CIA Taught Me to Charm Anyone in 60 Seconds — Here's How

0:00 One of the most difficult things to do in life is to meet a stranger, start a conversation, control that conversation, and then leave that conversation knowing that you have successfully influenced the person that you were just talking to. This is what's known as charm, and everyone is always looking for a way to be more charming, more charismatic, to leave a positive impression after you walk away. So, today, that's what I'm giving you. I'm giving you the same three-step simple framework that CIA taught me to charm anyone in 60 seconds or less.

0:35 Learning how to charm someone is actually a very simple and very repeatable skill that once you learn, you will never unlearn. And I promise you that you will use this skill more and more frequently, and you will become better and better at it every single time you practice. So, practice frequently, practice often, and practice with a wide range of people. The skill that I'm about to teach you takes less than 30 seconds to implement. It's three simple steps that you won't forget ever again. So, what I'm telling you is that in three simple steps, in less than 60 seconds, you will make yourself virtually unforgettable anytime you choose to use it. I want to start by giving you just the technique first, because I know some of you are watching right now, and you don't really care about the psychology behind the technique. You just want to know the three skills. So, I'm going to teach you the three skills first. But, for those of you that want to know the psychology and want to understand why these three steps work so effectively, I will push that conversation to the second half of this video. Now, let's dive in to how you charm anyone in 60 seconds or less.

1:41 Step one, you always want to start a conversation with a statement, not a question. Step two, once the person you're trying to charm actually reacts to your statements, then you go into a new technique called two questions and a confirmation. A technique where you will ask two consecutive questions followed by one confirmation of whatever response that person gives you. And then, step three, you end the conversation by tying it back to some kind of time limitation.

2:10 And that's it. Those are the three steps and you can see why this technique is so effective and why this technique can be executed in less than 60 seconds because all you really need to do is make one statement, follow that statement with two questions and a confirmation, and then find a time-based limiting reason why you need to leave that conversation, essentially stepping out of the conversation at a high point when the other person will remember you. That's how you become charming in 60 seconds or less. Now, let me give you an example so you can see exactly how these three steps will play out in the real world.

2:46 For my first example, I'm going to give you a work scenario. For my second example, I'm going to give you a personal scenario. That way, for those of you who are trying to be more charming for professional reasons get a chance to see how the technique works, but also those of you who are trying to be more charming for personal reasons, maybe even romantic reasons, you will also get to see how this technique works. Now, let's start with our professional scenario. First, you have two people. One person is the charmer, the other person is the person being charmed or the target. So, we'll refer to them as the charmer and the target.

3:18 In this professional example, the charmer and the target both show up for a work meeting at the same place at the same time. Maybe they're part of a large group or maybe it's just the two of them. It doesn't matter, the technique is the same. The charmer will start with a statement, something along the lines of, "I'm really glad that we had a chance to meet today." The target doesn't even have to respond in words. They might just nod, they might just smile, or they might just make eye contact. It doesn't matter, what you're looking for is for them to react to the words that you say. Step two, once you see somebody react to your statements, you follow up with two questions and a confirmation. A technique that allows you to ask an initial question, a follow-up question, and then make a confirming statement for whatever the person says after your second question.

4:05 In our example, let's have the charmer use a very simple question first, something along the lines of, "Did you have any trouble getting here today?" That's their first question of two questions and a confirmation. The target would then respond with something along the lines of, "No, it was easy. I just used GPS." So, the second question might be something like, "Which GPS app do you use to travel?" To which our target would respond, "Oh, I use Google Maps."

4:28 Now, at this point, we've asked our two questions and we've received two answers from our target. The first question we asked was, "Did you have any trouble getting here?" and the target said, "No, I used GPS." And then the second question we asked was, "Which GPS app do you prefer?" and the second answer from our target was that they prefer using Google Maps. So, we've asked two questions, they've given us two responses, so now we have to use a confirmation statement, a statement that confirms whatever answer it was that we got from our target. So, in this case, we would use something like, "Oh, I also use Google Apps. I find that it's helpful no matter where I travel in the world." This is not a question, this is a statement. More importantly, it's a statement that agrees and confirms with what the target just said, that they prefer to use Google Maps. I'm going to explain the psychology around these three steps later in the video, but right now, I just want you to see how the actual technique works. After we make our confirming statement, it's time for us to create that time-based limiting factor that will allow us to exit the conversation later. So, in this case, the charmer might say something along the lines of, "I want to be respectful of your time, so I'll keep this meeting to just 15 minutes or less." That's all there is to it. Now, you've made a statement, two questions, and a confirmation, and you've created a time-based limiting reason to end the conversation. That's all there is to it, and the person will be charmed. If you're still watching this video right now, it's a perfect example of how effective this process is because I've structured this video using the same three steps. I started the video by making a statement about how difficult it is to charm people. While I haven't asked you questions directly, I have validated some of the same frustrations that you've had, whether you're trying to be charming in the workplace or trying to be charming in your personal relationships. And I always promised you that you would have a skill that takes less than 60 seconds, so there was a time-based limitation. So, even as you hear me right now, you can see how charming and how magnetic and how attractive the idea is of a conversation that delivers something of value in a very short limited period of time. If you like what you've been learning about in this video, make sure you check out my new book Outsmart Everyone hitting bookshelves worldwide on September 8th, 2026. We are firmly in the race to bestseller, and I have a special gift I want to send you if you choose to order Outsmart Everyone before it hits bookshelves on September 8th, 2026. If you pre-order the book, I want to send you my Operator's Guide to Outsmart Everyone. This is a 155-page companion workbook that goes along with the published book, but it's chock-full of extra case studies, personal assessments and quizzes, and bonus skills that you won't find in the book when it goes live. All you have to do to get your immediate access to the Operator's Guide to Outsmart Everyone is scan the QR code on your screen right now. You can visit outsmarteveryonespy.com, or you can just follow the instructions in the description below. I am beyond excited for the release of my new book, which is sure to teach you how to outsmart everyone. And I'm even more excited that I get to share my Operator's Guide to Outsmart Everyone with those of you who choose to start on this journey with me even before the book goes live. So, don't wait another minute. Scan the QR code on your screen right now. Visit outsmarteveryonespy.com, or just follow the instructions in the description below and get started on your own journey to outsmart everyone.

7:48 So now, let's take that same technique and use it in a personal relationship. And we'll use it in a situation where the charmer is trying to get a date with their target. Doesn't matter which one's the male, which one's the female, if they're both male or if they're both female. The technique is ambivalent of the gender. So once again, we start with a statement. So our charmer is going to approach our target in some kind of social setting. Let's just call it a party. Maybe it's a company party or a holiday party or a social party that their friends invited them to. Either way, our charmer is going to approach our target and make some kind of statement. For example, let's have our charmer say something like, "I've noticed that parties never look like they do in the movies." Just a simple statement. Now, maybe that statement gets a chuckle out of our target or maybe it gets a glare or maybe it even makes the target start to talk to you.

8:36 It doesn't matter what happens, all you're looking for is some kind of reaction to your statement so that you can move into step two, two questions and a confirmation. So let's say that our charmer makes their statement and they get a sideways glance from the target. Nothing too warm, nothing too cold, but it was a sign that the target heard the statement. So now our charmer has to move into the second step, two questions and a confirmation. Let's have our charmer's first question be something like, "Have you ever been to a party that looks like it does in the movies?" Now, the difference between a question and a statement is that a statement doesn't always require a response, but a question usually does.

9:13 So our target responds and says something like, "No, I never have." So now the charmer has to ask their second question. In this case, let's make that question something like, "What's the best party you remember going to?" And our target responds by saying that their best party was something that happened in college, but they don't really remember it well because they drank too much. The last step in two questions and a confirmation is to confirm whatever it was that your target just said. Find something positive or validating to say about their response. So, our charmer might say something along the lines of, "Now that you mention it, I have probably also been to good parties that I don't remember for exactly the same reason." Two questions and a confirmation, and now you're into step three. The third step, as you remember, is to create some kind of time-limiting factor that allows you to end the conversation when you're ready. So, in this case, our charmer might say something like, "I just stepped away from my friends for a few minutes to take a breather, but I have to go back and join them again soon." That's it.

10:08 Those are your three steps. You're all done, and you just created an incredibly charming moment for your target in less than 60 seconds. Now, I already know many of you out there watching right now are saying that there's no way that would work, that that's too simple, that that's too short, that you didn't say enough words, you didn't have enough time to actually be charming. And that's where the psychology of charm sets in. So, let me explain to you why it is that these three simple steps have such a profound psychological effect on creating the impression of a charming interaction. Everything starts with a statement, and that's because a statement doesn't create any sense of obligation or expectation or requirement for a response, which is very different than when you start a conversation with a question, because questions do create that situation. They do create a sense of obligation, a sense of requirement, and often times questions can be very interruptive to where a person is thinking. If you're watching a TV show and focused on that show, and then somebody asks you a question about dinner, or asks you a question about bills, or asks you a question about chores, it can be very disruptive because you have to shift your focus off of the TV show into a whole different frame of mind so that you can respond to their question. It's a very different thing than when you're watching TV and somebody walks by and makes a statement about the bills, or a statement about dinner, because you don't have to change your focus on the TV, you can just choose to ignore their statement. The same thing is true when you're trying to charm a person. You don't want to interrupt their day, you want to move adjacent along with their day. And that's what a statement allows you to do. Now, after you make that statement, the person responds to your statement in some way, shape, or form. That could be a verbal response, that could be a nonverbal response. What you're looking for is for them to react to your statement in any way because that means that they have shifted their thinking away from whatever they were focused on, and now they are focused on you, or they're focused on something adjacent or aligned with you. You may not have their full attention, but you have some portion of their attention that they voluntarily gave you out of no obligation and no requirement. Very different than when you start with a question. Now, you move into step two, which is two questions and a confirmation because you want to leverage that small amount of attention that they gave you, and you want to use it to build a very short-term, very limited, very small relationship with that person that makes them feel interested, or more importantly, makes them feel interesting. Because a person who feels interesting is a person who feels that sense of being charmed. You ask your first question, you get their response, you ask your logical follow-up question, you get their response again, but then the magic happens when you give them a confirming statement to whatever it was that they just said when they answered your second question. Because when you ask a person too many questions in a row, it has the same kind of effect that asking the first question has. It creates this sense of obligation or expectation. But when you ask somebody two simple questions and then you confirm whatever they just said, you're giving them a mental break, a sort of relief valve. So, they no longer feel any pressure or obligation to continue the conversation. You're simply confirming whatever it is that they're saying, which makes them feel both heard because you're confirming the thing they just said, but it also makes them feel interesting because they see that you're asking them questions and they're not asking you questions. So, it creates this sense of attraction, this sense of magnetism, this sense of charm or charisma because you're making the target feel interesting, which makes the target feel valued, a feeling that very few of us feel day-to-day when we meet strangers. So, psychologically you've created this very safe little bubble for them. You started the conversation with a statement that they didn't feel compelled to have to respond to, and then when they chose to respond, you asked two follow-up questions that made them feel interesting. And in response to their answer to that question, you validated them and made them feel valued and heard. You can see now where the charm is really happening. The charm is not happening in any one step, the charm is building gradually over multiple steps. So, why do we end it with step three? Creating some sort of time limitation that ends the conversation.

14:30 The difference between persuasion and influence is that persuasion only happens when you're there in person, but influence has to happen when you're not there in person. So, if you really want to be charming for somebody, you have to be able to be in their thoughts even though you're not in their presence. You create the time-based limitation because it does two things for you simultaneously. First, it takes any pressure off the target if they feel anxious or nervous that you might be there talking to them for a long time.

14:57 Don't forget they might have social anxiety completely separate from any social anxiety that you might have. So, when you tell them up front that you only have a few minutes or that your friends are waiting on you, that tells them very directly that they don't have to entertain you for the next 30 minutes or the next two hours or the next two days. They only have to worry about a little short period of time before you leave their presence. That can be very comforting and very relieving to them.

15:22 The second reason that you create that time-based limitation is because you want them to know subconsciously that whatever attention you're giving them now is going to be taken away later. However interesting or curious they are now, it will end in the near future. And that sense of longing is part of what makes them increase the value of the time that they have yet to spend with you. So whether you stay with them for the next 2 minutes or the next 10 minutes, they will actually value that time more because they already know that it's limited. They already know that you will be leaving them at some point in the near future. This is a big part of why children don't value their parents and none of us value our parents until they reach that age when they become close to their end. Because even though we had our whole life with them, we never stopped to imagine that that time might be limited. As soon as we realize that there's only a limited amount of time left with our loved ones, with our close friends, in our job, in our career, it isn't until we see the end that we start to value the time that we have left. So when you're trying to charm someone, you want to show them the end very, very quickly because it makes them increase the value of the time that they have to spend with you. As a bonus, by putting that time limitation in from the very beginning, if the person turns out to be awkward or boring or self-righteous and you don't want to talk to them, you can trigger your exit door right away because they've always known you were going to leave and you've always known you had an exit strategy right from the beginning of the conversation. Now, if the person turns out to be interesting and wonderful and passionate and romantic, you still have a reason to talk to them again, but you need to pull yourself away. You need to exit the conversation to create that space, to create that longing so that they value what time they do have with you. That's a major part of being charming. It's not just your actions, it's also how they feel and the influence that that build by not being in front of them. That's a major, major part of what real charm is. Now you have everything you need to be able to charm anyone in 60 seconds or less using the same three steps. Whether it's a professional setting or a personal setting, whether you're trying to get promoted or whether you're trying to get laid, the skills are the same. The impact and the outcome is the same. You will be memorable because you were charming when so many other people were forgettable. If you learned something new today, don't keep it to yourself.

17:46 Make sure you hit that subscribe button, leave a comment, share this video with a friend. And if you want to learn more spy skills that you can use to get ahead in everyday life, make sure you click on the link in the description and check out my new book Outsmart Everyone hitting bookshelves worldwide on September 8th, 2026. I'll see you on the other side.