Transcript
0:00 you might make a code with them. Like, if you call me and say, "Mom, I forgot my keys." I know that I don't ask any questions, I don't interrogate you, I don't shame you. We'll save all that for another time. I just show up and help you out. Okay, where are you? I'm coming to get you. Right? It's just a code to get your parent to come and help you even when you've done something really, really wrong.
0:24 You might make a secret code. You might make a text message. You might make a way of saying to your mom, "Hey, I need to tell you something, but I'm scared to tell you." So, for example, in my household, this movement that we do with our hands, making a heart with our hands, is a way of saying, "Listen, I need to tell you something, but I want good vibes between us. I need a good atmosphere. I need you to not be super mad. Like, can you just listen to me?
0:47 Can we correct and repair?" So, if my child sees that I'm getting very angry and triggered, and they want to tell me something, they might make this code with their hand, right? Where I see a little heart, and it reminds me, it signals to my brain, "Be a good mom."
Summary
- Establishing a code can help children signal their need for help without fear of interrogation or shame.
- An example of a code is a specific phrase or gesture that indicates the child needs to talk about something sensitive.
- The speaker uses a hand gesture resembling a heart to communicate a need for a supportive atmosphere when discussing difficult topics.
- This approach encourages parents to remain calm and receptive, promoting a healthier parent-child relationship.
- The goal is to create a safe space for correction and repair rather than punishment or anger.