0:13 the cookie cutter approach definitely i think is not something that's very helpful to families i can tell you what values you you might want to use to raise your child but that doesn't that doesn't it probably wouldn't resonate with you and and be something that's aligned with the way you want to live your life so yeah i think that the approach of um of thinking it through for yourself and really seeing who am i as a person

0:37 how do i want to show up in the world as a person and what does that say for the child that i want to raise is so much more valuable even though it's harder than just checking off a list that i want this this and this and also to reflect on you know what were you raised with and like success was very big and successful like a kitty cat cookie cutter you know form like you get good marks

0:58 you you work hard you you you know make your living and then just starting to like ask questions about that like where did that lead us is that what we want for our daughter to know is competing all the time what we want father daughter no it's collaboration but also like there's a balance there so it's always these these um yeah these considerations then the same kind like applies to gender and race and equality and yeah

1:41 what i really appreciate about this membership or this approach as a support system of parenting is that it gives it's like a foundational perspective that aligns with our own foundational perspective and the tools are like practical things that are add-ons but it's the foundation that's the core the foundation is it's it's respect

2:12 right but it's mutual respect it's not just like one-sided respect we respect you as a child and we do everything for you and therefore like the world is there for you so it's it's mutual respect and it's compassion it's it's also a challenge and growth i would say like it's it's it's not about just here's the list of things you can do and then this will come out on the other end it's more like here's the list of

2:44 questions you can ask to challenge yourself and then five years later you will come out on the other end maybe being able to deal with some of this so it's really like it is foundational work it's challenging work because it's so what i meant was like that its roots are deep and the the tools seem superficial and easy sometimes but unless you

3:15 engage with the roots the tools might still work but it's the roots that actually work and once you start working with roots everything else kind of starts working together you know there's so many um social media groups um that discuss things like my child is

3:46 refusing to get rest what should i do and then they like 50 comments on this is what we do this is what we do this is what we should do [Music] and i can so easily filter through with what i think is absolutely not an option for us because it just does not align with that paradigm of seeing the world and seeing relationships of seeing how we show up in this world so it's a foundational thing

4:13 and then the tools are just kind of there to guide us and help us but the work is is hard and deep but when you do the work it's really rewarding because it applies to everything when when we talk like this i'm scared that we sound like a perfect family and we're really not

4:44 but we have found a way that feels soothing and comforting you know because we know that whatever challenge comes our way we have a set of like a core that can handle anything now and we know where to start like it's not that we have to start googling how do you approach this because we we have so many boundaries of

5:17 the way we don't do things and the way we do things that that limits already the solution space quite a lot and the solutions are usually quite similar they just tweaked a little for the different situations and that has been the the most rewarding but also the most like inspiring um and empowering actually [Music]

5:49 not a lesson but but what i'm left with is that i can do this we can do this and i'm not scared and i was raised with fear like i'm just excited about the future yes it's challenging and it's lots of work and i wish it was easier but it's so fun to see a small human grow up and just challenge gender norms and challenge me

6:19 and and express emotions and tell me what she needs it's fantastic you