6 Developmental Red Flags Parents Accidentally Celebrate

0:00 Parents often come to me as a pediatric OT celebrating the things that their toddlers are doing, and on the surface, that sounds great. But you'd be surprised at how often the things they're celebrating are actually red flags. This happens because they're subtle. These red flags don't look like red flags, which means they often get completely overlooked during the window where early support makes the biggest difference. Take this first one. Your toddler loves playing independently and doesn't seem to need you at all.

0:31 And everyone around you calls them the easy child and tells you how lucky you are. Now, for some kids, they're just naturally independent, and that's completely fine. But in some cases, that intense independence can actually be a cause for concern. Now, you're probably wondering, well, how do I tell the difference? One way is to watch what happens when they play. Specifically, whether they ever try to bring you into it. So, for example, do they ever hold a toy out for you to see?

1:01 Not because they want you to fix it or open it, but just to show you how cool it is. Or do they glance back at you every now and then just to check that you're watching? Or when something really exciting happens, do they look at you to share that moment with you? If they do, that's your child sharing the experience with you. Or on the other hand, do they get so absorbed in what they're doing that it genuinely feels like they wouldn't notice if you got up and walked out the room?

1:28 There's no looking back or holding things up for you to see. They're happy, but they're happy completely on their own. When that's the case, it can be a subtle sign that they haven't yet developed that internal drive to share what they're experiencing with the people around them. This is called joint attention, and it's one of the biggest early indicators of how their social skills and language skills are going to develop. Think about it. When your child is first learning to talk, you're the one who points out the item and tells them what it's called, and then they make the connection.

1:59 So maybe you point to a ball and say, look, it's a ball. Your child then follows your point and looks at the ball and then looks back at you and slowly it clicks. That thing that mom or dad is pointing to is a ball. And that's exactly how they learn to talk. But for any of that to happen, they need that desire to share that moment with you in the first place. And it's the same story with their social skills.

2:23 That drive to connect is the very thing that makes them want to be around other people, to share things and join in. So if that desire to interact isn't quite there yet, it can really hold back how their language and social skills develop, which is exactly why it's so important to catch it early. Now, if this sounds like your child, please don't stress. It doesn't necessarily mean something's wrong. It just means it's worth having a quick chat with their pediatrician or someone like a speech and language therapist or an occupational therapist who can take a look and figure out if there's a reason they haven't developed that joint attention as much as we'd expect at this age and give you strategies to help build it.

3:02 Because the sooner you catch it, the easier it is to help them catch back up. Now, that same pattern where something looks completely fine on the surface comes up with language, too. Your child might have 50 words by two years of age, and from a milestone perspective, that looks great. But focusing on the number of words your child has is what often trips parents up because the number of words your child has isn't actually what matters most.

3:28 It's how they're using them. Some kids will have a huge vocabulary, but if you watch closely, they're repeating the words they've heard rather than using them to actually communicate. For example, they might be able to name every animal on a page in a book that's been read to them a hundred times, but they'll never point at a dog at the park and say dog just to share that moment with you. Or they'll immediately repeat the last thing you said.

3:53 So if you say banana, they'll say banana right back, but they'll never say banana when they actually want to eat one. Now, that repeating where they echo back what you've said is called echolalia, and when they're first learning to talk, it's completely normal. It's actually how they learn what words mean. You label the banana, they say banana, and eventually it sinks in that that's what a banana is. But what should happen next is they start to use those words with purpose without you prompting them.

4:21 So if they want a banana, they'll point to it and say banana all on their own. Or they'll comment on something they've noticed, so they might spot a ball and point to it and say ball. They're not just repeating what they've heard anymore. They're using their words to tell you something or to share something with you. That's the key difference. Not how many words they have, but how they're using them. Now, if you're sitting there realizing that your little one's got a lot of words, but they're not really using them to connect with you, there are a couple of things worth doing.

4:50 First, get their hearing checked because hearing and language are so closely linked and it's a simple thing to rule out. And then it's worth booking in with a speech and language therapist who can assess if they're using language the way we'd expect at their age and give you strategies to help them develop the skill to communicate with you. Or if you're just not sure how your child is tracking in the first place, I've created a free tool to help you check.

5:14 Just answer a few questions and it will tell you if they're on track, what they should be capable of in terms of communication at their age, and whether you need to be concerned. And the link to that's in the description if you want to check it out. Now, something else you might have noticed is your toddler walks around on their tippy toes every now and then. When they're first learning to walk, they'll often go up on their toes and then back down again as they try to figure out how to control their body and keep their balance.

5:41 And what typically happens is as they get more confident and coordinated, they go up on their toes less and less. But for some kids, it doesn't fade. It stops being something they do sometimes and it becomes how they walk all the time. And this is where it becomes a concern because when they spend all their time up on their toes, their calf muscle can start to tighten because it's constantly being held in a shortened position. And the tighter their calves get, the harder it becomes for them to get their feet flat on the ground, even when they try.

6:12 Eventually, this can lead to discomfort or stiffness when they run and play. So if you've noticed that your child spends quite a lot of time walking on their toes, here's what I'd recommend. First, take their shoes and socks off whenever you're at home. Shoes can actually mask toe walking, so going barefoot makes it much easier to see. Then, once you can see it, just track how often they're doing it. If they're walking on their toes more than 50% of the time or if they're still walking on their toes past the age of two, I recommend you book an assessment with a pediatric physiotherapist or physical therapist.

6:45 They'll be able to check whether your little one's toe walking because their calf muscles have tightened to the point that they can't get their feet flat on the ground. And if that's the case, they might give you some stretches or exercises to do at home or even a splint or specific footwear to help get those heels back down. Another thing parents are often excited to tell me about is when their little one starts to favor one hand.

7:08 And as an OT, I do find this really exciting. But if your little one's under three, that's actually the point where I start to get a little bit concerned rather than excited. Because most kids don't really settle on a true dominant hand until somewhere between four and six. Before that, they chop and change constantly. And under the age of two, they'll usually just grab things with whatever hand is closest. So if the toy is on their left, they'll use their left.

7:36 If it's on their right, they'll use their right. It's all over the place. And that's exactly what you want to see at this age. Then at around three, they might start to lean towards one hand, but it's not locked in yet. And they still swap back and forth. So when a parent tells me that their three-year-old already has a really strong, clear preference for one hand, that's not always the good news it sounds like. It can mean that they're actually having trouble using the other hand.

8:03 There might be a bit of weakness on that side, or they might find it harder to get those fingers to do what they want. And their clever little brain has just figured out that it's easier to rely on the stronger hand. And over time, that favorite hand keeps getting stronger and more coordinated. While the other hand falls further and further behind. And for a toddler, that's a problem. Because so much of what they do really needs both hands working together.

8:28 Think about when they're eating food from a packet. They've got to hold the packet steady with one hand and then reach in and grab the food with the other. Or when they have to pull up their pants, they use both hands to do that. And it doesn't stop once the toddler years are behind them either. So much of what we do as adults is so much easier when we have our two hands working well together. Things like using a knife and fork, doing up buttons, or tying our shoelaces.

8:55 So even though a strong hand preference is usually something we celebrate, if your little one's under three and you're seeing it all the time, it's worth getting an occupational therapist to take a look. They'll work out whether your child has just landed on a preference early, or whether there's some weakness in the other hand that's getting in the way. And if there is, they'll give you some exercises to build that strength and coordination back up, so your little one can use both hands well.

9:20 Next up are mealtimes. Now something you might have noticed is your toddler's list of foods seems to be shrinking. And you probably had every parent you know tell you the same thing. Yeah, mine's exactly the same and it's just a phase. And for a lot of kids, it is just a phase. It's so common there's even a name for it. It's called food neophobia, which just means they've suddenly developed a fear of new foods. And it's not only brand new foods either.

9:46 It can be something they've happily eaten before, but just haven't seen for a while. Now this phase typically shows up between two and six years of age. And what happens is the variety of foods that they'll eat starts to shrink for a bit. And then as they grow out of it, the foods they've been refusing slowly start creeping back onto their plate and they get a bit braver about trying new things. But for some toddlers, the pickiness you're seeing isn't food neophobia at all.

10:12 It's actually being driven by something else like sensory or oral motor difficulties. What that means is that the texture, taste or smell of certain foods is genuinely overwhelming for them. Or their mouth finds certain foods really hard to manage and move around. And the tricky thing is, this isn't a stage they grow out of. So instead of their diet opening back up the way it would with food neophobia, it actually gets narrower and narrower over time.

10:41 At this point, you might be thinking, how do you actually tell the difference between the two? Because on the surface, they look pretty similar. And the difference really comes down to what happens to those foods over time. If it's food neophobia, your little one will happily eat around 20 or more different types of food and they'll do this thing where they get obsessed with one food and then go right off it. So you might give them blueberries and for a week, that's all they want.

11:08 And then one morning, they won't touch them. But within a few weeks, they'll happily start eating them again. Now, if there's something more sensory going on, you'll notice it plays out a little differently. They'll still get fixated on a food and eat it on repeat. But the day they go off it, that's the day it's gone for good. It drops off the list and it just doesn't come back. And because nothing new is really coming in to take its place, the list of foods that they'll actually eat gets shorter and shorter.

11:38 The other thing you'll spot is that the food they do eat all tend to look and feel pretty similar. It often turns into the classic all beige diet. So they like to eat crackers, bread, chips and nuggets. Now they're drawn to these foods because they're predictable. For example, a processed nugget feels exactly the same in their mouth every single time they eat it. For a child whose sensory system is easily overwhelmed, this predictability equals safety. Now, if this is something you're noticing in your little one, it's worth linking with a speech pathologist or an occupational therapist who specializes in feeding because they can sit down with you and work out why your child is being drawn to the foods that they are and then help you gradually widen things out from there by finding new foods that share the qualities of the ones that already feel safe to them.

12:29 Now, every red flag we've talked about so far is something you'd see while your little one is awake. But this next one is a bit different because it happens while they're fast asleep. And that's snoring. Now, the odd snore here and there, especially when they've got a stuffy nose, is nothing to worry about. But if your child is snoring most nights and has been going on for weeks or even months, that's a subtle red flag because children aren't meant to snore regularly.

12:56 When they do, it can mean something is partially blocking their airway while they are sleeping. So air isn't moving in and out as freely as it should. And when that happens, their body often has to give them a little nudge to keep their breathing on track. So it's not enough that it will fully wake them up so you'd never know it's actually happening, but it's enough to pull them out of deeper sleep. And then that happens over and over again all night long.

13:22 And that's the real problem because it's during those deeper stages of sleep that their little body grows and repairs itself. And their brain processes what they've learned and prepares them for the next day. So although your child might be in bed for 11 or 12 hours and it looks like they're getting more than enough sleep, the quality of their sleep may be nowhere near what their body actually needs. And the thing about that kind of broken sleep is you see it the very next day in their behavior.

13:50 You either get a toddler who's melting down over the tiniest thing or one who's wired and hyperactive and just can't focus on anything for more than a minute. So if your little one is snoring, it is definitely worth raising with your pediatrician because more often than not, the cause turns out to be something really manageable, like enlarged tonsils or adenoids or even just allergies. And once the cause has been addressed and their airways are clear, they can finally start getting those long, unbroken stretches of deep sleep that their body needs.

14:20 And what can happen is you end up with a child who is completely different. Their mood settles, the tantrums that seem to come out of nowhere start to fade, and your child may even become a saint. But on the off chance that they don't, which is likely since they're still a toddler, I've made a video right here that walks you through four simple strategies that you can use anytime your little one won't cooperate. These strategies work because they tap into what your toddler wants.

14:47 They want independence. They want to feel like they have a say. And when you work with that instead of against it, getting them to cooperate becomes so much easier. So go ahead and click here to watch that video next.