Ask Me Questions About Fatherhood | Dad University

0:08 hello everyone let me um i'll wait a little bit to get the chat going it's always great it sends out announcements lets everyone know we are live for those of you uh doing the replay uh welcome it's been a minute i it's uh i'm still here i just haven't done a lot of videos recently uh but there's been good reason i've been head down uh creating my membership uh platform and so

0:40 um yeah there's been plenty going on jake how are you good to see you all right congratulations um yeah so just wanted to i'm doing good uh you know it's been it's been an interesting um let's say a couple of months but uh gifted healer of the soul asked how i was doing i hope you are doing well um yeah it's it's just it's been kind of a whirlwind the uh you know at the end of

1:09 the year my whole family had coveted everybody was okay so but that was during the holidays and so that was exciting um and then um just all kinds of work going on and trying to keep things uh moving forward in addition to like i had just mentioned was is creating the membership site so i've been head down still here um creating and just building stuff and it's all behind the scenes i'm hoping to within the next 30 60 days to launch

1:42 this and so if you're watching this on the replay i guess you could it could actually be uh it could be happening um i'm just reading the uh the comments so good good to see everybody um if you have any questions throw them in the chat i'm here for a little bit i uh it's actually pretty late it's about 6 30 p.m pacific time and uh i'm doing some work here in the office and i wanted to go online i haven't been

2:09 online live for a while um so derek our baby is 10 days old it's been tough as expected but everyone keeps saying it will get easier what are your thoughts on what gets easier and what doesn't um you know what gets easier is that you get into a routine you know anything that is not familiar can be difficult and so i think that's part of it it's the unfamiliarity and not knowing you know

2:41 what to do and what comes next and you know how to handle certain situations and i think that that's why it gets easier um you know psychologically it just changes you know it's funny my children are 13 and 11. and you know to say it's easier there are elements of it that are easier you know my my kids are pretty self-sufficient um you know they can do things on their own and um

3:12 you know independence but you know that just issues as a parent change and so i think it is your attitude about it and how you handle it but um yeah i mean when your baby's 10 you know 10 days old it's like you're just figuring out how to do all this stuff you know everything is brand new and so yeah i can imagine you know that's difficult but you know sleep gets a little bit easier your

3:33 routine gets it a little easier that's why i'd say make sure you have a routine um but you know parenting isn't easy i mean i think for those who say it like there's elements of it it doesn't mean it's not wonderful but it's not an easy thing um you know maybe for those who think that it's easy you know maybe all elements of their life are easy and it's just their attitude towards it um you know

3:59 oftentimes we make things much more difficult than they need be i am guilty of that so uh hopefully that helps um house the singer hello good to see you astro b chris my god just good to see everybody on here um so astro b asks you know hey do some mothers hate the dad after birth seems i can't breathe or look in her direction um you know here's the thing is

4:31 you know that could be some other things going on um you know it could be postpartum depression um you know i i would say that you know calmly you have a conversation about that and see you know kind of what that is if it is really bad then i suggest you know you get some professional help and and try to um you know part of it what i can say is from your perspective is try to put

4:55 yourself in her shoes you know i talk a lot about empathy on my channel we men just aren't that good at that um and so pretend you are in her position you know you just had the baby physically emotionally mentally you know she's going through changes just as you did um she has to transition and like you know a baby typically is just it's so demanding for the mother especially if she's breastfeeding and getting up in

5:23 the night and such so i think that's probably the first step is just try to be empathetic and like i said if if it is really a problem i mean there's a real deep issue you know first you have to talk about it and if she's not willing to talk about it then that's something else but you know maybe maybe seek you know some outside help you know and it's just so that you know she can talk to somebody

5:44 and you know the other the other thing too you know is just to make sure she has other people around or a network you know whether it's family or friends or you know a lot of it can be very secluded um especially with covid but just when you are a parent a brand new parent sometimes you feel alone sometimes you feel like you're the only one doing this and you know you're doing it 24 7. so

6:10 it's um house the singer uh how long is tummy time you know i i don't i don't necessarily have an answer for that um i i often say is that you know i'm i consider myself more of a dad expert than a baby expert i know that sounds kind of weird but um and the reason for that not that all men aren't different but all babies are different you know some babies love being on their tummy like or you know

6:41 and love doing uh you know taking a bath and then there's other ones that hate it you know there's other ones that just can't stand it and they don't enjoy it um you know i would talk to maybe a pediatrician to see that if there's a reason why you know it could be that it's uncomfortable you know imagine like you have gas or the timing that you do it maybe you're doing it like right after food or you know try it in

7:01 different before food or right after he he or she you know wakes up you know try at different times um in different situations you know because it could be something that's uncomfortable or just you know quite frankly they don't like it i don't know you know if a child doesn't like it i don't know that there's going to be any like huge ramifications i mean the reason i think you know a lot of doctors recommend it is

7:27 you know just for like dexterity and for being able to sort of move and stretch and stuff but i i don't know tummy time wasn't a big thing in our house it just wasn't like we didn't make a big deal about it um but i i would talk to maybe a pediatrician and ask if there's any other questions with that sorry but you're also asking how early to start uh that i i don't know either um

7:51 [Music] let's see um so jakes asks what would you do if you have a two and a half year old that needs to transition to a toddler bed but we have a newborn coming in a month wait until the baby is about six months and then transition the three-year-old um i don't know if the transition

8:21 has any effect or should be determined based on the newborn i know you might because of like room or how like what you're buying or something but from like a development standpoint i it you know the transition can happen at any time that you know you and you know your spouse or um and then the baby feels comfortable i'm trying to remember wow i'm trying to remember the timing for our children um you know if i if i recall my son just

8:54 didn't want to be in a different bed you know he he just liked his his crib i mean even he could get out of it he could climb in it he could i mean it just he liked it um but you know eventually it's like okay and we talked about a larger bed and how you know i think part of it is understanding it too i mean if your two and a half year old understands and

9:15 saying you know hey we're gonna get you a bed that you can walk right into yourself and you know if they're ready for it then i think that that's a okay um i but i don't know about waiting as a result of the baby um i would say just transition when you feel comfortable transitioning and when the child feels you know comfortable um you know maybe some feedback from from the audience here dane said we transitioned our toddler at 13 months

9:45 you know so i mean that yeah i think you could do it um so yeah i mean some people some people have some feedback here you know here's the thing too when my children were one and three so my son was three my i was not in um i wasn't in a great state i mean this if you go back and you look at sort of the whole reason i started dad university i said i wasn't a baby expert and i

10:15 didn't become a baby expert i really what dad university was about was um working on myself you know and becoming a father that i wanted to be becoming the person that i wanted to be and then you know being involved in that so i started taking classes my first parenting classes were around one and three and so prior to that a lot of my activity was just what do you need you know i sort of my

10:43 uh wife was working labor and delivery so she was very familiar with babies and such and so a lot of the stuff was handled by her being honest and so she i just would say hey what do you know what do you need me to do and when you're in that state you're not really thinking about or have an opinion so much about a lot of things like oh we should really do this or we should really do that you

11:04 know and so that's where um i began you know and so as my children got older and started communication and discipline and quote parenting um that's when i really started getting involved i'd say involved i was not like i wasn't an involved parent but um you know i was involved with my children but i think you know some of those some of that early time i really leaned on my wife because i didn't know what i was doing i had never

11:32 been around children if you see my story you know i'd never been around children i really was unfamiliar with it and so it wasn't until you know my children started growing i started taking classes started learning more teaching you know started doing a podcast to support other dads and myself and then you know started moving farther and farther and farther so it was really about me and what i could do and what is my role and how do i impact my children more so

12:03 than you know a crib issue or potty training or like that kind of thing and i and i know a lot of people ask those questions and i appreciate that and but i also don't want to say something you know because so much of it is my opinion in that sense um you know and there's so many different ways of doing things you know whether it is sleep whether it is um you know feedings i mean there's all

12:29 kinds of stuff now when it comes to discipline and the parenting and the communication that's i have really strong opinions and that's the stuff that i make videos on so that's all i mean i was it wasn't a mini rant um yeah so john said i know you're not a stay at home father so um yeah i mean i i worked a lot you know i i'm an entrepreneur i had a business i still do um you know and

12:58 it it's yeah it was it was a very very interesting time my mother passed away i mean my the early years of my kids it's somewhat blurry um be just because of how many things were happening at that time um let's see if you guys have questions throw them up there also let me know where you're from i always like to see where um so chris i'm currently in the beginning stage of a separation after six years of

13:29 marriage um we have a four-year-old girl what advice can you give me as a dad um well i'm going to assume that you want to be separated if you i mean you know there's many different questions here uh or things to go into if it's something where you still feel like there is a chance to reconcile the marriage then you know obviously you can go down that road if it is something

14:00 where you are done you're for sure you're going down that road then the advice as a father is maintain a very cordial and respectful relationship with your wife regardless of how your emotions might be um you know everybody i talk to that's getting divorced is blaming the other person um and and it is difficult sometimes you know especially if there's emotional hurt or phys you know just all kinds of stuff that can happen

14:32 but maintaining a really good relationship that's respectful with your significant other is very important to the child and i don't think people realize that versus just thinking that it's just their relationship with the child you know for for children as they grow up um you know huge amounts of conflict or res you know or like you just resent the other person

15:02 or the other person talks bad about like like none of that is good for a child it is good for a child to be in a loving caring environment and to explain you know it has nothing to do with the child and it's not they have to be very clear about that i mean at four they may or may not know you know what's going on they sort of know hey i go to dad's house i go to mom's house

15:24 um but but i i i do think maintaining that respect even if you have real difficulty with it you're doing it because of the child not because of her not because anything else you're doing that so that the child can have that stability and that stability and knowing okay well mom and dad you know even later as they get older you know what mom and dad didn't get along you know they got divorced but you know at least they were nice to each

15:56 other because you're showing your girl to um how to treat somebody you know and how people deserve to be treated and everybody deserves that and and i know it is hard i mean it it is not an easy thing it's easier said than done but that would be my advice try as hard as you can to be respectful and cordial and ask the same of her although you may not be able to um but this you do you you know even

16:28 let's say she's really evil doesn't matter you know your children will eventually figure that out but um yeah i i do wish people would be able to sometimes get past the emotion of that and realize how important it is for the kids so um um so i know i know you're not a stay at home but what can be expected to do with

17:01 a baby all day every day is is a baby playing in a pack and play okay for a period of time yeah i mean a baby needs to know how to entertain themselves i mean you know a baby being bored is totally acceptable you know instead of sticking an ipad or you know sticking them in front of the tv it's like it's okay for them to be creative and and do you know give them a books or stuffed

17:21 animals or whatever you know or little toys like totally fine um you know i also think that you know they can be brought places it's you know they they're adaptable um you know obviously you know boredom for kids is actually good for their brains because you know i mean then they're able to be creative i mean now they just kids have so much dang stimulation it's like you know they can't sit for two seconds without a

17:47 screen so yeah i i think you know that's totally fine i i know my wife when they were really young you know and it depends on your financial situation but we live near the coast i mean she brought them all the time to the beach to the park to you know we had a season pass at a amusement park and i mean she just planned okay monday we're doing this tuesday we're doing this wednesday you know and it's just

18:12 for her to get out of the house and to do that and she would do that and so you know she didn't want to be bored sitting in a house and um so yeah i mean she would get out even if it was for walks you know just to just to get out and do that um you know the other thing is finding other people too i mean depending on the age of the child you know as a baby it

18:31 can be tough but um you know the age of the child is you know you get together with other people that have similar the babies may not play but you know you join a mom or dad's group you know that usually helps um wow bunch of questions coming through um derek asks you know this is a popular one how do i balance between the time with the wife time with the baby work home responsibilities in my own

18:58 interests so i have a couple videos on that work life harmony i've done work life balance it's actually one of the courses that's going to be in the membership i have a full course on it um i for those of you who are not aware i'm creating a membership uh to dad university and going to be releasing all of my course material and creating more course material as it goes it's going to be a monthly membership

19:27 and that is coming within the next 30 to 60 days so that's what i've been working on that's why i haven't been making new videos very recently and haven't been on lives is because i have been pretty much head down doing that so how but i'll give you some quick tips so how do you balance it well first you need to um kind of take an inventory of your time and also to figure out where could

19:53 you be wasting time now not that tv or the internet and social media whatever is not your interests or your time but you do have to give up when you have a small child especially you know some of some of the the wasted time that you might be doing and then you start prioritizing i don't like to call it a work-life balance i call it work life harmony and so i'll give you an example it is 6

20:19 45 on a tuesday i'm not with my family right now i'm here um well i was with my kids earlier so i you know i had spent a little time and then i was like okay i got to get some work done and i'm at my office so you know you it's different for everybody um and you know the demands are different for everybody but you have to feel good about it um and you know you ultimately have to feel

20:48 good you know feeling guilty about things isn't good i will say and this is coming from an entrepreneur um that nobody on their deathbed ever said they should have spent more time at the office that's for sure um you know they'll say that they should have spent more time with the people that they loved and the people that they enjoyed and the things that they you know love to do so you know i'm an entrepreneur i

21:12 pursue a lot of you know business related things and i spend a lot of time on it but it is a balance i you know like this weekend i'm going camping with my daughter you know that's something then i take that time and you just so you you have to just segment it and take the time to do it and the coolest part about all of it is that every day you get to start over so

21:38 while you might be a really good employee one day you know because you stayed late and you you know you work in extra hours whatever well you didn't have dinner with your family or you didn't spend time with your wife or you know anything like that or you didn't get the chance to work out i will say too for your own interest depending on what they are i wake up really really early in the morning because i like to work out i like to

22:02 exercise and so that's my time and as a result i get less sleep or i have to go to sleep really early because i want to exercise it's just a priority you know it's a priority for me so we each set our own priorities and that's what i you know i kind of do that in the videos where i talk about you know you got to set your priorities what's the most important thing to you and allocate that time if you have to

22:24 use a calendar put your kids on the calendar put your wife on the calendar you know may and say hey we're going to be hanging out here and here i want to make time for you here if she doesn't like that then don't tell her just do it um but yeah i think it's different for everybody and you know you just and i do notice that as my children get older but also i get older i realize like that time is gone you

22:55 know the time is no longer there so you don't want to waste that either you know you don't want to waste that time so it becomes more and more important i mean the other day it was my son um you know he had asked me he said hey you know hey do you want to do this this is i was like oh yeah for sure you know like he wanted to exercise or something i was just like yeah you know he's 13.

23:17 he's like he's not he's not coming up to me and asking me to do things a lot he wants to hang out with his friends um and so you have to be aware that i had other stuff i wanted to do or i was going to do but i just scrap it you know and you have to remember those times where you just got to make prep make it a priority so hopefully that helps sometimes my

23:38 questions are or i answer so long-winded i could probably do it in twitter 160 characters um well let's see i'm just reading this here excuse the silence um ryan good to see you dane good to see you justin good to see you um [Music]

24:09 eric good to see you andy any tips on how to work on generational trauma with raising children um i would suggest seeking a therapist for that um now there is good and bad about therapists now here's what i will say i think therapists are awesome i mean going to therapy is awesome you know especially to work through issues

24:40 what i don't necessarily like is too much focus on the past now i understand past happens but past doesn't equal the future and so much of what we do our pain our um you know the things that we think of and all the crap that happens to us never happens but also is a result of what's happened

25:12 to us in the past and so i it's a fine line too that you know i'm always careful of focusing and because you never want that to be a crutch because what happened in the past does not define you it's not who you are it's not nothing you know it's it happened in the past and there's nothing you can do about it other than learning how to you know whether it is work through it and such and i think for many

25:39 that a therapist is probably your best um you know and so hopefully you can see somebody i mean you know for me to give very specific tips i think it depends on the trauma and i don't necessarily want to go into that for this video but um yeah i mean and if it's a financial thing i mean you could go through insurance you can go through sometimes the state or religious organization or a community organization i think that might be better

26:04 you know suited for something like that but i don't want to leave you hanging on it it's you know that could be some serious stuff you know you work through it um but just know that your past doesn't equal the present and certainly doesn't equal your child's future you know um it is certainly possible to get through that trauma and not allow your children to be affected by that um

26:41 so eric um yeah any eric had asked any advice regarding feeling unprepared and inadequate as a provider i think that's a very common feeling and i don't think that in many times that feeling [Music] sometimes it doesn't matter what level you are at you know in the sense that you know some people may have more money other people have more emotional support

27:12 other people have more the ability to be there physically i think that is something that all parents feel at some point is feeling inadequate um i can tell you that that is part of the motivation of what i started dad university for is i felt as much as i had a wonderful childhood i had wonderful parents great siblings i mean i i had what would be considered like a very

27:43 like i would say a privilege because we weren't wealthy but you know very grateful to have the childhood that i had it was very very good it doesn't matter i still didn't know how to be a father you know granted i saw a loving father my father was a good father but i so i i had a better chance of doing it than someone who didn't have a father or had a you know negative impact um but i still felt inadequate i i

28:10 didn't feel like i was going to be a good father because i didn't know what to do so i think your feelings the first thing is to realize is that they're totally normal very common um and you know that's that's that's kind of the first step is just to realize that everybody feels that way i think the other thing you can do is you know think about the steps that you can take and what it would take for you to not

28:40 feel that way you know it's all external stuff and you say well i make this much money but if i was making this much well you know could you find a different job let's just say it's financial i i don't even know that you're saying inadequate as a provider typically that's financial you know could you work on the side could you do a side hustle um most of the time the answer is yes whether you want to do it or you feel

29:03 like you should do it or you're going to do it that's a totally different thing but side hustles that can do it get a better job if you don't feel that you don't have the skills to get a better job get the skills um you know i i want to be do a little bit of tough love and that there's not a lot of excuses that are valid because you can see you know the only excuse is that

29:31 somebody just doesn't want to typically i mean if you're not physically able to um you know and people say well i don't have the time most of the most of us can find the time um it's it's about priority you know and so what is it going to take for you to feel like you are a good provider you know um what i will tell you and i i hope men hear this kids don't care about stuff

30:00 and i see this all the time and i see especially during the holidays men feel like they have to get their children presents and a lot of them and whether it's birthdays and whether it is the holidays that they have to do all of these things and get them all these gifts and it's bs um kids don't care the only reason they really care is because we start to get them gifts and everyone else around them is

30:29 getting gifts now there's nothing wrong with a child being a little bit deprived of stuff so the idea is you know instead of going to disneyland you know what you can go to a park and have a really good time at a park and it costs nothing you know you can go out for a walk and you can do these things there's the kids just really don't care and i can tell you as it became to the

30:58 holidays and my wife and i agreed on this we were really frustrated and i can tell you i live in a fairly affluent area where kids get ridiculous amounts of stuff like and my children know because we've done it and hey sometimes i i honestly i do feel bad is that we've said we're gonna go do something instead and we don't do extravagant gifts you know you know they want to get something they're going to have to earn that you

31:24 know it's not that i don't have the money to do it i'm not going to do it because there's just no reason for them to have that kind of stuff and and i think what happens is that like there's some sort of validation for men feeling as if the providing um is like that they're a good father because they are giving them things and it just isn't the case i mean you know you think about your own

31:53 childhood and the things that you remember that your parents gave you i would doubt that there's many different many different things that you would remember um you know you remember the things that you guys did or the experiences or the you know getting together it's not the stuff and so i think as a provider you know it just it just doesn't it doesn't i don't think it affects people in such a

32:24 negative way that people think you know i know quite a few people that grew up with very little if anything it just gave them some grit you know they started working hard they realized they weren't going to get things handed to them um so i just i don't know i i i think we're very hard on ourselves as somebody had pointed out um i think dane was in there pointing out that you know we're very hard on

32:50 ourselves and i think as men you know providing meaning okay they have a roof overhead and stuff and i hey i'm guilty too i fall into that all the time i mean i saw you know all these people going on extravagant vacations and i'm like well we just aren't going to do that you know um so i i think you have to give yourself some some credit you know work hard you are a good provider and and

33:16 feel that uh you can provide them you know there's a lot more value in the love that you can probably provide um than the stuff so you know give them your time that's probably the most valuable thing is as you know and we used to do that too i remember my parents you know my parents grew i grew up modest and and we would give coupons to each other you know coupon to like go hang out and go do something or to spend

33:42 time playing a game or whatever and like you know it didn't cost very much you know you can be pretty creative um so yeah hopefully hopefully that helps i think i think we're we're just too tough on ourselves all right sorry let's see got getting back here um let's see wow i missed a lot um scott thank you i appreciate the the kudos there

34:13 best tips on going from crib to toddler bed i don't have any specific cr tips we just missed a whole conversation about going to the toddler bed just do it be patient it's going to be um it can be a transition but sometimes you have the bed there and you ask them and i mean like our our child was ready they were asking for it so i'm kind of maybe i'm not the best person to give that

34:36 advice um aaron good to see you glad the videos helped um mav to uac i'm sorry i'm not i'm not pronouncing it correctly if you just found out you're a dad and your partner is concerned how do you reassure them everything will be fine ask them um ask them and say how can i reassure

35:08 you that everything is going to be fine what can i do let them answer that question because every partner is different uh you know someone would say well i want you to spend time with me the other one's gonna say just tell me it's gonna be okay the other part i mean there's there's too many answers that your specific partner needs to answer it themselves and if they say i don't know then you say well what if you did know

35:32 what would you say i say that to my kids all the time dane what's your opinion on gentle or respectful parenting um i i'm i i don't know if i i mean i haven't heard that specific term the gentle respectful parenting um but author or authoritative parenting is you know really the style that i go of which i think is more firm yet respectful

36:02 um i'm i'm not really a gentle person i mean that's great if you are um you know i haven't read enough literature on the gentleness um but you know sometimes it's really hard when you're setting up boundaries and you're saying no and you have to like i do think you need to be firm people get that the wrong way though um it's firm and yet respectful

36:33 um you listen so i don't know it's it's really the gentle word is that is probably the one that i'm not you know as as keen on um i think some of the difficulty is if you are too gentle your children aren't going to understand how to deal with the real people in the world because people aren't gentle um i i think i don't know but i mean that's just my own opinion i i don't know that

36:59 i um i'm just not gentle i guess so it's hard for me to like something um oh so it says it's such an awful name but it's about walking the kids through the emotions versus trying to get them past it well i mean okay well if you're talking about emotions i think you know kids learning emotions and what that i definitely don't believe in trying to avoid emotion um i believe in understanding emotions

37:31 feeling those emotions um and then you know allowing yourself to feel the emotion and then as a result of that over time you become less vulnerable to the emotion and i can give you i mean my own personal anecdote you know is being you're practicing all this stuff over and over and over again i used to go in a cocoon let's say my wife and i you know argued i just you know this is even prior to kids it's like you know i

37:59 would go into hibernation mode i'd be pissed off at her i wouldn't talk to her you know on and on and on and on and i would be angry and whatever it is so the difference now you know with almost anything that i get upset at if it's if it's a thing that i'm getting upset at is i kind of now look at it and go okay well you know let me feel that so i might feel the anger i might feel

38:23 whatever and i allow myself to feel it which is one of the things and then i realized that after doing this kind of exercise all the time of allowing myself to feel that emotion it doesn't last very long anymore you know i kind of ask myself is like what's the benefit of me being pissed off all day like what is the benefit of that like what people are gonna pay attention to me you know my wife's gonna get you know it

38:48 digs into her like what is the benefit to me of me being upset and the answer is nothing like there is no benefit to me being upset all day or multiple days and so as a result of that i've you know i've come to learn that like just resolve things you know like whether it's i mean whether i'm at fault or like sometimes it's just or even with my kids it's like okay like we got upset we did it like like

39:14 let's get through it so i definitely don't like the idea of avoiding emotions um so i do like that idea of walking or talking through it i just so i don't know about gentle it is an awful name um bap chap are the terrible twos a myth no they're not but for our kids i felt like a terrible threes and horrible fours um three and like three three was rough two wasn't that bad um

39:45 kind of three and four was probably the worst um matthew good to see you future dad here wife 27 weeks along helping with the baby shower registry for gifts baby classes sign up running on ice cream runs any tips on how to handle and deal with all this stress smile no um yeah i mean how to deal with it know that

40:16 it's temporary um you know somebody i think it's mel uh if you ever heard mel robbins and she was talking about how stress and excitement are actually the same thing happens to our bodies you know we get heart heightened heart rate we might sweat nervous so maybe you could translate that stress into thinking that is it is excitement

40:48 um and maybe that would help so that's what i would try um because otherwise you know you could also uh hire a virtual assistant you know for five dollars an hour or seven dollars an hour and have them do all those things for you or get somebody else you know if you have the means to do it get somebody else to do it all for you although she might not like that but that's an option um

41:16 let's see and he's asked how do you deal with newborns that fight being swaddled well one you know i'd say make sure you're doing it correctly you know i don't know that most babies don't like it the question being you know if a baby really hates it you know i don't know what motivation there is to swaddle other than them you know

41:46 you're feeling like they're self they're safe and contained most of the time the swaddling that i understood is like you know the swaddling is done so that the baby feels good and feels safe and feels content and as a result is more calm if that's not working you probably have to try something different that maybe swaddling is not their thing you know you try a vibrating seat or you know i know with our children you know putting them at an angle i mean

42:15 there's a reason why the angle works um you know the digestion was better so um uh chris what are your thoughts on the idea that you can influence what gender your baby will be based on during the woman's cycle i don't know that uh if that is i mean i know that there was like people hanging upside down to like you know to conceive a boy i don't know if those are just wives tales or what that

42:43 would be that would be interesting maybe there's some studies out there but i i'm not familiar with you know short of maybe doing you know some really expensive dna uh manipulation or you know egg and uh sperm manipulation i i don't know that you can do that um that's interesting though um some other people if you have questions i can see that other people are answering the questions which is good it's helpful thank you um [Music]

43:14 josh had asked how do i tell my wife that i want another baby um depends on i mean the way that you i see that is that you don't think that she does want one um so is there a tactic um you might know your wife best i don't know that there's a very specific way to say it other than just be honest um you know it's funny my wife and i have maybe it's a little bit different

43:44 relationship but um we're somewhat blunt about it it's like we don't beat around the bush i mean i think i think that there there is maybe some tactful ways of doing it i mean and i think it you know i've always heard like the sandwich method where you say something really loving and wonderful that she's going to want to hear then you say something like hey i'd love to have another baby and then you say something else that's wonderful that you

44:11 want to hear like you know maybe the first thing could be just you know it's been amazing having a child with you and i you know i just it's something that i've really really enjoyed and so you say that that's the top part and then you go into and you know i've just been thinking you know i've been thinking or or you know what now i get it ask the question instead of telling her that you want it you know that's kind of

44:40 the indirect way of doing it so you'd say hey you know do the sandwich thing again but to say you know i love it whatever had you have you even considered or what do you think about having another child how does how do you what do you think about that you know then you're and then she might say why are you thinking and say well i've just i just had you know had thought about the idea and then you'll go into

45:05 it and you'll have that discussion um you know hopefully it shouldn't be a difficult discussion to have maybe it is for some people but you know the answer is either going to be yes or no i think it's a bigger thing is if she says no how do you handle that and i don't know if that's uh really a good way to handle it so um so uh what thank you

45:37 uh my wife and i let's see oh watch why is this thing going oh here we go sorry my chats my wife and i are having our first baby a girl in about six weeks what's the best tactic to take to raise her not to be a spoiled brat there's quite a few um so the one thing i will say is that you have a couple of years

46:07 really to ingrain that um you don't give them everything that's another thing and the other thing is is that you allow them to do things for themselves so and you think about that at a very early age so like when your child is old enough to like take a piece of trash and throw it away like they can walk they should be doing that for their own food you know like they take the trash

46:38 they put it away or they pick up their toy and they put it away um that to me is one of the best tactics is and you're not and the reason we do stuff for our children is because we love them and we think that like we're sorry we express our love that way by doing things for them and we're not helping them you know we allow them to do things for themselves and so from a very early age

47:05 we had our children you know cleaning i mean maybe you help them but they're saying they clean up their stuff they even making their own food i mean even a very early age allowing them to you know hold something so that they can you know pour it or it's just giving them that ability to do things for themselves versus expecting that somebody else is going to do it so that's the one kind of like demanding brat and i think of like a

47:37 spoiled in that case the other you know a lot of people think of spoiled brat as like you get whatever you want as far as like material things and a lot of that onus is going to be on you you just don't give them you know i mean you just you just don't do it you don't um you know they may want a toy but you know you teach them how to that they can't have that toy or

47:57 um that you know maybe they need to work for it you know early on when we started talking about responsibilities around our house we don't um i should clarify we don't have allowance um my children receive money but it's simply because they are part of our family and then they get to choose you know what then on the separate side we have they have their responsibilities that they need to do and cleaning and sweeping and you know other things it's

48:26 not tied to it like you get 50 cents for this and a dollar for this and whatever to me they're two very separate things they just need to be part of the family which being part of the family means you clean up um you know when you and you chip in and you help and so it is really those are the things i'd say you have them do things for themselves and you require them to do things around

48:51 the house and help in with the family and stuff and you know the fact that you're asking the question is probably an indication that they're not going to be spoiled brats um but that's typically how it happens children get what they want the parent gives them what they want um they don't do much for themselves and as a result they're spoiled so hopefully that helps let me know um

49:21 let's see wow there's so much oh what happened to my window oh there we my window's not closing oh no um oh i can't figure this out okay well anyways i'll see what i can

49:51 there we go maybe there's some delay um all right sorry i missed some of these questions so josh had asked um what are your thoughts on having babies late in life and what advice would you give a new dad at almost 40 what am i in for um i mean here's the thing i mean you know we're more typically more established you know more financially dependent

50:24 um you know later in life you know i i think the only part that i you know i can think of as you know i get a little older is just feeling like the energy level you know um is that you know just the young children take a lot of energy you know they they require a lot of time and energy and effort and so as you get older sometimes that just becomes a little bit more difficult

50:49 you're a little bit more set in your ways you you know that can be the case but i don't i think for maybe for you know for women it's a physical thing i mean it's you know there's more risks of bra in pregnancy as they get older so um you know with men that's not the case but with you know with women um there's there's actually increased risk of having issues so but with men you know you should be fine

51:13 um you know what are you in for i i think the only difference is just you know you're a little bit more mature um you know you know sometimes you know you might not be uh a peer with the other kids at their you know preschool or kindergarten so when they first go to school and you're sort of talking to the other parents and you are definitely an older parent you know that i felt that way a little

51:44 bit in ours i mean it seemed like most of the parents were a little younger than i was um and so you know they would kind of get together or do stuff and it's like just a little bit off um [Music] like i kind of felt like i was hanging out with younger people um so that that could just be a little bit of difference i don't think it would be that big of a deal though

52:04 um all right oh wow it's already been 52 minutes i got a little bit of time here i'm just i had promised myself an hour so i've got a couple more couple more minutes um josh you're welcome um so what had asked when i say no stick with our word yes i mean that that is a um yeah i mean follow through

52:35 so okay we're going back to you know how not to have a spoiled brat yes i mean the other is you follow through with what you do i i think of that more as a discipline type thing it didn't click to me as a spoiled brat um when i think of like you know you have to do what you say and and say what you do and so yeah i mean when you say hey on the count of three we're not going

52:57 you got to make sure on the count of three you're not going you know or you know you say hey you know you have one more chance for this and you don't nothing i mean yeah your your child that's more discipline disciplinarian and um kind of falls under that for me so starlighted thank you i appreciate you sending the videos to your boyfriend um dave you're welcome uh daniel good glad to have you here um let's see

53:29 trying to answer some of these um so i had i had mentioned earlier and i and i hope people will join i am creating a membership website and the biggest thing i think for the membership is you'll have access to all the courses i'm you know i have a whole bunch of different courses that i have um and so you'll have access to those you'll have access to chats like this more and then also be able to chat with the

54:00 other dads who are members and so i'm hoping you know for those of you who come on to these things it's going to be you know a very low cost in comparison to some of the things i've done in the past and so i'm excited about it i i working hard i think it's going to i'm i hope launch within the next 30 to 60 days i will announce it if you want to know about it though go

54:25 to the website and get on the waiting list those are the people that will have the first you know chances of getting in and i'll make sure that i keep keep the information so you can just go to dad university dad university.com and i think it's right on the front page it talks about joining the wait list just click there fill out your email and you'll be notified when uh the membership launches and so um as of right now

54:53 it's going to be 20 bucks a month so that's i can't quote it can't for sure but that's about the price um and so hopefully you know and and that that i think is is a value where um you know i'm hoping that people are going to get a lot of value out of it so um mr longman from new zealand good to see you it's so cool to see people from all over the world uh i know that uh

55:24 you know i'm here in uh san diego so um north san diego actually and so uh it's kind of cool to see people from all over the world come and join us and and and seeing men that are interested in this stuff that's that's what's great um you know people some people don't think um that it's you know that there's men out there who care and there are there's a lot um gabrielle said how can you deal with the

55:54 stress with trying to have a baby like worrying too much if the baby is healthy or stuff like that to be more clear i try to be calm but any kind of thoughts get to me yeah someone once said that the worst things that i ever the worst things that ever happened or something like that like the worst things that ever happened actually never happened to me or the worst things um you know we create so much of it in

56:22 our minds and it's so true um i i you know it's a practice you know um i just listened to another as i mentioned her earlier mel robbins and she said when you have anxiety which is worrying about something that's going to happen there's only six words that you have to remember she just released this it was on youtube and it was what if it all works out and you say that over and over and over

56:53 again so instead of something being horrible you allow yourself to say well what if it does work out and you keep saying that over and over and over again and it's a positive thought and i like it i'm in fact i've already used it a couple times today that i had some you know stressful anxiety negative things and instead i say well what if it works out and it does it kind of changes it changes your

57:16 mindset um so let's see yeah so what had said i witnessed my best friend create a monster every time their daughter cried they would buy her things just to make her happy when she was a toddler yeah if if you watch my videos that that wouldn't be the suggestions that i would make um any of my videos on discipline or

57:47 um yeah and i said i'll have them in the membership i have the courses around this stuff so i have i have a course around work-life balance there's a course around discipline there's a course around mistakes that we make as fathers um wow i mean i've got there's so many different things um that it'll be i'm hoping everyone gets a lot of value out of it from brooklyn chris how are you um texas wow that's cool um

58:20 and so here closing it out um anyone has any final questions let me know um but like i said go and make sure you know sign up for the wait list check it out it's um the membership will be coming soon i'm excited to be able to launch that and it's a lot of work i don't know if you can see the reds in my eyes certainly the gray hair from the stress um but it's it's been fun and it's been a

58:46 lot of work so i'm excited to launch it florida eric good to see you great questions today tonight too um and i do hope to do more lives it's it's you know this just happened to be i was in the office i was like okay i just i'm gonna go live it's one of those spur of the moment things that's not planned so but thank you i i do want to say i'm grateful you know i hear all these

59:06 people are saying thank you to me but um you know part of and i'll give you insight part of why i do these lives is it feels really good um it feels really good that everybody enjoys it and so it's a little self-serving you know in that sense that i know you know it fills my cup too you know and i enjoy it um you know the fact that people can take something from it

59:37 and they can implement it and do something and they enjoy it and they enjoy the videos and um the fact that you know the subscribers and you guys are just really really supportive so i want to say thank you to everybody out there and i will definitely do you know i'll do this again i'll do more um but i hope everyone has a wonderful night and uh don't forget that wait list sign up for the email or put your email

60:02 in for the waitlist daduniversity.com all right love everybody see you soon