This is a tough one! Are you ready????

0:01 hi everyone come on in i am doing my book club number 25 25 guys come on in we're going to talk about a really really important topic today which i cover in my book a radical awakening to me it's one of the pivotal chapters that i want to explore with you and you can deconstruct in your own life we're talking about a radical awakening book club number 25 so in this book club i don't go in a

0:32 linear fashion i just whatever inspires me in the moment and i typically structure it around my other posts so i've been posting uh today and yesterday around blame and accountability and what that means and so i want to explore it with you right there is such a thing as people doing us wrong but when is it truly somebody doing us wrong or us perceiving it as wrong right and where are we

1:03 responsible where is the other responsible how do we know where is that line so come on in guys we're going to talk about accountability thank you bye refrain you say you love the book cannot recommend it enough to your friends flourish just ordered it from dublin just finished the book miriam uh beautiful okay guys so let's talk about an important chapter in my book a radical awakening it's chapter 21 i'm going to talk about

1:34 chapter 21 embracing accountability right when are we really victims and when are we vic in victim consciousness really hard to know because there is such a thing as being a victim what is the conditions of a victim and what are the conditions of victim consciousness a victim is where somebody has a lesser than position women of color women children

2:07 right if a parent slaps a child and the child is crying we can't tell the child don't be a victim the child was a victim if a woman is raped we can't tell her oh don't cry or don't be a victim she is a victim right and part of our awakening is to know when we have been done wrong by when somebody has physically dominated us or assaulted us when somebody has messed us up

2:38 it's okay to say i was a victim but what is even more powerful is now what do you do with that how do you leave that aura of being a victim and step out of the consciousness that brings how do you not enter victim consciousness right so if a woman has been battered by her husband in a marriage she was a victim of spousal abuse domestic abuse we can never tell her she

3:09 wasn't a victim but we can tell her okay it's time to step out of victim consciousness so there's a big difference between victim and victim consciousness and the way to step out of victim consciousness is to do everything i say in my book but the main way to step out of victim consciousness is to embrace what i call in chapter 21 embrace accountability

3:41 accountability this is the hallmark of an adult embracing accountability what that means is holding yourself and others accountable not taking crap from yourself or others but let's talk about not taking crap from ourselves because a lot of us justify all our victim consciousness all our victimhood and we don't know when we need to

4:13 realize that we were victims of our own confusions very good when we don't realize that we were part and parcel of the co-creation so if you're not a child if you're not being abused physically it's quite likely that you are part of the co-creation if you're not a child and if you're not being abused violently and physically if you have physical abuse even a slap

4:45 you can say hey i'm a victim i'm a victim of somebody else's abuse don't take it so that is being a victim being accountable is now stepping out of that and going well how did i co-create my pattern how can i take accountability for my part in my slumber in my sunglasses i've been asleep

5:16 we have been asleep and you know what we've been asleep to to our own beauty to our own amazingness what the hell to our own worthiness this is what i talk about all the time in childhood there was an initial abduction of the true self the true self never felt shame the true self never felt competition comparison lack the true self was freaking enormous is freaking enormous but culture

5:46 and our parents told us that we are not doing enough when we are not being enough and we're bad and they dumped all their crap on us and soon our true self which was feeling amazing and disappeared and what took over is the false self the false self which feels like a load of [ __ ] and then dumps the [ __ ] everywhere and that's why we live in such an insane world because everyone everyone everyone for

6:15 the most part everyone for the most part is in false self because people don't even know that they're in full self i say it's in the milk the baby suckles on the nipple okay it's in the air in the nursery in your crib in the detergent is the is the soaking in of the false self the false self as i talk about in this book a radical awakening if you want to find out your false self or start to explore it

6:44 grab a copy in part two the many faces of the ego every single one of us has a big ass ego okay it's so big it's you okay you are ego we should no we should all be ego michael ego david ego shelley ego sarah what's your name oh ego sarah yeah we should call ourselves that yes but we don't realize because we think it's us it's the false self

7:17 so part of waking up is to realize that we have been freaking living in fall self okay it is the biggest epiphany of your life when you get here okay when i first realized i was 21 and i died to my old self and it was such a huge death of my old self that i literally felt disconnected but buoyant and light-hearted and free but i was too young and naive so i went

7:49 back into my false self and for another 22 years did another version of false self and then i had my next awakening at 44 which is what i've written about in this book high ego mithra yes very good quick learner in my radical awakening book i talk about my second awakening and i hope and maybe there'll be more awakenings but with each awakening we peel the layers of the false self exactly beautiful guys i'm reading what

8:17 people are writing okay so let's talk about embracing accountability right this is the hallmark of an adult this means you're ready to own your [ __ ] okay and through owning your [ __ ] you own your ship okay are you ready to own your ship and really own be in ownership are you or not so embracing accountability i start with this poem i will no longer be the victim of my circumstances no longer washed astray by the tide of

8:49 my life no longer broken by the winds of my storm there is no one to blame there is no one to wait for it is time for me to take the helm and stare the ship so we've been raised on total crap that we are bad that we are not worthy that we are not amazing so we believe the crap and now we have these false selves and everyone is dealing with each other's false self

9:20 not true self false self right so we're part of these sick dynamics and we're like why is this happening to me and at some point if you're lucky life will knock you down and that is called hitting rock bottom and no one wants to hit it but let me tell you you gotta hit it at least by mid life you're going to hit it whether you like it or not a relationship is going to break up your

9:46 kids are going to dump you and run your husband is going to be cheating or something or your wife is going to leave you something is going to happen i'm telling you by midlife and if it hasn't happened by midlife you are actually not lucky don't think you're lucky because it's coming okay because why do i say you're lucky because if it happens and you hit rock bottom that means that your egoic false self can no longer work it's not

10:17 working so sickness terminal illness separation fired from a job your kids leave for college uh your spouse cheats on you these are all good things sorry to say because they wake you up they wake you up to what to make you realize that you have been asleep don't blame the other person you've been asleep so taking accountability for how you've been asleep is a mother of an epiphany and it hurts

10:50 we don't want to see them in the mirror i get it who wants to see that it was all their bloody fault no it's so lovely to blame the villain right we've been raised on the good guy bad cop good cop bad cop right we've been raised like this so we're always trying to figure it out the reason is is because we've believed good and bad and we believe we're bad and we want to be good

11:14 but guess what there's no inner battle really there's no inner fight you're not good or bad you just are and you're human and sometimes you're not you're transcendent you just are and when we really enter our true energy our true essence that we realize we're one with the cosmos one with nature we just are i just am we just are and that is-ness of the present moment without good or

11:47 bad is freedom but we cannot get there guys until we first own the ways we have effed it up okay you got to own your own ship accountability i write is a pivotal aspect of our spiritual awakening it means we are ready to to be responsible for ourselves fully it means we end the blame game and move away from a victim consciousness

12:18 where we believe life is happening to us taking accountability for ourselves means we move into the awareness that life is happening with us with us what we are creating our own unhappiness we're creating our own [ __ ] what we're creating our own fights with our children we're creating our own fights with our partners we are part of it yes we are and the way we are is because we're staying in it just by

12:49 that fact if you're staying and the fight is continuing you are part of it the door is always open right so just by staying you are you are part of the co-creation and you must take accountability for that right there is no two ways about it so we are always under contract what do i mean by this the emotional

13:21 patterns we are bound by set up attachments within us that we then adhere to as we would a contract we enter contracts of martyrdom victimhood anxiety and so on one of the major contracts we undertake unconsciously is the avoidance of responsibility the avoidance of accountability that's a pattern we don't want to take accountability

13:51 look at children they never want to take accountability well partly because we make them scared when they're afraid right so this is a pattern we are terrified of breaking this contract to do so would mean ending all the childish tactics we employ the question we need to ask ourselves is not whether we are ready to be joyful but rather are we ready to break our avoidance of responsibility contract what this means

14:23 is joy is within you power is within you you need to take accountability for it so the question is not why am i not joyful the question is why am i not taking accountability why am i not taking accountability for my own empowerment for my own worthiness why am i seeking love and worth on the outside it doesn't exist it's lovely to get it but when we don't get it then we're down in the abyss

14:54 and the reason for that is we don't realize that we are accountable to be our own lovers to be our own partners to be our own parents and to do the work we are whole but we don't believe it we believe we can only be whole when the other treats us as whole so we keep waiting for crumbs of love and worth and validation and acceptance and belonging from the other we do not take accountability for our

15:21 whole empowered lives because we don't feel we can we don't feel that we have it within us so to ask the question how do i contribute to my current situation what emotional contract am i playing out right now and why why am i falling prey to old patterns how is my ego tricking me telling me i am worthless right now right our old false self is always

15:52 telling us you're bad you're bad you're bad you're bad you're not good enough you're not good enough you're not good enough and because of that we enter dysfunctional relationships we enter dysfunctional patterns and we keep co-creating misery around us and we wonder why we have high anxiety we wonder why we need medication to go to sleep it's because we have fundamentally believed that we are not worthy we have it's just a bottom line fact no one feels worthy so we are always

16:25 manifesting guys you know people come to take courses on manifestation and i always tell them but you're already manifesting ah you want to consciously manifest aha but you're always manifesting you are always co-creating there is not a moment that you are not co-creating even when you're being physically abused you're mentally co-creating right that's why somebody who gets slapped one time can create one kind of mental story and somebody else can create another mental story so in our

16:55 mental real estate we have power that no one can take away from us so our manifestation in order to get under our conscious control means that we need to become conscious curators of what goes on in our inner bulletin board we need to realize how we are creating our bulletin board for manifestation the only way to do that is taking accountability

17:26 taking accountability means to take ownership of your entire inner world its demons wounds and inadequacies it means you don't wallow you wake up to how our past your past influences your present and you remove blame there is no one to blame at the end of the day if you're staying in a dynamic that is unhealthy you must take full accountability for that and the greatest way to take accountability is to release the

17:57 other of any blame the other is not to be blamed for your misery if you stayed in the relationship now they abused you one time they are to blame but then you need to walk away the other is never to blame for your unhappiness even if they dump you even if they cheat on you even if they betray you i'm sorry you have to take accountability for why you allowed it it's really hard you're like because i

18:24 was just a nice person and because we were married because i didn't think you would do it i thought you would never do it well they've done it now what take accountability for the fact that you thought that they would not do it but they did it take accountability for the fact that you thought they were such lovely people and they would never lie to you but they did take accountability for the fact that you thought you thought you thought

18:44 you thought take accountability for the fact that you believe the other person would be a good person and not betray the hell out of you take accountability who who believed you believe who gave them trust you did i know this is so hard because there should be a human to human contract when no one [ __ ] every no one messes anyone up but it is not like that life is not like that life is constantly going to mess you up

19:12 and you have to take responsibility for being in that life right if you go out into uh onto the highway and there's a traffic jam you can't be yelling at the traffic jam take accountability you want to drive in russia you'll be in a traffic jam similarly if you want to be part of human relationships a lot of them are dysfunctional a lot of them are misaligned a lot of them are crap to crap to crap

19:35 but take accountability that you were part of that because you were not ready for better take accountability take accountability take accountability brutal brutal brutal accountability is the way to adult up is the way to elevate is the way to spurt your own empowerment but it's brutal you know you can't say things like but he promised but she promised but she said but she signed the contract

20:05 but you believed but you went along but you were part of it but you hired but you married but you were there this is accountability this is brutal but it means that we release our power dependency on others we cut the cord if you want to awaken if you want to take power in your own life you need to wake up to this power that you have within you to take accountability okay and realize that everyone is just a

20:34 a player in your drama you're not a player in their drama okay as much as you like to think that oh i'm just i just went along with his show her show no no no no they are players in your drama do you understand there there in your movie change the movie fire the actors blow up the cinema burn the theater new story new life don't blame the actors in your movie for not acting

21:05 according to how you wanted them to act in your movie fire the actors not good actors i need other actors who follow the damn script so victim mentality victim consciousness says oh you know what did i do i was just waiting i was just hoping i was just willing i was just wanting i was just i was just i was just i was just we women that do that huh we're a little bit extra extra in the i didn't

21:31 do i didn't know i don't know and that's our child self yes i love that part in me i adore that part in me but i've also told that part of me she needs to freaking grow up okay when i was young i used to always get out of things with my elder brother when i used to get into trouble but i thought and used to always say that's your problem you thought and i was like ouch that hurts

22:02 anyway so take accountability own your ship to have full ownership of your life thank you for joining me see you in the next book club