Practicing This One Skill Can Help Us Improve Our Ability to Support Children During Upset

0:00 now this is was taken out of the book and so and now it's going to be live on video and I'm glad because I could be dead before I do this again and I want it out on record because it's a good way to think of this I call it the fart system everyone is tooted in the tub [Laughter] right okay and they bubble up to the surface

0:31 okay just like these Sensations in the body bubble up to awareness now you can imagine how much energy you're spending to keep these bubbles not hit the surface and certainly when some of them hit the surface some of them are enjoyable and some of them stink just like the messages or the emotions that bubble up to your awareness some of them are more happy and some of them are not so

1:03 fun but you cannot keep those bubbles down and we've been trying for generations to hold bubbles where they can't be held can you imagine the stress it is on your body and the reason we all feel not good enough they cannot be kept down now I encourage you all to take a bath tonight and try one more time time to keep the bubbles

1:33 down our judgment blocks it from getting to us that they're not right I don't deserve them I shouldn't be here whatever from our mental models so what happens then when we try to keep them down the sensation do this with me the Earth the impulse though becomes too intense and the judgment's too painful and so we end up changing our system

2:04 like I have done mine happy Means indulge yourself go for that extra Sunday and top it with the tequila scared says isolate yourself and drink more sad uh Angry says exercise or get even depends on the mood and sad says let's go shopping so we have distorted the message so the

2:35 original message is gone because of our mental models you have new messages it could be scared says most of mine really before now would be angry says work more sad says work more scared says work more and happy says enjoy your work more and and so you know this is a meeting I'm a workaholic my name is Becky um so you have to figure out what those messages say CU you don't know that

3:07 you're dealing with something unless you got the refrigerator door open you don't know because no one helped you uncover what those Sensations meant and you were then fed when you had one you were punished when you had one you were given a prize so you can go shopping when you had one and if you're really happy we can all have ice cream I'm I mean and and it can't be better than that so we got different messages okay talk it talk

3:36 with your partner or at your table about how you think you've changed your messages what does anger say to you run away don't confront it what is sadness you don't need to worry about sadness we're not here for sadness except for the fact that sadness quickly turns into anger because you don't let it come up and scared will turn into anger a lot and disappointment can slide quickly into anger so again we've been under such intenseness of

4:07 down everything sliding into a portal and coming up like a volcano