listen to most and see most and are influenced by on social media. And if you're part of our culture of our western world, then you will find that every day you are being fed a steady diet of man bashing memes of solo self-empowerment slogans of viral stories of women walking away and being heralded and absolutely idolized for it. Every day I was absorbing a steady stream of you deserve better slogans of viral divorce celebrations.

1:23 And even if you love your husband and even if you're committed, the fact is that that stuff seeps in. We are highly suggestible creatures. And if we keep getting the messages that marriage is doomed to fail, that marriage is lame and difficult and archaic and patriarchal and that men are all toxic, even if you're married to a good man, as most of my students are, it can make you question his intentions. It can cause you to turn minor annoyances into massive red flags. It can cause you to hyperfocus on everything he isn't. And just overall it chips away at that sense of us. And that is why I created married you. I am not offering you therapy. It's not a pity party. It is a strategic re-education for modern women who want longevity, health, and fulfillment in their marriage. It's about unlearning all the things that are sabotaging your connection the way I had to do the hard way over the course of more than a decade. It's about reclaiming trust, attraction, joy without losing your selfrespect. It's about staying married on purpose and choosing love and desire and chemistry every single day.