Transcript
0:01 This is a question I often get asked. A parent realizes that, “Oh, the problem lies in the relationship,” and “What can be done?” “And, is it too late?” “Does it have to be done at the beginning?” or “Are there critical periods?” The good news is, it's never too late. That's the good news about relationship: that it's never too late. And when a good relationship is there, it serves a child forever. Even when you've died, it still serves a child.
0:31 The most important thing to remember is to get on with what it is that the relationship is about. As a provider, what you want to do is provide generously to the child - whether it's an adult child or very young child - the invitation to exist in your presence. And that's the bottom line. And you have to step back from behaviour, because often when the relationship is a problem, the behaviour just is all over the place, and it's symptomatic.
0:54 You have to remember - I had to do this when I had to win back my oldest two girls - that the relationship is the bottom line, and that I needed to invite them to exist in my presence. And I needed to get their eye, their smiles, their nods. I needed to find my way back to this. Sometimes you need to arrange to get the competition out of out of their face - their peers, their friends - and go to a place where you are the answer for their company.
1:23 You are the answer as their compass point for orientation, and that can jump start the relationship. You can arrange a scenario where there's nothing left to do but depend upon you. That can jump start the relationship. But the most important thing to remember is that they must see in your eyes that invitation to exist in your presence. And you must remember that children are extremely hungry for this. And when they realize that you are what they are seeking for – most often, not always, but most often than not – in my experience, their heart melts and the relationship is restored.
1:56 And where relationship is restored, it is so much easier to be the parent that they need.
Summary
- It's never too late to improve a parent-child relationship.
- A strong relationship benefits a child throughout their life, even after a parent’s passing.
- The focus should be on inviting the child to exist in your presence.
- Behavioral issues often stem from relationship problems; addressing the relationship is crucial.
- Creating opportunities for one-on-one time can help restore connection.
- Children crave the invitation to connect, and recognizing this can melt their hearts.
- Restoring the relationship makes it easier for parents to fulfill their child's needs.