Day 20 Viral Wisdom 4 29 2020

0:00 hi everyone welcome I have had a busy morning and I am racing against time but here I am on Indian Standard Time Indians are known to be late and everything is ish so 12 ish 1 ish so that's me I'm still running on India time but hello everyone how are we in yet another day in our current reality and you know I've been getting a lot of

0:32 emails from people truly struggling and having a really hard time especially in their intimate relationships in their partnerships so today I'd like to just focus a little bit on our intimate relationships on our spousal relationships or partnerships with our intimate others gaze straight married not it doesn't matter so let's focus on intimate relationships so before I

1:02 launch into my little speech on that tell me if you are experiencing some troubles in your intimate relationships it could also be with your parents it could also be with your kids but most specifically I'm talking about our intimate relationships let me know if you're having a hard time check-in let me know so I know you know how to answer your questions so here's the thing about the people we live with the people we

1:33 live with are seemingly designed to trigger us they're seemingly designed for the purpose of hitting our buttons right especially our children and our partners but I want to offer you a different framework and I'm sure you know this already but I'm just here to highlight this a different framework to look at these triggering children and partners and parents is to understand

2:04 that they would not trigger us if the trigger didn't exist within already every trigger on the outside it is not the trigger on the outside yes it's not the trigger on the outside it's not the chocolate cake it's not the glass of wine it's something inside damn it it's an inner crater wound hol hol e waiting to be filmed when the hole doesn't get filled trigger BOM plain and

2:38 simple so the trigger and BOM only occurs because there's an inner hole inside you know this is the premise of my work I have a wonderful course on relationships called free to be you can take it off my website it's half off right now and it goes into this whole concept of there's no trigger on the outside the trigger is always on the inside so with our spousal relationships or intimate partnerships especially these holes get unfilled almost every

3:13 day because the problem is were looking to the other to fill the damn hole we got married for the other to fill the hole what else would we get married we have children to fill the hole so we could talk about ourselves in glorious ways on Facebook and share the trophies our children one with all our friends and finally feel worthy we had children

3:45 to feel worthy we got married to feel worthy we enter relationships to feel worthy we wear the ring look I am taken look I'm so worthy right I don't I don't wear rings I never wore rings and I'm not married anymore but we did all this da da da da had the wedding day right with the flowers and the gown why did we do this so we could be worthy we could check it and fit in

4:14 and fill in the box now here's the problem our partners they have to see gender they also married us to feel worthy but they didn't tell us this secret agenda you see this is the thing with the courtship we're like I love you so much I have no needs my only need is to love you and the other fool says the same thing I only and with you because I love you so much and I've so much love to

4:45 give and then we continue the lie with our children Oh child I had you because I have so much love to give and the foolish child looks at us with so much trust thank you so much for loving me because I have come here to get your love I hope you know that right I'm not governor to fill your cup like don't think I'm here to fill your cup so each one is like do you know I am each

5:09 one is lying to the other I have here to give the parent is saying to the child I'm here to give you a child and the spouse is saying that to each other too right we're here to give you so then the first six months are spent in this reverie of you give me and I'll give you and we're so loving because we only have love to give right so then let's move in together and let's play house ok I'll be

5:35 the mommy you be the daddy and we live together like a pair instead but we'll do a better job and we're going to play house we'll cook we'll have a little kitchen and we are literally we don't realize it but we're plating house ok playing house but then after six months or a year then the real truth comes out and suddenly this other person who you thought was going to give you starts asking for things right and you're doing the same

6:05 thing and they're looking at you and going moon I thought you were going to be my loving mother and now and the other one is like no I thought you were going to be the loving father and the suddenly you realize what you need something from me you you are expecting something from me and now you're upset that I'm not giving it I didn't sign up to this to give you something that you need it I I thought you were going to

6:29 give me and the other words that I thought you give me you told me I am like you have love to give and you're like so that soon the train leaves the track same with us as parents we fool the kid to think that we're giving soon the kid is going like what I'm supposed to give you trophies and medals and praise and I'm supposed to get the a grade for you mom you told me you had me because you love

6:58 me you wanted to give me now all I'm doing is I'm giving you what the hell right so the facade burns away and soon what's left is the gaping hole and if you're right now in this pandemic feeling unmet frustrated unseen unheard but you're giving giving giving giving and no one is giving you back it's because you entered this relationship to get you

7:30 didn't enter this relationship to give you enter the relationships you get when you go when next time you date and you start a new relationship please write not a giver and my taker but no we've been pretending to everyone we're givers we're not givers Whitaker's right so I call the two partners in the sit in the marital relationship I was going to say sibling relationship because most intimate relationships are sibling

8:01 relationships each one fighting for the bigger piece of chocolate right me me me me me so the next time you did make sure you you are very clear that you're here to take okay I'm a big inner child with big gaping wounds the size of craters the size of the Grand frickin Canyon and I have so many needs are you willing to fill my inner cup that's what we should say and when we go to the hospital to

8:30 have children we should not say I'm a mom we should say I'm a gaping inner hole please child are you sure you want to come to me are you sure you want to be birth because all you're gonna do is fill me up right say that we have such liars and pretenders we're like I love you I'm here to give you no no no no no no no no so this is why relationships feel very frustrating because damn it this person

9:00 is not filling my in a cup because this adult ain't gonna fill your in a cup that's why we have children right we realize oh this partner is not filling my inner cup let me have child number one try number two three four five and have a few between all of them maybe a little bit of my inner cup will be felt this is why we have many children if we're really honest oh I love children

9:23 no you have a lot of inner holes to be filled and you're hoping we would be in the dozen somebody is going to fill this somebody's gonna fill that and then you'd be feeling a little bit I am worthy right so in our intimate relationships please understand that as much as the other one is not meeting your needs you also lied you entered deception you said you'd love them through thick and thin but you didn't really mean that you

9:52 didn't really mean you love them when they're sitting on the couch is not helping you didn't really mean that you you didn't say all that you're like I didn't borrow all that I just vowed not to kill you and to love you till you died of natural causes that's it but in truth we realize that the relationship becomes one ending volley or you didn't see me you didn't see me you didn't meet my needs you didn't read my mind you

10:15 didn't fill my heart right so if you're going through this in this pandemic this is not the right time to divorce okay like you're not walking you can't go anywhere so you can't initiate divorce do not try to initiate divorce right the other day somebody wrote to me and said it just came out of my mouth I just told my husband I think I'm gonna divorce you when this is over can you please help me I'm like oh my god take those words put

10:40 them back okay this is not the time to divorce guys at this time we have to save our money and save our energy because already we're managing the freakin Kovan okay so this is not the time to amp up your problems I am doing this talk to help you calm down if you're having these needs don't pounce on your partner your partner inside is a child your partner inside at best is a toddler okay at best

11:08 is a teenager okay nobody is chronologically older than a teenager emotionally unless they have been doing inner work which is no one for a long time which is no one okay so unless your partner is been has been on a meditative journey okay for a commune is the decade they are probably at best teenagers emotionally right now in the pandemic whatever they were

11:39 emotionally they'll take away five years okay they're even less emotionally okay now you have a toddler infant or at your hands who's panicking nervous cannot cope eating all the time finishing all the food not doing laundry not helping you out or if it's the woman typically doing all the work they're bitching complaining nagging whining and you the man perhaps stereotypically I'm going why are you in such a bad mood the women are in a bad mood all the time

12:08 because the women are exhausted okay men the women are exhausted do not ask them why why you in a bad mood you have to just know why they're in a bad mood because they are sick and tired of you probably and wondering why they married you but you can't even breathe right now they're like why are you blinking why breathing and you're like why am i existing so I am saying this not for you to ramp up the problems in your mind and

12:39 go get a divorce my point is to calm you down to tell you whatever you're seeing is a co-created and B because of your inner holes the roles you have been playing in your life till now if you're feeling martyred if you're feeling exhausted it's because that's your role in your family you're getting to see one have you created right Wow I created a bunch of people who come to me every five minutes how come they don't go

13:10 to each other women are complaining to me that the children only know one word mom mom mom mom so I tell them women I understand but you've done a little bit of co-creation you have created this dependency and this need okay or if you're the mediator like your children and your partner don't know how to talk to each other they only go through you you've created that so this is a wonderful opportunity to see why you've

13:36 got created your current reality and you've got created it because you are operating from inner holes that show up in your roles right so this is not the time to get a divorce this is the time to take one of my courses maybe if you want or to introspect as to what are my holes that have made me create these roles that have created my current reality what was I thinking how have I done this to myself and really look at

14:05 your inner needs because whatever you have in your life right now has been created because of your inner needs not being met by you right you expecting your partner to meet your inner needs what a big mistake you know when people used to come to me for therapy couples and I used to say to them wait what did you just say right because the couple will say with grand righteousness she just doesn't meet my needs or he just

14:36 doesn't meet my needs you know and look at the five love lab love languages you don't speak my love language and I used to say who on earth told you that this person was designed to meet your love language or designed to meet your needs like what are you asking of this other person what you're really asking this other person is be my mommy be my daddy when your own mom and your dad couldn't be your mom and your dad you know what

15:01 I'm saying spiritually your own mom and dad did a terrible job right they failed so how are you asking this fool who's barely five years old inside or 12 years old at best who came from an unconscious background who has terrible habits right did not learn anything was a complete back drunkard in college so to speak was barely can write the bills how are you asking this person to meet your inner needs right impossible and

15:32 therapy has done a terrible job psychologist because psychologists give the illusion that if you go to them if you go to the couple's counselor that they will teach you how to meet the other person's needs no wrong don't come to me thinking you're going to get that what I'm gonna say to you is are you crazy nobody can meet your needs child only you can and then they're going huh me how by raising yourself what by

16:02 parenting yourself you know like that but then why did I get married exactly my point the point is them of getting married and getting into relationships is for you to get to where I am getting you oh the other person can never meet my needs see I've given you the fastest course to fix your marriage right here for free don't look to the other person to meet your needs the need can never be met on the

16:28 outside don't look to your child to meet your need it cannot be done only you can meet your own need that sucks I know now I'm going to leave you on a cliffhanger and the how to meet your needs you're gonna have to take a longer course I don't mean to be selling a course I just mean to say I can't do it in 30 minutes you know this will take the next 50 hours but at least I've offered you the

16:56 Nugget don't look to to desert your spouse right now don't desert your marriage right now it's not your marriages fault that you're seeing that it's got such cracks and fissures it's not the marriage and it's not your partner and it's not your children and it's not the economy and it's not the president it's not I know we want to believe it is it's very alluring and seductive I mean have you seen our president you would be seduced to

17:27 thinking it's all his fault but it's not even his fault damn it it's not even his fault it's just us to look at our own wounds what are our expectations however our expectations from childhood never been met how we're looking at the other to fill the inner cup and it is not their fault I hope I've saved many marriages from the brink of divorce at least the impending divorce you may divorce later but right now I hope I saved you from strangling

17:57 your partner keep put your hands back in your own lab and look at yourself now meditate with me every day take a course do self-development pray walk whatever you do it's not your partner's fault that they are immature it's not their fault that they have inner needs like up the wazoo themselves it's not their fault that they don't know how to read your mind and fill your heart they don't know they don't know they've never taken

18:27 any self development they've never meditated how are they going to fill you in a cup even your parents who loved you so much could fill your inner cup because this is the state of the human life the human dimension no one on the outside can fill in a cup even not our parents our parents should at least fill half of it but most of us were lucky enough to have parents didn't even fill half we have to be our own parent

18:54 through and through right damn it we have to adult we have to grow up we have to take care of ourselves what the hell yes you do but the good thing from learning this is maybe you will fill your child's in a cup a little bit so you if you're a parent right now definitely read my books I mean I am sorry for making a shameless plug for my book this one is called the awakened family read it and start filling your

19:23 kids in a cup so when your kid grows up they don't go through and you're going through with your partner right now which is going one you don't know how to fill my needs right at least let us fill our children's in a cup so they don't suffer this disappointment when they grow up deal do don't desert your marriage don't desert your partnership right now right now work on yourself it's not your partner's fault right it's

19:51 and it's not your fault either it's just the state of the human condition we are unconscious we don't know how to fill our inner needs we have to learn how to do it how to do it take a course but at least I have pointed out that it's not the others fault okay guys I'm going to go med it what am I going to do oh I'm going to have lots of other things to do before I meditate with my

20:15 other group typically after I do this talk I go meditate but today I'm other things to do so I meditate every single day today I will be meditating at 2:15 Eastern at this other group facebook-dot-com forward-slash groups forward slash get super power if you want to learn how to walk this path of inner enlightenment come meditate with me that is basics the basics the basics you have to learn to meditate you have to and I do it for

20:45 free I teach it for free every day and facebook-dot-com forward-slash groups /to get super power okay guys I saved your relationship today bye-bye see you tomorrow