GET REAL: Why are some relationships so difficult while others are not?

0:01 hi dr. Shefali hi today's get real question is about relationships and why are some relationships just so darn difficult and others are not great question I think there are fundamentally two kinds of relationships if I could make it really simple and I call one of them karmic karm I see where the relationship is fundamentally fraught

0:33 with a lot of transactionality back and forth cause-and-effect reaction reactivity be fighting conflict and where the two are really trying to work it out typically there are two people who are in dire contrast to each other you know when they say opposites attract they actually don't attract they ultimately repel it's the karmic relationship where the two people I believe attract each other to work out

1:04 both patterns all of us are working out old patterns from childhood or if you believe many lifetimes past karmic relationships are particular in that they are working out old conflicts they are challenging us to look at our lakh challenging us to look at our lack of belief in ourselves lack of validity lack of worth they're really pushing us to say are you hold are you awake use this relationship to figure out who it

1:37 is you truly are but it's often very difficult in these relationships because you're learning through dire contrast the other person is so different from you that is bound to instigate and arouse you but yet it can also be a great teacher those are the quote/unquote difficult relationships and there are fabulous teachers let me tell you if you're willing to learn the other kind of relationships I called the dharmic relationships th a are ma dharma meaning the way of nature where you both

2:09 are not so in contrast jana in synergy and you to flow through achievement through alignment things are easy you both understand each other's minds you both kind of fill in the gaps your synergize and typically adharmic relationship is more to hold people WH o le coming together as opposed to the karmic relationship where it's two people with a lot of H o l e s having together so

2:39 those relationships which are quote unquote easy are really synergistic relationships where you kind of flow and you're in attunement and they were both there for the mutual celebration of each other so each one can occur in our lives at the same time you can have the one in our Mik relationship with someone and then a karmic relationship with someone else it just means that those relationships have been attracted to you to develop to grow in different ways and

3:06 I do believe however if we evolved as we grow as we awaken there'll be less and less karmic relationships in our lives we'll create boundaries against them will release them with love and will enter into more of these synergistic flowing relationships but in order to attract more synergistic relationships you truly have to work on yourself and really become my whole within and really be deeply in communion with your true self so that when you are you will not

3:36 tolerate karmic relationships anymore with love you will release and you will create boundaries and you will more attract synergistic relationships