Transcript
0:00 you could share a story about a time you really wanted something to be perfect but the mistake was hard but helpful in what you learned modeling after all is a powerful coaching tool hey friends welcome to dtc's q and A's where we answer questions asked by parents just like you if you like these q a videos make sure to click the Subscribe button so you don't miss one and if you want to learn more about the discipline that
0:25 connects online course I've linked the course in the description below so let's get to the question today we have Katie Wetzel certified parent coach answering our question around a perfectionist child so here is the question how can I help my three and a half year old perfectionist son feel loved no matter what confident and capable of getting dressed by himself even if the heels of his socks are not lined up perfectly or coloring by himself even if
0:59 he makes an unintended stray Mark with the crayon he often wants me to put on his socks with him or hold the crayon with him to get everything just right I first want to acknowledge how beautiful is this Mom's heart Desiring her son to be free from perfectionism that's we know what that's like don't we how we can get discouraged by high standards it might be tempted to build our identity around our work performance so I'd say first ask God to show you
1:27 your own discouragement or struggle with perfectionism how has Jesus loved you what hope and hope has he given you to grow in your relationship with him your identity and your walk with him being filled with that kind of love and freedom will surely help you enter into guiding your child with the patience and hopeful expectation you'll need to persevere through his various moods and attitudes as you find the path to his heart as you connect consider what it's like
1:58 to be him maybe doing things right is really important to him it can be hard to be patient with yourself when you really want to do a good job or maybe he has some sensory sensitivities about the way his socks feel or his coloring being visually balanced get curious and explore with him sometimes a focus on him might make him more stressed so you could share a story about a time you really wanted something to be perfect
2:24 but the mistake was hard but helpful in what you learned modeling after all is a powerful coaching tool to encourage him that he is capable find whatever you can to affirm especially in a growth perseverance or flexibility maybe find ways to make mistakes on purpose and turn those into opportunities my kids used to play a scribble game where one kid would take a scribble and the other would make a picture out of it 'd be a lot for a three-year-old but
2:54 some kind of back and forth turning stray marks into something purposeful might be a fun way to help him practice seeing the opportunities and mistakes with the socks think about what's a step or two easier where he can see success and get motivated to make the progress towards putting on his own socks maybe you can celebrate everything else he put on and then do a sweet Sock song as you put them on maybe get seamless socks or
3:22 practice putting socks on a stuffed animal whatever that just right challenge is that helps him feel capable successful and patient for the next goal it gives you some new ideas to answer your question If you're looking for more practical tools for parenting you can head to our website connectedfamilies.org for lots more articles podcast books and online courses we look forward to hearing from you another great answer with lots of practical tips like Katie said if you
3:53 want more we've got more check out the video description for links to Connected families Resources with more guidance and tips on helping a child with perfectionist Tendencies and if you found this q a helpful would you give it a big thumbs up and share it with a friend be sure to click on that subscribe button and never miss out on a new parenting tip from someone on our connected families team thanks for watching bye
Summary
- Acknowledge the emotional struggles of perfectionism in both parents and children.
- Reflect on personal experiences with perfectionism to better guide your child.
- Encourage exploration of sensory sensitivities that may contribute to perfectionist tendencies.
- Use storytelling to share personal mistakes and the lessons learned from them.
- Create fun activities that turn mistakes into opportunities, such as a scribble game.
- Celebrate small successes to build confidence in self-sufficiency.
- Consider practical adjustments, like using seamless socks or practicing with stuffed animals.
- Access additional resources on parenting strategies through Connected Families.