TIPS | How To Deal With Temper Tantrums In Kids(Tried & Tested)

0:00 hi guys today we are chatting on temper tantrums and how to avoid those no's that we want to say or you know sometimes our kids don't behave in a certain way and we want to kind of acknowledge that be you know we want to say um this is not the right way to do things but we often shun the child and we don't shun the behavior and i think there's a huge huge difference in that and i think um she's really the expert

0:27 so hi doctor so nice to chat with you again temper tantrums just throwing a fish when they don't get something you know that aggression how does one deal with that yes yes aggression uh anger outbursts temper tantrums these first we have to understand that these are emotions nancy what are these children feel emotions and the problem here is the situation is that children do not have emotional regulators that i always say so whenever

0:58 we say no to something whenever something happens that children don't like they're going to feel bad it's okay to feel bad right we also feel bad when something doesn't go according to us similarly when something doesn't go according to the children they feel anger and when they feel anger because they are not able to regulate it because they are not mature enough their brain is still developing their emotional regulators are still developing so i always tell parents that

1:26 just like you know that your child cannot handle a knife so you will because your child does not have the maturity you judge you know that your child cannot handle a glass so because your child does not have developed motor skills similarly your child does not have developed emotional regulators so when your child feels angry it comes out it comes out as it is whatever the child is feeling so instead i will start with saying that instead of labeling them

1:53 aggressive try and understand that whatever that behavior of aggression is it has feelings underneath your child is definitely feeling something that's why your child is behaving like that so try and understand the feeling to try and communicate with the feeling instead of the anger is the first thing that i will say the second thing i will say is it's extremely important nancy because anger is a heightened emotion right aggression is a heightened emotion it is so important to be in that to be

2:24 calm in that situation because if you are going to get intimidated by the anger if you are going to have an emotion your own emotion of anger counter anger maybe even anxiety maybe even stress you know we get stressed when we see our child like that even if you're not an angry parent you will just get nervous but now what to do when you are going to have another heightened emotion of your own we can't help our child then

2:51 if you want to help your child in the moment of aggression we have to be calm we have to we have to approach the situation in that way so that we can help the child your child needs help the second thing is when we have heightened emotions we are not displaying the right thing what do we want the child to learn we want the child to learn to regulate the feeling of anger so that it does not

3:13 come that way in the behavior in the coming years your child learns to deal with this emotion right how will your child learn if he does not see you dealing with your own emotions so in that situation it's very important to give our child the opportunity to interact with a calm person and who's that it's us yeah so calm is very important hey that you know and and guys for everybody who's listening she's the expert and i'm

3:38 the mother so when she's saying this i'm actually traveling back in time to think of an example of how did i behave as a parent right and i'm just thinking that every time my kids were either angry upset or anything all i did was just hug them really tight that's that's not it and it just worked and you know i'm i'm um i'm somebody you know who believes a lot in in spirituality so there's this particular

4:06 thing that i would chant and i feel like um and another very important thing my pediatrician had told me is said every act of um aggression or attention is because of attention deficit he's just he's just said he always told me fix the debt or support

4:58 that she's saying it's very very simple to do so don't think any it is a live you know you heard it and you'll do it trust me what she's saying when your child is aggressive or your child is angry or feeling those emotions what to do in that situation so why

5:30 being calm just as you said hug is one way of letting them know you're there if your child is so aggressive that your child is a great aggression is coming out in the body because it happens they don't know how to regulate it so it's coming in the body just let your child know that you are there your words your expression your body language everything has to display that you empathize even if it's a small thing if your child is

5:54 not getting a phone if your five-year-old is not getting a phone and your child is stuck has started throwing a temper tantrum because you are not able to give the phone because already your child has seen the phone for two hours and you can't give but wanting the phone is not the problem right you can't give it so empathize every time i mean that's the feeling that the emotion oh you really want that phone really i i i wish i could give you

6:17 but you can choose something for tomorrow for sure so it's very important to empathize stay calm don't give in to your child's demand it's going to make the the aggression addictive yeah we've got some parents asking us on uh hitting biting pushing how do you deal with that kind of behavior these behaviors are very very common in toddlers hitting biting pushing as i said they don't have emotional regulators and they are experimenting with behaviors understanding how people

6:49 are uh responding to that how parents are responding to that so one thing i will say is to all parents is that first understand that these are age typical behaviors so that you are calm one thing that makes us uncommon these situations is we think how can my child hit how can my child hurt someone please understand

7:29 yeah so don't take it personally children our children that's why they are like that you see when we see children they act differently than adults right there is a difference in their behavior that's what it is they don't have emotional regulators so yeah when they feel bad when they feel attacked when they feel something it comes out and they hit so we can't let our children hit or pinch that's there we have to stop that behavior that is there but that's all we

7:55 have to do we have to stop that behavior we don't have to get intimidated by it so in that situation just calmly and firmly just let your child know that this is not allowed so okay i can see that you're angry but hitting is not allowed better we can't hit it's so important for us to be calm because if we will react or if we will get angry first thing it's going to give them a lot of undue attention

8:20 children love attention so one way this behavior is going to increase in frequency and intensity is when you're going to overreact is when you're going to feel take it personally and maybe overreact with whatever you're thinking so just stay calm and let them know it's not allowed be consistent your children will get a message in case it's still not in it's still increasing then there are ways to have consequences that i talk about in my workshops of positive

8:49 discipline it's not easy to it's not a i can't explain the whole thing over here but i will just say that you can attach a consequence so for example maybe i'll give you an example if your child is hitting every time your child sits with your mother-in-law he starts hitting the mother-in-law or he's because they're little children or they pull but they enjoy it first we have to see that uh whenever your child pulls your mother's

9:12 mother-in-law's hair you are busy and the minute your child pulls your mother-in-law's hair or pinches or hits you leave everything and come to the room so what is your child getting out of that behavior is your attention which your child would not have got otherwise because you were busy so please be very careful of why your child is behaving what is the pattern what is making your child behave like that and the second thing to do is attach a consequence so

9:36 you can say that bitter and let your child know that we are going to daddy's room if you're going to hit then we'll have to come back so if you want to be with daddy we can't hit let your child know that and if your child and your child is definitely going to try your words your child is going to experiment mostly children do that so you have to be consistent that if your child does indulge in that behavior of hitting or

10:00 pinching you follow through the consequence and you you get your child back to the room your child has to choose so this is how we do deal with consequences otherwise it's very important to understand what is happening underneath the behavior please go underneath the hitting underneath the biting underneath the pinching be calm and be consistent your children are going to outgrow this behavior

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