Q1 Help! My Child Won't Get Off Screens!

0:02 Instead of going in, you know, fast and large and loud and trying to regain control, I'm just gonna slow myself down a little bit.

0:10 Hey, friends, welcome to DTC's Q&As, where we answer questions asked by parents just like you. If you like these Q and A videos, make sure to click the subscribe button so you don't miss one. If you want to learn more about the discipline that connects online course, I've linked the course in the description below. So let's get to the. All right, today we have Lydia Rex, connected families, certified parent coach, answering a question for us about ending scream.

0:41 And you guys, she's got such practical ideas. You're gonna want to get your pencil and notebook out and take some notes. Okay, here is the question that you had for Lydia. What should I do when I've told my child that screen time is over, but they refuse to give me back the phone? My kids don't listen to me and just run away.

1:03 Well, boy, this is a relatable situation for sure. I want to start by maybe taking a couple steps back. Okay. Corinthians 10 says, God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. And when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so you can endure it. Okay, so I want to think about that verse and the idea of what's a just right challenge for my child.

1:34 Is this temptation beyond what my little one can bear? It helps to get proactive about some of these situations. Chances are you already knew that getting off of screens would potentially be a challenge. This has happened before, and so if you can get ahead of some of these struggles proactively with your child and do some problem solving together. Hey, getting off screens is tough. Before we start, what's our plan for when we're all done today? What would help us end screen time as a great team today?

2:07 Maybe you give a five minute warning. Maybe you go from screen time to snack instead of going from screen time to chores. Do the chores after the snack. Maybe if you've got a really young child, you sit with them for that last minute or two and you hold the phone for that last little bit so they're snuggled up with you. That show ends, the phone's already in your hands and you are taking that temptation just out of the picture for right now because they're not quite ready for that, that level of challenge yet.

2:36 And you know you can work on these skills with your child. Maybe you progress to. You sit next to them and they're holding the Phone, and they hand it back when they're. When they're done. So growing those skills in a step by step kind of way, getting ahead of these challenges, just setting you and your child up for some success and being a great team. Now, these times, these moments, they catch us off guard sometimes. You know, they're taking off with the phone.

3:03 And how do I do in the moment? Start by taking. Just. Just slowing down for a moment. Okay. Knowing, hey, God is with us. He's going to provide a way through this for us to learn together. Okay? So instead of going in, you know, fast and large and loud and trying to regain control, I'm just gonna slow myself down a little bit now. Chances are my little one is watching me out of the corner of her eye.

3:28 You know, I'm running away with mom's phone. Does mom notice what's happening? And so catch your eye, give her a little smile or a wink, you know, jump into some just silly playfulness. Okay. That playfulness is such a beautiful way to kind of pave the way for our child to come back into cooperation and teamwork with us. Okay. So I might say something like, ah, the phone spaceship is in orbit. Astronaut Susan, do you think you can catch it?

3:57 Oh, I don't know if you can. I'm gonna be the home base. Let's see if you can get it back to home base in 10, nine, eight. You know, just big, silly energy. The goal is that my child is giggling with me, that we're connecting back together here. And when my child comes back with that phone, I'm gonna catch him in the biggest bear hug and celebrate that moment. You listened. Oh, it's so tough because you wanted.

4:22 I bet you would want to watch Bluey for the rest of the day if I would let you, huh? And you listened. That was tough, but you did it. We did it together. I'm focusing on that. The fact that my child did obey. She did stay within that boundary. I paved the way for her with that playfulness. I'm going to focus on what went well there instead of the initial running away. And then we're going to practice these kind of skills for the future.

4:47 Maybe in the future, we're going to do a 3, 2, 1, and phone goes into mom's hand. You know, work on those little routines and affirm your child for that growth. Now, sometimes your child, you know, I always start with playfulness. It's a great place to start, but maybe your child is really dysregulated and they're just, you know, they're amping up further, and you feel like you've gotten into kind of a standoff. It may be time to just be really clear about boundaries and to bring in some wisdom.

5:18 Building consequences into that moment might say something like, hey, I know this is tough. I know I'm gonna need you to bring the phone back. If you can bring the phone back, we'll have screen time again tomorrow. I know that's important to you. Otherwise, we're gonna take a break from screen time for a couple of days because we gotta. We gotta work on these skills of being a team with screens. And I know we can do it.

5:43 We'll find something else to do instead of screen time.

5:47 You.

5:47 You decide. You got a good head on your shoulders. I know you can make a good decision. You can bring it back, put it on the table here by me, or we'll. We'll take a few days off. You. You decide. You take a minute to decide. I'll give you some space. Okay. I'm setting a clear boundary, but I'm also sending those messages. We talk about so much in discipline that connects, you know, I want my child to feel that they're safe with me in this moment.

6:14 I'm not getting angry and mad. I'm okay. These kind of things have happened before. We'll get through it. That I care about how they feel in the moment. I'm empathizing with them. I also am telling them, you are capable. I know you're capable here, and you're responsible. We're going to grow in this together. You know, either way, we're going to learn together. So I hope that gives you some ideas on ways to think through this challenge.

6:40 If you are looking for more practical ideas around things like screen time, we have got you covered. You can go to Connected and you'll find articles, podcasts, great materials for you there. And boy, we can't wait to see you next time.

6:57 Oh, my gosh, such great ideas. Thank you so much, Lydia. And like she said, if you want more, we've got more. Check out the video description for links to articles and podcast episodes with more guidance and tips on navigating the screen time struggle with your kids. And if you found this Q and A helpful, would you give it a big thumbs up and share it with a friend? And be sure to click that subscribe button. And never miss out on a new parenting tip from one of our certified connected families coaches.

7:25 Thanks for watching.

7:26 Bye.