How Using Natural Consequences Can Help You Parent | Dad University

0:00 I don't know about you but some of my best learning experiences growing up and as an adult we're from my mistakes and learning from the consequences of my decisions understanding the decisions that we make and the results of those consequences are all part of maturing and growing up and for our kids we need to teach them that the decisions they make may have consequences now some of the consequences might be small but others could be large in today's video we're

0:30 going over the concept of natural consequences what are they and how do we use them in discipline and in parenting our kids hey guys I'm Jason crimen and welcome to another episode of dad University be sure to give this video a thumbs up subscribe to the channel and click on that notification bell also it really helps us spread our message when you share these videos so maybe you know a couple people that might enjoy it please share it with them the definition

1:01 of natural consequences is the logical outcome of a decision that is made it's the result of behavior that isn't controlled or planned said another way if we make a choice the natural consequence is whatever happens as a result of that choice so an example might be that it's really cold outside and I make the decision to not wear a jacket the natural consequence there is that I will be cold if we stay up really late at night and we have to get up

1:31 early the next morning so as a result we only get a couple of hours sleep the natural consequence here is that we will probably be tired the next day so we even learn as adults and we have to deal with those consequences you know sometimes if we are okay with whatever the consequence is then we're less likely to change that behavior some of us know we have to get up early in the morning but we still choose to deal with

1:57 that consequence by going to sleep late another good example is with drinking alcohol most people know that if you drink too much alcohol the natural consequence is that the next day you're not gonna feel very good now for some that's a and they will not drink as a result they don't want to feel horrible the next day but for many they're willing to deal with the consequence so that behavior doesn't change when we talk about natural consequences with

2:27 children we should first be aware that these natural consequences don't always do well with younger children so if you have a toddler as an example and you want that toddler to wear a jacket but they decide that they don't want to wear the jacket and they go outside and they're cold now if you had an older child or a teen they're gonna probably make that connection you know I didn't wear a jacket I'm really cold so next

2:54 time I better wear a jacket for a younger child or toddler they're not making that connection as well so the next time they go out without a jacket and you say it's cold they'll probably do the same thing and go outside without a jacket younger children are less likely to comprehend the cause and effect in order for natural consequences to really work the child needs to understand that if I do this that happens now remember - we're talking

3:22 specifically about natural consequences so if you're asking your child to go to bed otherwise they're gonna lose their privileges on their electronics that's not a natural consequence it was controlled or you stepped in and made that so natural consequences is just something that naturally occurs without our intervention let's go over a couple of examples that are common with children your child refuses to eat dinner now remember you can't do this

3:53 with a younger child who can't put the connection together that if I don't eat I'm gonna probably be hungry later now you have to remember - they don't get a snack there's no alternative meal nothing so they have to realize that if they're not eating this food for dinner that natural consequence is that they are going to be really hungry the next day so that's that a personal decision of whether you want to fight them to eat

4:21 that dinner or not but this is we're not consequences comes in and you can choose to discipline that way and allow them to make that decision your child leaves their toy outside so you have already talked with them and warn them that leaving their toys outside may result in it being gone somebody might take it and so the natural consequence is maybe that the toy is gone you are not buying them a new toy now remember to again this can't be with

4:52 a very young child who doesn't even realize that their toys are outside it's something that you have to be able to connect the fact that that if they understand that if they leave the toy outside somebody else is going to take it and so that age will range depending on your child but certainly a younger child or toddler is not going to understand that the child forgets their school lunch so you've given them a warning or two in fact they've forgot

5:20 their lunch before and you brought it to the school for them and then you make it very clear if this happens again I'm not bringing your lunch back now this probably works with maybe second third grade and older lower than that they're probably not going to understand it and make the connection but that's the natural consequence if they forget their lunch is that they're going to be hungry and they'll have to figure it out so as

5:46 a result of that they'll probably be less likely to forget their lunch next time your child doesn't do their homework you're not bugging them to do their homework but again this is not for a really young child maybe it's second or third grade and above but if they are deciding to not do their homework or they forgot they've get they get that warning but then either way it's the natural consequences of what happens at school their teacher gives them a bad grade

6:13 they get detention whatever those ramifications are and those decisions that they've made that's the end result that's the natural consequence you can certainly talk with younger children about natural consequences and telling them when they make these kinds of decisions here's what happens but you can't necessarily expect to use this as a discipline or parenting tool when they aren't to make that kind of connection but you can certainly have those discussions and say you know if you're not nice to your

6:43 friends they're not gonna want to be friends with you or if you don't tell the truth how can people trust you or you can be more serious and say you know when you take if you take something from a store you can be arrested or if you hurt somebody you might get in trouble with the law there's all kinds of things that you can talk to them about you just have to be mindful that they may not be

7:07 able to make those connections right away we have laws and rules which are part of natural consequences really the the whole purpose is so that our children understand that when they make a decision there's a result and a consequence often for that decision they're gonna have so many opportunities to learn and grow from natural consequences you decide to do this and here's what happens when you integrate natural consequences into your parenting you're probably gonna argue a lot less

7:38 with your child you can make it clear hey it's your decision you'll have to deal with the consequences but natural consequences help improve our children's problem-solving skills it increases resiliency the truth is it can be good for them to make some bad choices it helps them learn now we don't want them to make horrible choices but some of those little bad choices it helps them grow it helps them learn this is where overprotective parents fail

8:09 overprotective parents shield their kids from experiencing natural consequences so they don't have failures and they don't get to learn from their mistakes primarily because they're never able to make any mistakes so this is where the child doesn't get to grow doesn't get to learn and so the parent is actually depriving their child of growing and learning and so this is where being an overprotective parent just doesn't make sense of course there are times when natural

8:41 consequences are not a good strategy number one when it's dangerous you know a situation like a child's playing in the street or you they're climbing a really high rock you don't just say hey whatever happens happens natural consequences isn't a great tool in those circumstances some people might argue that you know a child touching a hot stove certainly will teach them not to touch the hot stove and the natural consequence is maybe they get burned that's dangerous I'm not going to jump

9:14 into that one but you guys can certainly argue that one in the comments another time it shouldn't be used number two when it may affect someone else let's say your child takes a marker and goes and writes all over his brother so a natural consequence could be that his brother could get really upset and go attack him that's not a good time to use natural consequence so any time when somebody else is involved and it affects

9:40 another person the natural consequences usually aren't a good idea number three when it affects their well-being if your child decides to not brush their teeth or not take a shower allowing them to have cavities or bad hygiene is not a good time to use natural consequences if it affects their health in some way or their well-being probably not a good idea in general natural consequences are great they allow our children to learn the result of their choices and you

10:13 ultimately get to say hey it's up to you that's your decision and I know that parents sometimes want to put their stamp on it so after the natural consequences happen a parent might say hey I told you that would happen or I told you so try to avoid saying anything like that just let the natural consequences happen because if you do that the child is not going to be focusing on what they learned instead they're gonna be focused on being mad at

10:43 you for what you said what you can say afterwards is you know how did you feel about that situation was there anything that you would have done differently the purpose of natural consequences is to learn and our children need to learn how to deal with being uncomfortable and tolerating discomfort making stakes if they don't experience making mistakes they're gonna have a rough ride as an adult you know they're gonna lack empathy they probably lack

11:13 self-awareness they'll probably be entitled and we just don't need that in our world I would love to hear from you what is a natural consequence that you experienced as a child that really helped you grow and learn leave your answers in the comment section below if you enjoyed this video you don't want to miss what we have for you in our other videos be sure to give this video a thumbs up subscribe to the channel and

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