I stopped buying stupid sh*t because of this book (now I save thousands)

0:00 There was a time in my life where I was stuck in over $85,000 of student loan debt, but I still couldn't stop shopping. And for years I just thought that it meant that I was bad with money, that I didn't have discipline, and that all I really needed was a better budget. Until I read this book, Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke. >> We get a little hit of dopamine not just when we're shopping, but just getting a reminder.

0:24 >> And for the first time I felt like I actually understood why I constantly felt this urge to buy things that I really didn't need. And it was that clear understanding that I gained from that book that finally broke the cycle. And after officially paying off my debt, to this day I am still debt-free, I'm working on building my wealth, and I have stopped having such a toxic relationship with shopping and consumption. And this book really has a lot to do with it. So, I want to share the five lessons that I learned from this book that pretty much rewired my brain. And if there's anything in your life that you feel like you just indulge in too much or that you feel like you're over-consuming, this will really help you understand why and how to take back control. And we need to start with understanding why the things that are designed to make us feel good always end up making us feel worse. Like you've heard the saying no pain, no gain. Well, this book taught me that more pleasure equals more pain. And that was something that was really difficult to wrap my head around, but if I really think back of how I used to treat myself and how I used to scold myself and talk to myself all the time, then this really does track. But I realized what was happening was that I was constantly stressed and anxious about my financial situation, about my student loans, about how much money I owed, and about the fact that I couldn't stop shopping. But my way to deal with all that stress was to go out and go shopping again. I was constantly stressed and anxious about the fact that I felt like I didn't have enough money, so I spent more money to make myself feel better. And that's exactly what this book helped me understand. Because before we go any further in this pleasure-pain cycle, we need to understand what dopamine does in your brain. Because even though it seems like it's an internet buzzword and every podcast The is saying the word dopamine.

1:59 >> Dopamine. Dopamine. Dopamine. >> Dopamine levels. >> And you've probably heard the term getting a dopamine hit before. But it really does play a huge role in why we over consume the things that we do and why it's so hard to stop. So, I'm going to put my science hat on for a second. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that we all have in our bodies and it plays a huge role in things like motivation, reward, mood, and even things like movement. But for what you need to understand in this video, basically dopamine is the thing that makes us go and get the thing that we want. Because what you want to gather from this book is that you need to picture your dopamine balance like two sides of a teeter-totter. Your body is always looking to keep that balance on the teeter-totter stable. But when that Instagram post blows up or you get that email that your favorite store is having a sale, you start to tilt towards the pleasure side of the balance. But if the teeter-totter is tilted this way, your body wants to get back to balance. So, you want to picture these little pain gremlins jumping on the other side to level that out. But here's the little kicker about the pleasure-pain balance. Those little gremlins don't jump off right away. They actually stay there for a little while and tip your dopamine levels below baseline where you started. And that's where you start to feel the come down.

3:06 You start feeling like, "Okay, I'm going to watch one more Instagram video or one more episode on Netflix or add one more thing to cart." But in the world we live in now where all that good stuff is available at our fingertips all of the time, we end up in a cycle where we just keep on spiking our dopamine and more and more of those gremlins hop on that teeter-totter. Where eventually you need that feel-good thing almost constantly adjust to feel normal. And this is the exact cycle that I found myself in with my shopping. Because at that point in my compulsive shopping, I had taught my brain to just buy something whenever I felt uncomfortable, sad, or stressed.

3:39 And yes, in the moment it worked. It spiked my dopamine, I felt good for a few minutes, but then a reality would set in and I realized that I was actually creating more of that exact pain that I was trying to escape. But what was going on in my brain was that I was creating this constant dopamine deficit state that I always needed to backfill with shopping. So, for years I was using shopping as a way to relieve anxiety and stress, but it eventually became the thing that was causing it in the first place. Which brings me into the next lesson that I learned, and it's the fact that you may struggle with this, but a lot of the times it's not necessarily your fault because we are surrounded by triggers. We live in a world that is designed to get us to indulge. Because look, at the end of the day I know that I was responsible for my spending, I was responsible for all of the decisions that I decided to make with my money. And I was constantly struggling with the fact that I knew better. I knew that I I knew what I had to do, but at the same time I felt like I couldn't stop. But what Dopamine Nation really taught me was that I was trying to break this cycle while living in an environment that was constantly sucking me back into it. Because everywhere you look, whether it be on your phone, on TV, on the side of a bus, everything is telling you to buy something, to eat something, to spend more money, to indulge, indulge, indulge. As in there's always something to tell you like, "Hey, this is going to make you feel really good. Come, come check me out." And the problem with that is our brains and our dopaminergic system evolved in a world of scarcity.

5:03 When we were caveman, we were hunting and gathering, you didn't know what your next meal was going to be. So naturally we are inclined to opt in and hoard more and more. But the problem is now that we live in a world of extreme abundance. And those sources of abundance are designed to be highly potent and highly addictive. Think sugar, gambling, video games, social media, TV, shopping. The list goes on and on. So what kind of blew my mind here is that we have all this access to the things that we are told will make us happy, but it is probably those exact things that are making us feel worse. So when I took myself down a journey of facing my compulsive shopping habit and paying off my debt to rebuild my relationship with money, I actually spent a lot of time thinking about things like, you know, do I shop this way because I was bullied in elementary school? Or was it because I didn't feel confident in myself? I didn't feel good enough, so I needed to buy these things to flaunt some facade of wealth that I wanted people to perceive of me? Was it because money felt tight growing up and I often heard, "No, we can't afford that. Is that why I chose to overconsume and become an overspender? And you know what? Yes, all of these things could have contributed to those behaviors. But, what I didn't account for, and what Dopamine Nation made me realize, was that I was simply exposed and reminded of the fact that there were constantly things to buy, to want, that all came with the promise of making me feel happier, richer, and more put together than I actually was. Where all I had to do was just add to cart the thing. So, we can definitely spend time unpacking the why behind our behaviors, and it is important to do so. But, you can't ignore the fact that we live in a world that's kind of designed for us to fail and to struggle against that.

6:45 Unless you do this third thing, which I will say completely changed my life. And I think it will change yours, too. Specifically for me, that was a no-buy. But, what I didn't realize at the time was I was actually doing what this book recommends, which is to do a dopamine detox. You're not technically detoxing from dopamine. We can't actually do that. You would not be alive if you did. What she basically encourages us to do is to abstain from that behavior for a minimum of 28 days. Because theoretically, this gives your brain and your body enough time for those little gremlins to jump off of the pain side and set that teeter-totter back to balance. Because right now, especially if you're struggling with overindulging in certain things, those little gremlins are living on that pain side rent-free.

7:30 And I didn't realize it at the time, but the first thing I did to overcome my shopping addiction and to kickstart my debt-free journey was going on a no-buy. I completely stopped shopping for all things like clothes, makeup, skincare, takeout. I basically stopped spending money. And it was that exact detox that I needed. And this is really interesting, because in the section of the book that talks about how to do the dopamine detox, I experienced exactly what she talks about. Because the first 2 weeks, if you do this, they suck.

7:58 You're basically in a state of withdrawal. You feel horrible, you feel cranky, and your brain is just constantly screaming at you to indulge in that behavior. In my case, it was telling me like, you need that thing, it's on sale, it's going to sell out. Oh, let's go shopping. Let's go see what we can buy at Aritzia. And you will basically be preoccupied with nothing else but the behavior that you're trying to abstain from. And if you can make it through those first 2 weeks, something really cool starts to happen in the next 2. You start to feel happier, you start to feel calmer, more relaxed, and that's because you've stopped bombarding your brain with cheap dopamine. The whole point of this detox is to basically give your brain and your body a chance to restore itself. And in those final 2 weeks, you might start to feel more creative, you might feel happier, you might be able to think more clearly. And for me, it was more money in my bank account. But I do say this with a very important caveat that not all substances and certain things that are very easy to get addicted to should be stopped abruptly. Some things do need medical supervision. So, I will say that if you struggle with certain substance abuse, then you do need to be supervised by a medical professional. But if you struggle with things like shopping, overspending, things like sugar, DoorDash, video games, Netflix, things like that, if you find that you're overindulging in those types of things, then I would encourage you to try that dopamine detox because that is truly the thing that changed my life. And back in the day, I did my first low buy for about 6 or 7 months before I slipped up again. And I wouldn't change a thing about that experience, but this book made me realize that you don't even need to detox for that long. People talk about doing things like no buy years and all of that, and I think that's all great for many reasons, whether be saving money, environmental sustainability, all of those things. But if you're coming from a standpoint of purely trying to short-circuit some bad behavior, then all you really need is those 4 weeks, which I think makes it a lot more doable, especially for the rewards that you gain after. But this next lesson is what really truly changed my life after reading this book, and it is the fact that you're probably not going to want to quit that thing forever. Because even the author talks about how lots of patients that she's treated with dopamine detoxes end up returning to using their, she calls it drug of choice. But they don't want to use it in the way that they did before.

10:13 And this is where the life-changing concept of self-binding comes in. Self-binding is essentially setting boundaries around the behavior. And there are three types of self-binding strategies that you can use: physical, time-bound, and categorical. But, the idea around all forms of self-binding is to separate the trigger from the actual behavior. And I use all three forms to this day. Some examples of physical self-binding could be things like deleting shopping apps from your phone, removing credit card information from your favorite shopping websites, deleting Apple Pay, unfollowing accounts that trigger you to shop, and unsubscribing from retailer emails.

10:49 Whereas, time-bound sets certain limits around when you can do the behavior. And this is one that I probably use the most. I do things like putting things on a wish list where I wait 24 to 72 to sometimes even a month before I decide to buy something. Another form of time-bound self-binding that I started using in the past, I want to say 2 years or so, is that I don't allow myself to make any purchases in the morning.

11:12 Because I actually noticed that is when my desire to buy things and to browse is actually highest. For a lot of people, they like to shop at night. For me, I don't know. I guess I'm a bit of a morning person, but I don't allow myself to do that anymore. You can also set milestone limitations with this. So, for example, on my birthday, I'm going to allow myself to buy this or I can buy this after I finish this assignment or after I cross the finish line of my half marathon. I actually find one of the most effective forms of self-binding is through the time limited. And for me personally, I find the time-bound self-binding to be the most effective because it really does teach you the art and the skill of delayed gratification.

11:49 And I really like it because it's not necessarily saying no, it's just saying not now. And sometimes that's really all you need to forget about it and let go. And finally, you can use categorical self-binding. These are basically limitations that you set where you are okay to do the thing versus not okay. For example, I'm not allowed to shop when I know that I'm extra stressed or when I'm feeling bored or in certain categories of things that I purchase like makeup or skincare, I'm only allowed to buy new when I'm replacing something. No duplicates. What self-binding I think ultimately acknowledges is that future you is always going to want things and to do things that you enjoy. But, you have to do things in your present to make it a little bit harder so that you don't go overboard. Dr. Lemke says that self-binding is really the key to setting you free. And you just sort of stop fighting with those gremlins all the time because remember if you do give them enough time, they will eventually jump off. And as someone who used to be chronically dependent on short-term dopamine hits just to feel normal, this next lesson has really truly rewired my brain forever, I think. And that is the whole idea of without pain, there is no pleasure. Essentially, no pain, no gain.

13:00 Because just like we learned that pain is the response to short-term pleasure, pleasure actually becomes the reward for pain. Essentially, this is all about the idea that doing something hard up front will always make you feel good after. Like think about it, this explains why people talk about runner's high after running a marathon or why you might feel amazing after public speaking when you were so nervous about it before. Or why something as simple as putting your phone down and going to shop your closet instead feels so much better than impulse buying that thing you just saw.

13:30 Because all of these things took a little bit of work and a little bit of friction to do up front. They could literally be painful like running a marathon, they could be a little bit scary, or they could have taken just a little bit more effort than a phone scanning your face and saying it'll be delivered in the next 24 hours without you even having to get up off the couch. What I learned from this book is basically any activity that requires a bit of effort up front will make you feel your own sense of internal accomplishment and reward. And what I think is the most interesting about this is that the reward, that feeling that you get after that hard effort, lasts a lot longer than the ones that you get from those highly stimulating, highly dopaminergic, highly rewarding dopamine hits. When you put in hard work up front, you end up feeling great for a long time after Compared to something that makes you feel good in the short term, but leaves you feeling worse for a lot longer later. And you can do this in your life in so many different ways.

14:23 Like getting up to go to the gym when you don't feel like it, taking the time to cook yourself a healthy meal instead of ordering DoorDash, or doing the hard thing of styling your own outfit instead of buying every single piece you saw on that influencer and then never really wearing it. But the hard part about this is is that we are kind of designed to turn away from pain. So, it's really hard to overcome those humps of friction every time you go to do something. But if you can turn towards those little bits of hard, you actually end up teaching your body that you can do hard things, and you actually become less vulnerable to seeking out those little pleasures to make yourself feel better in the short term. So, a nice reminder here is that doing hard things is not really meant to be easy, but it is a habit that we should continue to build and maintain if you're really serious about getting more resilient against these temptations. So, instead of always trying to escape those little bits of pain, she encourages us to turn into it because you're going to feel so much better after. But reading this book was truly only the beginning. You need to make sure that you're working on building good money habits, too. So, watch this video next where I share 11 of the best frugal habits that save you serious money, but you can still enjoy life. Thanks for watching, and I'll see you next week. Bye.