Sonali Bendre On Motherhood, Work Life Balance And Learnings As A Parent

0:00 [Music] Hi, I'm Sonali Bendri Beahel and you're watching me on kidstopppress.com. Well, honestly, Rati, I don't even know if you can say we are going wrong, you know, because uh uh I don't know what the right and wrong where uh parenting is concerned because it's so subjective to uh and you know, every child is different, every parent is different. So there's really no that's that's what my book starts with when I say that I realized when I became a parent was that there is no formula and there's nothing you know you can't uh you know kind of take example and just kind of do uh the thing it has to start from where you feel uh or learn some lessons from and take it from there. So you have to interpret it is what I would say. And secondly, when you're saying that we wake up one day and we say that where did I go wrong now? My son is 10 years old and I really really hope that that's not the situation I am in where I wake up one day and say what did I do? But honestly that is a fear that will be there with me because you can never be too sure are we doing the right thing are we not doing the right thing. So uh eventually you realize that either you kind of be very paranoid about it and you know kind of base your entire life over it and only keep worrying about it or there comes a point where you say that you know what this is what I have understood I've given my 100% to it. This is what I feel it should be and then let's just hope it turns out for the best. It is a miracle and it is happening every second yet this is one miracle which happens all the time and yet it's so special because you cannot predict it. you don't know what is happening and there just so many variables in today's day and age.

1:37 So while there are certain things that I do look back to and I learned the lessons from but there's so many things that I can't fall back on saying my mother did it my mother-in-law did it so I can do it because they didn't have to deal with Google or the internet when I was working we didn't do one film at a time we were doing five to six films at a time we were doing shifts all over the place dates were going all over the place it was not so organized and you know so I would do double shifts I would do a morning shift in Hyderabad come back and do a night shift then sleep on the write and go to Hyderabad and do a morning shift again. So what I'm trying to say is I thought I was invincible. I could do that. I can do anything in the world. I come from a completely non-filmy family. Yet I had made a space for myself in a world that none of us knew anything about. So pretty much the human in me had that bit of ego, that little bit of vanity that you know what, I could deal with this and I could find the space. I can do this. It's just having a baby. Everybody has a baby.

2:34 What's the big deal? And then the baby comes and the chaos that happens and you realize that this shift is never going to end the you know you tell you go through a shift saying that you know what 15 days later I'm going to take that 4 day break and I'm going to relax. Then there's a point you come and you realize and you as a mother will know that that this shift just never ends. And that's when it really hits you that oh my god this is the most difficult thing that you've ever done in your life because this is there's no no taking time off. It's a 24/7 thing. There's no time out from it. And that's the enormity of the situation that it hits you. Then um you know when my friends and we would get together, I'm sure all of us as friends when we say that when we become mothers, we will not be those mothers who discuss maids and children all the time. But we all end up doing that. So then we said okay we are doing it. Let's do it productively. So this is what I learned today. This is what she learned today. And then we realized that my god sonali you should turn it into a book. So that's how the idea of turning it into a book came about and thanks to my friends. Yeah. Well, definitely he's free to choose his own territory and uh there are a lot of times when we do keep questioning ourselves are we pressuring him? Are we kind of you know so direction is important but I don't want to force child as we keep saying and so we kind of being extra particular about it also. Uh but in the meanwhile like my 10-year-old he he says I don't know mama is it okay? I don't you know my friend was saying that he wants to be this and he wants to be that. I don't know what I want to be because you know there is one day when I want to be an astronaut and there's another day when I actually want to be a blogger and there is another day when I want to be a cricketer and then there's one day when I want to be the formula 1 driver. I said so he said that but I genuinely feel that I can do all of this and you know I feel wow you know look at me today and that's how we are as children where we feel we can conquer the world we can do everything in the world just imagine how amazing is that feeling and I don't want him to lose that feeling I want him to have the feeling that you can conquer the world you can do whatever you want well I would say that there are some difficult choices that you make in the sense of um if I look at it I've been a I have always been a working girl. I started working very early in life. I don't know any other way. Um so you know sitting at home let's meet up for lunch is great for once in a while but it's not something that I can do always. I I I that's not me. I've only worked always you know so I can't have that. So I need to work for my sanity cuz that's the only way of living I know.

5:07 But if you think of it as a career then yes there have been very difficult choices where you've said no to a lot of stuff that could have been a great career move probably but would have taken certain amount of time away but then those are the choices you have to make so you choose what is it that you want out of life so it's not just about I want to be a good parent what what do you want to do I have chosen to be a parent I feel they're equally committed I find and they need and you need them to be committed because like I said with the flow of information being so much you need the more people to parent with better. Um, you know, we're talking about we're everywhere. Social media, you know, it's it's it permeates every single aspect and I'm sure Ranir already has his own Instagram and I know my husband told me a huge lesson on it. I was technologically challenged and the thing he said is how many things can you ban? I said yeah that's true because the moment you start banning things it's something that you would want to do. I mean I would want to do it the moment it's banned kind you know it happens still. So yeah, but uh he's saying, you know what, don't ban it, join it. Right.

6:09 And I thought that line just stayed with me. [Music]