Transcript
0:00 when people in your life including your kids your partners don't do what you expect right they're messy they're lazy they don't follow through they don't honor your boundaries they are abusive they're violent they're alcoholic whatever they are not matching your fantasy our tendency is to look out at them and we start badgering them we start changing them or we start motivating them or we start focusing on them and then all our attention is on if
0:33 only he if only she If Only They if only she and we keep repeating ourselves and we're addicted to that we don't stop to go oh okay they are doing X I keep doing Y and you think to yourself well I'm doing y because they keep doing X if they just stop doing X I'll stop doing y them doing X doesn't mean you need to do why your focus can never be on them you
1:05 can try a little bit but after 2 or 3 weeks you got to ask now how am I an X and they are my y so change you ask yourself what do I need to do differently how do I need to change my voice my tone my behavior my action what do I need to do differently bring it back to you
Summary
- People often focus on changing others when they feel let down by their behaviors.
- This tendency can lead to a cycle of frustration and blame.
- Self-reflection is crucial; instead of asking how to change others, consider how one's own actions contribute to the situation.
- It's important to recognize that others' behaviors do not dictate personal responses.
- Change begins with individual accountability and adjusting one's own behavior.
- The speaker encourages shifting focus from external frustrations to internal growth and change.