0:01 hi guys come on in welcome to book club number 33. hi guys tell me where you're signing in from so you know with doing a book club on a radical awakening and it's not really chapter by chapter if you do want chapter by chapter i do

0:32 a course a 10-day course called a radical awakening that really goes deep into the book and all my courses are 50 off so if you want the course that goes with the book grab it now all my courses are 50 off go to my website go to courses i have courses on intimacy anger dads kids under six teenagers my signature meditation courses my most powerful course that people have

1:05 commented on is the awakened heart course that is 52 hours year of manifestation 52 hours and if you want the radical awakening course um that's it was a 12 to 15 hour course i did it over 10 days it's recorded it's yours it's yours for life and uh if you really want to go deep and read the book and do the course you go really really really deep and all my courses are at a huge discount fifty percent

1:37 off i do it twice a year do it go to doctorshipali.com go to courses use the code save 50 at checkout so barefoot susie bear food susie you say this book what about this book suzie tell me um if you've read the book give me your comments give me your feedback tell me how it has impacted you how it has helped

2:08 you in any way you know books are not meant to be resonating with you every page so if you got even one golden nugget from the book oh rosina from ghana you got the book in ghana that's awesome um best book ever loving it yes tell me how you felt about the book here leave a review on amazon tell your friends about it but i'm just understand that every page can't match everybody you know

2:39 so it's about understanding yourself and um la zaitika says dr shafati you have shaken my world thank you tanya i think that's a good thing tan rich tanya rachel the book is amazing and deeply profound um thank you thank you yeah duna says the book has opened my eyes um

3:10 love the book and the book clubs i'm loving finding my nothing wonderful i'm on the man woman chapter very strong especially how men are biologically set up okay guys on the way to istanbul your book has changed my mindset to the point i want to speak my truth wonderful okay guys thank you thank you thank you so yeah the book is not going to match

3:40 you every minute every page it is about understanding overall what's happening to your friends to your mom to your dad it's not about you you know the whole book is not about you it's about you understanding other people as well in your life you having compassion for other people yes hello is this book just for you you're like what about me me me me no it's not just about you it's about other

4:11 women and other women's experiences and that's why i compile so many um so many stories from my clients there and i give you examples on my life this one's like that one's life because i want you to also develop compassion um somebody asked how do you hear all this great feedback while still remaining egoless because first and foremost i don't only get great feedback i get real real punchy feedback too

4:42 okay like this book is dumb it's so stupid so boring so don't think that i only get positive feedback number one number two um it's not about me it's about you so the book resonates with you it's not about me it's that something stirred within you that i just happened to be the instrument of the the echoing chamber i was just the echoing chamber that i provided the space but you entered it

5:12 so i'm just the instrument to awaken you so um this book is not just about you yes you're like oh this doesn't match me that's what my negative feedback people were like oh this doesn't match with my belief systems this doesn't talk to me and i'm so amazing and important and the singular person in this universe so dump the book there is no way this book is going to speak to you on every page it is about universal themes that i have

5:45 seen over time over cultures many people think that this book may be something specific to dr shafali it is in small ways but let me tell you i wouldn't have dared write a book if it was just about me i can write in my journal you know i am not an autobiographical you know self-absorbed person not that autobiographies are self-absorbed but i would never write a book just about me it's just impossible like my life is not that great or interesting

6:15 it's about universal themes that i've observed over and over again only then would i have the guts to write with any declarative authority right it's only after a lot of patterns to the point where if a client comes to me now i can tell you the pattern within 25-30 minutes so it's years of experience over decades you know i first started my master's degree when i was 21

6:46 and a half you know i went for my first vipassana meditation experience when i was 21 and a half right as soon as i came to america so i've been doing this for a long time so this book is not just for you okay it's for your aunt for your friend for the waitress for the actress it's for everybody for you to understand that yeah if you it's not about you don't worry good for you yep it didn't happen to you but it

7:12 happens to other women if you're not feeling pressure uh of the beauty paradigm great for you but most women do if you haven't been suppressed in this cultural patriarchy because you haven't put yourself out there perhaps or because it just didn't happen to you and your family good for you right but ask any woman in corporate america if she's not been suppressed okay it happens to every woman who is trying to get out there okay so just because it

7:41 doesn't happen to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen and this is narcissism on our part whenever we read any book or we learn about any teachings is to go oh doesn't apply to me bye no like try to be open to see of course you don't have to but try to be open to see how it relates to other people how it relates to men i've talked about men in this book i've talked about different cultures in this book i've

8:06 talked about different families different clients so this is about having compassion for other human experiences this is to wake you up to what's out there this is not just for the elite and the privileged and the fantasy and the schwanze this is really for you to understand damn you know and then i put myself out there for you to go damn right if she was suppressed or if she was not connected to her knowing what hope is that for us no i'm just

8:36 kidding so she's she's also going through something so not to judge me it's to have compassion compassion for the human condition right that's why i write and throw myself out there is not for you to judge me or judge others it's to go wow you know but it also is not just about me or about you it's about our global sisterhood and how we as humans experience so much right

9:10 so remember that this book should leave you with great insight about yourself or some insight about yourself some insight about women in general some insight about men some insight about our after culture and therefore because you have insight you have compassion okay you have compassion you have surrender you have release you have expansiveness you're like i get

9:41 it i was not awake she's not awake they're not awake right i'm not speaking from the pulpit i hope i don't appear to speak from the pulpit you know maybe just a little because i'm the author but not because i'm grand or in any way better none of us are better let me tell you everyone is having a a story that they have to combat somebody writes what if everyone is not as strong as you yeah i

10:13 get it and it's not because i grew up uh with some inherent muscle that is strong it's something that i've had to cultivate so of course they're going to be people not as strong because they have to cultivate it it's like me looking at a at a weight you know those weight building whatever they call champion woodship competitions and looking at all those iron rock hard bodies and upset that they are stronger than me yeah they're stronger than me because

10:41 they've been working out six hours a day so if you work out on your emotional stamina and emotional muscle six hours a day you will be stronger than dr shafadi okay it's not magic i'm not special i've just been doing this for 25 years and teaching it for 21 years but if you do it so do you want it right it's whether you want it whether you desire it and you desire it enough that you will go get it

11:11 right that's what you need to ask right that's the real comparison it's not always dr farley stronger than me is how many hours has she put into this and am i willing to do that right we're not willing to do that playing with my rubber band okay so uh every day we try to put out a theme around a cluster of ideas and then i talk about it in my book club some sort of we try to create some sort

11:36 of narrative but it's not all sometimes i just ad lib so today i posted stuff if you look back on my instagram on hitting rock bottom right so i'm going to read that i always look for rock bottom moments rock bottom moments are a rare opportunity for spiritual growth and awakening and an opportunity for letting go of unnecessary emotional and physical baggage you might have been caring for too long the suffering this causes is always in

12:08 the mind when we hit rock bottom means that the ego defenses no longer work we need to invite these moments because it is then that our old ways break down although this can cause a great amount of pain it is the greatest portal for transformation so i typically don't use the word change if i'm intentional when i'm intentional i don't use the word change

12:40 i use the word transformation and why do i like the word transformation more than change is because a we are always transforming um we are always changing i got distracted by the question whether how my eyes are green okay uh we're gonna have to ask my mother for that answer we've always wondered she doesn't tell

13:10 the reason why i use the word transformation instead of change is because number one we're always changing trillions of cells are dying within you and regenerating every single day change is a constant change occurs whether you like it or not change is always present in your life so this whole idea of like should i change i know what people mean by it but it's

13:42 really um an oxymoron because you're already changing so to ask whether you should change is ironic right it's some sort of denial so instead of the word change i use the word transformation and transformation by the very word has trans form so that means you translate you transfer you some you do something

14:12 to the form so unless the form changes there is no transformation transformation is conscious it's intentional it's deliberate it's an awake process change is happening whether you're awake or not change is happening without your intention without your consent without your your option you don't have a choice you're always changing the teenager that you were is not here today the 25 year old that you were is not

14:43 here today change not only change dead gone so change is happening whether you like it or not i'm talking about transformation transformation is a conscious consenting process where you transfer the form the something has to happen to the damn form and by form i mean your relationships your body your mind your identity your career whatever the form is it's got to transfer iterate

15:14 reiterate change in a big formation way it cannot just be an idea transformation is something has to happen to the form transform so if you are willing to change as we colloquially say stop and ask okay i'm always changing so what am i really talking about am i willing to really transform and am i willing to do something to my

15:45 form now we don't do it because it's bloody painful in a weird way even though your current situation is not ideal you pretend it's ideal you yourself because it's better than what you don't know right the devil you know is better than the devil you don't or something like that but it's not true the devil you know is not better than the devil you don't know the devil you know keeps you from

16:16 meeting angels to use that metaphor the devil you know is killing you right now maybe the next devil is less no it's not true the devil you know is better than the devil you don't that's just a way to keep you stuck and as long as you are willing to compromise in a less than optimal situation you are actually sacrificing yourself and not only sacrificing yourself you are betraying yourself yourself came here

16:48 to to be aligned with yourself came here to be known to be understood to be recognized and honored by whom by you yourself is right now betrayed the only person that has betrayed yourself is you now have people come into your life that are complete jerks and 125 000 but that's just part of living you live they're going to be jerks and you're out in weather

17:19 a bird is going to poop on you or your car or your shoe you live by the ocean you're going to have high tide and a riptide you live on a mountain you could have mudslides that's just part of living jerks and are part of life okay let us not pretend like oh my goodness i am so unique that i should not meet a jerk or an no you're going to meet jerks and but they are not here to betray

17:47 you they're here just being jerks and the biggest act of betrayal is your own self denial your own self delusion your own self self-abnegation your own knowing that you should transform and you don't so that is the greatest act of betrayal that is the greatest divorce and your inner self is in utter trauma

18:17 by you because your inner self says go here and you'll ignore it your inner self says red flag red flag red flag red flag not good not good not your inner self knows but because you are so conditioned to live in fear and you're so scared of what people will say what people will think who will i be how will i be alone i need the money i need the this i need the that whatever you've decided you

18:42 are attached to keeps you from all the children keeps you from honoring yourself so you don't have to leave but you have to know that you are not leaving and that's a betrayal of the self so don't bemoan that somebody else is hurting you somebody else is abusing you because you have also enacted great violence against your own truth and knowing that is sobering but it is

19:13 part of your radical awakening so transformation requires a great death of the old form it really does and it's you piss in your pants terrified okay i get it i've had to transform several times in my life like big major transformations and it's bloody nerve-wracking however when you are truly true to yourself and you know that the present situation is

19:44 unpalatable indigestible not okay then if you're truly living in authenticity you say okay i don't know tomorrow but i know my today is really sucky yucky i've got to transform this is how we have to live life we cannot be like my situation is sucky yucky i hate it i hate it i hate it and i'm just going to be miserable in it at least stay in it but be okay that is like level one transformation

20:12 is okay i'm going to let go of my griping and moaning and whining i'm just going to be okay knowing it's not okay but i have to be here for right now so i'm gonna be okay with that level one level two is no i'm not okay and i'm not okay staying here now i need to do something about it right i need to let go of something you know so many times i'll talk to women in unhappy relationships and i'll

20:34 be like okay we got to transform are you ready to die onto your old self are you ready to let go and they're like no i really like the house okay then let's be happy in the house yes oh but i really don't like him okay then are we ready to leave no i really like the swimming pool you know i don't think i could live in a one-bedroom house okay that means you like the house more than

20:58 you don't like him then love the house have parties every day like enjoy the house in the pool when is the last time you went in the pool they're like it's too cold right so it's all you know come on let's get real with ourselves do you want to transform and die to yourself or no there is no change without death okay ourselves change by dying your you change from teenager to adult by dying okay there's death every

21:27 day but we don't see it like that because we have an illusion of control then the pandemic comes and we're all like oh my god oh when will life go back to normal uh it was never normal like trevor noah's tour is called back to abnormal i love it yeah back to abnormal let's go back to abnormal you want to go back to normal i can't wait to go back to abnormal he's so correct it was bloody abnormal

21:51 in the first place but anyway so if you find yourself repeating i need to change i need to change i need to change replace that with am i ready to die am i ready to die am i ready to die am i ready to let go of my form am i ready to let go of something there is no new without a letting go there is no new without pain there is no new without release of the

22:18 old i mean there is only so much room so if you want to buy a new car you got to get rid of the old car right it's just simple unless you want to have junk a junkyard so part of change is to intentionally transform and to transform it has to be transformed something has to happen to form so if you're sitting on your couch and thinking oh i really need to change i really need to change i don't need to

22:47 change then stop your chatter and go way way way way i'm talking a lot my mind is really busy but call yourself on it hey you've been talking a lot about change but do you really want to transform do you really want to let go do you really want to release and die onto your old self that should shut you up or get you off

23:18 the couch one of the two so typically we don't [Music] change even a little bit until we are beaten bruised on the floor that is what i call rock bottom so as a therapist i'm always waiting for rock bottom because i know we are creatures of inertia nothing bloody changes us nothing until our ego is at rock bottom

23:52 it's the ego that's at rock bottom that's why children are so amazing that's why the rebellious child is the best child because that child pulls the panties down of the parents and the underwear down like nobody else and gets the parent to go ah i need to do something new all relationships do that to you right they get you to rock bottom when they're ending or changing or transforming or shifting and then you add rock bottom and i love

24:22 rock bottom but i know it's a bloody brutal place it's a brutal brutal underwater in the gutter claustrophobic you're asphyxiating you can't breathe you're like i'm going to just die here yes you are and that's a good thing because what is dying is not your body yet it is just your ego which means just your false idea of who

24:53 you were and who he was and who they were and who we were together that is dying that is dying your future is dying your attachment to your future fantasy yep dying because you had all these ideas about who we were going to be in the future dying and coming to terms with that end of the era or end of the chapter or end of the day or the death of the old is terrifying

25:24 this can happen just in terms of you and your own body this is not just about relationships it can be about the relationship with yourself you're so attached to who you are in terms of your body image you literally can stay the same and that attachment to your old unhealthy or overweight or whatever self can become a new relationship i've seen people who cannot change their their health because they're so attached to their relationship to their body

25:55 being the way it was right so the idea of a new body or a healthy body is inconceivable unfathomable because it's very scary but if we don't allow the transform asian with grace with beauty without blame without anger you can call people on it and go hey i'm transforming because you are x y and z to me and that needs to stop that's not blame that's just like it is what it is

26:25 but you're not holding on to resentment because you're not under the delusion that the other person was the only person at fault there was also you in the dynamic and this is not about fault anyway it is about acceptance of accountability and responsibility so rock bottom is the the place where you are in the greatest pain why because none of your damn egoic defenses work right you thought your kid would be this way but your kid is just not following

26:54 you thought your marriage would be this way it's just not abiding you thought your partner would be this way just not working out damn it you tried this you tried that you tried it it's not working so when that happens what that wakes you up to is that a your ego has run out of tricks it was not authentic b it was not authentic so whatever it is meant is meant to break you know look at

27:21 that buddha over there see my finger right there i keep it in my room it's broken my daughter grace graced me with some of her weight on the other side of the wall so it bumped and broke of course it wasn't her fault it's never her fault anyway she broke it and i first had resistance like maya hello you broke my buddha and and she was like no i didn't i just slammed against the wall i didn't break

27:50 anything okay no point engaging with the teenager ever never so when the buddha broke i was going to throw it out and then i realized oh wow shafali you can't tolerate any imperfection look at you and i keep it there to remind me that imperfection is part of life right rock bottom is part of life pain is part of life the glass is already broken the buddha was already broken it was just waiting for a body to

28:18 slam into it what this means and i have another video on that in my instagram with the light bulb if you see it what that means is like life is already broken the conditions for the final dissolution haven't yet just occurred so in buddhism they always say the glass is already broken and if you understand how profound that is you will release all your attachments to your past you'll just be ready to enter the new if you understand that from birth you've

28:47 already been dying from the moment you were born you've been dying so if you already been dying what are you holding on to the illusion that you have not been dying so this is how you have to move through life so i'm gonna stop right now because in the moment somebody's bothering the other people by his his toxically masculine comments and what i would encourage the women to do is ignore him

29:17 sometimes i too fall prey and i give them attention but i would say just ignore him okay ignore him and then maybe i'll just take him out of the the chat later but don't let him get to you right he's just off a another level of consciousness that wants attention and i've fallen prey to it and given a lot of attention you may think i'm giving attention now but no i'm telling you don't give him attention don't we we don't we are too

29:45 much in our sovereign power to pay attention to lower levels of consciousness so learn where you give your energy and move on right it is distracting it is a bother but this is life it's full of jokes and so so it is here we learn to just go nothing to do with me as long as dr shafadi is okay i'm just going to absorb the lessons and move on he knows he's being a jerk and an

30:10 he totally one hundred and thousand and twenty five million percent knows that he's being a total jerk and an we're talking about my book radical awakening so hitting rock bottom is your is your opportunity to die onto your old self to die onto your ego so the question is are you going to take it are you going to yourself and go back and regress into an old pattern of stagnation paralysis and ambivalence you are

30:40 infinitely infinitely capable of moving on do you know in one lifetime you can have several lifetimes it's really weird but you can have several lifetimes people die relationships die things die our children grow up and it's the beginning of a new era and if we keep clinging to the old we don't embrace the new right my daughter goes to college very soon in in like 30 days and if i keep clinging on to oh you know

31:11 mother mother i used to be in the child she used to be i'm insane because i'm not in the present moment the present moment requires a transformation which means the form must change so any resistance to that is clinging to a fantasy of what you thought it should be you're clinging to your ideas for the future you're clinging to something that does not exist in the present moment so waking up to that is the radical awakening it is the radical awakening

31:44 so there is no change that does not include a transformation however change is always happening so whether you like it or not you're going to change but you don't want to change because it's just happening you want to transform you want to consciously transform and conscious transformation takes a true understanding of release of death of shedding

32:16 of letting go this is part of life but what awaits you is something that you cannot even fathom because you haven't met her yet or you haven't met him yet is a is a new you once you are without that old baggage you don't know who you're going to be so don't talk about okay i'll uh uh okay dr i'll i'll shed my baggage then what how do i know then what you don't know then what

32:39 come to me when it is the then what right give come to me in the them okay because when you are in the then the act of shedding creates the new you the new you doesn't come after the shedding the act of shedding creates the new you you understand it is the act of the release where the from which the new self virgins it is not okay i will first shed on monday and then on tuesday i'll start a new you

33:09 no the new you starts already when you turn your consciousness to the act of transformation it's already burgeoning the new you the process is the outcome there is no outcome after process because process never ends so it is in the process that is the outcome honor the process that's all we have in life the process never freaking ends there is no end

33:40 and there is no beginning there is no end and there is no beginning only constant process of transformation we are constantly transforming creatures maybe to bacteria and fungus and and and cow dung but that's we are transforming okay we are constantly transforming creatures so the in the process is the outcome remember that in the when that broke

34:10 understand in the breaking was the awareness that it was already broken everything is already in whatever it is nothing is just like oh now oh now he was so mean to me no it was already happening it was already breaking you just weren't aware of it you just want seeing that in that in that mirror that so in that mirror for example that looks all perfect no it's the conditions for its cracking haven't yet occurred but

34:38 the potential for its cracking is already inherent so if you want life the potential for your death is already inherent in you you it is inside you from the minute you were born you are dying so what are you afraid of what are you afraid of you're afraid of losing your mental attachments okay everyone i will see you when i see you