CONAN O'BRIEN | CHICKEN SHOP DATE

0:00 Let's time our sips so they happen at the same time. >> >> You're actually not the oldest person I've ever dated. Yeah, I was worried about the age gap. >> Okay. You're very young. And I'm in my 70s? 40s. >> Okay. I'm not interested. You're not interested? >> interested. You're saying that up front? I'm just saying. That's a terrible way to start a date. >> Don't take us too seriously.

0:30 I didn't think this was really a date because I am quite old. This is the cue for you to say you look great in person. >> And you don't look like anything that everyone says you do. What are people saying? That you look like a sad Victorian child. A pumpkin that's melted. Yeah, I do get that. When I walk down the street people shout out windows, "Hey, melting pumpkin." >> People shout, "Hey, chicken." to me. Do they really?

0:59 >> Yeah. >> That's a compliment. Conan Conan Conan It's an unusual name. >> I've I've never heard that name before. My father gave me that name because he wanted it to be interesting. He went to a library and looked up that name. It's like an old Gaelic name. Let me know when this gets interesting for you. Okay?

1:29 >> Can I call you Conan? Yeah. And your fans called the Coco coconuts. That's very good. >> The Coco nuts. Tom Hanks gave me the nickname Coco. >> Oh, great. Brilliant. Did I just mention a big celebrity? I don't drink caffeine. Is that a turn off? Bit of a turn off. It honestly just was not agreeing with my stomach. I don't want to ask any more about >> Well, it just I just have stomach problems, I think. This is Los Angeles.

1:55 Yeah. I drove a long way to be >> You drove 5 minutes. That's a long way for me. Okay. I came here because you said it was a date. And you start by saying you're not interested. Then you start talking about how my face looks like a rotting pumpkin. Well, I said some people have said that. And then your big finish was I sometimes get stomach problems. >> Yes. These are all This isn't a good It's not It's not going well. I saw you with Andrew Garfield.

2:21 >> Oh, yeah. And there was just so much chemistry. >> Yeah. And I'm not feeling any of that right now. >> Well, you don't know Andrew Garfield. I could have been Spider-Man. Really? Yeah. Okay. Like a very tall, thin older Spider-Man. >> Yeah, and you can jump from high buildings and do all >> Not really. No, that would be No, he wouldn't do that. My Spider-Man is very needy, emotionally needy. >> Is that cuz actually that's what who you are?

2:44 >> Yes, I am emotionally needy. Well, I don't know if that's going to work, is it? Is that a British thing or is that just specific to you? >> it's a me thing. I think I'm quite Dead in Dead inside. >> Dead inside. >> Yeah. Thanks for noticing. So, you've been married for over 25 years. Congratulations. What's the secret to a long-lasting relationship? >> We spend a lot of time apart. Okay. I don't think I've seen my wife in 9 years. What? Yeah.

3:13 Do you remember what she she looks like? I'm going to say blonde. >> Blonde. Blonde? Smaller Smaller than you. I hope so. >> Okay. If I'm married to a woman that was taller than me, where would I meet her? At the circus? >> >> WOULD YOU SAY THAT THERE WAS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE HUMOR IN England and America? Yes. What is it? Let's see. We like people falling down and we like fart noises. Mhm. You guys like irony and I quite like a falling down. I mean, that could be the very first joke.

3:49 Caveman outside the cave, falls. Other cavemen, "Ha ha ha." We see other people's tragedy as inherently amusing. Does that sound smart? >> Mhm. That was really good, actually. I'm going to write that down. You cover your mouth, it's very polite. Yeah, I do that quite a lot. Guess what? Americans don't do that. Yeah, I've seen your hot ones. We like people to see into our mouth when we're chewing. To me, that is a turn-off. Chewing with the mouth open.

4:12 No, don't. You're like a goat. How do you get your hair so perfect? Well, I thought about getting a wig a couple years ago. >> What? I thought about it. Because then I don't have to worry about this thing. Okay. >> this. But, if you had a wig, would you not still do that? No, I wouldn't. it's pretty fabulous. Well, that's that's my natural hair. >> Yeah. Well, have you ever thought about dying your hair a different color? Jet black. Really? Jet black and then jet black eyebrows.

4:45 >> like John Travolta. No. No, I wouldn't. It's a cruelty to you. Okay. And I think I like that. Since I first met you last year. Yeah. We met outside the Oscars and >> it was very memorable. I don't remember it. Okay. There was an immediate, for me anyway, this woman is being very abusive to me. I wasn't being abusive to you. A little bit. You're being oversensitive there. A little bit. I liked it. Don't get me wrong. What do you What do you think of the food? Oh, you changed the subject quickly.

5:18 >> Yeah, I'm changing the subject now. This is what a child eats. What was the worst thing about hosting the Oscars last year? Last year, I kept thinking this is going to be great. I'm going to meet all this amazing talent. And then, I could tell they were keeping the talent on the other side of the stage. Huge names were coming out. I couldn't get near them. What did you want to do to them? It's nothing creepy. I just like to hold them.

5:43 >> Hold them, okay. Well, I was going to say that you are in one of the Oscar movies. Yeah, I am. If I had a reflex I'd kick you. Yes. And I thought you were fantastic. Did you just give me a compliment? >> yeah. >> Wow. Do you think you're going to do more dramatic acting roles? I keep waiting for the phone to ring. It doesn't ring. Really? I think my phone is a toy phone. Well, I'm making a rom-com. You're going to make a rom-com?

6:08 >> Yeah, so if you want to be, you know, you could be like you could be the old friend or something. You could be like the the >> old friend You could be like a a server in in a restaurant or something. I would love to be in your rom-com. >> Okay, cool. And I will play an old servant. Good idea. That's fantastic. That's great. Let me try it out. Ooh, some chips. These are chips, right, in your world?

6:34 >> Those are chips. >> Okay. Fancy some chips? Yes, thank you, sir. I will have chip. There you go. Ooh, that is delicious. Well, if you need anything else, ma'am, I'll be in the loo. >> In the loo. I don't really know much about American history. What's your favorite fact about President Lincoln? >> his height. He was 6 ft 4 in tall. I'm 6 ft 4 in tall. He was long in the leg. I'm long in the leg. He was prone to depression. I'm prone to depression.

7:09 I united the United States. I brought them back together again. He did He did that? Yeah, I got confused. I thought I was Lincoln for a second. He did that. Are you guys still mad about the American Revolution and us leaving you because we didn't want to pay taxes or is it all >> No, personally I'm over it. I think once you guys had Wham. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo bug. That's a good one.

7:29 >> Doo doo doo bug. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo >> Boo boo doo doo doo bug. You know what? Let's never do that again. >> Okay. Sorry, there's lots of flies here. There were no flies when you were talking to Andrew Garfield or Jennifer Lawrence We edited them out. No, you got to hear there were flies and you said it's just Conan. Let's go for it. Maybe you brought the flies with you. Did you ever think about that?

7:53 >> two. There's like six here. Why do you think I'm single? >> >> You're intimidating. No. You are. I am intimidating. I think guys would be afraid to approach you. I got You okay? I got a lot of chicken in my teeth. Like I said before you did that, you're intimidating. Mhm. What surprised you about me when you first met me? What did you not expect?

8:25 The thing is with you is you're actually quite nice. I don't know if that's what you wanted to hear. No, I was hoping it would be that's a man's man. You think you're a man's man? Yeah. Well, how was I going to know that you What is even a man's What is a man's man? It's a man who belongs to another man. Okay, so like a a gay man? I don't know what whose man What man are we talking about?

8:52 Well, this has been really fun. This has been nice. >> I don't believe you. >> This has been great. No, I don't think it has been. >> What? Because I saw you with Garfield and it was messy. >> Stop talking about other people, okay, when we're together because it's not It's It's pathetic, really. So charming. He's so charming. Lizzy, I don't know. >> I I think I aimed too high today. I came in thinking I'll be like a Garfield.

9:16 And I'm not. You know. I think you should be a bit more confident in yourself. Like you've got a lot going for you. It's too late. You're hosting the Oscars. That's like doing jury duty. You're in America. That's a punishment. Right. Sir, you were going 65 in a 55 zone. You've got to host the Oscars. >> Maybe this will be your last year as well. So that could be a positive. Last year at the Oscars or just last year?

9:36 Can you upgrade my seat cuz last time I just think I could be in a better seat. Where were you last year? A bit in the back. We were in the parking lot last year. >> No, I wasn't in the parking lot. I was in a seat. I mean, if you could bottle this chemistry. >> I'd be rich. No, you'd have a toxin. You'd have a major toxin. it's been a delight. >> great. Okay, cool. Got to go. I've got to go now. In my olden days, I would say we have to do a commercial that's how I'd get out of things.

10:06 >> we don't cut to commercial here. >> Aqua water pick. Goodbye. Get the chicken out of your teeth.