Parenting Talk With Dr. Radhakrishnan Pillai | Riddhi Deorah | Parenting Interview

0:00 and today's live is very very special it's extra special because i'm almost uh like i'm hosting somebody that i really look up to he's a phenomenal person he's an author he's a leader he coaches leaders and he's just just amazing and usually i try to memorize the introduction but his introduction is so long that i actually had to write it down here so i'm going to read this out to you and then we'll start so today i'll be

0:28 hosting dr radha krishnan pillai and he's a phd in philosophy from the university of mumbai he's trained many leaders in corporate academics and military and he's done extensive research in kautalya's artha shastra and he's also authored several books based on his research he's authored more than 15 plus books and he's a certified management consultant in iim

0:58 authored books like uh corporate chanakya in the year 2010 and it's been a bestseller ever since then chanakya's seventh secret of leadership chanakya in you which was also which was launched internationally in uh new york then chanakya in daily life and and inside chanakya's mind so he's authored 15 books most of his books are sellers and he's a visiting faculty and i am iit and

1:29 i am an indian institute of science and he's also got the loch ness national educational award as the best professor in philosophy and top 30 indian management thinkers globally by thinker15.50.com so that's a very very long introduction and he's actually a phenomenal person so welcome to my page it's so exciting to host you i'm really really grateful for you agreeing to come live with me it's a very very good feeling

2:01 and i've read your book corporate channel can it's amazing it's phenomenal and i have prepared a few questions from for you and these are a few parenting questions that i get all the time and uh but we like your viewpoint your thoughts about these questions and how you can use your research on uh chanakya's astra to actually uh explain all of this to us so really look forward to this and before

2:32 we start i would just like you to address the audience and tell a little about your journey to us uh thank you so much for getting me on this particular platform it's an honor to speak to you such a very famous person in the parenting piece my background is i'm happily married with two kids and the first thing that i like to do is you know talk to everyone about how to be a good human being i think that's the first

3:00 thing the second thing is of course my subject has been chanakyan leadership so because of that i've been fortunate that you know i've been able to write so many books travel across the globe so primarily introducing myself there are three roles that i play you know one is an author everybody knows me as you know chanakya books author the second thing is basically i'm an academician i had a uh institute in the university of mumbai called the chanakya international

3:26 leadership studies and the third is i have a company a consulting company where we mentor a lot of leaders so this is my short introduction right thank you so much so let's begin because i don't want to hold you for too long and my list of questions is pretty long so the first thing that i want to ask you is how do we speak to our kids so that they listen and what is the age appropriate way of actually

3:53 talking to our children so i think the best way to make the kids listen is actually listen to the kids right and you know it's very important that you know somewhere parenting uh is almost like a traditional method you know my father thanked me so to beat my children or my mother taught me this way how to teach my children also like that i don't think that's the right method every generation has to improve its parenting

4:22 and the parenting is such a wonderful journey i'll tell you a small uh you know code that i read about parenting somebody said very nicely that uh before becoming a father i had six rules of how to bring up children and now i have six children and no rules so the whole idea about parenting is about it's a very unique experience even if you're identical twins every child is unique so i think the best way for them to

4:52 listen is to actually show them what we call it's a role modelship so we need to be a role model the simple thing is that if you want children to read books first you start reading books if you want children to study you start enrolling yourself in the course and you study so children don't listen to you children watch you so it's very important to be a role model parent and before you tell do it yourself and they will

5:18 definitely listen to you right right and the next question that i have is how do we control our anger as parents you know like a lot of us know that it's not good to lose our calm and some of us you know really and now not some of us actually most of us really want to stay stay calm around our kids but sometimes we just lose control and we snap and we shout sometimes you also end up

5:44 hitting them so what is it that we can do to really control this thing so i think getting angry in parenting is good so i feel that it is always good to be a little bit angry but to get controlled over by anger is not good so you know in fact chanakya says that you know for the healthy society you need to have something called as dunda niti then the using of punishment so if you are able to

6:11 control your anger and keep the anger to the optimum level that is fine let me tell you children also understand when the parents are angry because they are actually good faith readers they can look into eyes and say oh mama is angry now and papaya is angry now so better keep quiet but the problem comes when you know they say you know always she'll get angry always she will shout so i would suggest that you know use

6:35 anger as a tool rather than getting carried away by anger so if you do it again and again and again they'll take the ha this is or her habit you know so she'll always keep shouting so they will not have an impact but imagine a person who never gets angry and that person actually gets angry only once that is when the impact happens so yes a little bit of a patience little bit of a struggle is always there

6:59 when you have to do self-control no doubt about it but reduce the number of times when you actually express anger to your children and believe me they'll actually understand your anger better than we understand ourselves right that's so beautiful and that's a very beautifully uh explained thing because i feel that anger is something that we cannot get rid of it's something we can manage so manage the number of times that you get angry that's really nicely your put

7:28 and uh the next question and i'm asking you questions that the audience has actually requested for so next question that i have is how to deal with kids tantrums you know sometimes they know that you know if i throw a tantrum or if i lie down on the floor or if i behave like this my parents are going to give in so they are very smart they pick up on patents so how do we actually deal with it what

7:53 can we do to actually control it no so again chanakya's strategy comes here it's called samadhana you know this is a very famous kind of a strategy where you have to look at the situation and then study and deal with the child in the children actually deal with

8:25 important thing is that you know children will throw tantrums and if you get carried away one or two times they get into that habit and say okay if you want to get work done this is the way so there are two things i would suggest how to avoid tantrums number one use this tool of sticking to the no at least once you know the parents easily give up and tell them you know okay now take it take it but better

8:49 be quiet better be quiet there should be one time you have to allow the timetables to go to the highest level okay i'm not going to eat food don't eat food i'm not going to do homework don't go home i'm not going to actually you know go to the class today maybe the webinar class don't and you'll be surprised because every time you're giving and giving and giving in the child knows next time also he or she

9:12 will give in but you know once you tell that you don't it doesn't matter keep your emotions under control you know these parents and especially mothers you fall into the emotional trap very easily you just show them once that you know it's okay but i will not give it to you next time they'll be careful so yes you have to deal with tantrums but show them that every time it will not work so once you're firm next time they'll be

9:37 careful about it right right so like basically set the right pattern and expectations for them very nice right right and the next question that i have is like trace like you know there's this uh a lot of talk are happening about praising our kids and how important it is to place them in order to raise confident kids but uh like you know how much to praise when to praise why to praise so if you could just uh talk a little

10:07 about that yes very very important praise and expression of love is a very important part of parenting so we need to tell the child that very good come on do it appreciate them give them some rewards recognition give them some gifts very very important but you know there is a fine line if you keep praising too much sometimes it can actually blow i mean make the ego look bigger so you know it is very very important to make sure that

10:36 they get the confidence but let them not be over confident this is where the thin line comes in if they are not praised they will lose confidence but if they're overpriced they will become over confident and that is also bad so i think we need to somewhere let's say a child is always getting first crying first time praise them but you know it's important to tell them listen you know you are first because of so many reasons not only

11:01 because you are a good student you are great teachers and you know the mothers are also contributing their bit to actually make sure the child is studying well so somewhere the question is to praise them but also keep them balanced at the mental level if the success goes into the head that is where the problem starts so make sure you praise them but not so much that they become arrogant and they expect this from everybody else

11:28 so balance is what the solution is right also we have this nice question in between which i'll take up how do we actually get to know that our kids are getting over confident very lovely question because you know children's behavior is something that we have to keep watching and observing if the child is over confident then you can see right from the body language the way they walk the way talk you know the way they express themselves

11:54 and under underconfident child also expresses through the body language so if a child has lost confidence he or she will isolate himself or herself sit in a corner and not eat food they'll be socially very uh non-interactive with other people so you have to be a good observant of your child's moods and behaviors if you find the child is actually getting a little bit more arrogant we need to pull them down also a little bit so yes

12:21 they have to be confident but the moment they are over confident that's a problem you know we did a small exercise for parents and children of course you know and then we told you know please express low confidence over confidence and because the right confidence is not good more confidence not good but right confidence and one child came up with a very nice drama and say so you can actually show confidence by the right posture so he showed this like this so if you

12:51 are in low in confidence your body language will be like this you know no you're more confident you're like this put your right confidence shoulders will be balanced so think about it you need to have the right confidence to make the child grow and be a good parent right it's so beautiful and uh the next question that i have which i feel that your research will really help us with is hitting kids okay like you know can

13:20 we like sometimes go to the extent of actually hitting them when we lose our calm and will that have a really uh negative impact on their growth and development and this is a very debatable thing no no eating kids is good so cute in fact says this also that you know if you don't punish the child okay then the child can get into the whole frame of your mind you know attitude kind of thing but at the same

13:50 time while hitting the children you have to also know that it should not be hurting beyond a point and you know hitting the child is not just physical it also can be emotional and mental okay so as they say you know there are these uh parents who are born in india but are raising children in probably america or developed countries so you know they have been bought up in a way where their parents hit them slap them a little bit around those

14:15 things and then they go to probably u.s and they're very afraid of hitting their children but the moment they come here for a vacation they get down at the airport and give the child one little chappa you know now i'm feeling very happy that i'm a good mother so the whole idea over here is that you know use the hitting and the punishment discriminately don't try to do that you know what it's not good because then they'll get into

14:40 fear psychology then you know it's not good because you know it can be emotionally hurting physically hurting but i'll tell you know children also love to be actually punished a little bit you'd be surprised i know of a story i know of a story when a girl actually went to the mother and you know she was expressing something and all those things and now mama told you know that you know beta beta beta beta and you know the

15:04 daughter actually hit the mother and the mother got really upset i have never hit you in my life and you know what the daughter mama you always tell me when i have come with a problem that you know please consider your mother as a friend and the doctor tells her mother i don't require friends i don't require friends because i have too many friends i actually require a mother in you will correct me when i'm going wrong please understand

15:31 yes even children know that there is somebody who will correct me if necessary even hit me a little bit but that hitting and is not out of frustration or anger or some you know revenge so when you hit some enemy that hitting is very different you are having that you know whole thing that you know you never do that with children so little bit of a hitting is actually the joy of parenting enjoy that but don't trouble them too

15:56 much okay also one question which is a follow-up of the same question till what age can we actually hit them you know because after a certain point i feel hitting should not be allowed so till what age you know like you mentioned that hitting is okay sometimes but when can we start and when should we stop this process of hitting no i think hitting should continue life long but but but but it moves from physical

16:27 hitting to emotional to intellectual okay so let me explain that to you so when you're a small child you know you can physically correct them pull them and all those things but then when they become teenagers you can't use physical force but that is the time you have to hit them emotionally saying that beta okay so that's also hitting but that's not with the rod in the hand but nothing but listen you need to discipline yourself okay

16:53 as you grow bigger especially when the child becomes a father when you become a grandfather that type of hitting is required and then you don't understand about parenting okay so i think what moves from a physical hitting to actually mental and emotional and intellectual believe me it is said in our shasta us it is said in the thai tree opening so many of them saying that you actually become a complete parent only when you become a grandparent you

17:21 become a complete parent when you actually become a grandparent it's a truth because you need to correct your children who are also parents they may not know parenting so i would say you know hitting means actually correcting hitting is not just about you know using your force it's also correcting discipline them directing them so i think every child whether he's six or sixty some discipline and guidance right right that's really beautiful and there is

17:51 actually this question that i have here like the involvement of grandparents in the child's life you know sometimes there is a lot of this debate about parents uh like the grandparents not doing what the parents want to do with their children and then the parents feel that you know the interference is way too much and that the child is not growing up the way they want their child to grow up just because of what the grandparents are doing

18:18 because grandparents have this excess love and emotion compassion and you know they completely forget about their kids and they actually the focus shifts completely on the grandchildren once they become grandparents so what how can we actually respond to such a situation as parents what is the right thing to do so remember one thing grandparents could not actually complete their love with their own children so they completed with their grandchildren

18:51 so you know every time you want to pamper your child and all it's not possible because you need to discipline them but it's only when grandparents come around the childhood is actually complete so now coming back this is actually not the problem of the children or the grandparents it's the problem of the parents right okay it's actually the problem with the parents because between the grandchildren and the grandparents there is total tuning it is the panic for the sandwich so i

19:17 read some beautiful quote it said uh uh between the so between the grandparents and the children there is a common enemy okay so basically it is a parent's problem now coming back please understand parents also know this that they require grandparents for the healthy bringing up of a child what you can't do the grandparents can do what you can't uh actually you know achieve actually

19:47 grandparents can do and believe me no family is complete without grandparents so the grandparents actually play the beautiful role of not only pampering them but actually teaching them values teaching them morals ethics so it's okay for the grandparents to spoil the child a bit you are the ones who correct them remember without grandparenting no parenting is complete and without grandparents no children are complete wow so beautiful that was beautiful and

20:17 of course the grass is always greener on the other side so if you don't have grandparents you want grandparents and if you have it then you have a box of complaints so that's true and uh the next question that i have for you is that how can we ensure that you know we are raising independent kids who are not always dependent we're not always looking at us for approval and can actually decide for themselves what is it that we can do yeah

20:45 absolutely absolutely in fact i'll tell you what um uh you only will come to know whether your children are independent when they are away from you so when they go out maybe face the world and especially they go out from the city or the place and many times the country that you're living in that only then you'll come to know whether the independent till that particular time you have to train them train them train them and therefore

21:10 swami chinmanan used to tell very nicely youth are not useless they're used less youth are not careless so i think what you should do is that give them small small responsibilities in the house that's the training for responsibility and becoming independent so you know maybe you give them 10 000 rupees and say you know this time the diwali gifts should be bought by you so 10 000 rupees a big amount it's not a pocket money right that's actually part of your

21:40 major family budget but slowly what happens you are around and you can guide them so tomorrow when the child earns maybe 50 000 rupees they will know how to be independently and responsibly use such a money so in our leadership field it is said that if you want to make your child a king first give them a kingdom okay if you want to make your child a king first your kingdom so can you create some mini kingdoms for

22:08 them saying that you organize this birthday party i'm there with you unfortunately we becomes parents forever even if the children are independent what we should do is actually become mentors when they're leaders so right from the childhood give them small small responsibilities you know i think most of the mothers know especially when they're training the girls you know waiting in the kitchen then you know wash it out or serve the table i think what is very important is

22:40 also for the boys and today we are talking about uni gender so i think independence will come over a period of time stephen covey in his book seven habits of highly effective people said something very nicely it seems that children go through three phases first one is called dependence second is called independence and the third stage is called interdependence which means when the child is small they're totally dependent you know they can't even move they can't even feed

23:08 themselves to slowly slowly train them to be independent but you know what when they're independent and gone they will come back to you because they realize a grown-up child also requires a parent that's when interdependence comes in so to bring out the best in your child give them small responsibilities watch them let them make some mistake but if the bird has to fly it has to leave the nest that's so beautifully answered i'm loving this i'm

23:36 learning so much and i love how you mentioned that if you want them to be kings give them kingdom so i feel that as parents sometimes we have trust issues and we cannot really trust our little ones and we cannot trust that they are good enough to actually take control and take charge so again you know the problem comes back to us so we have to let go slowly slowly that's really really well poured and uh

23:59 the next question that i have is how to deal with fear and anxiety in our kids so some some kids have this anxiety issue like separation anxiety stranger anxiety sometimes they can be very confident at home but once they step out they get into a shell and you know like these days i'm getting a lot of parents who are writing to me and they're telling me that you know my child knows everything and he knows uh songs and dying but when

24:28 he sits for his class he'll go like he'll become completely mute and he's not going to talk and it's impossible for me to put across to the teacher that my child knows it but he's not just he's not talking so what can we do to actually overcome all this very very interesting question and i am going to give you a tip a suggestion which most of the parents will be surprised with start teaching your children meditation

24:56 meditation is too small he doesn't sit in one place that's exactly why you should teach the meditation you know it's unfortunate that meditation is only thought about that you know it is something with spirituality and moksha no if a child can actually sit down for 20 minutes every day and watch his or her thoughts believe me they'll know how to not get carried away by thoughts what is depression what is suicidal tendencies what is anxiety there are only states of

25:28 the mind right the same situation can be very very positive for one person but the same thing cannot be handled by other child and he gets into wrong thinking can you believe this i teach my children meditation they're too small you know they're not very big my uh son is in sixth uh you know hardly fourth standard i'm a daughter in six standard they meditate every day for half an hour it's not easy you know because they are

25:53 very hyper but believe me believe me if you teach them how to watch their thoughts in childhood when they grow up they know how to detach yourself from the mind and not get carried away those people who meditate actually become very confident and they know how to deal with the other person because they don't get carried away by their own thoughts or by others thoughts i know it's a little bit of a different practice but if you yourself as parents can sit

26:21 down calm and quiet and watch your thoughts 20 minutes every day believe me children can do that and those children who can meditate are actually mentally balanced emotionally stable and spiritually evolved so start teaching that and you'll see the solution right right yes i think after this live i'll get many questions how to start teaching them meditation i will probably teach them don't worry okay yes and um

26:54 then this i think you've already answered how to dis okay but yeah like how to discipline so the question that i asked you was is hitting okay and the question uh now that i have for you is how do we actually discipline our kids so you already mentioned by doing something like you know like my bottling the right behavior sometimes hitting is okay sometimes praising is okay but if there is anything that you would like to add yeah

27:20 so it's very important in the south african culture it is said you require a tribe to bring up a child right in the indian culture it is said you require a village to bring up a child so i would say that you know in our generation unfortunately we are becoming nuclear families and you know it is becoming a burden for parents to bring up children and especially when you have one child and two child and especially highly educated

27:46 parents why do you take parenting as a burden and everything on your shoulder it's very important that your parenting also expands and when i say expands not just your parents and grandparents i mean your neighbor is also part parenting you are massies your you know uncles aunties so i think it's very important to have group parenting group parenting yes and i'm very very clear on this that you know when we had joined families the child would have

28:17 actually three four parents of course the biological parents are there but what is very important is that the chachaji and the chachiji the masaji and the martial were all parents and you know the mother could easily leave the child to the massey and say you know she didn't even worry when there was no mobile phones so i think it's very very important to build a community of parenting so if you are staying in a society in a

28:41 you know a township please create a parenting group and you know don't get very very you know attached to your child you know when we were small you know we could just walk into the next neighbor's house and that auntie would give us food as if it's their own child she used to never differentiate so why are you becoming so individualistic obviously that my child versus their child i think let's call them our children so if you can create an ecosystem

29:07 where parenting is also a group activity believe me believe me you know it's going to be fun less stressful to one parent and more important that the children will understand what we call as vasudeva you cannot be calling your particular sibling as your brother and sister remember one thing the whole world is one family but at least expand from your immediate biological family to some families around you so create those communities believe me you'll be less stressed and a

29:35 child will grow more confident dealing with other children as well wow that was so beautifully put and the next question that i have for you is things that we must avoid as parents what are those few things that we should consciously try to avoid as parents number one it is said never limit your life to your children because they are born in a different era

30:06 a problem is that we look upon parenting from our lens it should not be like that every child is born in a different era you cannot tell them you know hamare zamani may be had poverty that's our problem they are born in a rich country and have rich family you cannot blame them so i think one of the things parents should not do is comparison with your childhood and the child's child the second important thing is remove two

30:35 c's competition and comparison yes okay it's very very important because you know you look at parenting oh my goodness oh my goodness my stand is unique so one is comparison number one with others the worst is comparison within the children you know your didi does that and you don't do that your deity may have a different strength and you are you know may have a different strength so i think stop stop stop comparing

31:08 the second is gonna stop competition our education system is all about competition competition common stop it so competition and comparing can be replaced by two more c's cooperation and collaboration oh wow so can you change your children's attitude saying that it's okay if that child is different but collaborate that's what we do with our siblings right suppose you're a good singer the other person may be a good drummer so we need to understand we are moving

31:39 from a generation of competition to cooperation from comparison to collaboration and let me tell you they'll become confident because then they are not facing the challenges of life alone in isolation they know there are friends they can depend upon so it's important that parents should not do this the third and the most important thing remember don't make worldly or material success the top priority for your children i've seen so many parents doing this mistake you know

32:09 and then you know who told you that only makes a child big okay yes is very very important you know i've done my phd my wife has done a phd and we're all working but remember it's very important along with the material success make sure they have character and moral values even if you're from a rich family it is said before you give them valuables give them values before you give them valuables give them values then only they will understand

32:41 what life is all about that's what parents should do wow so beautiful and i feel like taking notes while listening to this i probably am going to listen to this again and it's wonderful and the next question that i have for you is uh the stress during the pandemic that the parents and the kids have gone through you know like it's changed the life changed completely overnight and uh it's not stopped still it's still

33:12 on we've got into the mode where we've sort of accepted that it's there and it's going to be there for some time but mentally it has been exhausting for a lot of us so what is it that we can do to feel more relaxed and to actually act in this situation in fact this is the best thing that has happened to families i would not look at pandemic as a only negative thing you have seen this that if you can't go

33:39 out you can definitely go in and if you're lucky to be part of a family where there are you know more than the first uh and the second generation the parents and the children if you have grandparents around with you this is the best time that has happened so i would suggest that you know i know it's a stress because your children don't go out and it's very irritating they're over eating i know of all these

34:00 problems but i'll tell you one thing think about it after 20 years when these children look back what are the memories they're going to carry like we have memories of our childhood you know and we said you know and you know we used to have water which was not mineral water we had tap water but we looked back and saying that you know there were challenges because i think most of us in our generation of parents were malnutrition we never

34:25 had good hygienic food to that extent of you know nutrition value but we look back and say you know that love of that mother while she cooking the food indian quality was actually tasty so i would say that even this pandemic we will definitely have our own challenges but make sure the children have beautiful memories okay so create memories for the future is what you should do two three things i would tell you that you know uh children will be seeking a

34:51 lot of attention because they can't go out they can't interact with their you know classmates they can't even talk to the teachers everything is on zoom and zoom is okay you know internet and you know the the the kind of technology use is okay with the child you will have to take out some extra time you know parents used to feel very nice but you go school there six hours i don't have to do anything but that's not the way you

35:13 should look at it saying that maybe i'll have to spend six hours extra okay that's okay but the reality is that you know i will have to make sure i give that extra time it's only a matter of time you know the vaccination is around and things like that maybe one more academic year it's okay but prepare yourself think about it that your child is one year old what did you do remember when the child was just one year old you are totally

35:37 focusing on the child because you know the child you got all the attention right from free feeding to cleaning to make sure the child is sleeping well and if the child is getting up you will lose your sleep right so think about it that is a second opportunity for all of you to give hundred percent attention to your child i would say that you know don't look at your freedom look at your commitment of parenting in the next one or two years

35:59 and i'll tell you you know when they look back after 20 years these were the moments they will remember because while spending time indirectly you teach them lot of other things values family history maybe you just emotionally connect to them at a different level a lot of mothers i know who are working okay and because of the pandemic they're working from home and they get irritated and say oh no the child is disturbing me but think about the same mother who

36:25 actually used to have a conflict saying oh i'm in office my child is at home so think about it you end up working from home you're also parenting from home along with the work so give your best it's only a matter of one year but this will leave memories and values forever enjoy the spirit of parenting rather than looking at it negatively wow beautiful create memories basically that's so nice and the next question that i have

36:55 is uh mom guilt and this is like one of the most common questions that i get that you know i'm a mother i have to do everything sometimes i don't feel that i'm doing good in any aspect of my life if i'm working i feel i'm not giving my hundred percent there if i'm with my child i don't feel that i'm giving my hundred percent to my child nobody around me is happy with the way i'm

37:18 executing things and still i feel that i'm doing my best so you know like i'm she's not sad like we're not satisfied as mothers so what how should we really think to come out of this feeling of guilt so let me tell you as there is a mom guilt there is a father's guilt also that's right okay not many people know this when i was a father i feel very bad you know the children are requiring me and i'm

37:46 not around and before the pandemic you know i should travel almost 15 to 20 days a month so look at how much guilty i used to feel even though you know mother is the first person or the first parent to whom the child interacts with a lot but let me tell you parenting is actually feeling guilty so everybody goes through it but what is the solution then you know it is very important to pat yourself from time to time you know

38:13 when i used to feel guilty about you know you know my parenting so then i started looking at the positive part of it okay fine i'm not able to spend three hours with my child when it is required but at the same time i could spend at least half an hour in the morning before coming out right so i will actually make a list of 10 things i could do rather than 20 things i could not do and

38:33 i will give myself a brownie point and saying so you know come out of this guild is actually a mental stage i'll give one small instance okay my mother uh recently died three months ago okay and believe me i started feeling guilty and saying that okay was a good child so as there is parents guilt do you know there's a children's guilt also towards the parents so i was feeling okay did i do something wrong you know do something incomplete

39:03 you know and let me tell you because i have lot of this self affirmation that i do with myself i telling you radha don't look at this other way your mom was happy with you right she's so happy to bring out a proud child like you she was part of the success that you got so i started saying instead of looking at what you could not do for the mother remember those moments when your mother was actually happy with you then only

39:26 you can come out of the guild there will be always something that you will not be able to do always always so even if you have the money and the time you still feel there is something i could not achieve that guilt will always be there but remember you should always count on what you could do in the limited you know circumstances that will what will make you count so instead of looking at that one not

39:49 there and only 99 being there look at what makes this 101 so count your blessings thank you child but don't feel guilty come out of it by positive thinking wow so beautiful and uh the last question why should second last question that i have for you is how do we strike the right balance without between work and our commitments towards our family in fact i'll tell you something working

40:20 parents are actually more committed to the family okay so a lot of people have this only if i'm working i'm not committed tell me one thing if you are making some money okay by working where do you spend it you spend it on your family right so why is it that feeling that you know working parents are not good parents or vice versa parents who are full-time have this guilt i'm not working you know remember it's a choice whether

40:48 you're a working parent or a home maker parent is a parent nobody can change you i know of one of my uh you know friends very very different she she was a very very high flying corporate lady very high flying corporate and she always felt like i'm not done in afria and she resigned from a job okay her boss told her no no you work from home you do this you do that so you are not supposed to

41:12 she's very highly performing lady she resigned the job came back she had two young boys you know what the two young boys told her mama do you know one thing when we talk to our friends in a school we tell them a mother is at a very senior management position we are proud of you so we are sitting at home we can't go and tell our friends that our mother is no more working so think about it actually speaking if

41:36 you're working your children are proud of you you may not realize it because at that particular time you don't have to think thrice or twice to spend that extra bucks if the child is demanding something so it is not whether you're working or not working remember what the child needs you whether you are there so if you can be in office in a board meeting or the child calls you up and saying that you know i'm sick just tell the boss i need to go

41:59 my motherhood role is very important than the corporate lady out over here so i think don't feel guilty but remember one thing your children may be proud of you if you are a working mother look at from that dimension also right this is very beautiful and in fact you know what you mentioned reminded me of something that happened with my son yesterday so yesterday he was making this uh thing with blogs this new construction blog that he's spending a lot of time with i

42:25 was like what are you doing it's like i'm working very hard to make this uh building so who keep working hard and why are you working hard sleep because papa works hard mommy works hard so i also need to be hard working and i was i actually felt good that you know he's noticing the people around and he's also trying to do what everybody else he is also trying to be involved in something so what you said really is correct and

42:52 the last question that i have for you and this is a question that i have for all all the people that i go live with is one parenting tip that you have for all the parents watching this and will be watching this after i save this life thank god for making you a parent it is the most beautiful experience that you can ever happen so whether the child is a boy or a girl or have some challenges

43:17 doesn't matter okay whatever god has given to you as a child is a gift from nature enjoy parenting never compel never never never when the child is in your lap that is the most beautiful meditative state that even the great rishis can't achieve so enjoy your parenting it's god's gift to you right this is so beautiful i'm feeling so energetic energized and positive after listening to you

43:47 this was phenomenal i loved it and because i don't want to hold you for too long but this is something that i really want you to talk about so i've seen on your page that you do a lot of workshops for leadership for corporates for parents so if you could just talk a little about the different workshops that you host because some of us might be interested and might want to register for the same that's one and one

44:13 other request that i have is definitely i'm getting you back for a talk on leadership and i'll be more focused on how to be a good leader what is it that you can do differently because as parents i feel that you know you also have to play the role of a leader somewhere and then like you said eventually become a mentor and let your kids be the leaders so we'll definitely do one on this but uh before we close please uh share a

44:39 little about the workshops and the courses that you have yeah thank you you know i've been doing a lot of workshops and everything is connected to you know getting rich how to think strategically called shiki but the one that we are currently doing very soon is a chanakya the art of parenting you know it's going to come up this week itself you can check out our instagram handles and you can see the details and it is the reason why we do this

45:09 particular workshop because i realized this generation is a very beautiful generation a great opportunity of parenting and we are doing this three day online where you know it's a evening program 7 30 to 9 you can just log in and i realize one thing this generation of parents especially the educated parents also need to balance out so of course using the child care techniques and also learning from the other parents so we are having this particular program that's coming up so

45:34 anybody wants to enroll can check up the other aspect you know let's do this program as soon as you are ready i am ready for anything related to leadership especially for children a couple of things i believe that every child is a born leader every child is a born leader but the parent doesn't know that is the beauty because we train them to become followers follow these society norms follow that career follow this education why because our generation was trained to be

46:03 a follower thanks to the british culture that was remaining but you know when you look at that child look at the leader in him or her whichever field he or she chooses is that destiny but you need to meet them leader so i'm sure i'm going to be back here with you talking about how to bring out the leader in you chanakya believed that the mothers are the first creator of leaders the parents have a responsibility to

46:30 actually bring out the leadership qualities in the child if you want to know the techniques let's have another instagram live looking forward for one more discussion right thank you so much it was amazing and i'm so grateful that you did this for my audience and for me it was really really nice hosting you and i learned so much in just 50 minutes and i'm definitely watching this again and making notes thank you so much thank you thank you so

46:57 much can i wind up by talking with you you've been a wonderful host you actually is it something which is so close to my heart you have been you know uh doing a lot of work on parenting my namaste also yes thank you so much thank you