Words That Shape Hearts: The Art of Blessing Your Kids

0:00 [Music] hi friends welcome back I'm Stacy belward the host of the connected fames podcast Welcome to our community we are people committed to pursuing God's grace and truth for ourselves and then daily working to pass that Grace and Truth on to our children I'm so glad that you're here today well this week our Focus continues on affirming our children last week Lynn and I unpacked the tool called the ABCs of affirmation if you missed it be sure to check out that episode you

0:32 may have also noticed we're breaking it down in our weekly email that's been fun well today we're excited to share a conversation with you about another way to affirm your child by speaking blessings over them listen in today as Chad H Director of Education and equipping and Katie Johnson a connected family certified parent coach share about this faith-filled and Powerful way that you can connect with your child's heart and build their identity welcome

1:03 everybody to the connected families podcast I'm Chad H and I am here with Katie Johnson a good friend and a connected family certified parent coach so welcome Katie hi it's good to be here yeah so glad you are here and our topic today speaking blessings over your kids is one that is near and dear to your heart and one that uh my wife Karma and I have spent some time thinking about and uh and working to utilize in our own

1:30 family as well before we jump into that maybe just share a little bit about about you kind of where you're at agent age of life and and what is it that gets you excited about this topic sure well I live in Madison Wisconsin with my husband and three kids and a dog and three chickens um and all wonderful that my kids are turning seven turning six and three so we are at the younger at the stage of young children and I have

2:02 been certified parent coach for the last three years so it's just been really wonderful Journey working through the layers of the framework and my own family and helping some parents along the way yeah yeah I remember first meeting you and just uh what felt like the the craziness of like oh my goodness there's so much intensity and there's all the stuff going on and so many diapers yeah survival mode and in what seemingly was seem like forever at least

2:31 in that stage and age you're like oh my goodness is this ever going to end but appreciate you and and Karma and I have appreciated you and your prayerfulness and your friendship over the years as well and your seriousness of you know coming into scripture to inform us about like how do we want to how do we how we look at this and so I think that's a good starting point for us uh in any topic but in particular the topic today

2:54 about speaking blessings over our kids like let's just start off with like what's a blessing and and what's the biblical rationale for it yeah well the word blessing is used in a few different ways throughout the Old and New Testament but I think if we look at just right off the bat if we look at Ephesians 1:3 we can see a few of the different ways there it says blessed be the God and father of our Lord Jesus

3:18 Christ and that blessed is like celebrated or praised he is worthy to be lifted up um and and then it goes on who has blessed us in Christ and that means that we've been given favor there's something that kind of blessing is something bestowed by God to us and then it says with every spiritual blessing so that's a thing and it's the spiritual blessing in Heavenly places those are things that cause us to prosper or to

3:47 make us happy and so blessing can be this act of adoration but it's also can be praying or asking God for his favor or for his Blessing and then we also see it used as a a means of consecrating something to God or just declaring God's goodness so it sounds like there's it depends in some ways like who the blessing is toward or what purpose of the blessing might be and I think blessing is you know in our in our

4:18 culture today is you know we've lost a little bit in terms of what it actually meant that bowing before a king like that's just not something that most of us have a reference for so k we see the the usage of blessed in three different ways in Ephesians 1 I'm wondering like what's the application here what do we talking about looking at in terms of like blessing our kids well if we look at Jesus example in Mark 10 he takes

4:45 little children that were brought to him into his arms and He blesses them he lays his hands on them and blesses them and so I think that's a beautiful picture of what we want to do for our kids we want to pray for them we want to speak God's goodness and favor the things that will cause them to prosper we we ask for that we declare it over their lives we speak it over them all all of those nuances are in the biblical

5:15 definition of blessing and there's actually two Patriarchs of the Old Testament who made it into the Hebrews 11 like it's not a Hall of Fame it's like a hall of Faith right Faith fame um and they made it in just by blessing their children it's in verse 20 and 21 it says by faith Isaac invoked future blessings on Jacob and Esau and by faith Jacob when dying blessed each of the sons of Joseph so it's and that's the

5:43 the speaking or pronouncing the favor of God over their lives and I think this is uh part of the the article that'll be linked to this podcast has a little bit of that in those verses in that blog post but when you think about that you know by faith and you know Hebrews 11:1 kind of defines Faith as now Faith is the Assurance of things hoped for the convictions of of Things Not Seen when you think about the faith of Isaac and

6:10 Jacob in Hebrews 11 like what was such an AC of Faith here it required great faith for them to say I believe in the power of God to bring these blessings to pass I believe in God's faithfulness in his goodness regardless of what the current circumstances look like and you if you go back to Genesis and you read the actual blessings that those men gave to their children they're like National and international proportions like over multiple generations and so it really is

6:42 this Act of Faith that there's going to be an incredible future blessing or favor on their children and and I think to go back to your question what was that mean for parents speaking a blessing for their children we can ask the question what are the things that we can say or pray for or speak over our children that we have faith that God will bring to pass what can we be confident about regarding our children

7:09 so what are the promises of God for them what is the character that God wants to form in our children what are the blessings that he said he wants to give to families he wants to give to his people in in his kingdom so those are the things that we can boldly pray for those are the blessings that we have full freedom to give within the family of God yeah and and I love the taking scripture like these are the things that

7:32 God says that he wants to do so we're proclaiming them we're agreeing with God in in that proclamation of the blessing and I mean things weren't going great in a lot of ways for Jacob and Isaac for their their families and their their kids and it wasn't like Hey we're pretty shiny people over here God so I hope you'll bless our families it's like this is a mess we have a mess and we don't know how it's all going to play out but

7:57 we believe in you God We Trust in your promises and we bless the generations to come I that that is a huge Act of Faith not out of what is seen but is actually what is kind of hoped for but you can't see it they were totally dependent on God's faithfulness and God's goodness yeah you know one of the things that that we talk a lot about at Connected families is is kind of our foundation our our framework the foundation connect

8:26 coach correct and interesting that we're talking about Ephesians 1:3 to start the podcast but that really is a foundational verse it is on our connected familyes framework if you have a refrigerator magnet hanging in your house or you you have access to one especially a more updated one you'll see Ephesians 13 on there really is identity forming kinds of messages like parent before we even get to connection coaching and correction with our kids it's like our foundation is so essential

8:57 to to understand like what's true true about us our identity where does our identity our true identity come from and so how do parents get prepared what's the parent preparation here for offering uh and speaking blessings over our kids yeah it it does come back to that Foundation always I think you know all of our parenting comes from this place of receiving from the Lord so that we can pass that on to our kids and so

9:23 blessing our children any goodness that we want to speak over their lives any favor of God that we want to pray and ask for we get there to the point of understanding that and asking that by first considering how have we been blessed by God how have we been deeply valued by God and I love the the Greek word for bless It's a combination of two words actually it's it's good and word together so a blessing is literally a

9:48 good word it's spoken to or spoken over someone and there's so many good words that God speaks over our lives and I think the Ephesian 13 starts off I mean if you want to look for good words go to Ephesians 1 and you just keep reading and you're going to see so many blessings that God speaks over your life as a parent and it's it really is important to take time to find them in scripture and meditate on them and

10:15 receive those good words for yourself so that out of you know the Overflow of your heart your mouth is going to speak that about your children and even about yourself that is huge I mean Ephesians chapters 1 and 2 probably have 25 or more you are statements in them for the believer in Jesus Christ so as parents as Believers in Christ it's like you are chosen and holy and dearly loved and forgiven and redeemed it is just filled

10:41 with identity it's like Paul is saying hey Believers let me remind you about who you are and and that's really what we're doing with our kids as well is we're reminding them in some ways about who they are that's a a big piece like what else do you want to say about that what I can't help but think when I consider the good words over our lives is Jesus as the ultimate word he is the word made flesh you know and we're just

11:05 come it's January so we're at the Christmas season is kind of still fresh in mind and it's like Jesus the word incarnate is the ultimate blessing spoken over our lives and I have this very distinct memory sitting in church on Christmas Eve and hearing those lyrics to Oh Holy Night you know long lay the world in sin and er pining till he appeared and the Soul felt its worth one of the meanings of blessing is to

11:30 praise God we bless God we celebrate we praise him because there's nothing in heaven or on earth that is as valuable as him he's above all but at the same time like you're saying he is speaking messages to us of our worth and so he speaks that message to us in Jesus and that Jesus appeared as a human that he served that he served unto his death is a key to our identity it's who we are is

11:57 a treasure to God our soul really should feel that worth and have that thrill of hope that the weary parents should rejoice in that yes yeah so I just think going back to receiving Jesus and receiving all of God's good words over us and then passing that on to our kids yeah and we see it in the Psalms right Psalm 103 bless the Lord oh my soul all that is within me bless His holy name bless the Lord oh my soul for

12:24 getting not all of his benefits it it is on the tip of the the pen the tongue for the psalmist on a regular basis so just blessing the Lord blessing the Lord and I I love that thought of of Jesus being the ultimate blessing right to us for us so there's so much like like I just get chills just talking about you know just think about the awesomeness of God and when I think about the the psalm who man

12:53 that you are mindful of us the world right yeah yeah you you are so great and yet you emptied yourself like Philippians 2 you were God you emptied yourself to take the form of a servant for me like what kind of a statement about my identity is that that is the place from which I want to parent from which I want to speak the identity of my children as well to just know that God has humbled himself to come and give

13:23 himself to us yeah so that that starting point and I know that sometimes it's like yeah yeah okay well that's interesting let's just get onto the good stuff here of like like what are we going to say how are we going to bless our kids right but this is the this is the place where connected families we invite parents to just stop and pause and and receive God's grace and truth in your own life sometimes it's a hard

13:45 thing we we've bogged down or we we've got negative thinking and we don't really understand who we are but I just really invite parents to to take a moment to to take moments to reflect and review and receive God's blessing his his words of blessing over over you it's really hard to pass on to our kids what we have not yet received from the Lord so we're going to take a break here and on the other side of the break we're

14:12 going to come back and see if we can make it uh make it [Music] practical hey friends I hope you're learning the value of affirmation and blessing through this conversation the team has loved breaking down this key tool here on the podcast and in our weekly email if you didn't have a chance last week to get our two-page PDF on this tool called the ABCs of affirmation be sure to download your copy now is free

14:43 the PDF will walk you through simple steps to affirm your child effectively and I love that it includes a list of 42 different character qualities that you can affirm in your child we hope that this extra time with the tool that we call all ABCs of affirmation will help you nurture a positive uplifting tone in your home as you focus on what's going right and grow your child's god-given identity tap through to the show notes and grab your copy today it's

15:17 free all right welcome back Chad H and Katie Johnson here talking about speaking blessings over your kids we just want to take some time to talk a little bit about like what does it even look like how this maybe practically apply to you and your family so Katie what do you think what is what does a blessing look like recognizing that again we're talking about description and not prescription like here here's the way it's got to look all the time

15:43 what could a blessing look like totally and I would would agree there is no formula for a blessing necessarily it's relational it comes out of the relationship we have with God and the relationship we have with our kids but it's really simple like a blessing is any good word any favorable thing that we want to declare over our children or ask God for something we want to speak maybe it's even written it's it's a word that's good for our children and you

16:13 know it can be formal it can be informal it can be scheduled it can be spontaneous I think about the ABCs we talk about the the ABC's affirmation action benefit character name the action name the benefit and then name Name the character speak the character and I I think these two I think ABCs really can help supplement the speaking blessings over your kids have you seen that work in your family absolutely the ABCs is a super practical way to to be able to to

16:46 have language for the blessings that I want to give so I usually start well to be honest a lot of times I start with a gift G toy because there's something you know it's like and we use these ABCs we use affirmation in order to help grow what needs to be grown in the places where our children need to mature and so if I'm facing a challenge in my parenting where it's like there's a repeated misbehavior or there's just

17:11 something that I'm getting frustrated about because my child needs to grow in a skill or he needs to increase in an area of his character or her character then I want to start to ask okay what do I hope for God to do in my child's life in this way or what is unseen or what is a tiny little thing that I'm seeing of good that God can grow and that's that's the character piece that's the C of the

17:35 ABC so a lot of times I'll start there and then I start to look for opportunities to catch my child in action displaying that so we have to start watching our kids and looking for the good even the smallest and sometimes it's just something that's not going wrong you know and you could just bless that moment you know speak more of that in into the moment this looking for the unique ways that God is growing your

18:00 kids that God's gifted them and moving forward from there you have an example of that yeah so just this week I caught two of my kids Believe It or Not sounds incredible but I caught two of them doing chores that they were not asked to do like taking the initiative you know and because I'm kind of looking for something to encourage them with kind of on the regular I just saw wow they noticed something that needed to be done

18:27 they did it and immediately what came to mind was the first Thessalonians 5:15 always seek to do good to one another and to everyone and so I just said to them wow you put all of the Legos away and cleaned up all of the Play-Doh on the floor that got us ready for the next thing we needed to do without anybody asking you and I could tell that you were seeking for the good of our whole

18:51 family right now and so they heard the action they understood the benefit and then they heard this character that's something that I know the Lord wants because he says it you know right here in his word and you don't always have that on the tip of your tongue a lot of times it requires a little reflection and so that that's important to do too yeah and I think that's a good point because a lot of times we think oh we

19:14 lost it we missed it we missed our opportunity but we didn't miss our opportunity cuz at bedtime you could have come back to that the next day they remember you know the older our kids get they remember cleaning up yesterday and so we get to come back to that and oh my goodness look at you wow and they love it and they love the fact that mommy or daddy saw something that they did and remembered it 4 hours later yes like

19:38 that speaks to them that somebody is watching for their good and wanting their good kind of on a continual basis I think the there's the spontaneous kind of you you're not quite sure what's going to happen and so you're you're paying attention to things then I think there's a little bit more of the thoughtful maybe it's a daily blessing our kids leave the house and we say the same thing to them could be a you know a

20:01 number six Lord bless you Lord keep you cause his face to shine upon you be gracious to you the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace and I would sometimes say and go in peace go in God's peace today like there's your there's your blessing and that's quoted right out of scripture and so those kinds of routines I think are meaningful beneficial you know the weekly the monthly sometimes the annually the big events that happen in life we can be a

20:27 little bit more thought ful about those kinds of things do you have some ideas about ways that you incorporate the blessing planul or it's like yeah every day we're doing this or every week or things like that yeah you know I I find it to be really helpful to think about ways that I can add a blessing at transitions throughout the day and then also transitions throughout the the weeks and months so breakfast time is a

20:54 transition for us if your family doesn't gather everybody for breakfast maybe there's a moment where you have 20 seconds standing at the front door before everybody piles in the car that might be what works for your family almost everybody has a bedtime bedtime is a really good transition so I think considering for your family what would feel natural to you to sort of Mark the moment with thoughtfulness and prayerfulness about what God's doing in in our lives maybe you're going to give

21:22 him a snack right before they do their homework speak a blessing over their mind ask for the wisdom of God something I pray is over my children is that they would grow like Jesus in wisdom and stature and favor with God and man that might be something you would just it doesn't that doesn't have to be an ABC of affirmation it could just be that simple prayer that's a blessing and you could find a time to do that every every

21:42 day or every few days that's helpful I think language a lot of times as as a parent I'm like oh yeah this sounds great but like what what words would be coming out of my mouth and that's where I think coming back to scripture and speaking those words over our kids it doesn't have to be but that's a Surefire way of coming in alignment with uh you know with God's word so you know one of the things that we would do

22:05 spontaneously it started but then it it ended up being a little a little bit more predictable at some point but trying to bring fun into this so I I would say to my kids uh you know I've got three daughters when they were younger I would say oh you you're special and you're precious and don't ever forget it and and then they would they would receive that or whatever and then somebody would pipe in and yell out

22:26 Dad we forgot it and they' be like like oh no you can never forget this and so i' be chasing them around and you again just words of identity this is who you are this is why I believe you to be and then it became a little bit of a game and a fun memory I think I tried it on one of my kids their senior year first day of school going to school and I didn't get the same effect as when they

22:47 were maybe eight or so but but again but these words of blessing you are special you are precious it's noticing I think in in some ways so I think that the birthdays a lot of times families will find kind of a birthday blessing or an opportunity for everybody to say a word of blessing for that child as well are there other things that come to mind for you that you've been doing or or aware of well not to throw myself under the

23:13 bus again but I do notice that it is impossible for me to be grumbling about my children or thinking of complaining half true thought in my heart and also blessing them at the same time so this is like really foundational work for me to you know and I don't want to ever use a blessing to manipulate we don't want to force a blessing on anybody but when I'm feeling in my own heart like just frustration or aggravation at my kids I

23:40 if I can take a moment to step back and go slow low and listen listen to God listen to the the again the identity speaking over me the identity speaks over my children and find a blessing to speak and it might be something that I go back to time and time again like I see the joy of the Lord in my children I just bless the joy in them and Lord I ask you to increase it and that that

24:04 alone is enough to to re refresh my heart and keep me from from grumbling or complaining you know and so it can be so simple as as a just a simple prayer ask for a fruit of the spirit and you've got the list there you know in Galatians 522 and 23 you can always go back to that for some language it's a practice that we come around to again and again throughout the day so the prayer that I

24:29 will pray uh oftentimes for parents who I'm coaching and at the end of a coaching session I'll oftentimes pray a prayer and trying to help Model A little bit The Blessing like the future asking the Lord for things that we cannot see right now and so sometimes I'll pray a prayer something along the lines of and we just pray for and I'll name the the children that you would raise them up that they would be lovers of you more

24:56 than anything else that you that they love you with all their heart and soul and mind and strength and Lord that they would that they would be leaders in their generation that many people would come to Faith because of these children and how much they love you you know I don't know I don't know what impact if any that will have in the future Generations but I've prayed it hundreds of times and in some ways it's also a

25:19 modeling for parents like there's no evidence to suggest that this is what's going to happen right now based on why we're talking about parent coaching stuff but but we're we're speaking it up we want our kids to love the Lord with all their heart and soul and mind and strength and just speaking it out there asking the Lord to do only what he could do in a scenario like that that's right and we may not have any evidence in the

25:46 natural in the way that our kids are behaving in the way that we feel like we are even equipped to handle our kids our kids behavior and challenges might be Way Beyond what we think we can handle but we have the evidence of our resurrected Jesus yes you know and so we can Bank on that we can Bank on that it brings me to tears because you know there are weary parents who don't have in them what they need to parent their

26:11 child or to even speak a blessing but we have been blessed in Christ and he is yours and you are his and so you have the whole treasury of the storehouse of Heaven to to speak go again go back to Ephesians chapter 1 just go to the fruit of the spirit start in the Psalms there's so much to speak by faith that you have total permission to do as and with any mustard seed of faith that you

26:37 have yeah last thing and I I'm I'm glad that you brought up the kind of the weary parent or the parent is like oh my goodness I don't know I you know I I don't know what to even where to even start or I feel so overwhelmed perhaps but one other question like like what happens with a parent who says I love to do this with my kids but they just have a hard time receiving it like like

26:58 you're like no stop that leave me alone I don't want to hear that stuff or you know whatever it might be like any thoughts just as we wrap up here like what about a child who who who struggles kind of receiving especially these spoken blessing over the kids well you know we often say in in coaching that a a routinely misbehaving child or this disconnected maybe a discouraged child and so I think going back to ways to

27:23 connect when it's hard I know we have blogs about that we have resources to encourage parents in that way but also just consider a written blessing I know a mom who wrote an email to her they she has an email exchange with her with her daughter I know another mom who just uses a journal on the regular and these are like tween and teen ages tends to be maybe a little easier to kind of break the Silence with the written word the

27:46 other day I had a child who was just totally disregulated just off the emotional you know rocker and just wouldn't talk to anyone and the other my other kids just Ed drawing pictures for him started writing notes and passing it under the door where he was shut in his room you know I love you I drew this for you that kind of thing and you know at first he's shoving them back out under the door like I don't want this I don't

28:11 deserve this this is you know I love you too but this is too much you know and pretty it took him about 15 minutes and they there it ended in giggles and hugs and you know and so and that's a really simple picture of what can be a hard journey with other kids or older kids but it really is about finding a way to communicate in a way that can be received and believing in God to do the

28:34 work in your child's heart yeah I think there's a seeking of the Lord like the Holy Spirit like what you've made me for connection with this child do you give me Insight understanding about what this might look like or how to how to connect here so Katie I just really appreciate your Insight and just your your study around this topic as well so as we wrap up here Katie would you be one to just bless the parents who are listening

28:59 right now just just speak a blessing over them Father I ask for your good word to ReSound over the hearts of every parent who's listening I pray that the good word of Jesus would just pour into their hearts into their lives would fill their minds and their hearts with your love with the reality of how precious and valuable they are to you I pray that all of the riches and the treasures of

29:33 your heavenly places the spiritual blessings that you have stored up for us would be available would be accessible to them and that they would they would receive from your Fountain of Living Water and that they would be able to pour out into their children in ways that you that you would have them be and and with words that you would have them say so we we bless them in jesus' name God would you you would you bless them

29:59 would you keep them would you cause your face to shine on them would you be gracious to them would you look upon them with favor and give them peace in Jesus name amen thanks so much Katie for joining us and I just appreciate all the parents out there and I would love to to hear from you if you're working on this blessing of of your kids so until next time thanks for tuning in today friends we'd love to hear how you're using

30:25 affirmations and blessings at your house head over to the connected family's Facebook or Instagram page and tell us in a comment or post a review on this podcast and let us know how it's going connected families is a listener supported nonprofit over 50,000 parents like you listen to this podcast every month individual donations make the work to equip and encourage families possible for more information about connected families follow us on Instagram or

30:56 Facebook or go to connected families.org I will see you next time [Music]