The Basics of the Assertive Voice (and the "Name + Verb + Paint Strategy)

0:00 the voice that we are teaching with conscious discipline that is empowering and encourages us to take hold of our own power is that voice that we call the assertive voice the assertive voice is the voice of knowing it paints a very very clear picture of exactly what we want and what it looks like the assertive voice does three things number one it tells us exactly what to do number two it is the voice of No Doubt

0:31 there is absolutely no doubt what it is that we're going to do in this moment and the third thing that it does is it paints a very clear picture of what that looks like what does it look like what does it look like feel like sound like so the tone of the assertive voice would sound something similar to this my sweater is pink the table is brown stand up and line up at the door I I think

1:00 sometimes we feel like the assertive voice especially if we've been raised in the South that the assertive voice is seen as rude that's what I always thought uh I always thought that if I used my voice and it was assertive that I was being rude I I see that a lot I see that a lot with teachers if we as teachers believe that then that's what we're going to also teach our children about using their voice and what we know

1:26 is is it's so important for children to learn to use their voice too we can't teach skills that we don't have for oursel so in order for us to teach children how to advocate for themselves we first have to learn how to do that for us and the way to do that is by using your assertive voice the assertive voice doesn't get louder it it's not aggressive it keeps the same tone as as my speaking voice the light is on the

1:51 table is brown stand up and walk to the door it doesn't get louder and I think that that's a miscon ception that we have it also paints a very clear picture of what we want that to look like so one of the ways that I've been really successful in teaching this with children is I use something called name verb paint and this is the way that I have learned to use my voice and to be quite honest using my assertive voice is

2:23 one of the biggest things that I'm actually working on right now um it's something that I have struggled with my entire life and so I've really been working hard on using this voice for myself so that I can teach children to use their voice it's coming along nicely but it's taken lots of practice and lots of work but you can do it and I'm here to tell you you can do it if I can do it

2:47 you can do it so the way that name verb paint Works you're first going to say their name you're going to give the action and then you're going to paint a very clear picture of what you want that to look like so so it's going to sound something like this Robert stand up and walk to the door just like this so if I were giving a direction about keeping your hands safe in the line I might say Becky Put Your Hands by

3:19 your side just like this and then I'm going to show them with my body and model what it is that I want them to do say their name tell them the action and paint the picture of what it looks like remember your tone is one of knowing it's assertive just do it there's no doubt what it is that that we're going to do in this moment and then paint the picture of what you want that to look like