66th batch Jagriti #7 Potential - 17th Feb

0:02 Right. >> Okay. >> Okay. Wait.

0:53 >> Right. Okay. So what are we talking about? We're talking about something called as potential. Uh the reason I am saying it like that um I think I myself don't know much about it. That's why I'm calling it something called as potential.

1:26 Um I put the name of the session as potential because it's supposed to be a good marketing trick. People like this word. I don't know how how many of you like this word potential and want to do something about this potential. Many takers for this word potential. You can say yes. You can come with a thought. Uh yeah, you can share on mic or >> yeah actually any which way. Few people on mic today. Uh okay I hope that will increase and sorry few people on video today. I hope that will increase and also less people in session today. Okay that's also okay. Maybe people are out there looking for their potential.

2:25 Okay. Any thoughts? Anybody? Anybody wants to you know any things of their children in terms of potential or themselves in terms of potential? Is this a word that you like? Anything? Yeah. In chat in mic. >> Hey Res. Uh could you please repeat the question? I just joined. >> Yeah. And it's Yeah. It's just the word potential.

2:58 Do you think in terms of your child's potential? Do you think uh about your potential? What is do you like this word? I >> I find the word more manipulative than like whenever it either it's used for me or in general for child or in general for it's it's it it what it does is it manipulates the psyche more than what it does to others. >> Okay, looks like Dal doesn't like this word too much. I take it as that way.

3:32 Okay, Kalash is saying I always heard of myself. Kalash has a lot of potential. Okay. So, you expectation. >> Yeah. Go ahead please. >> I think >> sorry. >> Go ahead. Go ahead. Please. >> Yeah. So, after seeing this word like I was thinking my potential as a parent, how I can you know um learn with my child, this thing comes to mind. Like what is my potential as a parent?

4:09 You know pay rent means to pay rent. So how much rent you can pay that's your okay sorry we just making fun of this wonderful word. Yeah. Anybody else has any thought? Sorry. >> I think >> yeah go ahead. >> In my opinion potential you know theoretically seems to be a very positive sounding word. uh but it does set a lot of pressure of expectation on uh you know either on our on the child or on us also I feel it does tend to set that pressure of expectation.

4:47 >> Okay. Yeah. >> Yeah. Just like many other words like success and potential and so on. Okay. Let's let's start somewhere else. Let's uh I want to play a little fun game uh today. Um so I want to I want all of you to uh see if you would like to think about your child. If you don't have a child yet, you can think of any child that you know including yourself. Uh because you are also a child I assume. So um and think of a word which def describes when you see that child not describes describe which you see that so any able able means ability. So any able that you see inside the childh only thing is that word should not be from dictionary for example you cannot say capable or responsible no no you'll have to make up your own word like just to give you an example I think uh uh children are a lot of uh you know giggle yeah they can giggle on literally anything.

6:06 Yeah. So I I'm just adding starting the I'm not write typing my word. My word is okay. I would rather type your word. So please go ahead. Let's create words when you think about your child. So it's not fictional words in the sense of uh that uh it it has definitely um you know a meaning for us. >> Sorry. Adventurable. >> Adventurable. Okay. Okay. Okay. It's nice. I I'll just type. Yeah. Meanwhile, others you can you can jump on this adventurable.

6:45 Uh um you know. Yeah. Okay. So, adventurable. Okay. More words. Come on. Let it come. Funnable. Okay. Any words will do, you know, like trouble, bugable, anything.

7:15 But it can't be an English word. That's all. >> Creativable. >> Creatable. Okay. Creatable. Okay. >> Cur curable isable. Okay. Sorry. Curiousable. >> Curiousable. Okay. >> Cryable. >> Yeah. Cryable. >> Desirable. Desirable. >> Desirable. Mhm.

7:50 Imaginable. Doable. Doable is actually an English word, so I'll skip that. Do you mean doingable as they keep doing something or the other? If that's what you mean, we can make it doingable. Ra >> shoutable. >> Yeah, we we wrote shoutable. >> Oh no, shootable. It became this auto correct also. It should be shoutable. Yeah, I'll have to fight this. Uh annoyable. Yes. Yes, absolutely.

8:23 >> Abelable. able. >> Pressurable. >> Sorry. >> Pressurable. >> Pressurable. Okay. Discovering. Discover. >> Blabberable. Sorry. >> Cutable. Cutable. You think C?

8:56 >> Uh, >> no. >> Cute. Cutable. >> Yeah. Yeah, I said. Yeah. Okay. Cuteable. Yeah. Dable. Okay. Observable. Uh do you mean the we observable actually is a dictionary word so I'm not so sure I'm not taking any dictionary where sharing >> intrigable >> sorry >> intrigable interest like >> okay in intrugable okay entertainable entertainable trickable.

9:53 >> Sorry, >> trickable. You can also make literally phrases go round the round on the sofa 100 times able for example just a small word right so it does not since we are not following dictionary we don't need to follow any rules we can literally create any able that we relate to >> ask lots of questionable >> sorry >> ask lots of questionable >> ah ask lots of questionable >> experiment Experimentable.

10:28 Experimentable. >> Experimenting. >> Experiment. Experimentable. >> Okay. Experimentable actually a dictionary word which means that something which can be experimented upon. >> It will not take it unless you make it that they are wanting to experiment. Play around with that. Say tinker pinker breakerable. Come on. Come out of this experiment and big big words. Sorry. >> Throwable.

10:59 >> Throwable. Yeah, that's much better. Uh, throwable. Yeah, playable means playable is a dictionary word. So, I can't take >> fun lovingable. Fun loving. >> Fun lovingable. >> Fun loving able. Yeah. Fun loving able. >> Without expectations. >> Okay. Wait, wait. This one we have a chat. Nonstop runable. Okay. Sorry. What were you saying?

11:34 >> Love without expectations. Able. >> Love without expectations able. Don't mind my spelling. Anyway, we are not trying to follow English. So, it doesn't matter what spelling we write. Yeah. More more more. However, you you relate. Forgetable. >> You see your child and so on. Sorry. >> Forgetable. >> Forget. Okay. For is it forgetting even?

12:05 >> I mean they they just uh forget and start. They just forget. They don't keep it in their minds. >> Forget start again. Right. That's better. >> Yeah. That captures the whole essence of it. You know when you just say forgetable, it doesn't capture. Would you say forget and start again? Um if you want you can write forget quickly and start again able. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sleep >> or I think don't hold grudges grudgeable kind of like yesterday my mom shorted so I'm not going to talk to her today. They don't do that.

12:44 >> Okay. Sleep within seconds. April. Okay. There's so many mapable >> past moods changeable. >> Past moods. >> Moods changeable. >> Okay. Changeable. Moods changeable. >> I guess she meant mood swingable. >> Yeah. Moods changeable. Talkable. Maybe you can say endless talk.

13:16 Let's add more masala to it. Okay. Talkable. Because talkable is again an English word. Any topic you can talk about is called talkable. So we still English come out of English. >> Just two minutes able. Just two minutes able.

13:48 >> Gameable. >> Always gameable. >> Always gameable. Yes, always gameable. Okay. One last one. Somebody had said hackable. Okay. Hackable. Forgivable. Okay. Okay. We can pause. I mean we can obviously go on and on and on and I think we will never stop. Innocent will be. Yes. Yes. Okay. So yeah, as you've been hearing and as you have been sharing and as you've been thinking, what is this telling you? What is this little little uh you know excursion that we went on? What is that?

14:36 What's that making you think, feel, whatever >> you're talking about kids uh child's uh capabilities? >> Yeah, definitely. But what what else what else it is? it is giving you what thought it is >> there I mean it's kind of something what I where uh the the resource is within the child itself like if if you because when we say when we are using the word able or anything in general like it it says that there's there's already so much there and then we are still trying to find other things to make us feel worth or make the child feel worth in others eye and things like that. But when we state it or when we are trying to think about it, you actually come up with hundreds of things which says that the your child or any child is able enough uh for all the wonderful thing that one can think of.

15:47 >> Mhm. Yeah. Yeah. >> And one more thing uh they it shows that they have so much of potential they can do so they have know so much in themselves. Yeah. Okay. You connected it to potential. Yeah. They have so much of potential. Yes.

16:21 It feels like okay if we observe properly everything is an ability or if we look in it that way so we can convert everything in it into ability even if it's talkiveness it's talkable and uh like everything that we consider as bothersome even if it's bothersome we can convert into an ability we can see it as an ability Yes. Yes. >> They already have all these uh abilities within them. We we did not teach them to we cry to cry or to shout and also they are doing it by themselves. So they have those capabilities within.

17:06 >> Yeah. in some way session over if if we can hold it like this how you you all are holding it then I think I'm rest of it is just some time pass >> I then just tell a story you know we can go >> okay so today you all will tell me a story in a way so we'll play a little game d okay game for a game and this game is called as a leader follower game.

17:42 Okay. So there will be one leader and you anybody can volunteer and u the rest will be followers and the leader will get a little brief. I will type it out in the chat and send it as a private chat to you whoever volunteers to be a leader and the followers job is to follow the leader and the leader's job is to ensure that the followers follow you well. That's very natural. leader has to make followers follow. Followers have to follow the leader. Simple, right? So the roles I hope is pretty clear. Uh now obviously what we want is a and sorry any question on the on the what format of this little game.

18:25 So the leader will get a little brief like a like a little situation actually something obviously hypothetical and you'll have to kind of act it out and uh yeah followers follow leaders leads that's the game. Okay. So, if everybody's clear, let me stop the screen sharing because we really don't need the screen for this. And um yeah, who wants to be the first leader? We'll have few rounds. So, whoever wants can raise your hand. Obviously, you will need to be on video so that everybody can see you. Video is minimum requirement.

19:08 Yeah. Who wants to be? Okay, Rishma is saying she wants to be the leader, right? Let me let me let me quickly send you the script.

19:44 So the situation is very small u and as I said you have to act it out and um and you'll have to end it the way you want it. Yeah, there's no ending to this situation. Just a little tiny situation. Rishma, you got it? Okay. So, whenever you are ready, uh it would be nice if more people can come on video so that Rishma can see what you guys are up to. We all can see what you are doing as a follower. Uh so, yeah, as many people just for this activity.

20:18 Uh >> I'm sorry. Am I supposed to act it out so they can guess it? >> Not guess it. They have to follow you. They have to do exactly what you are doing. So the followers have to copy you exactly. They have to do whatever you are doing and you have to ensure that they end up following you as in doing what you are doing. Exactly. Is that clear to everybody? So the leader has to ensure that whatever is follower doing you do that and the followers sorry the leaders have to do that other way out.

20:46 The followers have to ensure that they do whatever the leader is doing and the leader has to ensure that followers do that what they are doing. Got it. Mhm. Okay. Let me just spotlight uh for everyone. Okay. >> You you can just tell the group you're starting so that they know you are starting and >> I'm I'm starting with the ad. Can I talk or just actions? Sorry, >> you are the >> Okay. Um, rub like apply your body with soap.

21:26 >> No, sorry. You don't give instruction. You have to it and I thinking they will they will do exactly what you are doing. >> Okay. Okay.

23:20 That's it Ratney sir I think. >> Okay thank you. Okay so thank you and I want let's do one or two more rounds. So who wants to be the next leader? Yep. Somebody volunteered to be a leader.

24:16 Did anybody say yes? I'm still waiting. Okay. Shikha. Okay. So let me give her the brief.

25:09 Okay, you got the brief of the situation. >> It disappeared. >> Sorry, it disappeared. >> Disappeared. >> Uh, it's a it's a private chat message. So in Zoom you'll have to not be in the everyone mode but the private mode. >> Okay. Okay. >> In the chat box at the top will come some initials.

25:40 Did you get it? >> Wait. >> Just go to the chat box. >> Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Okay, let me spotlight Done.

26:37 >> Okay. >> Done. >> You >> okay? Let's do one more quick round. One more person. Um, let's do one more quick round. Anybody interested? >> Yes, I would like to. Okay, Okay. Did you get it?

28:10 >> There's a small typo error. I I'll correct that. >> Okay. >> Yeah, I think now it's fine. Just give me a minute.

28:52 Um I just want to confirm one thing that do I only have to act it or is that okay to you know speak it out also? >> You are the leader. You have to decide. >> Okay. >> So it it's not a dumb chas right? >> Not at all. You have followers who should follow you as in do exactly what you are That is it.

31:22 You're on mute. You're on mute. >> Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I I was just saying thank you to the leaders to, you know, to choose to volunteer for this. Okay. Uh Okay. Now, let's um Okay. I have to share the screen also right okay let's do a quick uh little recap of this whole thing or a reflection of this whole thing rather yeah so first I I want the leaders to share and then we'll go to the followers obviously everybody was a follower at one time or the other but there were only three leaders so three leaders how was it to be the leaders whatever Whatever you went through, how was it to be a leader?

32:16 >> It was >> Sorry. >> Yeah. One by one or however. >> Yeah, it was really en enjoyable and uh funny moment. >> Okay. >> Yeah. Had to give it a lot of thought. >> Okay. Lot of thought. Mhm. I was actually wondering uh how uh you know would I be able to make my followers understand uh what I was actually trying to you know make them following what I was doing.

32:56 >> Sure. Sure. Mhm. More thoughts. >> Scared and embarrassed. scared and embarrassed. Okay. Sorry. >> Uh bit difficult to convey what I was trying to act. >> Okay. You mean difficult or challenging? >> Um difficult not challenging actually. I >> I'm not sure actually.

33:32 >> Oh, sure. Difficult is fine. Difficult is fine. Rishma >> it took it took a minute to you know thought about it how to act >> right lot of thought I think Rishma al took a minute sometime >> and uh like it also take like it it took me some time for me to you know raise my hand to volunteer also. >> Yes. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. So courage or something like >> take courage. Okay.

34:05 >> Yeah. So like what someone would think what I was doing kind of. >> Okay. Courage. Yeah. Carry on please. >> Shy like feeling shy uh while you know I was acting. >> Yeah. Scared, embarrassed, shy. Okay. And like uh the like so many thoughts in a minute like you know how should I convey or how should I you know >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of thoughts.

34:42 >> I had the same thing. Lots of thoughts. >> Yes. >> Doubt if I'm doing it right or wrong. >> Mhm. donut >> the outcome also like >> yeah one more thing uh will I be able to convey my message properly >> right that's is is that the same doubt doubt if I am uh doing it right >> right Yeah.

35:29 Any other thought? >> Um maybe confidence also like you know should I raise my hand or not? Like will I be able to do it or not? Will I be able to understand what the script? >> Yeah. >> Sure. Sure. Different doubts. Okay, let's take some followers thought. So all of you were followers at one time or the other. So how was it to be a follower?

36:00 >> Unclear what the leader was doing. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let let the >> let other parts also share and okay. But also enjoyable enjoyable acting this you know copying the same it was enjoyable task to do >> fair enough. Yeah >> easy no thought or >> trying to coordinate with the leader.

36:33 >> Yeah. So how was it? See the trying to coordinate was you're saying uh that was the job of the follower. How was that experience of trying to coordinate or whatever? That is what I'm really asking. Any feeling, any thought will do. >> Yeah. What will come next or what if you're doing right or something like that? >> Okay.

37:06 Mhm. >> Uh why I'm doing this like this thought also came just sitting relaxed by you know observing what leaders have to do. I just need to follow it. >> Mhm. Being in the moment.

37:36 You have a lot of questions in your heads. Mhm. As in what kind of questions >> uh like what is being done, what we are doing is right or wrong, what is uh what to anticipate uh why they're not I mean why they're not speaking uh uh is the language correct like what there's I you know you almost feel like a monkey. I mean, I felt like a monkey.

38:13 So, uh, >> you're saying monkey in the sense of it being copying the others in that sense? >> Uh, yeah, kind of. Yeah. >> Yeah. Since you're using the word monkey, which aspect of monkey? So, you're saying in terms of copying or >> it's it's it's about uh mirroring in a more funny way like a bit in a in a Okay.

38:45 >> Trying to figure out the situation that they might be acting on. >> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. >> Yeah. You you more mean the guessing the situation. >> Correct. Correct. Free from judgment as in the leading.

39:16 >> Free from judgment like nobody's looking at me. Everybody's looking at the leader. So I can just do what I want to do. >> Okay. Maybe in this case. Yeah. Okay. >> You feel like you are a little less supported by a leader. >> Okay. Okay, let up. I think this we've got some basic thoughts here. I'm sure there are more thoughts on both the sides. Now my why we went through this little experience is um what I what I want you to think is hey if in which in which role now don't generalize the word leaders of follower let's stay with this kind of experience in which role you think uh more learning more development yeah happens for anybody >> could be a child it could be an adult I'm right now not differentiating between child and adult but in what role in the leadership role or in the follower role >> in leadership role >> leadership role >> mhm you can type in chat also leadership couple of people said leadership >> but let's say what is the leader him or hers herself is not uh you know >> no no wait that's what I'm saying don't go into the regular play a little game and in this little game uh yeah there was in which role were you or were will anybody uh kind of yeah grow develop I mean given the situation it seems uh sorry I joined a little late but uh uh given the situation it seems uh the leaders themselves were also a little confused and they also had a little ambiguity in uh doing things. So >> yeah yeah >> I mean it's not trying to say which is wait we are not trying to say who is doing the job better. We're just trying to say where there is more growth and development.

41:46 >> Yeah. So I mean I would say in both I would say both ways. Look in the current scenario. >> Okay. Anybody else has a has a view or a different view of even if you want if you have said leader you can explain why do you think it was it is that even if you say follower you can say why is that a that an interesting uh place to be which one which one will value add more to you a leadership position here or a follower position >> I think as a follower also there's a lot of learning because you're coming to it with a completely open mind and >> yeah and Wait wait wait wait wait in we not talking about in general we are talking about specific uh to where you have the option of leader and follow we're not saying that leadership has everything and follower does not have or follower has everything so it's not a question of that in this there is learning or in that there is learning no no I'm just trying to compare the two roles which role will add more value to anybody a child let's say or to a to to an adult or okay any learner whatever however you want to look at it.

43:05 >> Yeah, I think a follower does add a lot of uh learning uh more value uh uh because without being a follower how can you be a leader? >> No no no wait you are going into some general definition of leader follower. We're not talking about that >> learning perspective. >> Mhm. >> From a value to myself >> or to my child. Um I think follower does uh add a lot of value.

43:36 >> Okay. Fair enough. Fair. Your choice. Sure. >> Well, if we come from leaders perspective, we have to give a lot of thought about the people that are behind us and what is good or what is bad. So there we are giving a lot of thought and uh checking from all the ways and opportunities. So maybe here since we are looking from different perspectives and giving it a different thought maybe we are learning more and we are thinking more. So I think from uh a leader would be having more knowledge and sorry like more thought and more value cuz from different thoughts and different perspectives he was thinking for different people.

44:20 one uh I also >> shall I >> go ahead go ahead. >> Yeah. I think uh you know a leader first have to understand the situation and understanding is there and then he or she needs needs to communicate to others and he als she als I also need to you know uh I also need to make sure I have understood the situation properly and also communicated uh the followers you know in in a way they can understand better.

45:02 Okay. Okay. Let's take it little forward and say in a day uh when we are with our children or with our child um let's say sometimes we are the leader and the child is the follower and sometimes the child is the leader and we are the followers. Yeah, let's just assume it's that way. Now which one? Okay, may maybe let's first do it this way. How much right now as in as in in your day-to-day life right now? What do you think is a rough ratio? Whatever uh how much time you are the leader and how much time you are the follower as in is it 50/50 is it 80 times you are the leader 20 times you are the follower or is it 20 times you are the leader 80 times they are the follower when you are together when when whenever there is interactions between you two based on anything whatever is happening in your life. So what what do you think just take a just take a number and throw it in the chat whatever. So first is how much you are leader and then how much you are follower.

46:21 >> Obviously the total has to be 100. Okay. Yeah. 60 40 60 42 60 40s. Okay. So first is how much you are leader then how much you are follower. Priyanka is saying 9010 saying 40 60 35 65 60 40 more people just just put in your u your number which you think right now Mhm.

47:12 Okay. And the obvious next thought is uh now you can you can you can think about whichever role you prefer to play and whichever role you want child to play and whichever role you think will benefit you or the child whichever way you want to think of it. Um right the question obviously the next question is what would you like it to be? How much time you would like the child to lead and how much time you would like you to lead. So you can write it this way that yeah the same equation you leader you follower but now you're thinking in terms of what you would like it to be. You can keep it same you can change it's totally your call.

48:01 Do you want to be more leader and the child more to be a follower or do you want to be child to be the leader and you to be the follower? Which one you want more? So is saying 50/50. Pianka is also saying 50/50. Oh, so many people are saying 50/50. Devil is saying 20 80. I'm assuming 20 is you being leader and 80 child being follower.

48:33 Okay. 100 me zero. Okay. Guy saying 50/50 group saying 80%. Okay. That's the current scenario. 80% he's the leader. 20% I'm the leader. Mhm. So when you're saying many of you are saying 5050 uh yeah I just want to hear a few thoughts meaning what what makes you say 50/50 let's say >> I think for me I like I lack trust in his leadership. I think uh I don't trust that he'll be able to lead well which is not good I know but that's what my thoughts are right now.

49:43 >> And how how will he get okay so you don't trust his leadership capabilities which is absolutely fine. How will he develop those leadership capabilities? Well, I right now I think he needs guidance because >> guidance to do things or he needs guidance to develop leadership qualities or leadership >> leadership not leadership qualities. Sorry, that's the wrong word.

50:16 >> So, he needs guidance to do things or he needs guidance to be the leader. Well, if I don't understand leadership like if I leave it to him to do things like to lead the the whole day that you know I'll leave it to him to lead the whole day then he'll be watching TV and just playing and you know doing uh eating all the all the things that he wants to eat. He'll be doing that. So that is how I lack trust in his leadership like he will not be able to judge what what is you know when to stop. How will he how will he create that judgment >> when he grows up? A little by little.

50:59 >> When when will he grow up? >> No. Little by little as he grows up. >> When when will he grow up? >> I don't know. >> Okay. >> But these things are something like the things that I mentioned. I don't know how will he stop himself from having the urge or maybe just realize that TV I I should not watch so much exactly that's what so much you said it you said it how will he realize so when he can realize when does this realizable when is he realizable >> when he sees that something he's missing because of this I mean something that he he would like to do he's missing that because of this thing So maybe then he will realize but that's like a book thing. I don't know how will that happen practically.

51:52 >> Basically more exposure will allow or more experience will allow them to judge better for themselves. >> But the experience is not of leading. The experience >> of living. Yeah. >> Yeah. Living or leading. I'm saying if we are saying that we have to get the exposure of of showing them if we are the leaders then how are they getting experience of leading themselves they're not getting experience of leading themselves. No, I agree. That is exactly what I'm trying to say, what you were saying that we need to let them uh have more of the experience and exposure of taking their own decisions and being the leaders and that's how they learn and and become leaders. I guess let let me put it this way. If um if if you if you if there's an organization let let's just take a little uh just take an analogy. If there's an organization and and let's say you are the leader of that organization right now you want your child or somebody else whosoever to become the leader of that organization.

53:04 So let's say you are the president or whatever CEO and you want somebody else to become the CEO or the president. What do you need to do? >> We have to have them train and be on the job. >> Succession planning. Sorry. >> Succession planning or I mean like make make an acting CEO or a first like that. create more uh scenarios where he gets to uh lead or to be that CEO to have that CEO exposure expose him to the CEO exposure. How can I have a CEO exposure without being the CEO?

53:50 >> But for a CEO, CEO should have some qualities, right? Like maybe leadership or uh >> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. >> I mean uh talking with people. >> Exactly. So how will that person develop those quality without being the CEO? >> Let them be on the job. That's the but I think the best way is like to uh let them tag along with you so that they can observe what you're doing and whatever the uh see your qualities they have you have. You can just let the kids tag along with you so that they can see what how you're dealing with things and how you're like taking the position how you're dealing with your what do you say the people under you and the how you're working with the people above you. So if you let them observe everything and how you behave or walk everything >> then they are becoming like you.

54:49 Do you want them to become like you or do you want them to become the leader they are or they can be? >> But at least they we want them to be themselves. Uh but at the same time they should know some basic things right like for this session let's say >> know the basic things they don't know the basic things. Would you give this session to your to any of the kids like hey after me just take off this take up this session you're going to lead Jagriti now you are the one who hosting Jagrati but at least they should know what's going on in Jagrati what are the sessions and what exactly each session means right >> yeah that if the child wants to become the leader of Jagrati he can acquire why does I need to be the leader for that fair enough however you are looking That is absolutely fair enough. Okay. I'm thinking in a slightly different way. If I want the child to be leader, first I need to resign.

55:53 Right. First I need to give up that position. Then only the child can be the leader. If I am only the leader, then the child is any which way the follower. You may call whatever the child is learning, but the child is learning only the content. >> Okay. >> The content of of something. But what about the child being the leader? The child can only be the leader when the child becomes the leader or rather his experiences being the leader.

56:24 >> So you push him into the well and then teach the tricks to swim. >> No, no, no, no, no. I am not talking about pushing them. Sorry, sir. Sorry. You're taking it the wrong way. >> Let's jump into the well and then >> I am resigning only then the place is vacant. If I am holding on to my position, my seat, my CEOship, my leadership, then how is the child becoming a leader? The child is still a follower. Nothing wrong with being a follower. I'm not trying to put down one thing. I'm just trying to ask you what do you want?

57:01 Yeah. You want the child to be a leader or you want you to be the leader? You decide the ratio. You decide. You want you to be whatever 50/50. Fair enough. You want more of child being the leader. Well, yes, he can mess up. So, can I think the way and all of us are segregating percentage in our head and otherwise is maybe it's like so if I'm saying that 20% I would like to lead and 80% I want my child to lead. So that 20% where it comes from is we just want to ensure that uh so for example I'm resigning 80% of my time as a from a leadership and just to ensure that the company doesn't sink I mean as far as it runs like you know just to you know have that worst damages rest like all that by making mistake or even by taking wrong decisions one can always learn but to that decision is not something which really kind of you know takes away the whole company which uh which you know I think so I maybe I think if somebody's saying 50/50 it's also like it's not to not to give that uh resignation but to ensure that you know I think that's where that's what I'm guessing right now >> I have absolutely let let me go ahead Shika >> yeah I have one question can we started uh with uh small trials.

58:40 Can we uh let them lead for a day or two? Can we start it this way? >> You decide. What do you want? I am not seeing what you want. I'm just placing two roles here. One is a leader, one is a follower. All right? And the leader you decide which role you want to take and you decide which role you want to give to the child and double to uh kind of take what you are saying little forward or or show a little thought on it let me give an analogy let's say we are all going on a track okay and there is somebody called X who is the leader right And we are all followers, right? Uh we have to go trek up a mountain or something and um uh and then as we are uh you know going on a track at some point you start thinking maybe maybe we are we're not going the right way. Small doubt comes in your mind. Yeah. What will you do?

59:56 Of course you ask around like any good leader will always ask followers. No they leader will listen to followers. It's not something that >> sorry. So what will you do? Dan >> I'll ask my followers. >> You are not the leader. Wait wait wait wait. There is a person X who is the leader. We are all the followers on that track >> and he is he's he or she is that X is supposed to take us till the peak and back to wherever our base camp is. So we are on a track and at after some time you kind of have a little small doubt that maybe maybe we are off the track.

60:44 Okay, I checked with the leader if you're going the right way. Yeah, yeah, we are going the right way. Keep coming. Keep coming. Okay. And then as you go along, as you go along a little bit more and then you have more doubts. You know your doubt is now little increasing. Now what will you do? >> We have to follow a point. Beyond a point I stop following. Beyond a point I'll stop following. >> Okay. Which means you will take up your own leadership.

61:13 >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I will follow the leader. >> Okay. Shikai saying I'll follow the leader. Others what will you do? >> I might follow the leader too might ask the questions but if the leader says no this is the right way. I go that way. >> I might try to convince others that you know this doesn't seem other this doesn't seem the right way. What do you think? I mean just talk with them and maybe try to convince others.

61:42 >> Who are these others? >> The group. >> The group. And what about the leader? Well, if the leader says that you know we are on the right track and I I think otherwise then I'll try to convince other people because uh I myself am not too sure to just stop there and go my way >> maybe as you go ahead now your doubt is little more >> you know so we had step one very little then little more now your doubt is increasing it's maybe this big now what >> I don't know if I think oh Sorry. Go on, please.

62:18 >> So, go on. Yeah, I think I would stop uh and return. I I may not I may not proceed with the group. >> So, you're abandoning the leader >> kind of. Yeah. If I were not if I if it is if the doubt is growing up and like it is too much for me. I don't feel safe or whatever reasons. I don't think this is the right way. >> Mhm. >> Other what would you do? I would uh make small marks or like remember the way back so that if in case the way that we went is wrong we can go back and get on the right >> in a way you are still taking up the leadership then at least for yourself but what about the leader are we not with the leader >> is it necessary to enjoy uh uh I mean the what is the purpose we want to go for the track only or uh what is the purpose >> that's a good I mean anyway we we can enjoy this track also. Wherever we'll go we are all together. Anyway we'll enjoy this track also.

63:21 >> Absolutely. But we aren't thinking about that. We are only thinking about right and wrong, good or bad, lost or found. We aren't thinking about enjoyment. That's not part of the deal. Dal we only thinking about who is the leader. Is the leader the correct leader? Is the leader to be trusted? Is the leader to be is taking us the right place? Yeah, >> Mik is saying I'll not let the leader go that way. Hold his arm and back him to the shore path. But that's assuming we know the short path. And that's your assuming leader does not know the way.

63:56 Have you even asked him or her? Have you have a discussion? Have you sat down and understood what is his game plan? Will you do all of that or will you just say no? Let me just just take over the leadership. Think about it. What do we want? >> And what if it is actually a wrong path? >> Yeah. But as Dul pointed out, we are together. Even if we get lost, we are together. Even if we lose a little here and there, we are together.

64:39 You see from the moment the doubt entered your mind the track is a mess for you isn't it no more enjoying the trick at all when people ask me what is what do you think is the role of a parent I say the role of a parent is to enjoy the child. Now if we are the leader where is the whole joy there is no joy then there is only leadership if I don't trust the leader so all be bigger problem then though I have no time I'm all the time correcting quotes correcting questioning answering da da da da da da but if you if you realize what Dhul was also saying that what is the purpose if our purpose is to enjoy the journey to let mistakes happen to let the leader figure it out and we can have discussions we can have deliberations we can do we are together there's nobody saying leader shouldn't talk sorry followers shouldn't talk to the leader in fact none of the followers talk to the leader in our exercise that was very surprising I never said followers can't talk I said followers follow And the leaders also didn't talk to the followers. Yes, instructions was one thing. But anyway, leave our exercise.

66:11 That's not important. Let's come back to this track. To me, this track is important because that's what we all have. In any case, we don't even know which peak we are aiming for, where we are reaching, where we will anyway reach. So, what do we want? Do we want us to be the leaders or do we want the child to be the leader in some way this one little equation leader follower equation if I may use the word defines a whole lot of things of how we look at children and how we look at ourselves and how we look at whatever you want to call it capabilities potential whatever I don't know these words too well but it comes down to this >> how can we blindly trust the leader >> by trusting them or if you are like me I would say who cares cares about trust. I don't care about trust. To me, trusting is not the important thing. There is something much more important.

67:42 How how do you trust tomorrow will be good for you? You don't you have no idea what will tomorrow bring. But still we go to tomorrow, isn't it? 18th of February, we don't know what's going to happen in anybody's life in this world. Yeah, we have some guesses but pretty much we can't say.

68:13 So anyway, you decide. Again, I am not coming in and saying you should be leader, you should be follower, but I'm I'm trying to I'm I'm trying to in a way I'm Yes. I'm I'm also trying to sell you I'm trying to sell you something. You know what I'm trying to sell you or rather I'm trying to sell this to all the parents in my last almost 15 16 years very very unsuccessful I am in this marketing job. I've been a terrible marketer terrible sales job I have done.

68:55 But what am I selling? Any guesses? >> Joy of being with child I guess. >> Sorry. >> Joy of being with child I guess. >> Um I don't need to sell. Everybody wants to have the joy of being with the child. >> Enjoy the process. >> Want to have but they they don't have mostly. >> That's what I'm selling. We have we most of us have children but we don't have the joy of being with them all the time like because most of the time either we are with ourselves or either we are with the mess or either we are with rest of the thing. So yeah >> I think enjoyable journey.

69:40 >> Okay. No no no I'm not I'm not selling enjoyable journey. I'm I'm actually selling them their own child. I'm selling you your own child. I'm saying your child has the capabilities. Your child has everything that you think the child should have.

70:17 And how will that come out? Well, that won't come out if we are we are in the leadership position. But it may come out. I'm not saying it is easy. I'm not saying it's easy. Difficult is the least important thing. As somebody said, I don't know the first word was adventurable. We are all on an adventure. Now, which way you want the adventure to be? You want the child to lead or you want you to lead? Yes. Leading will have lot of challenges, lot of failures, lot of mistakes. When we talked about empowerment, everybody said failure mistakes. And where are all those failure mistakes? If you're saying I can't trust the child with failure, then what are you going to trust the child with?

71:11 So you decide. You decide. I'm I'm not I'm not here. But to me in some ways this equation is is what it is all about.

71:41 Somewhere somewhere I think at least I can say for myself we start thinking we have all the knowledge. We have all the wisdom. We have all the you know tricks and the techniques and the thing with us and the child is there's a blank slate. The child doesn't know >> but uh I have something to say.

72:16 >> You started with a butt >> because I agree with you. I agree with you but I also think that >> the part gone whatever whatever before part is gone. >> Yeah. Yeah. Please say please say sorry. >> Yeah. I was thinking that you know being with a child enjoying and letting him lead uh would require a lot of my time like I spend a lot of time with my child to understand to be with him to let him lead because uh because it will require time I I think it will require a lot of time and I being a working professional don't have those many hours with him in a day and I think so I think that you know maybe I should guide him and you know I should guide him in certain things that he needs my guidance here. He can't be on his own all the time.

73:10 >> I would look at it Priyanka just the opposite way. If I have 10 minutes with the child let's say in a day that's all. That's it. >> Mhm. >> In those 10 minutes should the child be the leader or I be the leader? Think about it. I'm leaving it to you to decide. I'm not saying I decide whether you have 10 minutes or you 10 hours. I think I don't think it's about the time. I'll give you a very small example since you brought time. I know it's 9:15 and it's more like a time for a break, but let's do this little thing since Priyanka brought this up. Okay. I I want you to keep your hand like this. Where is my video? Hand hand extended like this. Everybody preferably come on video. Okay. Right. You have to keep your hand like this. And I'm going to tell you preferably everybody on video so I can see your little hand out. Yeah, you can see my hand. Yeah. Okay. And u one request please keep this hand like this till I finish this whole story.

74:15 Obviously I'll tell it slowly. Right. Just keep this hand out. I you will get the idea why I'm saying this hand like this. So I this was this was in my center and there was this about uh this was a parent child program right so a mother was there with her somewhere around one and a half year old child yeah one and a half to two years I don't exactly know the child's age and um it was kind of uh the time to leave so the so the mother said okay let's go let's go we have a doctor's appointment you know uh and then she mother noticed that in the child's hand there was this toy which actually belonged to our center.

75:00 So the mother started telling the child hey come on give the toy give the toy this toy belongs to that time our center was called Genie Kids. So she kept on saying this toy belongs to Genie Kids. This toy belongs to Genie Kids. And you know slowly slowly her voice was getting impatient. Come on. Come on. We have to give it you know the the the tone and the temper was changing and that is where come on go on your hand should be like this. Please don't put your hand down. Keep your hand like this. Okay. Uh and and you know there I sense there was this was this was going to go in a different direction which wasn't a very pleasant direction. You know what I mean? As in the mother son interaction child interaction. So what I did was I came to this child and I did this. What exactly you are doing? I just extended a hand.

75:51 That's a what you are doing. Now tell me how long will you extend this hand for the child to decide what to do with your extended hand? >> Five minutes. >> Lifelong. Lifelong. >> Lifelong. Try it now. Within two minutes our heads start aching. Right. We feel like keeping it down. Come on now. We get the message. We get the message. Ratish. We get the message.

76:22 >> No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's there is no message here. >> No, wait. I I I'll say it twice then I'll uh you know leave it on the child whenever you want to keep it here. >> Yeah. Wait, wait. That was not the point. The point was you extend the hand you know it is not about the weight as in the wi ght the hand is not it's your part of a body so it's not very heavy I assume but it's to do with the weight the wiit that's what kills us that's where our impatience comes in we are lost first doubt and we have to settle it correctly we have to quickly set it out >> but if you extend my hand. I think within couple of minutes or maybe less, I don't really really know. He kept the toy in my hand and I did not say a single word.

77:23 In fact, I'd hushed the mother also. Okay, enough. You have said enough. Now it's my turn. Yeah, you can keep your hand down. So we have to think about it. Is that one and a half year old a leader? Leader to think what to do with that toy. Leader to decide. Leader to give back. Now we have to decide. We have to decide where are we operating from. Anyways I can operate from taking it from the child and maybe the child will cry and then there will be some tantrum and then you say my child throws tantrum and blah blah blah blah blah. I'm not saying that that route is wrong or bad. I'm not saying this route was better. I'm I'm just trying to say it's not about the trust. It's about realizing that it's there.

78:19 And any case, we are all together. So what if it does not turn out the way we think it should turn out? Even that idea that it should turn out this way is our idea. So anytime you have some time come over to ROI and then you will see how how this happens here. Come over, stay with us and see for anything and everything who is the leader who takes charge mainly I'm not talking about who takes charge where yes who takes charge about ROE is a separate discussion but who takes charge about each child first of all who is the CEO of your child 50/50 50.

79:18 Who is the CEO of your child? That's the question we need to think about. Who is the leader of my child? And the question is still the same. What do we want? Yeah, let's take a little break. I think we have we have uh spent a good amount of time. But yes, it's it's a very very interesting way to understand the whole relationship. the whole outlook, the whole belief system, the whole way of understanding the child.

79:55 Yeah. So think about whether you would like to resign more or you would like to take the job more. Your choice. Absolutely your choice. In any situation, decide what do I want to do? I want to be the leader or I want to be the follower. Yeah. Okay. Let's take a small break. 9:32. Let's get back in about 5 minutes. 27 28 Hello teacher.

83:11 Teacher. >> Hello teacher. Hi. Who is this?

83:55 What is your name? Hi. >> Hello. >> Which class are you studying?

84:28 >> Laptop. >> Laptop. >> Laptop. What's a laptop? Which grade are you studying in? >> Books. >> Mama. >> Oh, how are you today? >> Fine. >> Very good. >> Did you eat your dinner?

85:02 Dinner. Dinner. I'm actually homeschooling us. So, she's four year old now. >> When she came up with teacher, I thought maybe she's going to school every day. >> Yeah. We just tell her that we are doing some we are doing our class so she doesn't disturb us.

85:35 >> Okay. >> Okay. Are we back? So I thought I will um I will give a small example right what happens when we when we consider the the child to be a leader. So so this was the situation which you can I hope uh see on the screen. This about 2 and a half yearear-old has wet his pants and he doesn't like wet pants. So he has removed his pants. So he's naked and he's walking around and obviously all the other children are laughing and obviously he's crying crying for two reasons. One he has wet his pants and he is without pants. He does not have a spare by the way and well the other is that the children other children are laughing.

86:36 Yeah. So the child comes to you let's say a few other stuff meaning what will you what would you say or do >> yeah anybody whatever whatever is coming to your mind whatever would would be your response >> uh we'll try to understand like what is he feeling I understand 2.5 year old cannot express much uh in terms of building the sentences but we'll try to understand like why he's crying or what is he feeling or um maybe what he wants or what is his need.

87:25 >> Mhm. Okay. >> I think uh first I'll just hug him and comfort him that it's okay. It's all right. Um, and what do you want to do? Maybe give him a couple of choices and ask him. >> Why do you want to hug and comfort him? >> He's crying. So I >> So what? >> So I just hug him. >> He needed his emotions. >> He can't. Sorry. >> Lead his emotions. >> He can. We can all read his emotions.

87:57 But >> lead lead his emotions. >> No, he can. So he's crying. I'm not stopping him from crying. But I can always hug him. >> Why? >> I'm still asking why. >> Why? Because I think uh uh maybe it's a natural instinct. >> There is no such natural instinct. Sorry. >> For us, for me, for me, >> no, it's not a natural instinct. It is something that you like doing. That's okay.

88:29 >> No, I'm just questioning. I'm I'm not saying it's wrong or right. I'm just questioning. I'm asking why. More for you to think. Why am I doing this? What beliefs I'm carrying? >> Yeah, probably. I mean, uh I I would feel that the child if he's crying, uh might be a little upset and might need comforting. And that's why I'd like to just hug him and uh give him that comfort and then maybe ask him what he'd like to do.

89:00 Okay. Anybody else wants to share? What would you like to do? >> Maybe we need to lean the child first. Pardon? clean him first because of hygienic reasons. >> Mhm.

89:36 Okay. Um I incidentally in this particular case I happen to be fiddling with my phone. So when this child came I thought let's just record this conversation. So it's a very small conversation um and uh it's an audio recording uh of what happened uh obviously because I was conscious that I was recording secretly him in a way secretly in the sense without telling him but more importantly his what he was saying was not very clear. So I've repeated everything that he's saying but don't think that I do that on a regular basis. I don't need to. I can understand what he's saying to the extent but in this particular case more for you to be able to hear it. So let's see let's see how this goes.

90:24 Uh wait sorry. Okay. What has become wet? My >> your has become wet. >> Okay. So what do you want to do about it? Tell me. >> I want to dry it. >> You want to dry it? Yeah. >> Okay. So, how can we dry it? >> I don't know. >> You don't know? Okay. So, what else can we do? >> I don't know. >> Hm.

90:56 Would you like to uh walk around without your pants? >> No. >> Then uh I do not have another pair. What else can we do? Think. >> No. >> You want to take this band home? >> Yeah. Okay. So what and at home you will try it. >> I want to go to home. >> You want to go to home? Okay. Till mama comes. What do you want to do? I will call mama. But till mama comes to pick you up. What do you want to do?

91:30 >> I want to dry. >> You want to dry your pants? So how how can you dry your pants? >> Where will you dry it? >> Tell tell me where will you dry it? >> Upstairs. You will write it. Okay. Where in upstairs? >> You you will withdraw it where there. >> Okay. Okay.

92:06 So this this young man he he decides he want to dry it in one of the balconies and so he leads me he goes up and I have to run behind him that's where the audio miss out was there and then he goes and and then he goes and sits in the balcony and he tells me to close the gate he says okay from here nobody can come in and nobody can see me also, you know, because he's at a height. So, and he can try the pant on the railing of the balcon. That's his solution.

92:49 >> What do you say? >> It means he already has a solution. He can see see it and think about it what to do. He knows the solution. >> Well, I'm not too sure. He thought of it, but yeah, he is he's capable of thinking of at least some solution. First solution was I want to try it. Second solution was call my mama. >> Third solution was I will I will try it and then again where I will dry it.

93:21 >> Yes. Okay, I I leave it to you. We can we can uh we can go on and on and on. But um I want to move ahead. I want to I want to think about this. So this was just a little um very very small one minute example of how they can really lead themselves. if you want to give them the I was so brash I I'm not going to do anything for you which is typically how I am meaning um as I as I keep telling people I'm supposed to be a mentor but usually children think I'm a tormentor and they love it.

94:09 Yeah. They love all the all the the power that they get of failing, of thinking, of doing, of trying, of exploring, which is what leadership is all about. >> I have a small doubt at uh okay uh since you were there at that time and uh you observed and and of course the question was that you know when you were observing and such a thing happens what to do? So if if at all those leading questions were not there.

94:41 >> No, I didn't ask any question. He was saying the thing. He said I want to try it. I was not asking any questions. That's why I said at beginning I'm only repeating what he's saying. He said I want to go home. I said okay I'll call your mother. I'm a I'm a follower. Whatever he's saying I will do it. >> Okay. >> There were no leading questions. And what what do you mean by leading question? They're just questions. Even if there is a question, if somebody is saying I will dry him and I'm asking where meaning that's not a leading question. That's just a question.

95:13 Meaning you want to dry somewhere there must be place there to dry. >> That's neither leading. That's just a natural question. Mhm. >> In any case, the idea is not to get u again I can only say come over stay with us and then you will experience more and more then I don't have to record anything for anybody right then you can experience it yourself in in in different ways in many different ways in many but okay let's let's move ahead let's let's let's increase it a little bit more right um let's take one more situation Right? Let's say let's say you reach you're on a road and you come to a sidewalk and you see that there is a child standing there and let's say she's about let's say 12 years old and uh she's really scared to cross this busy street road. It's a very busy road.

96:15 There's no signal nearby or of traffic and probably the from her let's say school uniform you can figure out that oh she has to go across the road to her school obviously she's a stranger uh you don't know her just somebody on the road okay and yeah there is like full scare written on her face and she's kind of couple of times she been trying one step back and one step forward and one step back and so on. What would you do?

96:58 >> Yeah, go ahead. Whatever. >> I'll ask her uh whether I can help her or not in crossing the road. If she permits then I'll hold her hand and uh help her to cross the road. Then after that I will also teach her uh how to cross the road. >> Mhm. >> safely. >> Okay. Chances are her mother has father has done it 56 156 times whatever number of times isn't it? But anyways fair enough.

97:33 That's one way. Anybody else a different different thought that you would normally have? I mean this is the most common one though again if you may ask her she may even say no because she has been also told not to talk to strangers. So she may even say say so when Mahek asks are you going that way would you like come she will she might just not say anything she might just turn around look the other way.

98:06 Ah, Kalash has an interesting thought. Yeah, check that out. What is Kalash saying? Kalash is saying, "Can you help me cross the road?" How's that? Yeah. Think about it. What if we go to the child and say, "Dear, can you help me cross the road?

98:36 What does that do to the whole equation? It empowered the child and made him feel that and that security level is also given that you know you're not supposed to talk to stranger. She's feeling that she's helping you. Yeah. And she will uh she is in uh she is also a leader now. She's leading the you know.

99:12 >> Mhm. Mhm. Okay. >> She is leading now. >> That is if you want that way. Yes. Absolutely. >> She learned that someone is trusting her. >> Kalash you want to say what was your thought behind this? >> Yeah. So first I wanted to ask her uh what do you want to do and then but then you pointed out maybe she won't talk to a stranger. So then I want I followed the leader follower thing. How can I be a follower?

99:46 So I just asked her to lead me. >> Yeah. So ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you not just to a leader but also somebody else who's there in your house. a consultant. Do you have a consultant in your house? Do you have a problem? Are you posting it in the WhatsApp group? You're asking the wrong people. You have better people at home. Your consultant.

100:17 I'll give you one more uh very cute example. Uh this was like um so this was like there was this new child about three years old again um you know who had come new boy uh so the the boy was crying you know does not want to go into this new place new building so was crying uh and not ready to go mother was doing all the marketing there will be toys there there'll be new friends there you'll have lot of fun there you will have this you will have that he was not budging. He was crying, crying, not ready to come in. Just outside the door.

100:56 So what I did was I went and I literally plucked the child off the mom obviously indicating to her you go. Um and the child started wailing now. You know, how dare you I do this uh this whole thing. And I took this child and I started walking and I I waved to the mother to go away. And I I took this child up to the room where other about seven eight children were waiting in the room for the whatever the the group to start right and I did not speak a single word on the way up uh till the room no marketing and when I went to the room I saw these seven eight children I said hey here is whatever the this new child's name here is this and he's having this this this problem this emotion And um can you help him?

101:49 So whose job is to take care of this little one? You will say RNsh it's your job. You are the facilitator there or whatever. You are the mentor there. Oh if I do my job only I earn and learn. But if those eight consultants do my job then you see who learns. So I called all of the eight on them and I said, "Hey, can you take care of him?" And one little girl stood up and said, "Stop."

102:21 Obviously nothing helped. That didn't help, but that's okay. And very in about 5 10 15 minutes, they somehow managed to take care of him. Job done. Why should I do it when somebody else can do it? So now what I am saying is would you like to go a different level? We we're not just talking about the child being leader of his life. How about the child being consultant of your life?

103:00 Do you like that idea? Do you have problems in life? Yes. >> Who should solve them? >> We ourselves. >> Why? Why not your consultant? Free consultant. Do you trust the consultant? No.

103:31 Let me give you one more situation. Let's say let's say uh on a day-to-day basis we you go out with your child let's say whatever 5 years old 6 years 7 years 10 years whatever age you go out with the child and at some shop you have some tiff with the shopkeeper and you you know lose your temper and you shout at the at the shopkeeper it's got nothing to do with the child it's you and the shopkeeper something to do with whatever you gave earlier and uh you know you lost your temper and you shout at the shopkeeper left right and center and anyway whatever that thing is done and then you come back home and and maybe uh maybe in the night uh maybe you will you are thinking you know why did I shout and create that rakas you know uh to the shopkeeper and maybe you will maybe you will maybe you'll even share with your spouse or somebody that okay you know this incident happened I don't know why I lost my head today that is I'm I'm not I'm not saying you lose your temper but I'm more giving my kind of example you know losing my own temper very common for me.

104:37 Now my question is in this whole scenario in this whole journey there was a child with you do you do anything with the child? >> Do you normally if something like this happens do you the child was not involved in anything the child would just happen to be with you. Do you do you talk do you say anything to the child? Did you ask anything? Whatever. Does anything happen with the child?

105:08 >> We have set an uh wrong example to him. >> Yeah. But in a normal way, bad or wrong, I don't know. But what I'm saying in a normal way, what do you do? Do you even go when you come back home and whatever? Everything is back to home level. Do you do anything with the chat? Regarding this incident, no, I don't discuss. >> Sorry. Regarding this incident, >> I might not discuss with the child.

105:40 >> Mhm. Sure. >> Anybody? >> I I Yeah, I will feel uh sorry for my act. >> Mhm. >> In front of child. I should not have done this to that. >> What will you do? What will you do when you have reached back home and you know whatever dinner is over or whatever? Whenever >> I'll talk to the child and uh confess my uh you know mistake that I should not have reacted this way.

106:27 Okay. What would happen Shika if you for a moment thought that he's or she's my consultant and you would have called him or her and said how was my performance today? >> How you date me? >> And for all you know the child would say mom you are like a super mom today. Cool mom how you shouted was so cool. Or the child might say what mom what are you doing with your life man? Who can teach you if you want to learn?

107:00 If you want to learn obviously who can guide you, mentor you, teach you emotions, >> who can help you with the emotional whatever you want to call it, balance, regulation, stability, change, understanding that you need. >> Yeah. go back to the child and say, "Hey, how else I could have done? What else I should do? Guide me, help me next time if this happens, what do you advise for me to do?"

107:35 >> Yeah. But one day I'd like to share my wait just just stay with this. I'm sure you would have had we all do it. I'm not saying we all don't do it. >> Yeah. >> But are we even holding them as consultants? So not just leaders one is that they are can they be leader of their life and can they also be consultants to my life my emotions my problem you know I have a tip with somebody at job or I have a I have something to do with something a financial problem or this problem or that problem with a neighbor with a relative yeah we think oh they are children no That's one way of looking at it. But what if all the problems are shared and solutions or guidance or advice taken? Then what happens?

108:37 Think about it. What are we doing? What are we doing here? Whether it's the leader part or the consultant part, what are we trying Yeah. What are we trying Anybody any thoughts?

109:39 >> I think we'll get a different perspective. >> Mhm. We can see that problem with different eye. >> Okay, that's your benefit. What else? >> It works as empowerment to the child. >> Mhm.

110:13 It also uh teaches the child that what would he or she do in such situation in future if he or she gets in. It makes the child feel good about >> no no don't about helping out mama or papa and he feels important considered >> being hurt in the family and uh is the kind of a thing so It also boost uh his uh you know confidence that he's also a valuable person at home and mature enough.

111:17 Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I think this mature enough itself is a problem. You know we become these mature people and then we we start acting out of our maturity. Maybe we need to give off a little bit of our maturity and gain a little bit of you know our whatever our our nonmaturity.

111:51 No. >> Yeah. >> In some ways. So just just think about it. I'm again to me these are just little maybe not little but significant windows to to look at the child. Whether we are looking at the window of uh leadership, whether we are looking at the window of consultant, whether we are looking at the window of capable, these are just very simple windows and in any interaction we can see. Hey, the best part as I keep telling everybody, the best part is then I can enjoy the trick.

112:39 And I can actually be even if we are going lost or whether we are not going lost and I can actually see and I can actually sit back and observe then I can actually relish this whole amazing journey that is happening in front of me unfolding with 100 failures. The 101st that comes. No, I I I want to share a little incident, you know. Um I my my son was looking for an internship.

113:15 Okay. And uh I don't know if some of you know my my my children haven't really they've not gone to school. They've not given any 10 12 and so they are like you know illiterates of the society. So, so this young man uh identified somebody whom he he kind of little you know valued. So he applied for internship in his firm and that person uh the the CEO took his interview and after some days said that no you are not selected and he was like obviously really broken you know what is this he was like fuming how can you reject me I've done this I've done that this that whatever whatever you know uh heartbroken and angry and upset um so we were all there So somebody asked okay so what do you want to do? He says I want to ask him why did he reject me then nobody said anything okay so the next day he calls him up and he says uncle why did you reject me? So that uncle gave him three four points why you know uh he rejected him. Um so he said uncle okay but I want to whatever three four points that he gave he says but I want to develop these he says okay so he says uncle will you mentor me he says yeah I will mentor you and out of that whole process he gained a beautiful mentor and then for years at least two years at least in his journey that that CEO was closely mentoring him without without any formal engagement with him.

115:06 Yeah. So the desperation in him which we saw the anger the ang like banging the was also a power for him to figure out what to do next. Now I know it need not have turned out that way. It is just an incident. But that's the difference between the weight and the weight. Right? Can we allow can we allow the the child to get lost and then find himself or herself at any age? Obviously I'm giving you an example of two and a half and I'm also giving example of a 19 year old and I can give you many many many many hundreds thousands of example is this one thing is I am full of examples because that is what if you come to Roe again I'm inviting all of you come and experience that's all for us all children here are first of all leaders of themselves and consultant to all of us in everything and child after child they live up to it in different ways. you if you're looking for a particular answer particular thing then it won't happen.

116:37 Okay. Uh we are at oops 958. Okay. Let me very very quickly um so okay let me let me kind of try and summarize this um I usually also throw in this one okay let me quickly throw in let me take a minute quickly so uh I'm little changing I'm bringing one not really one more dimension but just to kind of close this and lead to somewhere one more example that a child is doing something and then she comes and shows you hey this is the whatever this is the work that I've done. What do you think about it? What is normally your response?

117:22 As in the child has made something in this case well let's say an artwork and and come and showing to you that hey what do you think about it or the child has done a performance on the stage and comes running to you and asks you hey >> I would she's feeling >> sorry >> uh I would ask uh he like how he or she is feeling at the moment. >> Mhm. Okay. Others >> first I would appreciate uh her that she tried.

117:58 >> Mhm. >> Okay. And and why did you appreciate? >> At least she tried. >> Yeah. Yeah. But why did you appreciate >> for trying uh for trying the things? >> Yeah. Yeah. That is the the act per se is appreciable. But why did you appreciate Because uh she uh for her efforts. >> Yeah. Yeah. But why did you appreciate?

118:31 >> Because she she can continue doing. >> Yeah. Yeah. She can continue doing. But why did you appreciate? >> Because I'm her mother. She needs >> or did it come in a manual that whenever your child accomplish something, you have to appreciate her. No, but uh they also look for appreciation from family as well. >> Ah, fair enough. Fair enough. Yeah. >> Because when I feel appreciated, I like it. >> So I think my child would also like it.

119:04 >> Yes. >> Okay. self satisfaction when you're saying whose satisfaction parent satisfaction or the child's satisfaction. Okay. But so so yeah so the question is why do we praise you know if you if you if you see a 8-month-old or a one year old or a one and a half year old child the child keeps on doing things without even bothering for any appreciation. Have you seen an 8-month-old asking for appreciation that today I turned in the bed, please appreciate me?

119:51 Yeah. Is is that something that the child is asking? I don't know. I don't know. And in any case, whom do we want to appreciate the child? Us or the child? Who should assess the child? Who should praise the child? Sume you're saying and I want him to know that I love whatever he does but what is more important whether you love whatever he does or whether he love whatever he does or he starts doing things for for others approval for external validation for the world to make him happy again we have to think about it what do we want do we want our praise to make a difference or do we want his own assessment praise whatever whatever as Kupa said feelings those two drive him which one do we want so to conclude kind of today's session in a way I'll tell the story don't worry what do we want where do we want the locus of control do we want the locus of control outside as in with us or with somebody else or inside the child.

121:17 So you can look at the list on the slide. Meaning we may compare or encourage or praise or tell that we know better or tell what is right or wrong or decide for them or we may think oh he's just a child or we may want to because often when we say we are the leader we all mostly at least I don't know about you I end up when I think I'm the leader I actually do stop being a leader I start being a manager, start controlling outcomes.

121:54 So even this whole leadership follower example is not a two-way thing. You know, I mess it up by becoming the manager of the situation rather than the leader of the child. The leader is supposed to inspire, but instead of inspire, I start getting into some kind of a control of manager. So I don't know. I'm leaving it for you to decide which side you want to be. When you want to be on the outside, the locus of control. When you want to be inside, it's something we need to think about.

122:27 Again, I'm not trying to say if I do it this way, this is right or if I do it. There's no right or wrong in parenting or for that matter in anything. It's an exploration. It's about us to decide what we want to wear. No.

122:58 In any case, me if you say I want him to know that I love whatever he does is a little I don't know that your sentence is is creating discomfort in me. So, so, so, so what happens when you don't love what he does? Then what happens? So, do you is the love about him or what he does? You have to think about it. What are we conveying? You know, then is the result is something that I love or is it the person the doer no matter how good or bad the he does it and so on. I leave it to you anyway. Uh let me not drag this too much. But okay.

123:45 So you will say okay all this is fine but what what what kind of what do we do? what do we do to at least explore some of this some of I'm sure you are already exploring so that's the first thing I'm sure you are already giving leadership I'm sure you are already giving consultancy or taking consultancy I'm sure you are giving the control inside the child many spaces so it's not something that you are not doing it it's just that we have to see do we want to give it what what in some ways what proportion or in what quality or in which way so one quick way of understanding understanding this we call it as hey what is my role in some ways my role can be of a mirror if I look at a mirror what does a mirror do whenever I look at a mirror the mirror simply listens to me right mirror never talks back in that sense okay the mirror also makes me aware because mirror is kind of showing whatever is on my let's say face uh in by way of reflecting the mirror helps reflecting and we will we'll have a full session on reflection. So don't worry we'll spend a lot of time on on reflection and uh the mirror accepts.

125:00 So if you want you can think of yourself as a mirror when you are a follower and then see hey yeah so my role is not as a follower is not that I don't do anything I can do a lot of things lot of interesting things and these are some of the things that I can do. Okay, it's already 107. Sorry. Um, yeah. Okay, let me end with a small story. I hope I have not shared. I keep forgetting which your story I share where. So, if I have shared it, you please stop me and say that you have already shared this. Then I'll think of something else. So there was this um uh there was this king who was riding through a village.

125:56 Have I shared the story? No. Okay. And uh you know he sees his with with his entourage. She's you know riding through this village and he sees on this village many houses there are these you know the bullseye rings you know the archery rings where you where you shoot the uh uh you know arrow. So he sees there are so many of these balls where the these archery rings and the arrow is right in the middle and he's like man there must be a great marksman here. So he he asked his people you know go find this amazing archer.

126:37 So after some time these his his men bring this 10year-old and they say his your he's the marksman. They say you how do you do this? How is it that every every single arrow is right in the middle of the bullseye? He said, "Sire, it's very simple. I first shoot the arrow and then I draw the circles around."

127:09 Yeah. I shoot the arrow and then I draw the circles around. Thank you.

127:45 Thank you so much.