Transcript
0:00 Okay. So one uh one thing that I would want to say here is that there is no magic trick you know dear sir you asked me for some charm. Okay. I don't have a magic trick or a charm to make your spouse faster. Okay. Or more results driven. Just like I don't have a magic trick or a charm for women to make their husbands more romantic or more attentive or uh gentler parents or all sorts of things that women write to me asking for. Okay. So that framing already puts you in a kind of manager role or a parent role towards your partner, right?
0:36 And it's going to backfire every single time. People, men and women, don't like to feel controlled. Don't like to feel that they're not accepted for who they are. Don't like to feel that their spouse is constantly trying to change them. Okay? If you're multitasking and you just drifted away, come back to me because that's really important. Nobody likes to feel that their spouse is trying to change them. Everybody takes that personally and finds that difficult. However, it's a little bit of a paradox because the truth is that we all sometimes need our spouses to change with regards to something. Okay. So what is reasonable is that two adults who share a home need clear agreements about responsibilities, about standards, about consequences, about values, about lifestyle.
Summary
- Attempting to change a partner can backfire and create resentment.
- People dislike feeling controlled or not accepted for who they are.
- Mutual acceptance is crucial in a relationship.
- Clear agreements about responsibilities and values are necessary for cohabitation.
- Both partners should communicate their needs without trying to change each other.
- It's important to recognize that some changes may be necessary for a healthy relationship.