Author’s Favorite Children’s Book Is One He Wrote Himself | Pop Wisdom | Dad Saves America

0:00 - He's a former board member of the National Organization for Women, formed hundreds of support groups for men and women across the country, and the author of numerous books and articles on the issues facing both sexes. His most recent book, "The Boy Crisis," details the problems our boys are facing worldwide, including mental health, educational failure, falling workforce participation, fatherlessness, and more. Warren offers practical solutions for what we can do to help our sons become happier, healthier men and fathers.

0:30 - "The Boy Crisis" basically resides where dads do not reside. And so these boys don't have a male role model. The boys don't know how to deal with enforced boundaries and therefore they don't have the discipline to be accomplished. And they don't have the postponed gratification that is the single biggest predictor of success or failure. - And most importantly, he's a loving husband and stepfather of two daughters. Dr. Warren Farrell, welcome to Pop Wisdom. (upbeat music) What's your favorite children's book?

1:03 - "Jimmy the Germ." - All right, tell me the story. - It's a book I wrote called- - "It's a book I wrote." All right, I see where this is going. (both laughing) All right, it's a book you wrote. Continue. - It's a book I wrote when I was younger. And I wanted to help teach one of the children I was babysitting about germs, so I wrote a book called "Jimmy the Germ" about a little germ named Jimmy that got onto a fork when the boy hadn't cleaned his plate off very well.

1:33 And what I called the fork plane went into his mouth. God, it's been a long time since I've thought of this. - Does Jimmy give a small child dysentery? Is that where we're heading with the story? - You know, it made the child uncomfortable. That's as far as I'd let it go. But it was to help teach children that they shouldn't eat out of a dirty area, that type of thing. - [John] What's the most dangerous thing you ever did as a child?

1:56 - The most dangerous things I tended to do was to run down hills very quickly that were filled with rocks and different types of pathways that were very unsafe to do. So I think that running very quickly down a hill was the most unsafe thing I did consistently. - That's pretty unsafe, actually. What's the most dangerous thing you've ever let your children do? - Probably stay out in sort of a swampy marsh area looking for frogs and mushrooms and other things like that.

2:27 So probably the playing in a marsh that could have been precarious for them. - [John] What did your dad teach you about God? - He taught me that he was brought up Catholic and my mother was brought up Jewish. And he didn't want that for either of us, so he wanted us to therefore grow up Protestant. What was most important to him is the values that we learned, not the religion we followed. So he sought out ministers that really gave good sermons and seemed like really good human beings and brought us to churches like that.

3:00 - Of all of our guests so far, I'm especially excited to ask you this question. What does masculinity mean to you? Or what is masculinity? And I care about this one because I have personally not really developed a wholly coherent definition. I'm still searching for that, frankly. - I think it's looking at the things that men learn to do that led us to being able to save the world from being taken over by Nazis, fighting fires, building our homes, logging for us, all the dangerous professions that they allow themselves to be involved with.

3:40 So masculinity at its best would be combining moving always to the edge in ways that females are not always encouraged to do. Learning how to take risks, but not doing it at such a level that the virtue becomes a vice. - [John] What's your favorite household chore and why? - My favorite household chore is cooking stuffed peppers with my wife. - Why stuffed peppers? Why does that stick out?

4:11 - Because for a while, Liz did it. And then she said that she was too busy to do it, so we agreed that we would do it together. And she so appreciated that, just the partnership of us both taking part in the process, that the level of appreciation and the partnership of cooking together was really fulfilling for me. - How have you most damaged your kids, either physically or mentally? And in this case, we mean damage in the most loving way possible. (laughs) - I think by not being assertive enough with their mother about boundary enforcement.

4:51 - How so? - She was very much a repeater of, you know, "You should do this, you should do that." Or that one of our daughters only liked for a while cucumbers and rice, and she would let her have dinner just of cucumbers of and rice too often, in my opinion, and so- - Almost no nutritional content. - Yes, exactly, and I would not be okay with that. And we would get into big disputes about solving problems for her versus guiding her to solve problems for herself.

5:24 - [John] What sound, noise, or smell do you love? What is a sense that just, "Mm!" - I love the smell of lavender. - What else, what else? - I like, in colors, a warm cream-like car that has a warm, deep cream to it. I used to have a car that had a cream like that. The Volkswagen produces a car like that. And then I love periwinkle blue also. - You're a refined man, sir.

5:56 No hot rod red. - Yeah, not red. - [John] All right, what is the number one lesson you learned from your dad? - Not to be a victim. He had no tolerance for being a victim. - How did he teach that lesson? - You failed in something, take responsibility for it. You say you can't do something, did you really try hard enough? That type of thing. - Was it just in words or was it in deeds too?

6:17 - He tended to be very critical. He was born in 1910, so at the age of 35, he'd been through two world wars and a depression. And it was like, you have to learn discipline, responsibility, and therefore he was very fearful of my writing books because he felt that I wouldn't be able to find a publisher and therefore couldn't find a wife. - [John] What's the most valuable thing you've learned from your kids? - You know, that each child is so much of an individual, and how to respect that individuality but also do the boundary enforcement that develops the discipline to be the best individual they can be.

6:54 - How many kids did you say you have? - Two girls. - In what ways are the two of them different? - One is very much like my wife. They're both stepchildren. I don't have any biological children, but I got involved with Liz when they were six and seven years old so I've sort of been a force in helping to raise them. And one is a biological child that my wife had in a former marriage, and one was a adopted child that my wife had in a former marriage.

7:20 And the thing I've learned by far and away the most is the power of genetics. - Bryan Caplan has a book, "Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids." One of his first lessons is... Which is interesting Dad Saves America, is genetics is powerful. You don't matter quite as much as you think. - Yes, yes. - So relax. - Yes. - And enjoy your kids. - Yes. And I would add to that, just make sure you do enjoy your kids.

7:46 - [John] What challenges your patience the most and how do you overcome it? - Being interrupted challenges my patience. - Why? I mean, aside from it being obviously annoying. - I feel it shows a lack of respect, especially if it happens consistently by someone. And what do I do about it? I sometimes say, "Let me just finish there, if I may." But it does challenge my patience because I feel that obviously what I had to say was not being considered very important.

8:15 That's the most negative side. The other is that it triggered somebody, something in the person that was listening to me, and they felt more impulse to jump in. But I do feel, especially if it's consistent, that it shows a lack of respect, and I feel hurt by that and a little bit and impatient with it. - [John] What's your favorite dad joke or shtick you like to play with your loved ones? - I love chasing my grandson and having him then chase me back.

8:47 And I'm hoping I can do that for a number of more years. You know, 'cause now he's only four and a half and that's very viable, but if I'm 95, I may not be able to outrun him. - You might have to just throw paper airplanes. - Yes, exactly. - Do you have any dad jokes that cause your daughters to roll their eyes because it's like, "Aw, Dad," kinda things? - No, but the other day... I have an assistant who's young enough to be my daughter.

9:13 She's about 32. She said, "Do you want some chili for lunch?" And I said, "No, I'd prefer it hot." And she went, "Oh, dad joke." - Right. What's your favorite dad expression? - Probably every virtue taken to to its extreme becomes a vice. - It's a good one. You've said it several times in our conversations today. When you competed against your dad, did he let you win or did you have to earn it? - I think that when I competed against my dad in tennis when he was 87, our last game, he may have let me win- - Really? - Toward the end, yeah.

9:52 It's possible, I'm not sure. Never asked him, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did that. - Why? Why do you think that? - Just to make me feel good about myself. I do that when I play tennis now with people who I feel the need for winning is stronger for them than for me. If we are really close players and getting toward the end and have a close game, I will purposely just hit the ball just out of bounds or things like that until they win.

10:22 If they're goofing up completely, I won't do that, but if the winning means more to them then it does to me. And at this stage in my life, winning a tennis game means about zero to me. And so that's... I feel that's a little gift I can give. - [John] If you could relive one memory with your dad, which day would it be? - He was a very good runner. He took me running with him and let me run behind him and try to sort of quasi-keep up, but also making sure I was close behind.

10:54 And I became a competitive runner. And also him playing tennis with me when he was 87 years old and almost beating me. - He was fit. - He was very fit, even at 87. And then saying afterwards, "That's probably the last game of tennis we'll ever play together," and feeling so sad. - Is your dad still around or- - No, he lived until he was 99. - Oh, that's that's a good run. - That's a good run, yes.

11:19 And he was very healthy until the last week or two. - Isn't that what we all want? - I couldn't have asked for anything more. - [John] What do you want written on your gravestone? - I've never thought of it, but I guess the two things that I would most like written would be "he had heart" and "he had courage." - I think you just gave a great definition of masculinity actually in that. - Mm, that's very good.

11:44 - Right? - Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. That's wonderful. - All right, thanks a lot, Warren. - Thank you, John. It's really been a real pleasure. - Thanks for watching. If you'd like to hear more from Warren Farrell, check out our full episode of the Dad Saves America show. And please be sure to like this video, subscribe to our channel, and hit the notification bell for more videos dedicated to celebrating the heroic spirit of Dad.