2 minute guide to raising siblings

0:00 The number one thing to remember as a parent in the midst of sibling conflict, your role is not to be the judge, the jury. It's not for you to decide who was in the wrong and who needs to be corrected and all those kinds of things. Your role is actually to see and hear each of your children and to allow your children to have the experience of containment. Parents who are in the lead, who step in, who put boundaries down, even if your kid doesn't always understand it, that they see you moving, certainly and capably.

0:32 What's fair for one isn't always the same as what's fair for all. And I will decide, get interested in who is ending the conflict, not who is starting the conflict. If you have a child who does need more, always understand that this child over here, they also need their cup to be filled. And while you can't be all things to all people all at the same time, we can find ways to give them a little drop of ourselves here and there in order to equalize that perception of things being unfair.

1:03 The sibling rivalry actually has very little to do with the children and how they're relating to each other and everything to do with the children and how they're relating to their parents. When a sibling comes along, there will be a supply and demand issue created. There's not going to be as much of mom's time, Dad's time to go around. And so we turn on our siblings to take out the competition in order to secure the access that we have to our parents.

1:32 That understanding is helpful because it very appropriately takes the focus off the children and it puts the focus on the parents. The wonderful thing about it being on me is I have all the power. And so the sibling dynamic can become an opportunity.