How Craig Melvin Deals With The Challenges Of Modern Parenting | Clips | Dad Saves America

0:01 - I'm gonna ask a little bit of a challenging question. - [Craig] Okay. - And it's one that a lot of our guests who have had a struggle with their parents, and have become successful, it's this interesting dynamic. You have kids now, you said. - [Craig] Yeah. - Your kids face a different set of challenges, right? - [Craig] They face no challenges. That's the challenge. - Well that is the challenge. - Yeah. - How do you think about setting them up to succeed?

0:23 Because in some ways, you know, they don't face challenges. This is a big theme on our show, that our kids are struggling in part with mental health and all these other issues. And a lot of it is, obviously there's a lot of adversity out there. - [Craig] Sure. - But there's also a lot of kids who are suffering from a lack of adversity. - [Craig] Yes. - So you had all this adversity, and your kids, their dad's on TV.

0:45 Like, they're living a totally different life. How do you navigate that as a father? - I would maintain, John, that has been, for my wife Lindsay and I, that's been our greatest challenge. We talk about it a lot because I agree with you wholeheartedly. And I think that part of what we're saying as a society, in terms of, you know, suicide rates and mental health struggles. - We're the same age. I didn't have any friends that were suffering from anxiety.

1:12 - [Craig] Well, we didn't know it. - Maybe we- - I mean sure they were there. But- - But they weren't like the numbers we have today. - No. No, they weren't. I mean, granted, I would contend that a lot of that has to do with the proliferation of social media. - For sure. - The internet. But that not withstanding, I mean, that's not going anywhere. So we've gotta figure out how to navigate that. And rearing resilient children, is the greatest struggle for us right now.

1:41 We're doing it a number of, we're trying a number of different things, going back to what we were talking about a few minutes ago. Faith, that's going to be one of the, one of the pillars that we're creating. We also spend a lot of time making sure that our kids are around our extended family, who, you know, are of modest means, and, you know, live like regular people, drive regular cars, or regular houses, and lead regular lives.

2:03 They spend a lot of time around cousins and- - Yeah. That's great. And we also don't start with, "Yes" with them. We tell our kids "No" a lot. My son wanted a pair of really expensive sneakers. And I said to him what my father always said to me, I was like, "Son, we can't afford those." And my then eight year old son was like, "Dad, really? We can't afford those sneakers?" And then he says to me, he's like, "You just got back from China.

2:28 I know they paid you extra for the Olympics." (both laugh) - No, see these are... - But then I'm like, there was a part of me that was like, I was like a little proud that he would connect those dots. We have to deprive them of things, not because we can't afford things, but they need to know that they're not going to get everything. - Yeah. - So we create artificial barriers. We also have started being selective in terms of the children that they hang out with.

2:58 Because in our town, - Yeah, this is big. - In our town, there are a lot of kids whose dad works at the hedge fund, and they got a basketball court in the house, or they've got a tennis court in the backyard. And you know, my daughter came back from a play date, and she's going on and on. I won't use the child's name, but she's going on, on and on about this child's pantry, and how their pantry is stocked with all these snacks and candy, and, she's is going on and on about the pantry.

3:24 And I'm like, "Hey, your pantry's not so bad, by the way, Sybil. But, and I said to my wife when she got home, and Linds was like, "Yeah, they've got a gate in the front, and it's a thing." Lind, Sybi goes over and she's like, "I think they're rich." And I know the father. And I'm like, "No, they are, they are." So we try not to have them hang out with her too much. But we try to keep, you know- - No. No, it's a weird thing.

3:50 - How do you do it? - I mean, we've been pretty careful on the school front. - Yeah. - And when we moved to Texas, one of the reasons we didn't move to Los Angeles. - 'Cause frankly, I didn't want to raise my son in the materialism of LA. - [Craig] Yeah. - It was like... And we've opted not to send him to schools that were frankly filled with a bunch of rich kids. - [Craig] Yeah. - I mean, I'm a capitalist.

4:14 I'm all for wealth. - Yes. Same here. - But there's a culture challenge - Yep. - That I think is hard. And it's a new challenge for a lot of people. It's a new challenge, I think for the, for the country. 'Cause we are getting, we're a lot wealthier than we were 50 years ago. - Well, but the divide between, I mean the chasm between those who are and those who are not, that's also never been wider.

4:35 You just brought up something that I also think is important to mention. We deliberately seek out diversity. And not just racial diversity, geographic diversity, religious diversity, when they're older, you know, orientation, sexual orientation diversity. It's, it is very important, especially for my wife, but me as well. That our children are surrounded by people who don't look like them, who don't think like them, who come from backgrounds who aren't like theirs. Because I would, I would maintain that one of the great problems that we have in our society right now, is we all live in these echo chambers.

5:12 We surround ourselves with like-minded people. And anytime someone challenges our worldview, we're so sensitive to it, we just don't hang out with that person anymore. I thoroughly enjoy having people over, having a nice glass of brown liquor in my basement at my bar, with people who are nothing like me. And some of the best conversations that I have, are with those people. And it's, I don't know, we don't do that anymore, John. You do it on podcasts, maybe.

5:43 You know. - Well it's funny because I think that we have a lot of focus on the diversity that you can identify from across a room. And there's a, there's a lot of good in that, but there's so much diversity below the surface of what you can know from across the room, that we don't spend enough time on. - [Craig] No. - People's background, people's perspective, people's divergence and political views. - [Craig] Yes. - Yeah, we're in these, we're in these echo chambers.

6:08 And, you know, as a media guy, how are you thinking about navigating media consumption, screen time? - Well, first of all, full disclosure in my house, I make my children watch the commercials too. And my son is tired of hearing it. 'Cause he's heard it his entire life. Anytime he complains about a commercial, I'm like, "Hey, commercials paid for the TV, commercials paid for the house. - Interesting. - We watch commercials, son. Anytime I catch 'em trying to fast forward, I'm like, "No, no. No, no."

6:39 He's like, "But Dad, I've seen this commercial." I'm like, "That's okay. That's alright. We're gonna watch it again." My wife and I have decided that we are going to keep those evil devices away from our children as long as humanly possible. They don't have cell phones yet, obviously. Our goal is to hold off until middle school. The problem, one of the problems, John, is you've got these other parents, - Yeah. - Who are giving their kids smartphones in like the fifth grade.

7:09 - Yeah. You go to any, you go to any restaurant, and you'll find right down to a three-year-old- - [Craig] Yeah. - Holding an iPhone over dinner. - No, we, and we also talk- - And look, guilty is charged. We did it. You know, at the worst moments- - [Craig] Sure. - It's like, Mateo's going crazy. - Sure. - And it's like, just let him play Mario Run. - Digital pacifiers. Digital pacifiers. We've done it at a rest restaurants as well.

7:30 We've since stopped. What we do now, is when they do have some screen time, we limit it. We set the timer on the phone, we're like 15 minutes, 20 minutes, or whatever, timer goes off, there's just not this thing. "Well, no, come on, dad." No. No. We always know what they're watching. I actually play some video games, some video games with him. No, we, we monitor it. And I'll tell you what else we're gonna do. And this is not gonna be a popular opinion.

7:55 I'm gonna spy on my children. - 100% (laughs) - And they're gonna know. - There's enough technology now, where I can see the emails that are going out. I can see what you're scrolling. I can shut down the internet in the house. We're gonna be those parents. I would rather err on the side of overprotection, than being flat out stunned one day when I get a phone call, that something terrible has happened to my son or daughter, and I didn't know what they were dealing with in their lives.

8:24 No, I'm, it's, I'm gonna be the Gestapo. There will be no expectation of any semblance of privacy in my house. There won't. Because there wasn't in my house growing up. - Right, right. All this pri, you know what, what was this privacy? - Right. - My, I remember, like my, like I would have the door closed. My mom would swing the door open. She's was like, "Why is the door closed?" I'm like, "Well, I'm 15." You know. I'm on the phone.

8:52 I'm doing what, you know. She said, "We don't close doors." I'm like, "Alright, fine." Door's wide open. - We might be conditioning them to live in a surveillance state, but I guess that's a challenge for another time. - It's price they're gonna have to pay in my house.