SMOOTH MORNING AND EVENING ROUTINES WITH KIDS! | How to Get Your Kids to Listen During Routines

0:00 so it's the morning time and you need your child to get up out of bed get dressed brush their teeth eat um get ready for school or daycare or just a day in general but they refuse or maybe it's bedtime and you need them to do the same thing you need them to put on their pajamas brush their teeth go potty hop into bed but everywhere you turn they are refusing you they are putting up a fight now it's no secret

0:26 that routines are one of the hardest parts of parenting right they are the perfect breeding ground for power struggles because nine times out of ten routines involve things that our kids don't want to do right they'd much rather play and do what they want to do also it often involves them and their body right so it's a perfect breeding ground for power struggles and now obviously we can't skip routines so how do we get through them without it

0:53 being such a constant fight well in this episode i'm gonna break down three common reasons why kids refuse to cooperate during routines in the first place and then i'm gonna also be sharing some practical tips on how to increase cooperation and cut back on those power struggles i'll also be sharing a free gift with you um for if and when they refuse um to cooperate what do you do then well don't worry i got you covered we're

1:22 gonna talk about all of that in this episode so let's dive in hi hello and welcome back if you are new here i am dr jasmine i am a mom of two with one on the way and i'm also a clinical psychologist and around here i love to talk about all things positive discipline potty training tantrums aggression sibling rivalry and all that fun stuff so if you are new here definitely consider hitting that subscribe button i'd love for you to join our family also

1:53 let's cut right to the chase because i don't want you to miss this i want to share my free new um guide with you which is um age-appropriate discipline guide i often get this question asked dr jasmine how do i know if my discipline approach is appropriate for my child and their age and their developmental level what do i do when they refuse to cooperate well don't worry this this is why i created this guide so you're covered i share

2:19 about 10 uh different discipline strategies you can try with your kids depending on their age so i go over infant toddler and preschoolers i also go over the three important components to make sure that you include in your discipline approach so to grab your free guide all you have to go to is the mompsychologist.com forward slash free dash guide the links will be in the description in the comment section if you are watching on youtube all right

2:46 let's dive into this episode okay so why do kids resist routines in the first place right why is it a constant struggle and a constant fight just to get them to put on their pajamas or brush their teeth right you guys do this every day they know the drill but so why are they resisting us um well let me share three common reasons reason number one is because our priorities as the adults in the relationship often do not align with our

3:15 child's priorities right what we think is important for them to do is not often the same as what they think is important to do right kids if you think about it from a developmental perspective are all about the here and the now they're all about right now in this present moment what do they want what do they need it's hard for them especially if you have a toddler and a preschooler for them to see into the future and to understand

3:41 that oh okay i am brushing my teeth i am getting dressed i am doing all of this to set myself up for success in the future right they are thinking about the now and what they often want to do in the now is play right and so often times we get into this clash during routines because our priorities are not aligned right it doesn't make sense that they have to stop what they're doing um and what they enjoy and what they

4:08 want um and do something way less fun right like putting it on your pajamas and getting ready for bed right kids are about the here and now they're about the instant gratification and they're often self-focused because they're coming into their own identity again especially if you have a toddler and a preschooler this is these are the years where they are forming their own identity they go through another huge phase during the teenage years so we'll see this again when they're

4:35 pre-teen and teens but they're forming their identity which makes means that they're often very self-focused and it's harder for them to get outside of themselves and understand things from others perspective reason number two why your child might be resisting your routines is that it has to do with their bodies they know on a fundamental level right when we are brushing their teeth when we are putting on their pajamas when we are going potty or asking them to go potty right this

5:05 has to do with them and their body and they know this right and none of us especially our kids who are again coming into their own identity their own independence right they're like i understand now we are different see when they were babies they thought that we were all one and the same i was we they could not differentiate themselves well now that they are older and they have um their you know their their brain is developing they

5:30 understand oh i'm a separate person than my mom and my dad and my siblings and whoever right i exist right and so that means that this is my body and you're trying to tell me to do something with my body and i can resist and that is a very powerful thing to to come into right that i have my own body and i get to control my own body and so often times kids are resisting because we're they feel like

5:59 we are forcing them to do something that has to do with their bodies and that is going to feel unfair to them right instinctively it's going to cause that power struggle right eating if you think about it eating sleep and potty training are the perfect breeding grounds for power struggles because it involves their bodies reason number three why kids often resist routines is because we as the adults okay we need to have a little bit of a reality check and i'm

6:31 guilty of this too but often times we as the adults have not taken an adequate time to connect with our little ones our little ones feel disconnected from us they feel like we are just shuffling them from one thing to the next that we just want to hurry up so that they go to bed or hurry up so that that we can drop them off at school or whatever it is right they feel like we are rushing them

6:56 through this they feel disconnected from us and so often times they're gonna resist they're gonna dig in their heels because it doesn't feel good to them they don't feel connected with us they don't feel like this is a team effort this feels like it's you know i'm doing this to you versus i am doing this with you and so if we can think about routines as moments of connection and moments of building the relationship and adding to their cup and moments to

7:26 actually slow down even though i know oftentimes we're rushing them through these things but if we can slow ourselves down they're going to resist us less and i'm kind of getting into the tips so let's dive into those um so here are three practical tips to increase cooperation during routines and i know you know we've all heard about sticking to consistent routines so i won't go over that in this episode but i just want to say

7:54 it is really important to have a very consistent routine and i would work on night time routine and then morning routine but both of those are important and if you have a nap time or quiet time routine which i'm a huge fan of quiet time if your child isn't napping that is another routine to work on but i won't get into that because i know you've heard that time and time again but consistency and predictability are

8:18 so important so i just wanted to throw that out there also i'm sure you probably heard to give kids choices throughout routines right would you like the red shirt or the blue shirt um i won't get into that either because i'm sure you already heard that but i just want to throw those in that even though you keep hearing these things they are very important and they do play a powerful role in increasing cooperation because your child feels

8:44 like one the world is safe and predictable i know what to expect and this feels this feels familiar also too they like having choices because again resisting is they're coming into their power so if we can give them more power and control on the back end though less likely to resist but anyways i'm not going to get into that tip number one and i alluded to this just a second ago but it is to connect prior to routines right i know that

9:12 oftentimes we are rushing right we are in a time crunch we are trying to get to work we're trying to we're exhausted for the day we're just trying to wrap up so we can go rest i get it right i totally get it but i need you to understand that when we slow down with our kids when we take time to connect with them before routines and during routines it's going to make it go smoother even if

9:37 it's just 5 to 10 minutes before the routine just to slow everybody down i want you to think of routines as your time of the day to connect rather than your time of the day to shovel them through a million and one different tasks if you think about it routines are put up our routines are comprised of several different tasks right several different things that we need our child to do and it revolve and it involves several

10:05 different transitions and transitions right going from one thing to the next to the next to the next those transitions even though in our adult brain you're like you know you do this every day whatever right you know the drill i know the drill seems very like obvious and easy these different transitions can be stressful for kids and so if we can honor that and get and kind of look at it from their perspective then we can we can see the importance of

10:33 connecting and slowing down during these moments right so it doesn't feel as stressful the more stressed your child is and the more disconnected they feel from us the more they're gonna resist us so tip number one is to connect with them prior to routines so when you go to connect with them prior to routines maybe you join them in the play that they're already doing or maybe you're like hey let's take a minute and play for 10 minutes before we have to get

11:01 ready for bed or hey let's take a minute and cuddle in the bed before we need to get up and get ready for our routine and during those moments you are you know just boosting them up with lots of positive language right remember our energy is so important and if we use our positive language to kind of really build them up and affirm them they're going to feel better about themselves and that's going to lead to

11:27 better behavior so again some some ideas for connecting is to join them in whatever they're doing spark some conversation have them sharing ideas right really just taking time to listen to them what's on their mind right what they're thinking about what they're excited for in the day or what was something that really was um that they're proud of that happened that day or what was a high and a low from the day whatever it is just spark a

11:56 conversation with them and really just listen to whatever they have to say or you know just getting down on their level and just giving them lots of eye contact and a warm smile and again using your language and your non-verbal cues to connect with them can go a long way and just making the routines a whole lot smoother tip number two is to give a quick heads up prior to the routine starting right prior to all

12:25 of these tasks that we need them to do let them know right especially if they're playing or do doing something else we want to give them a heads up again remembering that routine is just comprised of a bunch of different tasks that take a lot of different transitions and we're going to need to take their energy and their focus away from what they're already doing to do something else so we just want to give them a

12:49 heads up five minutes before and then maybe one minute before just hey we're about to get ready for bed soon you know put the last finishing touches on your drawing or whatever they're working on right just letting them know and in that five minutes bonus tip kind of going back to tip number one join them in what they're doing and so they feel connected with us and then it's just a natural transition all right time's up now you can use something like

13:16 the timed timer um and set it for five or ten minutes so that they have a visual cue for when that their time is up but that can just be a wonderful way because remember kids love predictability it can be incredibly hard if kids don't know what's coming next and they feel kind of like caught off guard by the routine right even though you're like we do this every day if they're in the middle of something

13:41 remembering that they're all about the hearing now it can be very jarring and upsetting if we're like all right time's up right without giving them a heads up and bonus tip while you're going through the routine and just your day in general give them a verbal breakdown of the routine this is something that i do all the time and i especially did this with my girls when they were toddlers right first we're gonna do this and then we're

14:06 gonna do that and then we're gonna do this and after breakfast we're gonna go to the store then we're gonna go to the park and then we'll come home and have lunch right you're just kind of just softly planting those seeds of what is coming first second third right and just letting them know in a very matter of fact but also friendly and you know warm way that this is what to expect because if you think about it two kids don't

14:32 have a lot of control over their routine they don't have a lot of control over their day but if they feel like we're including them in this and we're letting them know hey heads up this is coming next right this is what we have on the agenda for today they'll feel included and they'll feel overall just more safe right and and like the world is more predictable and then tip number three is to use those when then statements

15:00 i can't suggest this enough this is one of my go-to's and i am such a fan of when then statements because they are such a great way to set an expectation of what you need them to do and then what fun thing is going to happen after it gets done right helping them understand we're in this together i'm on your side we're working as a team and this is what you can expect after we get everything

15:26 done right so when you brush your teeth get ready for school and put on your clothes then we can go downstairs and have some fun play time and or you know watch one show or listen to a song whatever it is right just let them know when you do x then why will happen when you go potty then we can head out the door and get to the park or get to school or whatever it is

15:53 but use those when then statements so you add all the tasks first and then the fun thing later now bonus tip is to whenever possible add play into your routines right have a playful approach add songs add races my kids love to race right just the other day you know my little one was acting silly she didn't want to you know uh put on her pajamas and she was being all silly and goofy

16:24 and i said you know what let's see how quick we can put on our pajamas and she looked at me and she was like yes let's go so i'm counting and she's getting in them and then it was like 10 seconds and i was like all right let's see if we can beat that time tomorrow and she's like yeah right so especially if you have a competitive one turn things into races right as much as possible just get

16:46 playful um because again the more connected our child feels with us the more they're having fun um the more that this feels less like work less like just shuffling along from one thing to the next the better they are okay the better they're gonna cooperate so when you can add a little play uh to your approach whether that's singing songs playing a game turning on some music dancing and getting silly um as much as possible add that in sprinkle

17:17 that into your routines and they'll go a lot more they'll go a lot smoother and you will also have fun more fun as well um now again you know i know you're probably like okay but what happens if they refuse this right despite all my best intentions and my best approaches what do i need what do i do well you do need a backup plan right if and when they refuse so that's why i created the

17:44 age appropriate guide to disciplining toddlers and preschoolers i also included infants as well where i go through some different examples based on your child's age as well as three important components to positive discipline so you can download that guide by going to the mompsychologist.com forward slash free dash guide to snag that free guide so that you are prepared all right that is it for this video or this episode i should say i will see you

18:14 in the next one bye