# How to Stop Toddler Tantrums – 6 Secrets to Calm Your Child’s Temper | Dad University **Creator:** Dad University **Platform:** youtube **Duration:** 14m **Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo ## Summary The video discusses effective strategies for managing and reducing toddler tantrums, emphasizing the importance of understanding the underlying emotions that lead to these outbursts. Jason Kreidman shares six key techniques to help parents navigate these challenging moments while fostering better communication and emotional regulation in their children. - **Understand the Cause**: Tantrums often stem from a toddler's inability to communicate emotions or self-regulate. - **Stay Calm**: Parents should maintain their composure to model calmness and make better decisions during tantrums. - **Don't Give In**: Avoid giving in to demands during a tantrum, as it reinforces negative behavior. - **Ignore the Behavior**: Sometimes, ignoring the tantrum can help it pass without giving attention to the negative behavior. - **Use Positive Reinforcement**: Praise and reward good behavior to encourage toddlers to repeat it. - **Redirection**: Distract toddlers with something new or exciting to shift their focus away from the tantrum trigger. - **Practice Empathy**: Understand and acknowledge the child's feelings to respond more effectively and compassionately. ## Transcript [[0:00]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=0s) in today's video we're going over how to stop toddler tantrums you might be familiar with that tornado that is your child's emotions or the unstoppable freight train that is your child's temper or how about that annoying whining that is worse than nails on a chalkboard i'm going to provide you six secrets to calming your child's temper can we really stop temper tantrums well not only am i going to show you how to stop temper tantrums but i'm going to show you how to avoid [[0:31]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=31s) them all together well maybe not avoid but reduce we're still dealing with toddlers be sure to stick around until the end of this video because not only do you want to get all six secrets but that last one is the most important parenting tool that i teach [Music] hey guys i'm jason kreidman creator of the dad university parenting program i help dads gain more confidence in their parenting learn effective discipline strategies [[1:03]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=63s) and have better connections with their families in order to learn how to stop toddler tantrums i think it's important that we take a step back and look at why is a toddler throwing a meltdown because once we understand why we'll be able to make better decisions on how to handle it and typically there's only a couple of reasons why the toddler is having the tantrum first the toddler is feeling emotions and doesn't know how to communicate them [[1:32]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=92s) heck most adults feel emotions and don't know how to communicate them so it's totally understandable that a toddler would have difficulty remember i mentioned a tornado in the beginning of this video well imagine all of these emotions building up inside this child and they don't know how to communicate it so they could be feeling sad and angry and frustrated but just not even understand what to do with that emotion they just know that something isn't right you know they're pissed off [[2:04]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=124s) and so screaming whining and crying seems like a great way to tell dad that i'm upset in addition to not knowing how to communicate their emotions they also don't know how to calm themselves down a tantrum or meltdown is a reaction to feeling stressed there is no taking deep breaths counting to 10 or self-talk to calm yourself down they're toddlers they haven't learned this stuff yet there is no knowledge or ability to self-regulate these [[2:34]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=154s) strong emotions that they're feeling and as we said adults have difficulty with this so of course the child is having difficulty or there are other reasons for the tantrums maybe the child's tired hungry bored over stimulated or just wants attention in all of these scenarios the child's body is just in overdrive it's like a freight train just screaming on in and as you know this is not fun if a child wants a specific food or treat or even attention [[3:07]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=187s) do you know why they throw the temper tantrum because it works it gives them the attention they are seeking now it might be negative attention meaning we get mad but they still get the attention that they were looking for and i'll touch a little bit more on this in a second now that you have a little bit better understanding of why children throw temper tantrums let's look at the six secrets on how to stop them number one [[3:33]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=213s) keep calm if you want your toddler to keep calm guess what you need to keep calm there is much less of a chance of you being able to stop your toddler's tantrums if you are not calm i've got to admit in the heat of the moment it's easier said than done you know you could be tired you've lost your patience and your child knows exactly how to push your buttons so you have to be aware that you're [[3:59]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=239s) getting upset as a result of your child's behavior it is so important for you to keep calm not only do children feed off of our energy but we make better decisions when we are calm when you're going crazy and you're all worked up you're not going to make the decisions on how to handle that situation properly or at least you're going to be a lot less likely to handle that situation correctly here are a couple of techniques that you [[4:25]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=265s) can use to keep yourself calm and you first want to notice yourself getting worked up first breathing take a few deep breaths simply deep breathing can often help us calm down second counting count to maybe five or ten and take a pause before you react a lot can happen in that moment when you take a pause and then the third thing is to not take the situation personally [[4:56]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=296s) you know your two or three year old or even four year old is not out to get you personally they're just trying to make sense of this world but we often take things personally and that keeps us from remaining calm this means if you need to remove the toddler from the situation you do it calmly or if you need to talk to the toddler you do it calmly without yelling you are trying to teach your toddler to be calm and in [[5:23]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=323s) order to do that you have to be calm yourself no i want my toddler to stop yelling in order to do that i'm going to yell at them do you see how that might not make sense we have to remain calm if we're trying to teach our toddler to remain calm number two don't give in if your child is throwing a tantrum because they want a cookie don't give them the cookie if your child is kicking and screaming because they [[5:51]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=351s) don't want to leave the park guess what you have to leave the park you can't give in to the situation just to stop the temper tantrum if you don't seem to know why they're having the temper tantrum it's not something that they want no situation kind of happened maybe they could be doing it for the attention but again if you grab them yell at them or interact with them in any way you're giving them that attention [[6:18]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=378s) and so that's what we want to avoid do you see that if you give in to the behavior which we often do because we want it to stop you are simply reinforcing that bad behavior that's why they throw the tantrum it worked so here's what else you can do number three ignore the behavior now this might be easier to do in your own home versus a grocery store or public place but you literally wait out the storm you [[6:46]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=406s) simply do not react to them and you ignore the behavior that happens to be going on building on the keep calm secret you provide them no interaction eventually this storm will pass sometimes it's best to have no interaction if the child is a little older you might be able to say hey i'll talk to you when you are calm but if the child is younger and hasn't learned any calming techniques that might be difficult to do so you [[7:16]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=436s) simply have to ignore the behavior altogether for the young child we often will tell them to calm down and they don't even know what that means or how to do it and so we end up yelling or getting more upset which then gets them scared and it starts this vicious cycle it's not going to help them calm themselves down so try ignoring them in those situations because we don't want to reinforce the bad behavior we don't want to [[7:44]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=464s) provide them the attention in those situations that we think are not good on the opposite side of ignoring them is number four providing them positive reinforcement so maybe there's a situation that typically um was where a tantrum might happen we want to reinforce the good behavior so if they do something good and they don't throw the tantrum then you provide them that positive reinforcement well a lot of people might think to themselves well that's what they're [[8:15]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=495s) supposed to do so why would i reinforce that or make highlight of it well you do that so that they will repeat that behavior so you might say you know what when i asked you to leave the park you came right over to me and we left and that was really helpful and the positive reinforcement is expressing gratitude it's expressing thanks or appreciation for how they behaved in that situation so while the child is not responsible [[8:44]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=524s) for your emotions you are telling the child that hey thank you so much for doing this or you know what i really appreciated the way you did that that positive reinforcement will go a long way in keeping those tantrums away if you want to see the behavior again then you provide that reinforcement and we do that with this positive reinforcement of showing gratitude and appreciation the child will want to repeat that [[9:15]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=555s) behavior i go through this in depth in my parenting program as positive reinforcement is a powerful tool in discipline and communication and getting your children to listen positive reinforcement simply works number five redirection nobody can get more distracted well maybe myself but nobody can get more distracted than a toddler a toddler can be so distracted by a new shiny object you know you can be focused on something [[9:46]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=586s) that's happening and all of a sudden you offer them something else or change the subject or make something a big deal and they will immediately change their focus the success of redirection can sometimes be determined by the severity of the tantrum if you are in a full defcon 1 meltdown redirection might not work as well but for your average run-of-the-mill daily tantrum redirection is a great tool an example your child might be crying or about to melt down because [[10:17]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=617s) they're not getting a specific toy but maybe you pull out your keys and you say hey check out these keys or hey look at this toy over here that can often work simply by redirecting their attention because they live so much in the moment they forget what they were even having a tantrum about and so their attention is completely redirected your body language tone of voice and your excitement about whatever that situation is or the object [[10:45]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=645s) can also have an effect you want to make sure that you are very excited or that it's a big deal because that's going to be more powerful when you are using redirection number six empathy if there is one temper busting secret that i want you to take away from this video it's to learn empathy empathy is putting yourself in the place of the toddler and looking at the situation and feeling it from their perspective [[11:16]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=676s) you're not looking at it from your adult dad brain you're looking at it from the two three and four year olds brain it's a completely different situation when you look at the thing that you're dealing with from their perspective they are feeling a bunch of emotions and they don't know how to handle it they're frustrated and instead of looking at it from our dad brain when we look at it from their brain we can see the frustration [[11:44]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=704s) we don't have to agree with it we don't have to think that they're correct in the situation all you are doing is looking at it from their perspective and when you do that your response changes you may give them a hug you may talk to them more calmly all kinds of things change when you look at it from their perspective and make the decision to react or deal with them in that way picture yourself as the little three-year-old [[12:14]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=734s) who doesn't want to leave the park who just wants that ice cream or wants the toy that their sibling has or doesn't want to give it up it sucks it's frustrating when you feel empathy you might respond differently like the situation at the park where you said hey come on let's go it's time to leave you might say instead i know you want to stay at this park it's so much fun being at the park but it's time we gotta [[12:40]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=760s) go and maybe we can play afterwards you're looking at it from their perspective it does suck to leave the park or it's frustrating when you don't get what you want i know you want that toy i'm sorry that you are so frustrated even a toddler wants to feel and be understood and often when you show them that you understand how they are feeling and look at it from their perspective often times the temper tantrum will stop [[13:08]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=788s) right there i've had many of those situations with my own kids in which they were getting upset and i simply took a second stop think about what it is that they're going through and then respond accordingly and a lot of times that just happened to end up being a hug when you were faced with a situation of a tantrum meltdown or bad behavior try not to look at it from the perspective that the child is doing [[13:35]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=815s) something wrong instead look at it as if you have not yet taught them how to deal with the situation you then have to take some of the responsibility in teaching them how to handle those kinds of situations while it isn't easy we have to take responsibility you can't blame your three-year-old we have to teach them how to respond and deal with these kinds of situations if you weren't taught it's hard to teach your child that's why [[14:08]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=848s) i created the dad university parenting program it's a comprehensive course weekly coaching and private discussion all centered around how to handle these kinds of situations and more if you're interested in finding out more about the dad university parenting program i'll put a link in the description below you can book a call and we can discuss to see if you're a good fit if you enjoyed this video please give it a thumbs up subscribe to the channel [[14:37]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg3dSpw4Lvo&t=877s) and click on that notification bell if you know anybody that might enjoy this video please share it with them we'll see you next time