Transcript
0:00 We play out the same fight again and again like a dance that we've gotten really good at dancing. It's just a it's a gnarly dance. No one wants to dance it, but it's happening. So the the idea is really now we're trying to retrain new patterns, right? Um so yeah, I remember look in the in the beginning years of my marriage, I would bring up divorce all the time. That's a huge thing to stop, right? I remember I would always just say, "Well, I guess we're not compatible." Well, I guess it's over then. Well, fine.
0:27 And and and when I took that off the table, I was suddenly exercising a standard for myself in fighting, right? Like no, there's a standard of tell you have there's an expectation of you that you don't drop below this standard. Okay, that's keeping that raises the floor. Okay, that raises the floor on what the fight can be. Now, can I raise it further? Okay, I'm not going to throw out insults. I'm not going to walk away.
0:54 I'm not going to slam a door. all these things that I'm going to say to myself, I'm raising the floor. I'm just not going to do that anymore. I'm going to have to train myself to do something else instead. To take a deep breath, to say, I'm really struggling right now. To take a break, I don't know. Right? So that the the the the flow becomes, you know, better and better.
Summary
- Conflicts in relationships can feel like a repetitive and unwanted dance.
- The speaker reflects on their past habit of frequently mentioning divorce during arguments.
- Removing the option of divorce helped establish a personal standard for conflict behavior.
- Raising the "floor" means setting higher expectations for how to handle disagreements.
- The speaker advocates for constructive responses, such as taking deep breaths or taking breaks during conflicts.
- Training oneself to respond differently can lead to improved relationship dynamics.
- The goal is to create a more positive flow in communication and conflict resolution.