How to Handle Rudeness

0:00 I'm Dr Becky and this is good inside so I just want to model something where to me it is possible to come up with these like a multiplicity of wins where okay we're honoring our own values we're helping our kids and we're also you know kind of like perspecting or seeing really the good inside you know a child whether it's ours or another child who's kind of acting up in this way so here's words that come to mind for me

0:27 okay you know that's not how we talk to people in this house look I I know you're a good kid and I know you can find another way to ask me for that so I'm just gonna pause because it's not like I expect this child to say wow thank you for seeing me in this way and like that feels so warm and yes actually I'm sorry can you please get me water and I'm gonna start speaking that way

0:46 all the time like that's not gonna happen let's just put that out there exactly right but there there are a lot of messages I think with this number one you're holding a boundary that you feel is important in your own home number two it's not just forcing a kid I actually think this is a better way even to respond to our own kids and say I know you know you have to say please and thank you because then we're just

1:08 slapping on surface level manners instead of doing what I think probably is more powerful even for them changing over time which is naming something that's not okay seeing them as a good kid under this rude behavior and then giving a different set of expectations you know to kind of bring that good inside to the outside and how you make a request and you're actually doing all of that like I feel like you're respecting yourself you're maintaining to your own

1:34 kids the level of expectations you have and I would argue as like a bonus I think you're giving something powerful to this other child right and I think there's a lot of extensions of that right so you have a kid at your house they're always knocking down towers and your kid's like stop knocking down my towers and she's like I don't care I'm not you know something like that again I think step one is us embodying our Authority in setting

1:59 a boundary I'm not going to let you continue to knock over towers and honestly I wouldn't let my kid continue to knock over your Towers if you didn't like it either so it seems like you want to knock things down I'm Gonna Stand between you and my child and if you want to build your own block tower and knock it down over and over you can do that to this side and again it's like I am stepping in first

2:22 I am protecting both kids I always feel like when we think about protecting kids we think about protecting the kid who's quote the victim I always think like the kid who's the seeming aggressor also needs protection from feeling like a bad kid so I'm protecting everyone why is it so hard to find Reliable answers to Parenting questions how is it in 2022 parents still search on Google for answers from strangers well now there's a better way

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