# **Platform:** youtube **Duration:** 10m **Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI ## Summary The speaker shares their journey through a challenging second pregnancy, followed by postpartum anxiety and depression. They emphasize the importance of community support and taking small, manageable steps towards personal growth, highlighting how acceptance and understanding from others have helped them feel more capable and present as a parent. - The second pregnancy was more difficult than the first, leading to postpartum anxiety and depression. - The speaker struggled to apply previously learned tools for coping due to diminished energy and capacity. - Community support through action groups provided a safe space for acceptance and encouragement. - The concept of "baby steps" helped the speaker focus on manageable goals rather than overwhelming expectations. - The speaker learned to let go of rigid thinking and the pressure to "pull it together." - They feel hopeful and capable, recognizing their value as a parent and the importance of being present with their children. - The speaker is contemplating the possibility of having another child, reflecting on their growth and current stability. - They aim to establish a rhythm in their family life that allows for pursuing future dreams and goals. ## Transcript [[0:14]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=14s) so with um i think things had been difficult for a while during my the second pregnancy was was tough i felt a lot worse than i did the first time around and i had a toddler obviously um and so i took a lot of energy and i found that i wasn't showing up the way i wanted to show up and that my capacity just to even apply some of the tools that i already had was just really diminished [[0:41]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=41s) um afterwards when the baby was born pretty pretty quickly i i i just had like crazy post-partum anxiety and just depression and then just a lot of struggles and then some health health issues too um and that on top of breastfeeding postpartum issues and two kids and all my previous history and all of that it just i was just finding even handling just just seeing myself not being able to show up and [[1:12]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=72s) then my response to um like my kid's distress my eldest distress was essentially i am the worst human being ever and i just i need to fix this i need to do something i need to change i need somehow help me to be able to apply these tools this whole membership is it's not just like following through the course and doing the modules and and it's it's really based on what what you need right now and if your [[1:44]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=104s) needs don't necessarily fit the course necessarily the modules you still get help that guidance and encouragement and um feedback and like having things reflected back to you and even suggestions the next steps to take that you wouldn't have thought of yourself i certainly couldn't have and um i was i was very hard on myself and just over [[2:15]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=135s) this last year it's been uh a process but i'm i'm definitely doing better at letting up on myself and just i love um i've joined uh one of the action groups called baby steps and that was the perfect fit for me i it's like the baby steps are like just the smallest steps and that's mostly what i've got out of this course this this year um i haven't really engaged with a lot of the material i've i mean i've listened to [[2:46]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=166s) things i've listened to podcasts and it's been a lot of passive like stuff but my ability to actually apply and follow through on different things or even keep up on a circle um has been yeah not there um so i um but i i really have got a lot out of the action groups and just having that connection and and there was a time when i was i was i kind of backed out and i was [[3:13]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=193s) several several that i missed in a row and um i didn't just get forgotten or skipped over or you know i i was an important person an important member of that group and like it was like i was encouraged to come back and and just we really get to show up where we are that's what i love i just love it we get to be where we're at and and i think what i've learned a lot is we [[3:43]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=223s) may have this i may have this vision of where i want to be and how it wants it to look but i don't know all the steps they're going to take to get me there and um and those those steps have really been small and different um but it's it's given me a whole new perspective and i've really appreciated the flexibility and just it's just shown me how how rigid some of my [[4:14]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=254s) my um thinking has been about like i need to just pull it together i just gotta push it on through and you know and no that doesn't work never has well that's what our society tells us you need right that you that's what you need to do you need to get it together you um if you have the knowledge and you haven't been able to make the change that you want to make then clearly your absence of willpower is at fault [[4:40]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=280s) here and if you were to just apply enough willpower then you would be able to realize the change that you want to make when in reality life isn't like that no longer yeah yeah their life is not like that at all and we have to um i think one thing we try really hard to do in in the membership is exactly what you said to meet people where you are um that if you haven't read that [[5:06]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=306s) that module of content yet before you get on the coaching call it does not matter if your question is unrelated in any way to the content that we're covering that month it does not matter if you're posting in the community about a question from content from three months ago that you just you know just getting around to posting it does not matter um and and so uh yeah so i think that meeting people where they are is [[5:29]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=329s) absolutely critical um and i'm wondering if you can say maybe a little bit more about what it was about your action group that that you really found a place to be in because i think uh we um in the membership have really seen a a huge shift in you in the last few months and it seemed to to sort of parallel your experience in that group and so i'm wondering if you can say a little bit [[5:52]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=352s) more about what it what it was it about being in that group that it felt so supportive to you and felt like it was uh helping you in in whatever way it was as you were going through that experience yeah sorry i just i just wanted to say even just as you were describing what how how it is i just i just rolled up i mean the amount of love and support i felt from being accepted where i'm at has been [[6:20]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=380s) incredible it's a safe place to be and that's the same as it was in the action group yeah a safe place to just show up i think more than anything it helps me it helped me to accept myself where i was at because i was being accepted where i was at by other people and there was no [[6:50]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=410s) judgment though like come on it was just okay so that's that's where you're at and what do you want to do about it what's your next step kind of thing and what do you think and and having that having people help tease it out like figure out okay so this is what i think my next best goal is but actually sometimes they'd be like no actually i think your next best step would be to kind of scale it back and do [[7:18]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=438s) a lot less do this and it was like really baby steps and that's what i needed that's what i needed and yeah there's some pretty incredible women in my group [Music] i i definitely feel hopeful i i feel it's like what i've had in the back of my mind and back of my heart the whole time it's like i i am this i am capable [[7:50]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=470s) i have have all of this but and i have a lot to offer and my kids are i'm actually gonna say this are actually lucky to have me you know i i i can they're not i'm not destroying them i'm not ruining them right now we're just in the throes of just enjoying where we're at i had um and i i've been doing that for several months now and it's just been wonderful to just [[8:23]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=503s) be able to be present with the kids in a way that and just enjoy i i don't even know how to describe it just not put having any pressure on myself to to fix anything or to i mean there is there are some things i know i i'm aware of that i need to work on and i am working on them and and some of it's working with my husband as well it's like my relationship with [[8:46]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=526s) my husband and i think that's very much what module two is about um um but um it's i just feel like um it's pretty exciting and [Music] i um so this is this is just and i this feels kind of crazy to even say it um because i'm only just handling doing [[9:17]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=557s) doing good now but there's part of me and even my kids late have been like the thought of having another kid that's coming to mind and i'm like this is kind of crazy i kind of want it i always thought i'd have three maybe but yeah that's gotta be kind of nuts to even think of that because of how hard it was and how much i've come through so i think that i like processing that figuring out where i'm at with that and [[9:48]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=588s) my husband and i um part of our we don't really have any resolutions or goals or whatever for the year other than to just kind of settle into um like more of a kind of rhythm of like how we want our days to look and how like how our weeks would look and how it would just kind of we want things to be just ticking over in the background so that we can actually focus on the goals that we have [[10:14]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Md9jhlrI&t=614s) i mean that we have talked about dreams that we've had about where we would live and what we want for our family but that will only happen as i take the steps [Music]