# LoveParenting: Master your triggers, once and for all? A Peaceful Parenting Confession

**Creator:** Hi, Fam!
**Platform:** youtube
**Duration:** 14m
**Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k

## Summary

The Parenting Junkie shares a personal story about a moment of loss of control in parenting, emphasizing the importance of authenticity and vulnerability in the parenting journey. She reflects on a specific incident where her frustration led her to smash her son's Lego creation, highlighting the challenges of managing emotions and expectations in parenting while advocating for a loving and mindful approach.

- Emphasizes the importance of authenticity in parenting and sharing difficult moments.
- Discusses the struggle between self-care and meeting others' needs, particularly in the context of parenting.
- Shares a personal incident where she lost control and broke her son's Lego toy out of anger.
- Reflects on the feelings of shame and guilt that followed the incident, recognizing it as a learning opportunity.
- Highlights the importance of repair in relationships with children after moments of anger.
- Encourages parents to acknowledge their own imperfections and the challenges of self-regulation.
- Suggests that sharing experiences can help normalize the struggles of parenting.
- Offers resources for further learning about managing anger and peaceful parenting.

## Transcript

[[0:00]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=0s)
hey parenting junkies present play is coming up find out more by visiting the link below this video the parenting junkie hey guys welcome back to the parenting junkie the place to go to love parenting and for parenting from love if you don't know me I'm a VTOL and I come here every Monday to talk about peaceful mindful and alternative parenting approaches but today I'm not gonna share with you any tip bit or any piece of advice I want to share with you a

[[0:31]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=31s)
personal story of mine that is pretty hard for me to share but I think it's important to show this side of parenting as well um and you know I just I wanted to come out here and more vulnerably expose moments in parenting and I'm gonna talk about one story in particular when we just meet our darker sides and we just meet the sides that are most imperfect and that we would be most ashamed of if anybody else knew about

[[1:00]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=60s)
them then so rather than hide that away and pretend it doesn't exist and just live in a highlight reel I really want to continue to bring to you authenticity with regards to that and the reason is because my general message and my general belief is really to love parenting to enjoy it to take pleasure in it to find joy and to follow up list when it comes to raising our children to really soak up the beauty the gifts the

[[1:29]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=89s)
you know be in the space of gratitude and feel blessed when it comes to raising children so that we can really be there really be present look back and say I I was there I sucked it all up I didn't you know I didn't waste my time worrying about petty things right didn't waste my time with trying to escape I didn't miss out on my children's childhoods I was there I learned from it I grew with them I connected to them

[[1:58]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=118s)
deeply etc that's the love parenting part to enjoy our lives not to be victims of it and the parent from love part is the part where we extend a loving energy towards our children and everything that we do in how we guide them in the choices that we make for them and with them in being in a vibration of love rather than fear rather than control not punishing bribing rewarding manipulating yelling spanking using timeouts all of

[[2:30]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=150s)
the tools of the mainstream parenting that are really fair based and instead really being in a place where we are lovingly guiding them and raising them together a space of consciousness if you like and that's what I really believe and that's what I try to teach myself and learn and share with with you but sometimes there will be moments days weeks months where that's totally not how we are or that's not you know available to us and I want to hold space

[[3:01]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=181s)
for that too so I think it must have been about a year ago and I don't even know what happened and I don't even know why this happened I don't remember the backstory but I was clearly holding a lot of anger and frustration I was on the edge you know of losing it and I've lost it many times with my kids and I wouldn't peg those times as my worst parenting moment ever and I've gotten physical with them

[[3:28]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=208s)
I've grabbed them more than I would like to you know I've put them in timeouts I've done things that I'm ashamed of or that I am NOT proud of at least but this was different because what happened here was I remember that it was dinner time it was late it was after a long day probably a long few days if not years of caring for young children and my resources were a bit depleted and I was

[[3:51]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=231s)
probably kind of offline and disconnected and it was the end of dinner time and my son you know just worked for a few days on this very special beautiful Star Wars Lego spacecraft and it was complicated and difficult to build and he brought it to the table and we ate dinner and at the end of dinner I asked him to help clear up I think I think that was the trigger that I asked him to help clear

[[4:20]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=260s)
up he said something that I perceived as selfish or obnoxious now selfishness or being unwilling or uninterested in helping others is a huge trigger for me it's something that I that I find really difficult to stay peaceful in its presence like when I see that when I see that kind of I guess an entitlement or the sense that I you know I don't need to help other people or why should I but I'm busy I want you know I

[[4:51]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=291s)
want this and someone who cares only about what they want in that moment I think it's something I recognize of myself and something that I'm afraid of and that I you know I kind of fight so hard in my adult life to not be that way and I haven't made friends with a property I haven't integrated the sides of you know the differences and the tension between self and other between being putting our needs first and also

[[5:22]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=322s)
meeting other people's needs I think that's something that's still very hard for me to understand I think it's something that I get confused by like well is this selfish of me or am i setting a clear boundary so that's something that I've worked through in therapy and through you know my own meditations and growths and stuff but it's still it's still like a kind of a beast that I haven't tamed yet so when I see that rising up with my kids it's a

[[5:48]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=348s)
it's a trigger for me and my son said son my son said something that I perceived as selfish and I picked up his beautiful lego that he had been working on for about three days building carefully and I smashed it on the floor oh my it was like a two-year-old oh I don't know what came out of me completely unregulated angry you know I

[[6:24]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=384s)
wanted vengeance I wanted to hurt him and I did in the way that how him the most I just picked up this precious thing that he had just completed and smashed it with all of my might on the floor and I know in that moment I was trying so hard to prove a point of how angry I was and to express it and to cause him the pain that I was feeling to externalize my sense of

[[6:57]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=417s)
despair in the face of this kind of selfish of noxious attitude that I didn't know how to handle it all that I wouldn't love for it you know then if that came into my house I would punish it I would stomp it out I would extinguish it and it was so embarrassing and humiliating that I had lost my cool in such a deep way that I was breaking my child's toy that he had built without a second thought

[[7:27]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=447s)
like it was so automatic I did it so quickly and this is you know while I'm preaching peaceful parenting and regulation and all of this stuff that I'm out here teaching and I wasn't able in that moment to hold those lessons myself and I don't say there are many moments like that but this was particularly dramatic because I broke something you know it was it was this physical lashing out and just a real

[[7:58]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=478s)
lack of control that I found really frightening and really I'm really ashamed of and you know obviously my son was really scared shocked upset hurt and you know my husband was very supportive if you could see this was so not me and you know well I say not me it was a part of me but not typical and I must have be really you

[[8:29]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=509s)
know triggered and we you know we moved on from there and I said to him in that very moment one of the one of the great things about practicing this work and studying it and Medus etc is that you could come back from things much quicker than maybe I used to be able to so maybe something like that would have taken me days in the past but here it took me seconds you know I straightaway realized that I was

[[8:55]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=535s)
completely triggered and that I was not in my right brain and that I needed to take responsibility and make sure that my son knew that so I straightaway said to him I'm sorry I'm out of control right now I'm just so angry I'm not managing to control myself I'm gonna fix this but right now I need a few minutes and it took a few minutes to myself and of course I felt extremely guilty and you know maybe for some of

[[9:24]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=564s)
you watching this you're thinking that's awful like that's unbelievable that you did that that's absolutely shocking you know I'm never gonna watch another video Beals again and for some of you you might be thinking well that's not a big deal you just broke a toy you didn't like break his arm which is what some parents do you know so I guess it depends where on the spectrum you are and what your expectations are but for me it felt I felt pretty bad

[[9:48]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=588s)
it felt really like I had I'd let myself down and of course him um but the cool thing about this is that there's always repair right so I immediately started googling I had to find the instructions for that piece because we had thrown them away and find the instructions on how to build it and I said I said to him you know I behaved really badly I didn't control my anger I was extremely triggered it's something that

[[10:19]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=619s)
when I hit something that I think is selfish it triggers something from my own childhood and I need to work through that and of course I don't want you to talk that way but my reaction was completely out of control completely unsolicited and really unhelpful and I'm ashamed and I'm sorry and I'm gonna work to make this right and he was so forgiving which I think most children are it's really amazing when you take full ownership you can repair and in

[[10:52]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=652s)
this case I was able to repair it physically as well i sat down till midnight that night building his spacecraft promising him that it would be fixed by the morning and I'd leave it next to his bed which I did and that wasn't enough for me because I felt like I still needed to process that with him a little bit so I bought it up again two or three days later Oh a few times you know I said wow

[[11:16]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=676s)
I really I really lost my call there that was really uncool behavior and I'm so sorry that I did that and we spoke about how adults you know lose their cool and adults aren't able to always control themselves or use their words and ultimately I think that that experience and experiences like it are a gift to us because it puts into perspective our expectations of our children as well right we expect them not to break things or to hurt people or

[[11:44]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=704s)
not to yell and yet we have difficulty sometimes regulating ourselves with those things and so it helps me to remember not to expect of him or to expect but not to you know not to uphold him to stand it that I can't meet myself always right so to try and encourage both of us to be able to self-regulate and give ourselves the tools learn those tools together but not from a place of superiority not from a place you know

[[12:13]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=733s)
that I've got this down because I don't I don't always and it's humbling it's humbling which is always a good thing and it's a good thing to be kind of put back in our place and realize that there's work to be done and that so easily you know just that wrong sentence or the wrong behavior or the day with less sleep or whatever it is you know puts us back in that place of in a child who's

[[12:37]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=757s)
acting out and tantrum in just as much as our real child is and that's also helpful perhaps painful but helpful lesson so if you've had an experience like this or if this is resonated for you give me an Amen in the comments let me know if you've also done something impulsively compulsively that you're not proud of you know it could be punching a pillow or throwing something or stamping or

[[13:10]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=790s)
screaming at the top of your lungs something that you wouldn't want your neighbors to see because I think that when we shine a light on it and when we own it when we you know when we say hey you know this is actually part of my story it's not so scary anymore you know when I come out here and say this to you it's not so scary anymore yeah I did it I did that I broke my son's leg okay I

[[13:32]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=812s)
smashed it on the ground full force out of pure anger and lack of control and that's okay it wasn't okay okay but it was okay something that is part of the human experience part of my human experience and his part of our story and it's a great learning opportunity for both of us great learning opportunity like I'm I'm very grateful that that happened ultimately it taught me so much so yeah share that with me I would love

[[14:01]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=841s)
to hear that from you and if this is resonated for you then after this you might want to watch my video about anger and parenting and its role and how to overcome anger and my video about why peaceful parenting is so hard one of the things that is helping me stay in a peaceful frame of mind is listening to meditations and you can get my full 7 tract meditation album which is all peaceful parenting meditations over at

[[14:25]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=865s)
theparentingjunkie.com keep on loving parenting and parenting from love because your kids need you almost as much as you need that if you're looking for a supportive community of like-minded parents I warmly invite you to join our love parenting with avatars Facebook group plus head on over to the parenting junkie comm and sign up for email updates so I can give you my free pdf guide ten easy steps to transform your home into a play inducing haven the

[[14:56]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI742S-543k&t=896s)
parenting junkie